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Movie Couple Therapy: MARRIAGE STORY

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  • Trina Q
    Trina Q 7 ай бұрын +5400

    This film felt so realistic, that I didn't even feel like I was watching a fictional story. During several moments, particularly the famous argument scene, I felt as though as was intruding on what was supposed to be intimate moments between two broken people.

    • Giulia Botticella
      Giulia Botticella 2 ай бұрын +1

      As the only daughter of a couple that divorced when I was 5, it felt so realistic I couldn't bare to watch it. I just heard it from the other room (my bf watching it) and it was already too much.

    • Anastasia
      Anastasia 4 ай бұрын

      @usualsuspects42 she did sign up for it though, so

    • Poi Lethe
      Poi Lethe 6 ай бұрын +3

      I watched it for the first time either my mom. Who has gone through one divorce and currently in the same exact relationship as they were in the beginning/middle with Mt dad.
      She really needs to watch it again, and he needs to watch it to begin with. Not that I'm confident that it will change anything.

    • Fayendra
      Fayendra 6 ай бұрын +4

      Yeah. Like it was tough to watch because it was like seeing my parents get divorced in front of me or something.

    • Tiana Nesbitt
      Tiana Nesbitt 6 ай бұрын +1

      @Danny Jorde I disagree. Revolutionary was a snore!

  • XCrossbladeX
    XCrossbladeX 7 ай бұрын +2005

    This movie tore me up. I was Henry, and I always told myself, 'I won't do this, what my parents are doing.' I said I would never get married. Then I grew up, and met the most amazing girl. We were friends for a decade before we ever dated. I told her about my parents. About the fighting, and spite, and just "dealing" with it until it boils over. We agreed when we got married that we would always talk. Thoughts, fears, and feelings. Open communication, full-stop. If I say something that upsets her, she calls me out, and I apologize. If she's worried about something, we come up with a solution together. Married for 5 years now, and we've had one real argument. Because we talk. We hold each other accountable, and support each other. I always find a plan, and she always finds the bright side. I grew up convinced that love was like Marriage Story. Tragic, and painful. And sometimes it is. But sometimes, if you can find the right person, and if you put in the work, it can stay. No telling if forever. But for the first time, I have hope.

    • CL
      CL 7 күн бұрын

      Thanks, it helps to be reminded of this.

    • bobbobbo
      bobbobbo 11 күн бұрын

      Dud i wish you all the best for you and your partner 🙏 you give me hope

    • Hannah
      Hannah Ай бұрын +1

      oh that’s so beautiful I’m so happy for you I wish you a long lasting marriage ❤

    • ALLY S
      ALLY S Ай бұрын

      That’s amazing! Thanks for the advice. Wishing you and your wife many many years of marriage

    • N Yu
      N Yu 2 ай бұрын

      @Natrat Critter It's very important to know that it's okay to make mistakes. Try to be receptive to your partner's needs (hopefully the other person tells you what he/she likes and dislikes). If you hurt people unintentionally, apologize sincerely, and learn from your mistakes. The other person is allowed to have flaws too. If you cannot handle their flaws, or if they cannot handle yours, it's okay to break up, and wish each other all the best. I am saying this to you because I personally know people who avoid relationships, and they don't grow. Getting into relationships is an amazing opportunity to develop yourself, and to see how other human beings (raised by a very different type of family than yours hopefully) are like. I understand the whole dating process is difficult, and rejections suck. But you mentioned you want to be better than your parents -- getting into relationships and learning something from the experience would be the best way to become more than what your parents could offer.

  • Brianna Walker
    Brianna Walker 7 ай бұрын +2621

    The thing that gets me about 20:35 is the progression: Charlie throws a punch, screams something super hateful and horrible, but it's Nicole who does the comforting. As a woman who's been in abusive het relationships, that dynamic of "You just did something horrible, I'm hurting, but I have to comfort you" is terrible and familiar.

    • V K
      V K 8 күн бұрын

      It’s their lowest but for other couples it’s their normal. It’s terrible to be stuck in a dynamic like that.

    • Cancer
      Cancer 27 күн бұрын

      @Boondocksion Citizen #1990 There is no such thing as an abusive action and an innocent person.

    • Cancer
      Cancer 27 күн бұрын

      @Handtomouth you haven't watched the movie so stop making assumptions about the movie.

    • Cancer
      Cancer 27 күн бұрын

      @Handtomouth He's definitely emotionally abusive. Nicole has always pushed her dreams and ambitions aside for him because that's what he expects and wants. Even when it comes to her handing the divorce papers, the *one thing she so desperately wants to do* (which he knows) instead of supporting it and pushing his feelings aside this one time, he says no because this isn't what *he* wants. He never thinks about her, never supports her, anytime she wants to do anything he either tells her to stop or do it his way. After everything she's done for him...he couldn't respect her final decisions during the divorce, punches a wall, and tells her "I wish you'd die."

    • Soft N' Fluffy pet friendly bakery
      Soft N' Fluffy pet friendly bakery 29 күн бұрын

      I felt this too much. My ex fiance almost killed me bc he couldnt be bothered to listen to a single word i said and couldnt ever remember i was epileptic (chronic seizures) i am conscious during my seizures. He tried to pour water in my mouth when i had a seizure but stopped right before the water went in my mouth. He thought i was having a panic attack. When i came out of my seizure, i had to comfort him bc he started freaking out. I was in pain and was reeling from the fact i was a nanometer from death, but i had to comfort him..
      Im sorry you have been through similar, having to comfort the ones who hurt you while not getting the same in return. Its unfair and you deserve better 💜

  • Shadow1Yaz
    Shadow1Yaz 7 ай бұрын +2884

    After seeing the "every day I wish you were dead!!" scene, I vowed to never speak when clouded by anger. I isolate until my mind is cleared then come back to the conversation with my thought collected. Like... Dang, Charlie, I know you didn't mean it but... She can never un-hear that. She will never again live in a world where you didn't say that to her.

    • Shadow1Yaz
      Shadow1Yaz Ай бұрын

      @Saudade I have experience with BPD and it’s a force to be reckoned with.
      I can definitely appreciate how difficult holding your tongue and temper is. I personally was trained to hold my emotions in, so letting it out is quite a struggle. This makes it easy for me to take a step back and think on it before I lash out. But for those who struggle with that, they’re valid and I’m proud of the effort they put in, even if they slip up. ☺️

    • Saudade
      Saudade Ай бұрын +1

      as a guy with borderline personality disorder i struggle with that everyday. People, every time you feel this anger towards someone and on the verge of throwing a temper tamptrum, just let it burn inside you and don't say anything. You'll feel a lot better minutes later and you'll aproach the situation in a way better fashion.

    • yang tze ling
      yang tze ling 2 ай бұрын +1

      @Shadow1Yaz appreciate your reply and point of view.
      As for me , I have said terrible things in that spur of a moment , or out of spite. More than anything , I believe angry words were said out of hurt , only purely because we were so deeply wounded / betrayed.
      If we come to understand that it was not premeditated but rather , a moment of rage , perhaps then , it’s easier to forgive … but of course , it’s easier said than done.
      Sometimes , in a moment of anger , we forget the years of love shared. ❤️.
      It is said that the opposite of love isn’t hate.
      The opposite of love is indifference.

    • Shadow1Yaz
      Shadow1Yaz 2 ай бұрын +2

      @yang tze ling I feel that I was in an understanding couple like you describe, and I know the couple definitely understands when something is said legitimately or out of anger/fear but (for me) it doesn’t really negate the sting of it.
      “I know you didn’t mean it, but it still hurt that you wanted/needed to say that to me because it was born from actual feelings even if it’s not an actual wish/sentiment.”
      Her behaviour after makes sense too. While it probably still stung her to hear, the level of distress Charlie felt was, to her, higher than hers and they still care about each other dearly. Having been in similar shoes to her, I’d have done the same but I can’t live in a world were that wasn’t said to me anymore.
      This isn’t intended to be a rebuttal, this is just how I function and think (and my norm is not the default). I think if you and your partner are able to completely disregard statements that are 100% not true and are just explosive emotions, that’s valid, admirable and empathetic, genuinely. 😊

    • yang tze ling
      yang tze ling 2 ай бұрын +1

      Nope. She knew he didn’t mean it. You see that in her behaviour after he broke down.
      Couples who really know each other understand whether something said was out of anger or truth.

  • Tamagothchi
    Tamagothchi 7 ай бұрын +218

    The lines of "I don't want to be married/but I don't want this" is a perfect summary of the character tbh. He no longer wants to contribute to the relationship, doesn't want to try anymore, isn't willing to compromise or meet his wife in the middle or better himself. But he also doesn't want to give anything up, doesn't want to change his life, isn't amicable to divorce because he doesn't want to lose anything or have to adjust to being single. It isn't that he is afraid of the pain that separating would bring despite the happiness it might give them both later. He just wants to ignore the problem instead of fixing it. Reminds me of a few people in my own life.

    • A.R.
      A.R. 4 күн бұрын

      @Pablo Ruiz totally agree that Driver played the 'line' of this character between pathological selfishness and something darker really well. Definitely a lot of denial.

    • A.R.
      A.R. 4 күн бұрын

      @MsMinoula I don't understand your point.

    • Noelle Rosella
      Noelle Rosella Ай бұрын +1

      Same

    • MsMinoula
      MsMinoula 2 ай бұрын +6

      @Pablo Ruiz Yes, I agree. If you watch the whole sequence he had not even booked a hotel, was in her family house as if he is home, was opening the fridge and cupboard like it was any other time. Crazy how people judge on so little information.

  • Ravenclaw Fairy
    Ravenclaw Fairy 7 ай бұрын +3792

    Before my boyfriend and me got together/moved in together, we sat down and talked about what we expect and what the reality is going to be. We both know what the other makes in our jobs, when we are paid, what chores around the place that the other doesn't like to do, but will do 100% if the other person needs to rest. We *Always* ask "Are you good financially to pay (this bill/Rent) this week?" We never Expect anything from each other, we Ask each other every time. Even if the same bills are paid by him or by me, we still always ask, to make sure the other is still good to pay. We have never fought, we have disagreed and voiced, "I need to talk about when my feelings were hurt." and that is our signal to stop and sit down and talk about what happened.
    Edit: 12 years together

    • Jake
      Jake 3 ай бұрын

      @E MP Did you not get the joke?

    • MatAle Albiach
      MatAle Albiach 3 ай бұрын

      @playerpage I thing after 12 years she is pretty sure how her relationship is.

    • Eli Potter
      Eli Potter 3 ай бұрын

      @hannahheartsedward my daughter and I have the same rule - if we're tired & get irritable, I say "let's not talk till we eat".

    • Lily Osei Akoto
      Lily Osei Akoto 5 ай бұрын

      If its good for both of you and you choose each other everyday. Then tie the knot,don't wait a second more

    • Isadora Costa Hamsi
      Isadora Costa Hamsi 5 ай бұрын

      Similar experience. 15years together.

  • Alec Miller
    Alec Miller 7 ай бұрын +4570

    This movie hurt. Adam Driver when he’s saying he wishes she was dead broke my heart. You could tell he didn’t mean it, but he knew that he could never take that back. What a performance

    • Cancer
      Cancer 29 күн бұрын +1

      If a person is telling you they want you to die they mean it. Thats the purest form of hatred formed in a sentence, the only reason you'd say that to someone is because you genuinely wished they'd permanetly disappear from your life. It's not normal it say that to a person you're supposed to love. He said it multiple times, *this isn't a thing he's saying in the heat of the moment* this is years of disdain and hate building up and exploding. He's telling her what he wants, not only did he want her to die, he want her to die from a slow painful disease and have her be run over a car. He wants her to suffer...that's not love.

    • Random Ramblings
      Random Ramblings 4 ай бұрын

      My dad said something similar to my mom.

    • usualsuspects42
      usualsuspects42 4 ай бұрын +2

      @EverydayGhosts Thank you, that level cannot be unheard.

    • O C
      O C 4 ай бұрын +8

      Nah he was so descriptive and vengeful when he said that. That was so low you could never look at that person again. Even if they said sorry

    • EverydayGhosts
      EverydayGhosts 5 ай бұрын +6

      I mean yeah you say hurtful things in anger but wishing someone dead is another level

  • Gabriele GHUT
    Gabriele GHUT 7 ай бұрын +321

    My parents were married "till death do you part", but in all the decades they have been married it was a struggle for both.
    Married in 1958 because my mother was pregnant with me. My sister born in 1964. When I was a teenager I finally realized that my parents didn't have love for each other, they stayed together because of us, and you don't get divorced.
    My mother never had shown any affection for my father and always put him down in front of us (when we were older), family and friends. He never said anything bad about her and stopped interacting with us. My father lived and slept in his own room, and only left it when he had to go to the bathroom or for dinner. The rest of the house was my mother's. He watched TV or listened to music in his room with headphones on. She was always telling us what she was missing in life, because of marriage and kids.
    My father never complained about his job (he worked in a bank) or his marriage to us, but I think he was depressed when he got older.
    When my dad died he was in the hospital for the first time and he asked everyday if my mother would visit, but sadly she always had an excuse and you could see that he was hurt. When my father died on October 3rd 2016 at 4 am after 3 weeks in the hospital my sister, my niece and I were present. When we told my mother hours later her first reaction was if my dad left enough money for her and if her lifestyle would change.
    I feel so sad for my father and even for my mother that both of them didn't have the courage to call it quits and got a divorce to live a different life. Maybe they could have had a happy life with different partners.
    Sorry for the long rant and forgive me for my English, I'm not from an English speaking country.

    • Rosie White
      Rosie White 3 ай бұрын +6

      @Radhia DeedouThis mentality is very toxic. If you make each other so miserable like this, there is nothing worth saving. It’s a waste of time to try to get them to fall in love again - they know each other inside and out and they do not like each other. This “make it work regardless of how toxic or miserable it is” is exactly what kept OP’s parents in a miserable ass marriage until their father died. People have a hard time admitting it’s over because it’s stigmatized as a “failure” and when in reality some things were never meant to be and it’s nobody’s fault. Studies have shown that kids would much rather have their parents divorced and happy, then together and miserable. It rubs off your kid no matter how hard you to try to hide it. I can assist to this myself. My parents have always had an awful relationship, my dad ended up cheating. My mom took him back and it was a massive mistake because my dad is a narcissist and my mother is wasting years of her life trying to change him. I really want them to get a divorce because my dad is awful person and it’s hard to watch your mother get constantly verbally and emotionally abused.

    • Nikki Lee
      Nikki Lee 4 ай бұрын +12

      @Radhia Deedou The fact they didn't is the story.

    • usualsuspects42
      usualsuspects42 4 ай бұрын +19

      Oh Gabriele, I am so sorry for you and your sister that you had to see this growing up and I'm sorry your parents couldn't talk out their expectations for their marriage. I hope you have found joy in your life.

    • Radhia Deedou
      Radhia Deedou 4 ай бұрын +9

      Or they could've made an effort and fought to make their marriage work

    • Carson Lee
      Carson Lee 5 ай бұрын +33

      Your English is very good, and thank you for this interesting comment. I learned from it.
      I was born in 1958, too.

  • yepperoni
    yepperoni 6 ай бұрын +309

    i'm so glad my divorce wasnt like this. it was painful but we didn't attack each other. it was basically like 'this isn't working out, time to move on' and we went through the stages of grief and moved on. we're still cordial with each other, and we realize it just wasn't meant to be

    • Desmond Dolan
      Desmond Dolan Ай бұрын +1

      Well, that sounds pretty healthy. Good for you guy!
      Can't say it would make for an award-winning film, but you can try

  • Ale Valdez Cabrera
    Ale Valdez Cabrera 7 ай бұрын +1055

    "There are people that are better as partners when they do not have to partner up in everything" God, I felt this. My parents were a mess while I was growing up, constant fighting and emotional turmoil. They finally got divorced when I was in college and it took them a while, but are in friendly terms now in order to be able to be there (both of them) in important occasions with me and my siblings. I watch them interact now and think to myself "Oh! So that is why they got married in the first place". They are a great team when something has to get done for a trip or there is a problem for one of their children. They are great as friends, just not as spouses.

    • vang-tou Lee
      vang-tou Lee 4 ай бұрын +1

      Maybe they didn't take the time to be friends first before being spouses. Also you don't always have to do everything together as spouses. To me it sounds they are practically married without dealing with the obligations of marriage, which handled properly is almost the same thing as they are now.

    • Caterfree10
      Caterfree10 6 ай бұрын +2

      Yeah this is my sister and her ex husband tbh. Way better as friends than the shotgun marriage they had.

    • B H
      B H 6 ай бұрын +4

      Same with my father and his second ex-wife. Great intellectual connection, terrible emotional support and absolutely no common ground with money values. Still friends after divorce, and happier for it.

    • nem tudom
      nem tudom 6 ай бұрын +11

      @Maria Stephens While i agree that we shouldnt blame the children, i dont think he was blaming them. I think he was talking about them as more of an event which's consequences they didnt account for
      I understand how a retelling of a story may be misleading

    • Maria Stephens
      Maria Stephens 6 ай бұрын +14

      @nem tudom I think that's true to a degree. Many couples go into a relationship and commit because they have a good time together. Once the hard stuff starts, they realize neither of them are equipped to participate with one another in tackling the issues in the manner in which they need. Maybe there are lots of couples who plan on having children but don't prepare their relationship for it, or don't go in to the relationship thinking, "would they be a good parent to our child, what does it look like when they work together with me?" etc. At least that's my theory.
      I would only disagree with your Physics teacher on the account that, depending on the tone, it could sound like they blame the existence of children for the problems of the couple. That's... just wrong. These kids didn't ask to be born and too many people these days feel like they are "mistakes", and you should never put the burden or responsibility of your relationship on your child. You should never count on their behaviour to determine the wellbeing of your relationship. That is wrong. We are all just trying to get by on this earth. No way can you plant your problems on the new arrivals of this planet. We are meant to make the burden of this life easier on each other, even our children. That's what it should really mean to "prepare" your child "for the real world".

  • B H
    B H 6 ай бұрын +79

    I love that Jonathan acknowledges the social expectation in heterosexual couples that the female will support the male in whatever he does, but nobody ever asks the woman what she wants to do. My husband is a very active member of a fraternity that has state and national levels of organization. When he joined the state level of organization, I received a binder of information about my expected role in planning my husband's big party at the end of his term. I was too disgusted to read it. Had it been written with a view of "these are things that are typically done" and "here's a handy list to help with the planning," I would have been more inclined to read the binder. But the whole document is written with the presumption that men are incapable of planning their own party and that these are "womanly responsibilities/talents."
    I am not a party planner. Planning is not my strong suit, especially planning a party that will cost a few thousand dollars and impacts a few hundred people. Nope-ity, nope nope nope. Fortunately for my husband, his best friend's wife is in the hospitality industry and regularly plans large parties for country clubs, so she has graciously agreed to help out with the planning. Of course I will help, because my husband asked me to, and I want his party to be a success; not because I'm his wife and these are "womanly duties."

  • Mongoose
    Mongoose 7 ай бұрын +1351

    Even though I've never been in a relationship so committed, this movie was painful, since I recognized my own behaviours in those of ScarJo's. For centuries women were told we should give up our own hopes and aspirations to support men, and I found myself repeating the patterns of my elder relatives even though I've seen them being perpetually unhappy. Saying nothing, ignoring my own needs until the misery and loneliness just caved in and swallowed everything. I remember I asked my then bf what does he think our future should look like (4 years into the relationship!) and was shocked how different he wants it from what I wanted. I thought, "wow, there is no way we can make this work". It's a shame we haven't done that sooner, but If I was as wise then, as I am now, yadda yadda...

    • XxxMuseluverxxX
      XxxMuseluverxxX 27 күн бұрын

      @CMM You wrote all that to say nothing.

    • CMM
      CMM 3 ай бұрын

      I wish people would stop needing to have a societal excuse for making a wrong decision in life. It happens to EVERYONE; we don't have to feel so excessively guilty that we must use a completely unverifiable historical excuse: 'Society always used to expect women to sacrifice everything for men, which is why I'm doing it now even though that is no longer expected' - doesn't even make sense. If it's true that we used to be SO oppressed, why aren't we celebrating our 'freedom' instead of there still being these situations? BECAUSE THAT'S NOT THE REASON. Of course there have been some examples of women behaving this way/being expected to behave this way in the past, just as we have them now! But if you actually study history in its ENTIRETY instead of cherry-picking examples of one particular type of situation that matches your own and extrapolating the whole of the human experience from that, it's obvious that human society and expectations are always complex; there have always been happy women and mistreated men just as there has always been the other way around; and while human societies change, human nature doesn't. Women get into situations where men take advantage of us for many reasons: low self-esteem, unfortunate (and unforeseen) circumstances; bad family examples; desperation; deception. Some of these situations ARE our own fault for being fools; others are not our fault AT ALL, and any sensible girl should be able to see the difference. There's no such thing as a homogeneous society and never has been, where there is one expectation for one half the population and one for the other half and no variety in human experience across the gender 'divide.' It is so exasperating to me because I have degrees in the history of philosophy and theology - I KNOW what the reigning ideologies of the Western world have been for centuries; there have been many - and NONE of them have been the simplistic popular modern misinterpretation of history as 'women existed for men and their happiness didn't count.' The ancient Greeks, the Elizabethans, the Georgians, the Victorians, the World War generation - if you actually looked for examples of men who thought respecting women was an essential rule in society, you'll find far more influential examples of THAT, and of women who were respected, than of women who were pressured into unhealthy situations by jerks.
      And from the fact that there is still a similar proportion of women disrespected by men today compared to those who are respected as has ever been the ratio in the past, it should REALLY be obvious by now that it had nothing to do with societal expectations but human nature, which can always just as easily show it's worst side as it's best side, and everyone has to make that choice for themselves. Society doesn't MAKE us do anything. Humans develop societal norms as a pattern for behaviour we'd be exhibiting anyway, NOT the other way around.

    • Petite Sayo
      Petite Sayo 4 ай бұрын

      @Mr Dee

    • quantumZamboni
      quantumZamboni 6 ай бұрын +18

      @Suzy Just what I was thinking. But some people (particularly men) imagine that taking care of ten kids and a husband is every woman's dream come true. Also half of those kids dying before reaching adulthood. Edit: Or maybe it doesn't matter what women want to them. They're just objects after all, not half of the population of humanity.

    • Suzy
      Suzy 6 ай бұрын +27

      @Mr Dee Birth rates are lower only in a few areas of the world, usually highly developed nations. Even in many of those countries the population continues to rise due to immigration. And overall the world's population is doubling every 60 years. It's a problem and unsustainable. Lower birth rates are a necessary evolvement and allow parents to focus on and invest more in the children that they do have. And, no, before anyone says it, we do not need an ever growing population to support the people that are aging for taxes and so on - we already don't have enough decent jobs for the people already here - why do you think so many people quit during the pandemic when they had a choice due to high employment payments? A better idea would be to focus on getting the extremely wealthy to pay their fair share but many don't want people actually realizing that, so they keep fear-mongering about 'shrinking birthrates' and the collapse of the economy and so forth...

  • Wanderer
    Wanderer 7 ай бұрын +1686

    Forever upset that Adam Driver didn't get the Oscar he deserved for this movie.
    Will you guys be continuing with the Kung Fu Panda trilogy? The second movie is the most beautiful representation of trauma I have ever seen and I would love for you guys to cover it.

    • Mackie Lunkey
      Mackie Lunkey 2 ай бұрын

      @Eternal Music Oh no, that’s alright! I totally see that. At least Phoenix was great.

    • Eternal Music
      Eternal Music 2 ай бұрын

      @Mackie Lunkey I'm sorry. They were both outstanding performances. Driver would win most years but Phoenix's performance was amazing.

    • Mackie Lunkey
      Mackie Lunkey 5 ай бұрын +1

      @Angela Mitchell Sadly, Joaquin won cause Academy felt sowwy for him, and Joker won big bucks. Totally understand your pain.

    • Mackie Lunkey
      Mackie Lunkey 5 ай бұрын +1

      Joaquin was great, but he wasn’t Driver great.

    • PhilosophicallyDumb
      PhilosophicallyDumb 6 ай бұрын

      Proof the Oscars are a sham

  • Regen Langholz
    Regen Langholz 7 ай бұрын +101

    I had an ironic experience with a couple’s counselor. She was such garbage that we both grew closer after seeking individual counselors after that. Long story short, she took my side right off the bat rather than allowing us to bridge our perspectives and tried to give us really irrelevant homework to our situation. We both walked out.

    • vang-tou Lee
      vang-tou Lee 4 ай бұрын +3

      Well sometimes their technique or whatever they tried, it just doesn't work. I'm sure Jonathon has have sessions where he just failed at the start as well.

    • Regen Langholz
      Regen Langholz 4 ай бұрын +13

      @Rachel Pun If you’re a heterosexual couple, get a male counselor (as long you or your female partner is indifferent with gender). Oftentimes, and this isn’t on purpose, but a lot of men don’t feel safe opening up in therapy sessions about their relationship when they feel that there is already gendered confirmation bias. This goes for women and queer couples too, get a counselor that you both feel safe with, not someone who you’re forced to be vulnerable with one a week to satisfy someone else.

    • Rachel Pun
      Rachel Pun 6 ай бұрын +6

      Any tips for some of us who may want to look for a good couple's counsellor?

  • Lotte Gaspers
    Lotte Gaspers 7 ай бұрын +193

    JONATHAN NEEDS TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS OR SOMETHING, I WOULD READ THE SHIT OUT OF THAT. JUST THE WAY HE TALKS ABOUT LOVE I CAN NOT

    • Salty Pretzel
      Salty Pretzel 3 ай бұрын

      Same honestly. Don't think I could ever have a session with him in person, I am easily distracted and he has really pretty eyes lol

    • Kira Eckard
      Kira Eckard 4 ай бұрын +2

      Agree! I would love a book from him and workshop/exercises to do with loved ones to strengthen relationships. I don't have the money for couples therapy, but I certainly can purchase a book! (things are good in my relationship, but as he's said in the past-therapy is still good to have even if things are going well)

    • POPPY MOON
      POPPY MOON 7 ай бұрын +3

      Great idea

  • K N
    K N 7 ай бұрын +643

    This movie is like my own parents. Mom regrets her sudden snap of wanting to find freedom when she was the one who wanted to be a traditional mother, but they've remained sort of distant friends. Hell, 17 years after divorce, my mom once called my dad on the way to an important job interview pleading for help because she missed her exit on the interstate and was lost. She trusted him because she knew that he had intimate knowledge of directions and the roads down there, even despite moving out of that state, and he would give her better help than a GPS could. And she knew he would do it, because he still cared.

    • K N
      K N 4 ай бұрын +24

      @Radhia Deedou bad take. relationships are complicated and nuanced. what makes a pair of people great friends does not make them great romantic partners, sex partners, coworkers, roommates, business partners, etc. A marriage relationship can intersect with a lot of these types of relationships, including friendship, but they don't have to, nor does marriage have to be involved at all. It is very dependent on the people and their ability to work together.
      Speaking as the kid myself with divorced parents who still can talk for an hour on the phone to one another in a friendly way, this was absolutely the best scenario for my family. I haven't met a divorced-parents child who grew up to feel anything but relief about the divorce ending.

    • Radhia Deedou
      Radhia Deedou 4 ай бұрын +2

      If you can stay friends after a divorce you shouldn't get divorced, especially if you have kids

    • princess tya
      princess tya 4 ай бұрын +5

      🥺 that's awesome

    • Madison Kurenyshev
      Madison Kurenyshev 6 ай бұрын +24

      That’s actually really sweet!

    • SinHurr
      SinHurr 6 ай бұрын +19

      Based dad

  • Anjelica
    Anjelica 3 ай бұрын +95

    I’d love to see you guys break down Gone Girl. Relationship dynamics between Amy and Nick, Amy and her parents, or your Villain Therapy segment, and there’s a lot of candidates for that. Plus the film-making is great too.

  • Olivia Wood
    Olivia Wood 7 ай бұрын +171

    My parents divorced when I was four and I don't remember a single fight. I was talking to my mother about it the other day.
    Her family had been telling her to make sure that she would get sole custody. But after some discussion she realised that that advice was based on their experience not hers. Instead, both of my parents tried to do what was best for me, not their pride. They met up in a cafe to come up with the best solution. First try it almost descended into a fight. When they realised, they decided to get up and each go on a walk for an hour and meet again. Once they had calmed down they came to a decision that worked well for all of us. I never regretted my parents getting divorced and have always felt like it was the best decision they could have made. To this day, they still contact each other when they are worried about me (I live in a different country) or when they need help from one another. When my mother would come and pick me up when I was small, they would drink tea and chat until I was ready.
    I know this is not the experience many children with divorced parents had, but I really hope a positive experience like this will become more common.

    • CL
      CL 7 күн бұрын +1

      My relationship to both my parents got so much better after their divorce.

  • Faith Diamond
    Faith Diamond 7 ай бұрын +826

    I am in the middle of the break up of my 25 year marriage. Charlie saying he wishes her dead, but just really wanting it to be over hit me hard. Some of the fights I have had with my husband have cut me to the bone. I'm at the start of the process and I just want it over.

    • usualsuspects42
      usualsuspects42 4 ай бұрын

      @Kat J please try to get some therapy for yourself and encourage your husband to participate. When things are so hard and you both are so tired, it can make everything so much worse. Look for creative ideas that might help that you haven't thought of. I wish you the best.

    • Allison Santala
      Allison Santala 6 ай бұрын +3

      It's painful and transformative once you come out the other side.

    • Kat J
      Kat J 6 ай бұрын +5

      Same, in fact I’m there right now with my marriage. I don’t have the luxury to walk away I have two children that depend on me one that is non verbal autistic with learning disabilities, a house mortgage and a painfully stressful job. We are both worn out of both sides and have no energy for each other. His expectations of me are too high as are mine. We need help I just wish he’d except it, it feels like his attitude is “I’m a man I don’t need help” which can be great at times but other times very demeaning and disempowering like he doesn’t feel I am capable which I turn makes me second guess my abilities and feel unsure. I don’t consider myself the most smart person, at times he makes me feel even more stupid but when it suits him he makes me the butt of the joke I try and tell him I don’t like it then he gets moody and has a whole mood about it. I used to be a whimsical girl, with a kids sense of humour yeah I could be goofy but being serious all the time sucked. But now I find it hard to joke of take a joke I feel like all the things that made me happy and laugh makes me frustrated and find it hard to deal with. I miss being able to smile and laugh about stupid things without feeling too stupid. My friend says to me stop caring so much about what people think, I never used to so much but I struggle badly now. It’s a shit place to be, I really do wish I could take a break from it all but I just have too much responsibilities.

    • Tanavids
      Tanavids 7 ай бұрын +3

      There is a light at the end of it - but even when the legal part is done there is a lot of healing to be done. Good luck

    • Alia Turner
      Alia Turner 7 ай бұрын +20

      I wanted my divorce over fast too and I regret not getting a lawyer and pushing harder for what I wanted. Take care of yourself and remember that one day it WILL be over and negative feelings will fade to apathy. It’s so hard when you’re going through it to conceptualize that there will be a day where it’s all behind you. Wishing you peace soon.

  • LunaTheBlackWolf
    LunaTheBlackWolf 7 ай бұрын +113

    Seeing this also reminded me of the messiness of divorce in Mrs Doubtfire, how it affects the entire family and not just the formerly married couple. Especially the big argument scene after the secret was out when the kids stop their parents fighting by telling them that they hate them. It reminded me so much of when I was younger and my parents would fight so much that it would bring me to tears, and I remember being so angry at times that I wanted to yell at them that I hated them too. But looking back as an adult, I never hated them, I hated what they were doing to each other and how it was effecting me and my little sister - and I felt guilty for not thinking to protect her with a simple hug because I was too scared to get out of my own fetal position and uncover my ears.
    If you guys aren't already considering it, I'd like to see a video on Mrs Doubtfire :) it really touches up on similar themes, especially the one where sometimes people become better versions of themselves and better parents when they're no longer together.

    • reikun86
      reikun86 6 ай бұрын +8

      I remember when I was a kid. I hated Pierce Bronson’s character because I thought he was trying to weasel his way into the family.
      As an adult, I felt really bad about what Stewart went through. He really liked Miranda and her kids, even though he’s somebody that wouldn’t normally date mothers.
      We don’t even know if he continued to see Miranda after what happened.

  • Crazy Dave
    Crazy Dave 3 ай бұрын +64

    I never watched this movie until tonight. Alone. Laying on a foam chair that folds out into a cramped uncomfortable mattress. My wife and I are contemplating divorce, dealing with 12 years of issues, seeing a couples therapist, and all the hilarity that ensues. I remember seeing this movie's trailer a couple years back and just thinking to myself, why would anyone want to watch anything so depressing? And here I am, needing this movie. I only decided to watch this after some KZclip rabbit hole led me to your video here about this movie. That's led me down the rabbit hole of your entire channel, which is a treasure and I'm only saddened there aren't more videos. It's weird how one moment I'm going to work and going through the daily motions, feeling stable, even if not content. The next, everything is upside down with 12 years of marriage spilled out all over the place. Nothing makes sense or seems to fit together like you thought it did. It all just keeps coming back to "how is this going to affect the kids". I cried during two scenes during this movie: once when he went to help with the gate and she cut his hair which made me think of all those little things we do for each other that creates that intimacy, and another when they ended up having "two Halloweens". I feel like I can't provide the same level of planning and making good times happen my wife can. Great video, and kudos to all the work you guys are doing.

    • Crazy Dave
      Crazy Dave 3 ай бұрын +5

      @Melly This is really nice to hear. I'm sorry and happy for you. It's all so messy and scary. I wish nothing but the least amount of pain and misery for my wife. And I really worry how our decisions might affect our sons.

    • Melly
      Melly 3 ай бұрын +6

      This movie is the reason I coparent well with my ex because I was Johansen in the movie I wanted to take my anger out in court against him for being an absent father for betraying me but this hit me in the feels it made me want to reconcile with him but so far just do coparenting and I’m at peace with that that he’s in her life, he supports now financially, and we can finally talk, and thats more than enough for now we’re not going through a nasty court battle our child is happy

  • Lisa M
    Lisa M 7 ай бұрын +671

    Breakups don't just happen between partners. They happen with friends and family, too. The line about grieving what happened but being happy for what you had is so, so true. Moving forward from the point of being happy for what was is tough, though. And you guys made me cry again.

    • HouseMDaddict
      HouseMDaddict 4 ай бұрын

      @usualsuspects42 aww thank you for saying that. It made me feel good to read that. I hope you have a nice day!

    • usualsuspects42
      usualsuspects42 4 ай бұрын +1

      @HouseMDaddict his issues, very little to nothing to do with you. Don't second-guess yourself, it's a waste of your heart and mental energy. You did fine. These things happen.

    • HouseMDaddict
      HouseMDaddict 6 ай бұрын +4

      I ended a friendship with my best friend of almost 10 years (since middle school) the summer I turned 22, right before I entered grad school that fall. I had always been his support system because his mom was crazy and horrible to him but when he got beaten out by this person that sang better than he did at a competition, she wrote this huge Facebook post on the competition's page bad mouthing them. He was embarrassed by his mom's actions (she was famous for drunkenly embarrassing him on a regular basis) so I encouraged his mom to take a break and handle the situation more tomorrow (it was like 10 pm) and my friend hated that I didn't support him as much as his mom did. He chose his mom who was absent most of his life as a single parent who finally stood up for him in a psychotic break moment once in his life and easily cast me to the side, eventually demanding I apologize to his mom or he'd end our friendship. SO...I blocked him on Facebook after that and we ended all communication for years until crossing paths, being civilized, and eventually refollowing on Facebook. After the friendship end I went through all the grief, thankfully this was after my birthday and I had month to recover before starting grad school. Still hurt because I lost a lot of mutual friends in that ending of friendship.

    • Alycornz
      Alycornz 7 ай бұрын +6

      This exactly, I almost started sobbing cuz while I feel way better after getting cheated on and dumped by my ex over a year ago, the memories and what we had, what he used to be before he cheated on me, I miss that person. I grieve not just the romantic relationship we had, but our friendship (as we were friends before dating). Sometimes it hurts so much, but nowadays I find myself being able to look to the future and feeling fine. It's a rollercoaster to say the least.

    • Mischief Of Rats
      Mischief Of Rats 7 ай бұрын +2

      @AgentK200 damn, hope things get better for you!

  • Battle Bard
    Battle Bard 7 ай бұрын +52

    This movie reminds me of my parents in some ways. They separated when I was 10 and it was so messy and raw for the longest time. It wasn't until I, the baby of the family, was asked in front of my parents who I wanted to live with and I started bawling that they realized the mess wasn't worth the pain it was causing us kids. So, they did the work and, though they did divorce, I can say happily that 22 years later they are best friends who were at each other's engagements to my now stepparents, text each other almost more than I text them, and always have each other's back. It was messy and hard to get to but it can happen.

  • Chris Sears
    Chris Sears 7 ай бұрын +437

    I got an ad for "Win at Marriage," which was the most self-absorbed take on marriage I ever heard. It sounded like promising to get your wife to submit to your will and take all the blame for the problems in your marriage. "Tap into her primal brain" is a big red flag.

    • Strange Faced
      Strange Faced 5 күн бұрын

      @The All Knowing Fox k

    • The All Knowing Fox
      The All Knowing Fox 5 күн бұрын

      @Strange Faced And this is why you'll never get married.

    • playana_gr
      playana_gr 4 ай бұрын

      This whole thread makes me feel so lucky to have my husband.

    • Strange Faced
      Strange Faced 4 ай бұрын

      @D Z keep lying to yourself on that one

    • D Z
      D Z 4 ай бұрын +2

      @Strange Faced Divorced women live happier lives in the long run, compared to divorced men. I'm not here to say men bad, women perfect, hurr hurr, but the numbers do say that one gender is more capable of happiness after separation from the other. Maybe because these women separated themselves from men like you. Just a thought.

  • Aine Raine
    Aine Raine 7 ай бұрын +893

    I read ‘that fucking asshole reaction differently’. I don’t necessarily think it was the lawyer brain kicking in, but cheating is a clear reason to leave. Feeling love and hate for being repressed is so personal and emotional that it’s hard to be objective about, it is more a feeling. It’s all the things that just become too much. It’s too subjective and too real at the same time. Being cheated on is a tangible

    • usualsuspects42
      usualsuspects42 4 ай бұрын +2

      @Maggie Robertson yes! the cheating was just the cherry turd on the shit sundae.

    • usualsuspects42
      usualsuspects42 4 ай бұрын +2

      the cheating made his egotism blindingly clear.

    • Rhett Baldwin
      Rhett Baldwin 6 ай бұрын +2

      @Irish Pug Not in all jurisdiction, the court didn't care that my exwife was cheating.

    • Maggie Robertson
      Maggie Robertson 7 ай бұрын +40

      I really like that she mentioned the cheating at the very end. Like it wasn't even the biggest reason she wanted a divorce. All the other stuff was truly what was hurtful and irreparable.

    • Red Candle
      Red Candle 7 ай бұрын +27

      I agree with the others who commented that yes, it was a lawyer's brain but also yes, it was a real empathetic moment for her as a woman. It is possible to sue for divorce and get a more favorable settlement when there has been infidelity, because it's technically a breach of marriage contract. It's also far more dangerous to the kids than other kinds of problems, because of potential loss of parental attention, resources, protection, etc if one parent gets invested outside the family

  • me who doesn't give a sh!t
    me who doesn't give a sh!t 7 ай бұрын +55

    My parents were always having fights going to the point of divorce many times and watching this movie exhausted me! It put me through so much stress I felt like I was a child again sitting in a corner watching my parents fight, that's how realistic this movie is

    • me who doesn't give a sh!t
      me who doesn't give a sh!t 6 ай бұрын +3

      @TheCuddlebun I really liked the movie but that reason only watched it once I don't think I'm gonna re-watch it either

    • TheCuddlebun
      TheCuddlebun 6 ай бұрын +3

      Thanks for the warning! This is one of the reasons why I haven't & probably won't watch this movie.

    • Antonia Theda
      Antonia Theda 7 ай бұрын +4

      I felt the same way. I'm sorry you experienced that. 🫂❤️

  • Ash
    Ash 6 ай бұрын +50

    The whole "There are people that are better as partners when they don't have to partner up in everything" reminded me of my own parents. They never really got into screaming fights, but sometimes there'd be this uneasy feeling in the house, I'd ask what was going on and they'd answer "ask your mother/father". That always meant they were angry, when they called each other "your mother/father" instead of mom/dad. After the pandemic my mom said she needed space, so she moved to a different house and now we're all happier than we'd ever been. They're still married and absolutely love each other, but they don't need to share everything all the time :)

    • Lonely
      Lonely 6 ай бұрын +16

      People weren’t meant to spend every hour of every day in the same house :) I think the quarantine really made a lot of people rethink what marriage needs to be, for the better

  • Marie Drudi
    Marie Drudi 7 ай бұрын +774

    I'm divorced. This is the most realistic marriage/divorce story I've ever seen on screen.

  • Lonely
    Lonely 6 ай бұрын +94

    People keep saying that he didn’t mean the “I wish you were dead” but I think he did. I think he broke down because he realized how truly he was speaking

    • Voi
      Voi 3 ай бұрын +1

      @TofuTeo But would you make a difference between thinking things and saying things? Because sometimes, when I'm angry at my boyfriend, I think pretty mean things. And I never ever want to say those things out loud and until now I managed not to do so. Because I know that those things would hurt him deeply and it wouldn't be fair to say them because I would mean them in the moment but I don't mean them generally. As those are things that are kinda true but my perception of them changes. So, normally I'm like "that's okay" or "that's not ideal but when we both put effort in to solve certain situations it's no problem" or even "that's cute" - and in those moments I'm like "I *hate* this!".
      I would say, feelings are always true. But what they turn your thoughts into is only true in this moment and it's pretty impossible to communicate that right. You would never say "I hate this right now, later on it'll be okay and in general it isn't a problem for me, so don't worry about it but I just wanted to tell you that in this moment right now I hate it!".
      And if you would make a difference between thinking and saying things, then people who are more self-controlled or reflected would be totally different from people who are not. I don't think that's the case.

    • vang-tou Lee
      vang-tou Lee 4 ай бұрын +11

      I took it as he broke down because he is realizing that she is right but can't admit it.

    • vang-tou Lee
      vang-tou Lee 4 ай бұрын +9

      @TofuTeo not really because then you would mean a lot of things. Lots of things goes into our minds and we may have hidden desires inside us that we don't even know about. Jono said it right, he doesnt actually want her to die, but if she were to really die he would never be able to live with himself just as much as he would if he didn't say or maybe even worst because he did say it.

    • TofuTeo
      TofuTeo 4 ай бұрын +6

      I’m a firm believer that people only say things if they mean it, even if it’s just on some tiny subconscious level.

  • Victoria Menendez
    Victoria Menendez 7 ай бұрын +684

    The writing and acting in this film is exceptional. I know a lot of people who were children of divorce and found this sadly familiar.

    • Veronica Escalera
      Veronica Escalera 4 ай бұрын

      A lot of yelling and feeling confused. To why I was spending time with my dad that I didn't know and who didn't want to know about me. The ONLY good thing he's done was buying the Spirit movie.

    • TheMisslili8
      TheMisslili8 6 ай бұрын

      @tcrijwanachoudhury I get that but have they considered it and can't go through with it? for me personally I dont plan on divorce except for safety reasons/physical violence or heavy emotional abuse. I pray that my partner is at least open to all conversations but that is it. everything else I'd rather work through or let go. I hardly see how that person could ruin my happiness . I'm really difficult in relationship so I expect people to not perform well. therefore I'm often relying on myself. obviously I'm not married so I don't know how hard it could be but I pray I can manage. If I go through a separation I don't plan on remarrying

    • TheMisslili8
      TheMisslili8 6 ай бұрын +1

      @Starlight Whispers not looking like honeymoon couples but definitely not complaining or miserable. they look like friends/partners. that is what I aim for

    • tcrijwanachoudhury
      tcrijwanachoudhury 6 ай бұрын +3

      @TriggerHappy ironic? i wouldnt know i'm not black lol
      I'm South Asian, the rates of divorce are extremely low amongst our people, both white and black people are pretty much viewed in the same way in our community = westerners who have no real family values even more if their parents are separated.
      So to divorce is almost as if you're emulating them, which is really shitty viewpoint when a marriage is abusive or detrimental to someones life

    • Starlight Whispers
      Starlight Whispers 6 ай бұрын

      @TheMisslili8 Are the couples happy together?

  • ABJ2020 K
    ABJ2020 K 7 ай бұрын +255

    This movie made me physically ill. 😷 it’s just so so raw. Hats off to Scar Jo, Adam Driver, and Laura Dern for their phenomenal acting!

  • TIFFANY PERSAUD
    TIFFANY PERSAUD 7 ай бұрын +51

    Thanks for covering this film.
    “You can love someone and not have them in your life anymore.” Yeh.
    That she was very all or nothing in the end made sense as to how long she was stifling herself.
    I’m glad to see someone address his outburst about wishing her dead.
    He was being self-absorbed, with her and it bled into his relationship with his son, wanting to do what he wanted on Halloween instead of what the son wanted.
    I do appreciate that the film didn’t make anyone the total villain in the couple (and showed that this is a strategy the lawyers take, lolz).
    I think overall they came to a pretty healthy place in the end.

  • Nick H
    Nick H 4 ай бұрын +12

    My ex wife kept demanding that we seek new therapists because they apparently were all wrong. What made them wrong supposedly was the fact that they did see that I needed to work on myself but that I wasn’t the only one who had issues nor was I the only one causing issues in our marriage. Lol big surprise I’m divorced right? Probably also shouldn’t be surprised that she asked for that divorce 😂

  • Susanna Spence
    Susanna Spence 7 ай бұрын +234

    Not sure if you guys have watched the Actors on Actors interview with Chris Evans & Scarlett Johansson but she talks about how the director would make them do 45-50 takes to get the scenes just right and NOTHING was improvised. They couldn't add a single word, not even a "but". Crazy intense and impressive I think.

    • reikun86
      reikun86 7 ай бұрын +5

      I really enjoyed their segment. They've known each other for years (I think six movies together) and are really comfortable with each other.

    • samuraikitty
      samuraikitty 7 ай бұрын +3

      Wow!!!

    • Julie Tardos
      Julie Tardos 7 ай бұрын +22

      Yes, even the way they breathed was scripted. Very intense $#!+

  • JDeLespace
    JDeLespace 7 ай бұрын +58

    How I see it is that they got together in the first place when they were young and hadn’t resolved their past trauma. Charlie’s coping mechanism was that he would do anything to achieve his dreams despite coming from an abusive household. He became an overachiever because he had no support system, so he just has to succeed in order to survive. But unfortunately he took it too far and was solely focused on his own desires. Nicole is the opposite. She dealt with her past trauma (her father’s absence? Overbearing mother...) by numbing out difficult emotions. But that also means being disconnected from oneself, feeling empty, not knowing what she wants, not having enough drive, and focusing on someone else (Charlie) because his drive kinda fills the void she has inside. Until she basically opens her eyes on those patterns and wants to shake things up. But since Charlie doesn’t wanna budge (because of course it would mean healing his own stuff too, which seems easier to avoid), it makes it all the more difficult. I love that in the end, her healing and her self-actualizing eventually led him to loosen his need to control everything and he became more open to others’ needs. His son definitely helped to soften him. ❤

  • Maranda Parker
    Maranda Parker 7 ай бұрын +287

    I remember watching the fight scene and it really impacted me because it was like watching my last relationship in 3rd person. Love hate relationships are so, so hard.

    • Mike Rice
      Mike Rice 7 ай бұрын +24

      Describing it as a fight scene is 100% accurate, which is hilarious because it was not what just about any other movie would call a fight scene. There was choreography and blows being struck, just none that were physical

  • sunny days
    sunny days 7 ай бұрын +779

    “EVERY TIME I WAKE UP AND I WATCH CINEMATHERAPY AND I CRY REGARDLESS OF THE TOPIC-“

    • MadameHelgasFolly
      MadameHelgasFolly 6 ай бұрын +1

      I felt that! 😪

    • hcxpl1
      hcxpl1 6 ай бұрын +3

      @Kapitalina Karma I'm not a crying man, not because I'm stoic or don't feel things, I just don't cry. But I can't see a tear in someone else's eyes that my own start watering. Heck, by simply writing this comment they already started.

    • Lady i
      Lady i 6 ай бұрын +5

      Feel you 😭😂

    • Kapitalina Karma
      Kapitalina Karma 7 ай бұрын +12

      Alan's tears are contagious. I didn't cry watching the movie. But here I am crying with Alan.

    • InsideJoke
      InsideJoke 7 ай бұрын +9

      For those of us who only knew this movie through the meme.

  • ladyfoxglove
    ladyfoxglove 7 ай бұрын +24

    Your comments about supporting your partner's dreams really hit close to home. I'm in a bit of an inversed household, I'm the wife but the breadwinner and have been passionate about my career, I've let my husband sit comfortable but unhappy for so many years because it makes life easy and it makes sure I have a safety net if I fail. :/ It really hasn't been fair. thank you.

    • Rachel
      Rachel 7 ай бұрын +11

      If you realise this, you can work toward fixing it, and that's the biggest thing. Well done on your first step. Good luck on the apology to come.

  • Frazzy Blue
    Frazzy Blue 7 ай бұрын +24

    And now I’m crying, cause as a child of divorced parents this movie hit me harder than I thought it would cause there’s literally no representation of divorced parents in mainstream movies, finally I found something to relate to, except my parents don’t get on 😅

  • Magdalena Mantler
    Magdalena Mantler 7 ай бұрын +300

    What I have learned about love is: A relationship may break up, your heart may be broken - but you always will carry a part of that person in your heart.
    And the second thing I learned is: When you breakup you may think, you will never be able to love someone else again. But the heart functions different: It is no defined space which is "full" at any time - but it GROWS BIGGER and you always have room for someone else to love, in there.
    The heart is growing with every person you adore. It has no limits.
    I watched this film while I was in relationship therapy but when it was already clear that our marriage is failing and we will seperate. Not to mention, this movie was rough for me, but still I loved it.

    • Jac West
      Jac West 6 ай бұрын +3

      The heart is a muscle, and when you work a muscle out it tears and you become very sore. Then the muscle builds up in between the tears and heals itself and becomes stronger. Obviously heartbreak is not a physical break, but ethereal things really aren't so different.

  • Margaret Reidy
    Margaret Reidy 5 ай бұрын +11

    When Alan started to cry, I did too. Thanks for being vulnerable, and showing that it is okay.

  • Kfluhx
    Kfluhx 7 ай бұрын +315

    I'm still too afraid to watch this movie because I know the feels are going to run REALLY deep. I almost skipped this week's video too I'm that scared 😅 But you guys totally made it less scary. Maybe I'll watch the movie in, like, 2 more years now instead of never haha.

    • b0tias
      b0tias 6 ай бұрын +1

      Yes, there is no way I am going to watch this movie. I can handle it in small bites with two internet dads, one of whom is a pro therapist, to hold my virtual hand.

    • Badia
      Badia 6 ай бұрын

      I took my time aswell. When I finally felt ready it was amazing.

    • Mothergoose
      Mothergoose 6 ай бұрын

      Agree

    • SarcasticaleeXP
      SarcasticaleeXP 7 ай бұрын +9

      I'm not gonna lie to you this movie is heavy, not just sad, but you feel this heaviness in you, almost like you are one of them. Is deep is stressful, but is real and beautiful at the same time. Is also very helpful to catch yourself in some of the habits that they have.

    • momochan jones
      momochan jones 7 ай бұрын +7

      You’re definitely not alone in this sentiment.

  • The Rebecky
    The Rebecky 7 ай бұрын +311

    Can you guys review Everything Everywhere All At Once? I especially want your opinions on Waymond, I don't think I've ever seen a gentle, happy,and loving character under his situations.

    • reikun86
      reikun86 4 ай бұрын

      @Rhiannon He is! 😊

    • Rhiannon
      Rhiannon 4 ай бұрын +1

      His character is such a sweetheart!

    • Samantha Lee
      Samantha Lee 6 ай бұрын +3

      Yes!!

    • reikun86
      reikun86 6 ай бұрын +3

      @animorphs_butishiftintoa_disappointment It’s a really good video. I can’t recommend it highly enough. 😊

    • animorphs_butishiftintoa_disappointment
      animorphs_butishiftintoa_disappointment 6 ай бұрын +9

      @Rebecky there's a fantastic video essay on his gentle masculinity by popculturedetective, really recommend it its a great take

  • MzShasta Libra
    MzShasta Libra 6 ай бұрын +59

    "I'm trying to say this as undramatically as possible" is one of the key things I hade to learn during my divorce

  • Rowan Girdler
    Rowan Girdler 6 ай бұрын +9

    Man, checking in with each other's dreams is so important. My wife and I got really close during the pandemic lockdowns, unlike a lot of couples the forced time together brought us closer. Our challenge was when they ended. She came out if it thinking that if she could lose two years of her life in a way she had no control over, then now was the time to pursue big new endeavours and move into the next phase of life. I came out of thinking 'I've just lost two years of my life, I want to make up for everything I've missed and get back to my happy normal for a while before time forces change on me.' We ended up in totally different headspaces where I was surprised by and apprehensive of these big dreams she was saying she wanted to pursue, while she felt I wasn't supporting her. It was a tough one to navigate, and in the end the status quo won, but we've reached a much better place now where we're open to supporting each other's big swings even if it means rewriting the script of how our life together is going to look.

  • MermaidChansons
    MermaidChansons 7 ай бұрын +98

    You know, I watched this with my aunt who had previously had a pretty bad divorce. It broke my heart when she told me how accurate it was; she went through a lot in that divorce and she said this movie was the most accurate portrayal of divorce that she’d seen. Sad.

  • Anna Mae Gold
    Anna Mae Gold 7 ай бұрын +12

    OMG, "don't you dare compare me to my mother" came out pretty authentic. I could really feel that.

  • GrumpGamerat50
    GrumpGamerat50 7 ай бұрын +110

    Watching this scares the crap out of me...my wife and I are starting couples therapy this week and there are extenuating circumstances that I think would lead us to ending our marriage...namely a third party.
    It's my hope that we are NOT like them...where it's too late to save our marriage..to come to a realization about what our true feelings and true frustrations are and reconcile.

    • Sable Empire
      Sable Empire 7 ай бұрын +11

      Hey man- Nice sentiment. Don’t know which of you slept/flirted/hung out with a 3rd party but can guess.
      Regardless- red flag for the female in your life- is not a lot of consideration for what HER hopes and dreams for herself and her future are? Selflessness starts with not assuming you and her have same expectations of therapy and its results.
      Therapy is about self revelation which hopefully moves you towards being a better partner. Mutually.
      Its very hard to live with someone who cannot see or own their flaws.
      Good luck maybe it will work out. Maybe it won’t. Start with listening to what she wants, hopes and dreams without your own getting in the way.
      THEN decide if yours match up. You know what you want think and feel. But do you really know hers? I’d be looking for someone who says- “We are going to therapy. Im gonna park what I need at the door for now. And go in to really understand what my partner is saying. If both parties can do there’s definitely middle ground to find.
      There will be space for your wants. Once you understand what she needs from you and not what you want from her most of the time. It’s exhausting meeting somebody else’s expectations the majority of the time.
      But my own experience from being on the other-side of hearing a man express almost exclusively what he hopes and needs without even realising how it sounds to her. - Doesn’t end well.
      Its a journey in self growth and releasing the ego to really hear and understand what she is telling you she needs.
      Recalibrate your mindset towards love being a relationship of selflessness. If both parties want whats best for the other person together- thats where successful relationships achieve real respect and calmness.
      Wish you well. Hoping you both achieve something from it. Even if its not the outcome you expect. Outcomes are a result of the choices we make in how we treat others and ourselves without putting ourselves first. If you both do that equally it’s a beautiful road.
      Cheers

    • Hallaloth
      Hallaloth 7 ай бұрын +36

      This stranger on the internet wishes you two the best outcome for you both, whatever outcome that may end up being.

  • Researcher Chameleon
    Researcher Chameleon 7 ай бұрын +245

    Please watch “Wolfwalkers”, if not for a review about how children cope and respond to oppressive environments, then simply for how it is just a REALLY pretty movie, every frame can be mounted in an art gallery.

    • IrishPixie2342
      IrishPixie2342 6 ай бұрын +2

      I would die of happiness if Cinematherapy covered ANY of Cartoon Saloon's movies!

    • she flew to the moon
      she flew to the moon 6 ай бұрын +3

      @Trina Q song of the sea also has some elements of sibling abuse in relation to parental abuse

    • Nashleyism
      Nashleyism 7 ай бұрын +3

      @Rowan Crane Oh my, I have to check that out, thank you so much ❤️

    • Researcher Chameleon
      Researcher Chameleon 7 ай бұрын +5

      @Rowan Crane I own that, and I can say, best use of my money

    • Rowan Crane
      Rowan Crane 7 ай бұрын +8

      Just saying that you can get Wolfwalkers, Song of the Sea, and Book of Kells all together in a box set called "Cartoon Saloon's Irish Folklore Trilogy," and it is *so worth it.* Just sayin.

  • VizAnya
    VizAnya Ай бұрын +2

    I went to marriage counseling with my ex because he wanted it, but I was already done. He told the counselor that I sprung divorce on him and I said, "what do you mean? I've been talking about this for over a year." To which he replied, "I didn't believe you. I just wanted you to be quiet." At that point the counselor said, "she sounds like she's already done and I can't help you."

  • ClaytonChick8
    ClaytonChick8 7 ай бұрын +19

    Another movie that has the similar "failed relationship" feel is The Last Five Years with Jeremy Jordan and Anna Kendrick. It's a musical featuring a non-traditional narrative: she tells the story from the end to beginning and he tells the story from beginning to end.

  • Kat High
    Kat High 7 ай бұрын +34

    I remember being driven home by my friends mom since my friend got hurt and my mom was working. She got a call from her ex husband and when she answered she answered like any other friend. She and the ex husband were talking about theyre wedding since today was apparently their wedding anniversary. She had such a smile on her face as they wished eachother a happy anniversary.
    I congratulated her on her and what I thought to be her boyfriend/husband, to which she corrected me without a hint of hatred. I asked her if shes so happy talking with him then why dont they get back together? And she responded with this.
    “Sometimes people can be really good friends, but when they live in the same house, it can cloud the positivity. Sometimes its better to say happy anniversary over the phone then in person.”
    I had a whole new perspective on life after that.

  • Amara Rose
    Amara Rose 3 ай бұрын +2

    When they bring up the "you only hate each other so much because you love each other" and he says "do you see this a lot? People who hate each other quickly comfort each other?" This happened with my mother and I a lot. She was explosive and said mean things and then she would cry and I would comfort her while she apologized. It definitely happens, and it's tough

    • Amara Rose
      Amara Rose 3 ай бұрын +1

      @Sea Shells awh thank you

    • Sea Shells
      Sea Shells 3 ай бұрын +2

      Im sorry your mom took her unhealed stuff out on you and that you in a way had to parent her. Sending love 💜

  • Blood Eyes
    Blood Eyes 7 ай бұрын +101

    when Jonathan said "you can love someone and not want them in your life anymore" i said out loud "you can?!" reason being is because my mom passed away 6 years ago i was 15 i think. it was a day before my birthday. she cheated on my dad and ouright said she regretted marrying him (my dad did absolutely nothing bad to her) my mom did so much shit in my life to me and my dad.. mentally...i miss her...but I didn't consider her my mother..and my dad is mad at me for that because he's like "she's still your mother blah blah blah blah" but when Johnathan said shat he said at the beginning it made me feel happy to know i can still...love her as much as my heart will allow even if she did what she did to us

    • ActuallyAnanya
      ActuallyAnanya 7 ай бұрын +8

      It sounds like you might get a lot from Jennette McCurdy's memoir "I'm Glad My Mom Died" and the couple of interviews she did about the subject matter of it

    • Gabriele GHUT
      Gabriele GHUT 7 ай бұрын +1

      @Blood Eyes
      I understand what you are saying. Have a similar experience/story with my mother.

    • KORIE
      KORIE 7 ай бұрын +9

      I have had the opposite reaction. People were constantly guilt tripping me and enabling my mother, but the last time she went off the rails, I refused to be complicit. No matter how guilty someone tries to make me feel, I don't miss her or feel any empathy or love for her. I think it's hard for people to understand but I know that I made the decision that was best for myself and that my feelings are valid.

    • orsiC
      orsiC 7 ай бұрын +2

      Even if it's a really different situation and I don't want to compare our problems I can totally understand what you mean. My ex best friend is still one of the person I love the most in this entire world, even though she made me suffer a lot, lied to me, manipulated me and minimised my traumas. She wasn't an evil person, she was just lost and fucked up and I payed the consequences of that. And I still love her so mutch...
      (sorry for my English I'm not fluent)

    • dietotaku
      dietotaku 7 ай бұрын +9

      i think the closest to that that i've experienced is my first boyfriend. when we broke up i DID still want him in my life, i didn't want to break up at all and i still feel like he was the best i ever had. but after we broke up he changed, he went from an absolute nerd to a hard-drinking frat bro and i definitely did not want that in my life. i guess i still love who he was when we were together, but i don't want who he became in my life.

  • Mason Jenks
    Mason Jenks 7 ай бұрын +144

    Wow. I just recently watched a marriage story and I never fully comprehend the “layers” these two have. This is my way of request you guys to make a video about Shrek and Fiona. 🙏🙏🙏

  • Raven McGregor
    Raven McGregor 2 ай бұрын +3

    As someone with bipolar the “Selfishness” section of this video hits too much with home and made me tear up a little. Having gone through my entire childhood thinking I was just “over reactive” until I finally got my diagnosis and understood that while yes I can be in control of my emotions that’s something that I have to work extra extra hard for have me a sense of relief. Being able to take a step back and see my arguments and past relationships through that lens helped me realize that I wasn’t going crazy and while it’s not okay how I act, there’s a reason behind it.
    Now in my current relationship I am thankful to have a partner who takes the time to understand me and knows when I say outlandish things and I’m acting out of my mind I’m not in total control. He helps me to remember when to take a break and how to self soothe and is forgiving and gentle which is something I hadn’t had before and changed my entire world view. It’s helped me understand that I’m not an evil person and neither is he were just trying to love each other and take care of our selves in the only ways we know how.

  • Alicia
    Alicia Ай бұрын +1

    This was SUCH a hard movie to watch but so damn good. I, like probably a lot of people, identify with both characters. I’ve been both people in relationships. And these two acted the hell out of it

  • Mad Mike
    Mad Mike 7 ай бұрын +155

    Here's a suggestion for your next movie couple to break down: Vincent Gambini & Mona Lisa Vito from My Cousin Vinny (1992). I think their relationship is the heart of that film.

    • Ammara Shah
      Ammara Shah 6 ай бұрын +3

      NIIIIIIIIICEEEE YESS just so we can hear them talk and then Alan praises both their acting and the film makers and Jonathan can do the accents and then just make some karate kid references maybe lolll

    • Lyle Marie Ceniza
      Lyle Marie Ceniza 7 ай бұрын +1

      Yessss

    • disasterjones
      disasterjones 7 ай бұрын +1

      amazing suggestion!!

    • reikun86
      reikun86 7 ай бұрын +1

      Relationship goals.

    • Spencer Hansen
      Spencer Hansen 7 ай бұрын +2

      Absolutely

  • Sireen Iddir
    Sireen Iddir 6 ай бұрын +9

    13:05 Jonathan saying 'fluxommed' will always be my favourite part of this episode.

  • Coral Maynard
    Coral Maynard 7 ай бұрын +105

    I'm begging you to look into the relationship between Johnny and his Dad in Sing 1 and Sing 2 - those two are a perfect example of forgiveness and reconciliation!

    • Planag7
      Planag7 7 ай бұрын +2

      It's such an illumination calibrated arc though.

    • David Gange
      David Gange 7 ай бұрын +6

      I think all the characters can be analyzed. Even Mike the narcissistic Mouse.

    • whiteraven562
      whiteraven562 7 ай бұрын +8

      @Trina Q honestly all the characters have good arcs to look at, like the pig mom figuring out how to juggle being a mom with doing things that bring her happiness

    • Trina Q
      Trina Q 7 ай бұрын +5

      Oh yes, that would be absolutely perfect, or they'd could also look at Ash and her struggle with moving on from her cheating ex boyfriend.

  • Orange Taxi
    Orange Taxi 7 ай бұрын +54

    I'm 100% on her side on divorcing him. But I'm 100% on his side when it comes to how the divorce went.

    • reikun86
      reikun86 6 ай бұрын +13

      That’s a good way to look at it.
      Her lawyer even bargained for extra days (even though Nicole didn’t ask for them.)

  • Angela Mitchell
    Angela Mitchell 6 ай бұрын +8

    I was so delighted you addressed this beautiful film because of its complexity and goodness -- the characters feel real but rarely evil or openly corrupt. But my main takeaway was that this was a marriage that could have been saved, if they had made different choices when things began to go wrong, so I would've been so curious to see Jono address that. I love the film, love the gentleness and humanity of it, especially the final scene, and still think Driver should've won the Oscar.

  • Delainey Bragg
    Delainey Bragg 4 ай бұрын +6

    That scene where he's reading the letter with their son will never not make me cry. His voice cracking when he reads she fell in love with him after two seconds just stabs my heart so hard. Such a great performance and movie, my god.

  • Justin Walker
    Justin Walker 7 ай бұрын +297

    Chronologically, Charlie said that he feels like he was forced into marriage and used as an escape pod. When he said this he was attempting to address the issue all the way from the beginning. Thats why when she jumped to another issue that occurred at a later period in time he asked whats that have to do with California. Its not funnny... he is just as much ignored as she is.

    • usualsuspects42
      usualsuspects42 4 ай бұрын +1

      Justin, good point that she jumped to another issue, but can't at all agree that he is just as much ignored as she is.

    • Shri Siva
      Shri Siva 4 ай бұрын

      @nice job What is wrong with you?

    • YoutubeDoesntLikeCreators
      YoutubeDoesntLikeCreators 4 ай бұрын +7

      @Shri Siva Yes, it does and that makes me sad because I really like this channel. I just wish they wouldn't follow the toxic social norm of man bad and woman good.

    • reikun86
      reikun86 5 ай бұрын

      @nice job ?

    • nice job
      nice job 5 ай бұрын +3

      @reikun86 goofy pick me ahh

  • K *
    K * 7 ай бұрын +9

    From an anthropological POV, I like how you guys dissect human nature through films while providing a mirror to our own lives from which we can take helpful hints at improving ourselves and relationships.
    I’d like to see you guys do couple’s therapy on Joel and Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. In particular: how did a good relationship turn so sour and if you think it’s healthy to start again the way they did. Plus the other relationships in that movie offer so much to critique!
    Another movie I’d love to see you take to therapy is Muriel’s Wedding. The protagonist is deliberately flawed and has fallen victim to the small-town mentality that ‘success equals marriage’ - for women anyway.

  • Felix Rozmarýn
    Felix Rozmarýn 7 ай бұрын +87

    It would be great to see couple therapy of Jesse and Celine from the Before trilogy, especially Before Midnight. I think this trilogy shows brilliantly how relationship changes over time.

    • DCSwede
      DCSwede 6 ай бұрын +1

      Yes!

    • blankodegalo
      blankodegalo 7 ай бұрын +3

      Yessss

    • durabelle
      durabelle 7 ай бұрын +2

      Yes please do this! I love the first two parts and have seen them way too many times for it to be healthy anymore. The third one I've only seen once. Not because it's bad, I think it's absolutely brilliant and feels way too real. It just left me so emotionally drained that I've not felt up to it again.
      My current relationship is closest to Before Sunrise and Sunset that I can imagine possible in real life, and I'm sometimes almost superstitiously afraid of us getting to the Midnight phase with huge fights and not talking anymore. Even though the movie still has a happy ending, I want to avoid that level of drama. Never had a fear of that in previous relationships, but then again I never felt this connected to my exes in the first place, or this invested.

    • Melissita S
      Melissita S 7 ай бұрын +5

      YES!!!!!!! I second this!!! Please!!!!!!!

    • Jooles
      Jooles 7 ай бұрын +7

      I love those movies! I've watched the first movie several times, especially since my partner is Viennese and I met him in vienna 😊

  • Maria Melnitskaya
    Maria Melnitskaya 7 ай бұрын +33

    Also “revolutionary road” is an awesome realistic heartbreaking couple story. Would be awesome to hear your take on it.
    Thank you guys ❤️

    • Kelly Alves
      Kelly Alves 6 ай бұрын

      Oh God, that movie is devastating.

    • tcrijwanachoudhury
      tcrijwanachoudhury 6 ай бұрын

      Dope acting in that film as well

    • Nicole Shan
      Nicole Shan 7 ай бұрын +1

      That movie stills haunts me...how could they?!

  • Dwi Choong
    Dwi Choong 7 ай бұрын +6

    every time Jonathan does role-play therapist to the camera I feel so seen even though I have never been in that situation. wish more therapists were like Jonathan!!

  • Micaela Umedez
    Micaela Umedez 4 ай бұрын +4

    I just wanna say... I cried so much with that letter. It's just... they had so many moments to be a happy couple, a happy marriage and family... But they just couldn't find that moment... It's so, so sad... Great performance of the two!

  • 2degucitas
    2degucitas 7 ай бұрын +84

    I have lived the Scarlett's characters life, with minor changes. I married an ambitious narcissist, whose narcissism was hidden underneath grandiose "save the world" plans. As an idealist who gladly sacrificed self for others good I went along whole heartedly. I gave up everything to be with him. He mocked my interests, insisted I sell of a life insurance policy and close my bank account. I shriveled down to almost nothing, he was patronizing, took the spotlight all the time, and hid behind his being "good" as an excuse for not protecting me against an assault (by some other guy). He broke me. It got really dark and hopeless. His work and faith came first, it was his mistress and his narc supply. He'd publicly embarass me in front of others. He always sought an audience. I lived for him, he knew it, fed on it and let me be miserable. He can go #$&@ himself.

    • 2degucitas
      2degucitas 5 ай бұрын +1

      Ashleycj Is there a reason you can't file yourself?

    • L K
      L K 6 ай бұрын +3

      Dated a guy just like this. I felt like I was a bad person for years after breaking it of cause I couldn't ever give enough. Now I'm finally so grateful to not have have married him.

    • 2degucitas
      2degucitas 7 ай бұрын +6

      @FrozenHeart You did what I wish I had. I was such a strong single person, I miss it, I miss me. Stay true to yourself.

    • FrozenHeart
      FrozenHeart 7 ай бұрын +10

  • Avecherien
    Avecherien 5 ай бұрын +4

    As an actor I wanna say thank you to Alan there isn't alot of understanding how simultaneously draining and fulfilling acting is. It's so good to hear it from a director. Thank you 🥰

  • new moon
    new moon 7 ай бұрын +39

    My husband and I were in couples therapy for a year. When we called it off, our therapist said, "I've never heard either of you say anything deliberately hurtful to the other one." Our issue was that he doesn't like to be touched at all, ever, and I need it for my sanity. Not just sex, but simple physical contact. His sister is a psychoanalyst. She suspects he is on the Asperger's spectrum. I had a strategy for determining if he was mad at me. I'd say, in a flat tone, "I am evil and should be killed." Yes=mad, no=not mad. We're both conflict avoidant, but he takes it to an extreme.

    • new moon
      new moon 4 ай бұрын +1

      @usualsuspects42 Understood. I try to keep my comments brief. We called off the therapy because we had decided to divorce. We did remain friends. I found a divorce lawyer who specialized in representing both partners in non-adversarial divorces.

    • usualsuspects42
      usualsuspects42 4 ай бұрын +1

      @new moon I didn't realize you had divorced, sorry if it was clear and I missed it.

    • new moon
      new moon 4 ай бұрын

      @usualsuspects42 My former husband was in therapy for years with someone his sister recommended. She is 12 years older than he is, and is herself a psychotherapist. She was the one who opined that he was on the Asperger's spectrum, so I presume she did her due diligence on that. Sigh.
      Aside, Temple Grandin is so good at explaining what it's like to have Aspergers.

    • new moon
      new moon 4 ай бұрын

      @First Last The only trauma I know of is that his mom died of cancer when he was 14, but in therapy he said he didn't like to be touched by anyone, including his mom, since he could remember. So it's beyond sex. I didn't diagnose; his sister did. She's 12 years older than he is, and acted as a surrogate mom in many ways.
      Interestingly, though, he does love cuddling the cat we adopted, who was a stray that turned up at the home of one of his coworkers. He buries his face in Peachy's tummy fur.

    • new moon
      new moon 4 ай бұрын

      @0LOTR He went to individual therapy for years with a therapist recommended by his psychiatrist older sister. He never shared anything about it with me, though.

  • Mittel Biest
    Mittel Biest 7 ай бұрын +90

    The one thing i would add is on the scene where Adam Driver's character supposedly throws the first insult. Scarlett Johansson's character open that path with the underhanded "You are just like your father", which in and of itself usually is a cloaked dagger, because she knows it will hurt him. I have been in a relationship where that was usually the first comment that was flying when something didnt go the way my ex-gf wanted to (like putting boundaries on something). In my opinion, it is often overlooked in society how these little jabs (or whatever you want to call it) can damage the other person. Often its the follow-up where people go "You shouldnt say that" but are perfectly fine with this first jab. And thats something we all could improve upon in recognizing and calling out.
    PS: I am just judging from the shown scenes, since I havent seen the movie. Congrats to you guys for 1 Million subscribers!

    • Dragonfall1221
      Dragonfall1221 6 ай бұрын +7

      Exactly. There is a line in her letter to Charlie (a line he later glosses over when reading it to his son) about how there was a lot of alcohol and violence in his childhood, which in this context we can ascribe to his father. To throw that out in an argument, to compare someone to their parent who is a drunken physical and emotional abuser completely discounts any emotion he may be feeling as irrational and paints him as just as much of an abuser as his father. Charlie had every right to be heated about that comparison. It reminds me of a Fiona Apple lyric... "a conversation once colored by esteem became dialogue as a diagram of a play for blood". She knew how deep it would cut, knew what his reaction would be, and then plays the rational party when he responds in kind.

    • Nathalie M
      Nathalie M 7 ай бұрын +9

      @XxMusicxKelseyxX I feel like it would have been better if she addresses the behavior specifically instead of attributing it to his father which she probably knew would make him hurt and act defensively

    • A p q H
      A p q H 7 ай бұрын +10

      *"You are being so much like your father" The diference is one it's the actions, in the other it is all of you. (The fight started way before this, it wasn't the first thing, but she still shouldn't have said it.)

    • XxMusicxKelseyxX
      XxMusicxKelseyxX 7 ай бұрын +15

      Didn't she say something along the lines of "you're acting just like your father"? I feel that contextually, that's different. If he dislikes his father and he's acting in a way that reflects those characteristics, it very well could have been her trying to point that out so he could do better and not set on the path his father would have set for him by example. Of course, I've never seen that done successfully because it's taken exactly as you said it "you're just like your father" and then the walls are up and he's defensive. She definitely could have said it better, and maybe she did mean it maliciously, but that was my interpretation.

  • Artyom Alexandrov
    Artyom Alexandrov 7 ай бұрын +5

    "you can still love somebody and not want them in your life anymore" man this shit made me tear up. I broke up with my ex because she felt like she had lost feelings (I still have them to this day) and I recently had to cut her off because she kept acting like we were together in her expectations of me. It still hurts a bit, but I'm glad I did it.

    • Dog God
      Dog God 7 ай бұрын

      @Artyom Alexandrov If you can't access a personal therapist or psychologist, there are also group therapy and support group options for a variety of issues, including depression and social anxiety, among other things. Support groups are not generally too expensive. Sometimes they're free.

    • Artyom Alexandrov
      Artyom Alexandrov 7 ай бұрын +1

      My comments never get seen by you guys due to traction. But again, if you read this, THANK YOU! I've never been able to get psychological help myself, but you guys.... just help me deal with my stuff myself. I know it's no substitute, but thank you.

  • Samantha Carbine
    Samantha Carbine 7 ай бұрын +11

    being a child of divorce, and having to see the fights and watch the issues in a marriage secondhand, the fight scene between the two in his new apartment was so realistic that I had a bit of a breakdown the rest of the day. I still loved it though, it was incredible to see such a realistic yet poetic scene. It really was a masterpiece.

  • Felipe Arancibia
    Felipe Arancibia 7 ай бұрын +64

    It's amazing the layers that this movie has, the masks we put on for others... And there were times it hurt to watch, that tells you this was well done.
    Ps. The magical me edit was **priceless**

  • morgan goodman
    morgan goodman 7 ай бұрын +7

    I would love to see you guys react to the movie Beautiful Boy. My boyfriend is an alcoholic in recovery with a long line of family trauma related to addiction and alcoholism, and it was ruining our relationship. Honestly it was ruining our lives. A few weeks ago he decided to go to rehab after months of me urging him to seek out professional help. That day was really tough for both of us and I remember we watched Beautiful Boy together. I think it was one of the most impactful moments of our relationship. It hit so hard for us as someone currently going through an addiction and someone going through a loved one's addiction. The past six months have been some of the most difficult of my life and I can honestly say that Cinema Therapy has done so much to help me get through it with grace and forgiveness and love. It would be so happy to see you guys watch it.

  • Lindsey Caldwell
    Lindsey Caldwell 7 ай бұрын +8

    As someone who likes watching things with subtitles because I absorb better when I'm reading, I really appreciate whoever you guys have transcribing your episodes because not only are they generally great at it, they're also really funny in their own right.

  • JAC671
    JAC671 7 ай бұрын +66

    I lost a good girl because of my past trauma and current porn addiction, and the fights and situations just felt like this movie. There’s so much love and care, but I was too into my porn to see I was hurting her and too blind to see how it hurts me, and now I have to work through this and through this life on my own again, because I couldn’t stop when she begged me to. I couldn’t control myself and I couldn’t see the rift it was creating for us, now we’re not together and I have to live with the fact that we love eachother, but I hurt her something fierce, and she doesn’t see us ever getting back together. It’s hard pairing these feelings to what’s in the movie because I just get it. It’s sad I didn’t realize until she was gone all the horrible things I did that didn’t love, care, or protect her heart like I should have.
    Edit: I’ve been clean for a while, I realized I needed better connection to those I loved and be more honest how I felt. Porn was an escape when I felt scared but it didn’t bring me closer when I felt my relationships threatened, it ripped me from them further. Now I’m so much closer to my friends, family, coworkers, and even my ex and I are so much better because I just had to tell her what I felt. I always hid my feelings and ran to porn, but now I have the courage to tell them I miss them and don’t want them to leave, and they see that I am just scared instead of heartless and selfish 🥹

    • Sam Warren
      Sam Warren 3 ай бұрын +1

      @JAC671 I ended up meeting an amazing man shortly after. He treats me so kindly and taught me the way i needed to be treated, he quit his pornography use for me. We are getting married in April at the LDS temple. I never could be happier

    • JAC671
      JAC671 5 ай бұрын

      @Sarah Tobore I hope you find the connections you desire in your life Sarah.

    • CherryCo.Studios
      CherryCo.Studios 5 ай бұрын +1

      @JAC671 No problem, man. :) I'm so glad that you've found solace from the internet. The internet is like the realm of souls, where one person's soul can connect to another. Some places can really hurt you, while other places can bring you great healing.
      I'm so glad to hear you're doing better, and I'm happy to hear that you're getting the support that you need. You're well on your way to recovery, and I wish you all the best! :D
      Thank you for taking the time to be vulnerable and help show us that we're not alone. :3

  • Skeeppuli
    Skeeppuli 6 ай бұрын +6

    When I watched this movie (right after my Adam Driver fever began) I practically cried through the entire thing! The story is very real and the acting is amazing! Worst/best ones that made me weep the most were the fight scene when Adam's character breaks down and the part were him and the kid read the letter together! My poor heart!

  • DarkFoxKirin !
    DarkFoxKirin ! 6 ай бұрын +5

    This film was so good that it made me uncomfortable. It reminded me so much of my parent’s divorce, especially the big argument scene. When I watched that scene, I literally get quiet and scared, I forgot I was watching a movie, THATS how realistic it was. I think I cried 4 times, ESPECIALLY during the ending where Charlie is reading Nora’s letter of the things she loves about him.

  • The13AnimeLover
    The13AnimeLover 7 ай бұрын +34

    I remember watching this and thinking about when my parents separated. And in a way it healed my childhood self. Even when it wasn't extremely messy and there wasn't this whole thing about visitation and there weren't really arguments. I felt like I saw something my younger self couldn't see. And I love this movie and I don't think I can watch it again tbh

  • Destiny Darrling
    Destiny Darrling 4 ай бұрын +5

    As a child of divorce; this film is a little too close to home to be able to watch without sobbing 😢

  • LeoRizzi4
    LeoRizzi4 7 ай бұрын +22

    I loved this movie. Tried to make some of my friends watch it, but they kept complaining about the "theatrical" acting and the boring dialogs. Also loved the video, "cinema therapy" makes movies feel more personal/relatable and always leaves something to think about in terms of managing relationships, being it between other people or with ourselves. Would love a 1+ hour video (maybe a podcast ?)

  • Bitchen Boutique
    Bitchen Boutique 7 ай бұрын +56

    I haven’t watched this movie because when I saw the trailer Adam Driver kinda freaked me out… in what I assume is THE big fight, his face suddenly morphs into the face of the friend who emotionally abused me on the day when he got so angry he could no longer control his rage and got right in my face with it.
    I’m so drawn to this movie but I’m kind of afraid of it. Watching this video helped.

  • Stacey Parkes
    Stacey Parkes 17 күн бұрын

    I've watched this movie twice - first when I was a newlywed and second when I was in the process of a divorce and I noticed and felt different things both times. It's so accurate when you can LOVE someone but not be IN LOVE with them and don't want to live with them anymore while still knowing that they have to be part of your life forever. Brilliant writing and acting!

  • N U
    N U 6 ай бұрын +5

    My ex once told me during an argument to go die. And she defended it for long that she didn't mean it and that I knew that she didn't mean it so it shouldn't affect me much.
    Yes, I knew she didn't mean it she never ever would want me to die... but I can't get over it still even after 3 years.
    I took it personally when Henry said what he said to her.

  • Aine Raine
    Aine Raine 7 ай бұрын +37

    I was DYING for you guys to talk about Marriage Story

    • usualsuspects42
      usualsuspects42 4 ай бұрын

      Yes. agree. The film upset me so much and I thought of Cinema Therapy and hoped they'd cover it. Thank you guys.

    • Cinema Therapy
      Cinema Therapy  7 ай бұрын +5

      No more suffering. It's here! 😄

    • purplepoint_
      purplepoint_ 7 ай бұрын

      SAAMMMEEE I waited so long for this and was not disappointed!

  • Jazzy_Mc_Jazz7
    Jazzy_Mc_Jazz7 29 күн бұрын

    I’m a child with divorce parents. They been divorced since… when I was either 3 or 4. It wasn’t a good divorce at all. Watching this movie broke me. Seeing the scene where she wrote the letter about what’s good about Charlie really made me cried hard. Even if their divorced, both of them still love each other. Even if my parents aren’t like that, I still believe there’s love one another. I’m happy this movie exist, and happy you two made a video about it

  • DrainingVenom
    DrainingVenom 7 ай бұрын +21

    That Anakin cameo though 🤣
    Amazing work as always!

  • My
    My 7 ай бұрын +23

    I’m crossing my fingers that for your next couples therapy you’ll do Pirates of the Caribbean. Will and Elizabeth or Davey Jones and Calypso. 🙏🏻

    • Chiara Rdn
      Chiara Rdn 7 ай бұрын +4

      And Jack Sparrow, too!

  • Xanne Smit
    Xanne Smit 3 ай бұрын +3

    Scarlett and Adam have such a great performance in this movie its so intense and real.

  • Valerie Elfering
    Valerie Elfering 5 ай бұрын +8

    I was really triggered when he punched the wall, told her he wished she'd die and then he started crying and she comforted HIM. My daughters father has done all these things. The manipulation and abuse is too real for me.

    • Ian Perry
      Ian Perry 4 ай бұрын +2

      What? Look at his actions throughout the whole movie. They both still love each other. He said things that he truly didn’t mean and she knew he didn’t mean them. That’s why she comforted him and apologized. Toxic characteristics or actions aren’t all narcissistic, abusive, or manipulative. It’s called being a human that’s hurt and defensive

  • Oliver Edmiston
    Oliver Edmiston 7 ай бұрын +23

    26:07 had me laughing and crying so hard. "that was an adequate moment of performance"

  • Anna Stevens
    Anna Stevens 7 ай бұрын +6

    I've only seen clips from the movie so far, but what I particularly appreciated was how willing both actors were to be genuine, not trying to stay looking attractive but digging into the ugly crying, the exhaustion etc which are involved in these kinds of emotions? Especially impressive with actoes who have been pretty thoroughly pedestaled as glamorous sex symbols following their previous roles!

  • Per Hendrik L.
    Per Hendrik L. 7 ай бұрын +17

    FINALLY! YES! Noah Baumbach states that his film is a love story when to me it's the opposite. To me it feels like a life study about a couple drifting apart and critiquing society and law on the idea of divorce.

    • Beerenmüsli
      Beerenmüsli 7 ай бұрын +4

      It is a love Story. Just not the kind that is usually portayed. It shows how much daulity lies withing human beings

  • Vintage Dot
    Vintage Dot 7 ай бұрын +46

    Yay another great video I can listen to on the way to college. Love your work!!!
    Also you should do a video on Jinx from Arcane. That'd be a fun one imo

    • Selva Rajagop
      Selva Rajagop 6 ай бұрын

      kzclip.org/video/1alFe3-CgMo/бейне.html its here! the arcane video

    • Vintage Dot
      Vintage Dot 7 ай бұрын +6

      @Cinema Therapy I am excited for that one. Arcane was amazing and I really want to know what's going on in Jinx's head. Thank you for that one

    • Cinema Therapy
      Cinema Therapy  7 ай бұрын +30

      Coming SO SOON.

  • pigpjs
    pigpjs 7 ай бұрын +3

    Truly one of the best films capturing the human experience. Neither character is innocent. Their divorce could have been avoided if both had made different choices and actively communicated/listened to each other.

  • Digitaldevil69
    Digitaldevil69 6 ай бұрын +2

    So many of us had this partner. The best partner in our life we'll never forget, but also the worst partner in our life we'll never be in a relationship once again, and also the partner we're learned so much from, both from the relationship and from the breakup. So here's to all those partners, who, in my hopes and dreams, make peace with this new experience and move on. Hell, maybe even reconcile and stay amicable. I did it with my first love, and I definitely know that the love itself is there, but we can't be together for so many reasons, and that's okay. I took a lot of experience from that relationship, and it helped me not to do the same mistakes again.

  • The Independent Libertarian
    The Independent Libertarian 7 ай бұрын +14

    My wife and I have only been married 5 months, together off and on for 7 years before, consistently the past 2 years. And we are already to this point, I told her we have to go to therapy and after weeks of arguing about it she finally agreed. Trying to find a marriage counselor that we can afford though.

    • The Independent Libertarian
      The Independent Libertarian 7 ай бұрын +4

      @Teru _ I am so sorry to hear that about your family and i hope they're able to get help. We have 3 daughters, honestly they are the reason I'm fighting for therapy instead of just admitting I might have made a mistake. They're not biologically mine but I've pretty much raised them for the past 7 years and I don't think I'm mentally strong enough to lose them. At the same time idk if I'm mentally strong enough to keep on being treated how I am and continue putting up with all that I am. Like your family the issues showed up before the wedding but I thought it was just wedding stress making her act like it, turns out it was not.

    • Teru _
      Teru _ 7 ай бұрын +7

      I hope you both can figure out how to fix things. Don't let it continue for too long, especially if you're going to have children in the future. I'm saying this because my brother and my SIL have been constantly fighting with eachother to the point where they're toxic and physically abusive, and what's worse is the fact that my nieces have to live with that every day. I saw the fear and sadness in their eyes everytime they hear their parents fight. Truth is, they had a big fight a few days before their wedding but they stick to it, and they had children thinking it will save their marriage. But no, it's not. Sometimes the problem is incompability or lack of undetstanding/communication. Sorry for the rant, I hope the best for you and your wife.