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Never Split the Difference | Chris Voss | Talks at Google

  • Жарияланды 2023 ж. 28 Нау.

Пікірлер • 1 246

  • mty1966
    mty1966 2 жыл бұрын +370

    0:00 Author Introduction
    0:55 Story
    2:20 2 important points from the story (1) There's a lot more space between "No" and "Yes" (2) What after "No"
    4:50 What's the right approach after the "No"?
    7:49 How is this empathy and "you understand" important in negotiation? -
    8:22 The 3 approaches to conflict - fight, flight or make friends -3 styles - assertive, accommodator or make-friend and analytical,
    10:12 Do people fall into one of the three categories or a combination?
    11:13 Do you have to adapt your technique depending on who are you dealing with?
    13:15 Question about speaker background
    20:35 What about compromise in a negotiation...?
    23:36 Do the same techniques apply to every negotiation?
    27:56 Finding the unknown, unknown
    34:20 How do negotiation techniques change when there is emotion entanglement involved?

  • David R.
    David R. 6 жыл бұрын +79

    Very informative. Chris's humility and respect for others come across as important traits too.

  • Michael Hart
    Michael Hart 3 жыл бұрын +311

    Ever since I read this book, I actively seek out conflict. I think it backfired. 😂

    • Angel
      Angel 10 ай бұрын +1


    • MJL Digital
      MJL Digital  Жыл бұрын

      "With these powers I can.. WORK FOR WORLD PEACE! But first..." - The Mask 🤣🤣

    • Anders Bjorklund
      Anders Bjorklund  Жыл бұрын +2

      Lmfao 😂

    • qid idah
      qid idah 2 жыл бұрын +3

      The more emotionally invested you are the harder it is to negotiate.

  • Akshat Jain
    Akshat Jain 2 ай бұрын +2

    1. Active Listening
    2. Try to understand and unleash the emotions of the negotiator because sometimes even he can't put words to those emotions.
    3. Tactical Empathise.
    4. Calibrated questions
    Fear of loss can get people to negotiate as it drives our decisions, hard bargaining gets you loss in long-term, the closer you are to someone the harder it will be to recognise what you are being accounted for the anger(i.e. the harder it will be to find that black swan)

    PHILL MOO 2 жыл бұрын +9

    “Anybody that has ever felt stress has taken themselves hostage because they were worried about losing something...” Super perceptive statement and very true. I also feel Robert Deniro (even though his voice is more similar to Al Pacino) channeled him in the movie heat 👍 “(never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn’t take something better)”

  • Steve Igi
    Steve Igi 2 жыл бұрын +11

    This was profound:
    There is an emotional component to every decision we make. We make a decision based on what we care about, therefore, what you care about is an emotion.

  • Kinga Gorski
    Kinga Gorski  Жыл бұрын +5

    I appreciate how Chis answers literally every question with a story from his own many experiences that demonstrates his approach. So good.

  • Joaquin A
    Joaquin A 3 ай бұрын +1

    What an amazing interview. And what an incredible person is Chris Voss.

  • Steve Clarke
    Steve Clarke 3 жыл бұрын +5

    I think that the underlying point in all of this is that the people who can help you are often the very same people who can hurt you. From that perspective, empathy is fundamental to giving you the roadmap to understanding how you can reach a mutually helpful position in any negotiation or even average conversations. Mirroring is a brilliant way of overtly showing your counterpart empathy. I love it.
    Chris's book and his speaking engagements have totally changed my life.

  • TheNorthWolf
    TheNorthWolf 4 жыл бұрын +829

    "if someone is talking to you, youve got something they want. Period." damnnnn love the simplicity of that quote

    • Charlie Tian
      Charlie Tian 7 ай бұрын

      this is obviously not true in general

    • zoejane flamingo
      zoejane flamingo 2 жыл бұрын

      @Bibin B. Cherian Couldn't agree more!

    • EmJayEl
      EmJayEl 2 жыл бұрын

      @Super Chuck Agreed

    • Super Chuck
      Super Chuck 2 жыл бұрын

      ​@EmJayEl You are the one that mentioned evil. I just said the politician wants something. You have to listen to what the politician wants to determine the intent. Does the politician want clean air and water? Does the politician want to end wars? Or does the politician want to tax and then spend the money on pet projects to social engineer? People need to judge!

    • EmJayEl
      EmJayEl 2 жыл бұрын

      @Super Chuck that doesn't always mean it's evil.

  • Pursuit of Possibility
    Pursuit of Possibility 3 жыл бұрын +1

    This talk inspired me to be more empathetic with my customers and create a sales experience where they are left satisfied with the way that they arrived at their decision to buy or not. I’m going to get his book 100%

  • Puneet Kataria
    Puneet Kataria 6 жыл бұрын +15

    Loved the insights on fair and honesty of the trade. Connected so well with my core values. Was blessed to be taught to never lie by my parents and never had to wait for my ethics class.
    Thank you for this lovely talk @Chris Voss. Please keep them coming.
    You've got a new fan here.

  • bigblocklawyer
    bigblocklawyer 4 жыл бұрын +9

    Pretty insightful. Much of this is practised by world-class litigators every day. There are few times in life where negotiating to convince a jury not to send your client to prison for life, without parole, is more intense. And we only get to talk at them. Not getting feedback is much more difficult but that's where reading body language is key.

  • PuntOnFourth
    PuntOnFourth  Жыл бұрын +1

    Voss is an Enigma inside of a Black Swan.
    This man changed my approach to dealing. With People. “It only works with People”

  • Virgie Mata
    Virgie Mata  Жыл бұрын

    He said its harder to negotiate with someone close to you. I guess we get emotional with someone close to us that closes our brain to think effectively. But once we are done and over the person, we are less emotional and able to negotiate better because we know that other person more than anyone does. I experience this. Awesome speaker. Thank you very much.

  • Karen Gates
    Karen Gates 10 ай бұрын +1

    Love how you demonstrate everyday situations and highlight where we can go wrong. Always very engaging due to your philosophy on empathy making it so much easier to apply and retain your teachings. Thank you

  • Gernot Hassenpflug
    Gernot Hassenpflug  Жыл бұрын +1

    A captivating talk, great to see such a competent moderator, both smart and well-prepared, and in addition also clearly intensely interested. Awesome!

  • Josh Yates
    Josh Yates 6 жыл бұрын +495

    "If anyone has ever felt stressed, you have just taken yourself hostage." - Chris Voss

    • Heather King
      Heather King 2 жыл бұрын

      @crustum cremo Yea about the lying about the facts - time and time again I have seen this happen just so usually in my experience a weak guy can look like he is right, even though he is factually incorrect. They should look in the mirror when they speak or replay the scenario back to see how dumb they look.

    • Jerry Lisby
      Jerry Lisby 3 жыл бұрын

      @Mac Tireliath are you ok?

    • Jean Rich
      Jean Rich 4 жыл бұрын

      @crustum cremo "That's just how it works" usually the sign of a bad assumption. Speaking for the entire history of man is pretty arrogant bruh. Give positivity a chance to breathe.
      So y'all two bitter guys are saying all the selfless acts in the history of humanity are basically "write my name like this in the history books" right.....

    • Josh Yates
      Josh Yates 4 жыл бұрын

      @ironman5454 we all stand on the shoulders of giants.

    • ironman5454
      ironman5454 4 жыл бұрын +2

      @Josh Yates ""If somebody is talking to you, then you have something they want." 'Carl Jung 101'

  • Robert Higgins
    Robert Higgins 11 ай бұрын

    I stumbled into "negotiation" / "empathy" as an elementary teacher. A kid walked in my class in the morning completely pissed off. I knew he was about to cause issues for the day. I asked him what was wrong. He didn't say anything. I said "I am curious because you seem upset." He said that morning his mom got him in trouble for something he didn't do.
    I replied, "I get it. That is the worst when my mom would do that to me, too. what happened"
    All of a sudden, he unclenched his fists, the anger on his face left, and he told me his story and had a good rest of the day.
    I am reading "Never Split the Difference" a second time and searching him on youtube for more insights he has.
    Good stuff in this video.

  • Maruan - Business Experte für Kreativ & IT-Branche

    I loved the audiobook so much, that i did buy the physical book afterward. It even directly helped me with my upcoming project negotiations as a freelance designer! Thank you so much Chriss Voss!

  • Dream Launch
    Dream Launch 3 жыл бұрын +1

    Great talk. we are attempting to let our followers know that life is one big negotiation. This video was very helpful.

  • Galactic Plastic
    Galactic Plastic 2 жыл бұрын +2

    37:56 - 40:46
    *Lying* was never a great choice, it hurts in the long run unless you cut your/their feet & being a hard bargainer is a melting candle, respect the relationship then you'll go further
    40:47 - 42:06
    Get to know something new about them
    , lay a common ground & share some thoughts
    42:07 - 43:24
    When someone talks to you, you probably have something they need . . even attention counts, time spent too might lead to relationships
    45:34 - 48:58
    Act not by being in the interaction but act by those who are observing it & don't leave a leaking faucet especially if you've caused it, the droplets summed up the longer it's left unfixed
    You've been beaten Psychologically, but no need to eat an expensive fruit that starts to rot, go find a new one: *Move on*

  • arthur murfitt
    arthur murfitt 8 ай бұрын

    Thank you Chris, I’ve learned so much in just a little bit of KZclip I have seen of you, looking forward to finding more about what you teach.

  • L. R.
    L. R. 3 жыл бұрын +3

    My 39yr old daughter says I'm a natural negotiator with people. I felt that was the nicest compliment ive ever recd from my kids! Love it!

  • John Murphy
    John Murphy 5 жыл бұрын +2

    Kids can listen to the mechanics of anything and learn little and not be at fault. This topic requires years of results-based interpersonal experience to become an effective negotiator. A couple basics: 1. It's more productive to negotiate with another negotiator. 2. Always be empathetic toward your negotiating partner's position because it's the situation (and not some mutual career path) that found you both. -Murphy

  • Michael M
    Michael M 3 жыл бұрын +1

    Loved listing to Chris. Such useful information we can all use in our day to day life.

  • AlliBear ASMR
    AlliBear ASMR 4 жыл бұрын

    Had to watch this a few times to really absorb everything. So much real knowledge packed into one video. Definitely going to get his book.

  • Anthony Franck
    Anthony Franck 6 жыл бұрын +16

    "Ask the right person, do what they tell you to do." - Chris Voss
    Great stuff, I just bought the book!

    • Gilly Mac
      Gilly Mac 5 жыл бұрын

      Hi, how was the book?Has it made a significant change to your lifestyle?(I'm considering buying to help with assertiveness&more sincere communication)🕊

  • bmo
    bmo 4 жыл бұрын +9

    Great talk. Says a lot about what drives us. The "never lie" part was interesting.

  • lin aerial
    lin aerial 3 жыл бұрын +8

    1. start with no
    2. is it bad time to talk?
    3. summerize: get the counterpart to say that's right
    4. 3 types: conservative, analytical, accomadator(talk more, think, mad)
    5. suicide hotline
    6. hostage communication:call back
    7. felt stressed: end of the world
    8. rationalize:why you want what you want:
    tell me why you want it X vulnerabilities
    label techniques (close the information gap) V
    9. empathy the tool and assertive
    10. detecting deceptions
    unknown unknown: holding cards the other side unknown
    11. you are right-shut up you
    that's right
    12. angry at me:
    accusation audit指責
    seem like im being a jerk, seems like ive been fair, it seems like
    you sound angry
    13. the negotiator: movie
    lie X
    14. how to start
    - where you coming from:
    - listen to you first
    - information whats going on in your world
    15. sb talk to you, you got sth they want
    16.money, recognition, publicity
    fear of loss drive us mostly
    17. time is fair: cut the loss and move on

  • Camel Moon
    Camel Moon 4 жыл бұрын +1

    Amazing how much of this plays in everyday life. Everyone should watch this, if only to better themselves.

  • Steve Ross
    Steve Ross 6 жыл бұрын +91

    I have already tried two of the approaches in the book--both of them seemingly counter-intuitive--and they both worked! I'm going to be reading it again and taking more notes.

    • Roy
      Roy  Жыл бұрын

      @S S areeee bhai. That was a Black Swan! I didn't expect you to be a Bengali. Cheers!

    • S S
      S S  Жыл бұрын +1

      @Roy thik bolechis

    • Roy
      Roy  Жыл бұрын +2

      @S S it's so good that I will buy the hardcover version to pay him the fee for what he taught me. I have been reading his book from a paperback edition. It's all out of respect for this guy's strategy and his service to his nation.

    • Huide Zhu
      Huide Zhu 2 жыл бұрын +2

      @S S it’s worth every cent

    • Huide Zhu
      Huide Zhu 2 жыл бұрын +2

      @S S it’s worth every cent

  • Rosanna Miller
    Rosanna Miller 3 жыл бұрын +4

    I am learning so much. I love these talks. Thank you, Mr. Voss!!

  • Keith Worrell
    Keith Worrell 3 жыл бұрын +9

    Book changed my life. Best quote as I remember, "if someone seems 'crazy', this is a sure sign that something you don't know that you don't know is making all the difference in the world".

    • Marrs101
      Marrs101  Жыл бұрын

      Or they are just crazy. Don't fall for the hype. Reading one book doesn't mean you are expert in the field. Most times crazy people are just crazy and better avoiding them.

    • Roy
      Roy  Жыл бұрын

      Damn! I noted it.

  • jenbee
    jenbee 2 жыл бұрын +1

    Hi Mr. Voss. I wanted to give credit where credit is due. You are blessed with insight from above. Thank you for helping me. And all of the people that you've helped. It is a true pleasure to see someone living their purpose. God bless you.

  • JustWatching2
    JustWatching2 3 жыл бұрын +5

    Chris Thank You, I read 3 chapters from his book that i got at the library and i had to buy it on amazon a hardcover. It took away so much stress from my job. I have gotten better and calmer and i do not know anyone with a more stressful job than a debt collector

    • gernm18
      gernm18 3 жыл бұрын

      quit that and do something good for the world

    • Brett Weir
      Brett Weir 3 жыл бұрын


    • James Kyle
      James Kyle 3 жыл бұрын

      True that!

  • Doug Wedel
    Doug Wedel 4 ай бұрын

    I just started reading Katherine Manning's book The Empathetic Workplace. I thought it would be a feel good book about how I can put people at ease. But it's hard hitting, talking about trauma. I tell people she talks about trauma but all I have in my life is drama and melodrama. But what she teaches is helpful for everyone I talk to. And it helps me recognize and let people open up when they talk about trauma, or drama. Listening is one of the hardest and useful things we can learn. This backs up everything you say in Never Split The Difference. You started me on a long journey of daily reading books and watching videos like this one. It can be a LOT OF WORK! :) But the return on the investment on my time is amazing. Thanks so much!

  • Zed Nine
    Zed Nine 4 ай бұрын

    8:44 - wow, this is exactly it! It's more important that you understand our thoughts and reasoning than you agree with us. It's fine to disagree, but if there is not mutual understanding then there can never be progress or problem resolution. I read his book; it was great. But this succinct comment he made on the video now is really key.

  • Last Percent
    Last Percent 2 жыл бұрын +1

    Every other line from that interview can be used as a life advice quote. Amazing!

  • pmam1968
    pmam1968 4 жыл бұрын +3

    This talk was phenomenal.

  • Rebellia RoseTM
    Rebellia RoseTM 3 жыл бұрын +2

    I am LITERALLY sitting here commenting about parenting and I have to erase and start over because you’re talking about parenting lol!
    Love this. Okay. So growing up both of my parents were very tough. But I always tell people my mother taught me everything I need to NOT do as a parent myself. She was very abusive and I won’t go into detail. My father, however, never laid a hand on me. He was tough, consistent, and I respected him very much. The difference was, my mother raised on the premise of fear. My father raised me to respect him. Both were effective until I was older, stronger, and no longer scared of my mother. I was 15.
    This seems to be the underlying method of your approach. You said your Harvard colleagues all brought the same ideas to the table, but different circumstances essentially. So, I share this hoping to offer another perspective for those viewing. Thank you very much for your time. 💋❤️🌹

  • Sophon
    Sophon 6 жыл бұрын +44

    Wow. He nailed the explanation of the assertive type. I thought I was the only one who thinks like this. If I'm confident the other person fully understands my perspective and they STILL disagree, I'm inclined to take on their perspective.

    • Z C
      Z C 2 жыл бұрын

      I'm similar too. Thing is that I would also require the person to actually explain the reason for their perspective. Beyond listening and disagreeing only.

    • Amanda Powell
      Amanda Powell 4 жыл бұрын

      Mahir Siraji about 8:50-9:00 I think?

    • Mahir Siraji
      Mahir Siraji 4 жыл бұрын +1

      what time was it?

  • Howie Qian
    Howie Qian  Жыл бұрын

    Provided me with useful advice when speaking and negotiating. I would say in context of hostage, if someone is talking to you, he wants something from you. In other situation is different. For example, sometimes, people like emotional connection. If he wants to say hi and cares about you, he may not want anything back from you. It's like having a dog, we care about our puppy and want our puppy to live happy. We don't expect our puppy to do anything for us except loving us back.

  • above all odds
    above all odds 3 жыл бұрын

    I love Chris and how he lays it out! Thanks #Google!

  • Kelly Louiseize
    Kelly Louiseize 3 жыл бұрын +38

    The more emotionally invested you are the harder it is to negotiate.

  • Liz Gichora
    Liz Gichora 2 жыл бұрын

    I Concur, attacks are a weak approach, along with lying. To manoeuvre the rail needs "Empathy" which goes a long ways. I love your honesty, thank you very much.

  • Pillbox Gaming
    Pillbox Gaming 3 жыл бұрын +1

    Bought your book sir after listening to two of your talks. Very intelligent and definitely someone with much for me to learn from.

  • The Gut Punch
    The Gut Punch 4 жыл бұрын +3

    Chris is dropping Never Have To Worry About Money Again level jewels. Fantastic

  • Dan Eustace
    Dan Eustace 6 жыл бұрын +1

    Have been involved with negotiations and helping people do better negotiations
    for a while. This video was clear and even more powerful that the book which
    I just finished. I have shared it and use this as a prime resource.

  • Alan Bequette
    Alan Bequette 3 жыл бұрын +5

    Fantastic talk. Too many “ah ha” moments to NOT pick up his book! What a great manual for life. Thanks Chris Voss for sharing this. 🍻🍻

    • LazerC4
      LazerC4 3 жыл бұрын +1

      Sue Sweetman I agree his delivery is quirky, but honestly I am listening more to the content and giving him a break on his presentation. Also, his strange delivery is entertaining (in my opinion).

    • Sue Sweetman
      Sue Sweetman 3 жыл бұрын

      @LazerC4 I hope he writes better than he speaks.

    • LazerC4
      LazerC4 3 жыл бұрын +2

      I want to get his book now too. I just watched his “MasterClass” and its the best money I have spent in a long time...

  • Mikko Rantalainen
    Mikko Rantalainen  Жыл бұрын

    Great talk! I actually watched this twice to make sure I didn't miss anything.

  • Ameg
    Ameg 6 жыл бұрын +8

    i enjoyed every part of it!!! hoping he comes back with more speeches.

  • Peter Bell
    Peter Bell 3 жыл бұрын +20

    . Inspiring quote from Chris Voss for you, "Well, the problem with that kind of an approach is if you hammer somebody in a negotiation, they're going to wait for the rest of their life to pay you back. And you don't hammer people that you never see again. There's no such thing as a one-off. They're going to be people that stay in your world one way or another, either your day to day life or they will see you again. So you want to negotiate successfully with people where afterwards they call you up on the phone and they say, nice job. Nice job."

  • Robert Higgins
    Robert Higgins 11 ай бұрын +1

    37:27 I tried this tonight with my wife, and it worked. Thank you Chris Voss. After a terse exchange...
    I said, "It's Friday night, I come home late, and you probably think I am some big jerk just looking to cause problems," In my "Late night DJ voice"
    and she said...
    ..."That's right"
    then we hugged and problem was solved.

  • cesarisam
    cesarisam 5 жыл бұрын +1

    Excelent way of delivering great information.

  • T Willy
    T Willy 3 жыл бұрын +5

    37:40 Im humbled by his honesty in personal negotiations.

  • Wayne Sanders
    Wayne Sanders 3 жыл бұрын +395

    She's the spitting image of what I imagine employees at Google are like.

    • Isaac Kim
      Isaac Kim 6 күн бұрын

      Same with the voice from the first question.

    • Steve Igi
      Steve Igi 2 жыл бұрын

      These types of comments are the reason why I read the comments.

    • Joe Hoe
      Joe Hoe 2 жыл бұрын

      She does not work at Google.

  • Nicki Guest
    Nicki Guest 3 жыл бұрын +20

    Great interview!
    I have read Chris's book a few times already n have been employing his techniques. The trick is to remember to use his teqnique once u have been triggered to respond, which is not always easy. For me when my gf is being difficult with me. I get triggered n upset n forget to use Chiss's tecniques, but then after the argument is done n im sitting there thinking; where did i go wrong? Thats when it hits me! I should have asked "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?" Or used some other technique condusive to my desired results.
    I finally rememered to use his teqnique in a time of contention. She was being difficult and unreasonable with her demands. So with a calm FM DJ voice I asked "How am I supposed to do that?". Then used an effective pause. Her face softened n it was as if she had jumped in my shoes n walked me through the problem. Upon verbalizing n realizing that it was an unreasonable request I was immediately released from the hook n told not to worry about it. Yay! I was so happy I was able to avoid an argument n even come out on top.
    Nowadays I like to ask no orientated questions to get what I want cause she is very sensitive to reverse pychology. If I say "we should do this", she automatically wants to do the opposite. But if i say "Is it a bad idea to do this" because there is a chance she may already want to, she will probably give me a reason why it may be bad so i understand her situation but will eventually succumb to the idea upon her "own" percieved terms. hehehe! ;)
    She is my rock which I Sharpen my skills on n she doesnt even know it :)
    Now I have started to employ these techniques with my boss, my teenage son n life in general n I am gettjng tremendous results. Its like I have a super power. I can talk people through a situation or problem guiding them to the solution or results that im looking for n it is becoming easier n easier everyday!
    Thank you Chris! Your a genius and a life saver. Once understood, your techniques are simple and effective to employ.
    The most powerful technique that Chris has reminded me of is that.
    Thank you!

    • dreamervanroom
      dreamervanroom 2 жыл бұрын

      You are a winner. It looks like she's a winner too.
      The other two replies didn't understand. Don't let the bad guys drag you down.
      I really appreciate hearing about your improvement in situation.
      Now it's 20/20 sis stay safe and have a good life.

    • SirVelka
      SirVelka 2 жыл бұрын

      I don’t think using tricks on your girlfriend is good but if you’re both happy cool lol

  • Axl Rose
    Axl Rose  Жыл бұрын +3

    21:35 "Never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn't take something better." I really like that

  • Amy Pellegrini
    Amy Pellegrini 5 ай бұрын

    I've watched many videos about this guy and I've noticed how he speaks differently every time. In this one he talks much faster than he normally does, clearly mirroring his counterpart in the stage.

  • Akshat Jain
    Akshat Jain 2 ай бұрын

    The guy have practiced it so much and it can be seen in this conversation as well, firstly he agrees and empathises and then deny the assumption and gives an explaination on it.

  • Gitsum
    Gitsum 6 жыл бұрын +143

    Heard an interview with Chris Voss a while back, and before it was over I was on Amazon ordering it. Highly recommended.

    • railspony
      railspony  Жыл бұрын

      @MJL Digital Good news: I didn't ask you anything. And lessons you learned for yourself, not for others... you don't need to talk about.

    • MJL Digital
      MJL Digital  Жыл бұрын

      @railspony I hope you've bought the book and read it. At the very least the audio version. If you haven't, don't ask me questions about the lessons I've learned. I learned them for me, not for you. You have to do your own learning.

    • Heart Healthy Hustle by Jonathan Frederick
      Heart Healthy Hustle by Jonathan Frederick 4 жыл бұрын

      did you read it!?

    • railspony
      railspony 4 жыл бұрын

      @Jean Rich If you're not sure, it might be functionally equivalent.

    • J B
      J B 4 жыл бұрын

      railspony uhm why don’t you tell us

  • 00Noontide
    00Noontide 3 жыл бұрын +2

    Good guy! Saving to get access to his master class

  • James A. Walters
    James A. Walters 3 жыл бұрын +10

    I wish I knew this stuff when I was eighteen back in 1978 my life would have been so much simpler to date.

    • A Comment
      A Comment 3 жыл бұрын

      James A. Walters like, how so?

  • Sea Vista
    Sea Vista 3 жыл бұрын +1

    I learned a lot from listening to him....Thanks for posting....

  • John
    John  Жыл бұрын +3

    You may have something a person wants if they are talking to you.
    But don’t deceive yourself in thinking that you are the only person available to them that has it.
    Use it wisely.

  • Ben Bax
    Ben Bax 2 жыл бұрын +1

    Chris Voss..... Brilliant man....

  • ForgottenKnight1
    ForgottenKnight1 4 жыл бұрын +7

    I like the "black swan" references. I've also found it in Taleb's works ( can't remember if he's the author or not of this term ), but a black swan is basically an event, that happens rarely, it is unpredictable, and has an immense downside, just like an armed robbery with hostages. Happens probably once in 1 or 2 decades, but the maximum possible downside is a lot of people injured or/and murdered. I can see why for the negotiator this job is so difficult. His downside is zero (z-e-r-o). He's not the one standing on his knees with a gun on his head and a blindfold around his eyes, getting beaten and probably tortured. He's the one on the phone, away from all harm and danger. Yet, he needs to think the situation like he'd negotiate his own life. Else, he'll be sniffed as a fraud and the consequences are well, I've told you already.

    • Random Roadster
      Random Roadster 8 ай бұрын

      Voss uses Black Swan as an unknown unknown that changes the entire dynamic of a potential deal once discovered.

    • Gary Host
      Gary Host 4 жыл бұрын

      It's also referred to on the stock market. Same meaning. Rare and unforseen event with tremendous consequences. Ie huge fall or rise of market

  • tabaks
    tabaks 4 жыл бұрын +6

    I feel that empathy in response to "that's right" is truly a magical helper!

  • Vulpeculae
    Vulpeculae 5 жыл бұрын +18

    Twenty minutes into this talk, and I've said "that's right" at least five times so far.

  • Ben Dover
    Ben Dover 5 ай бұрын

    I've seen this clip bout a hundred times.
    So much credit to Chris Voss for an amazing performance. But we must not forget the google employee interviewing, who was absolutely crucial in bringing out the best of Chris here!

  • Social Matrix
    Social Matrix 6 ай бұрын

    He's so smart. I lost him countless times.

  • Enoch Brown
    Enoch Brown 3 жыл бұрын +2

    Really enjoyed this talk. Thank you Mr. Voss and Google.

  • Build Fix Break
    Build Fix Break 4 жыл бұрын +1

    Initially, I thought this gent would be advocating being a hardliner. I was wrong. This is a positive thing. For instance, when in a negotiation for anything, offering a "palm branch" can turn the whole thing around. If they see you have skin in the game and you understand they're side, you've turned a major corner. Then, if you can help them to agree with your circumstances, you're nearly there.

  • PuntOnFourth
    PuntOnFourth  Жыл бұрын

    “You either have a terrorist with 5 hostages, or five terrorists with a hostage; Either way, it’s just a basketball game.” That’s Right!!

  • Michael Eli
    Michael Eli 4 жыл бұрын +5

    Great interview and great interviewer!

  • WookieDookie
    WookieDookie  Жыл бұрын

    Geez one can really see the experience on Chris’ face and composure

  • Etienne Meyer
    Etienne Meyer 6 жыл бұрын +1

    Great talk!!! Really enjoyed it.

  • PushPullPp
    PushPullPp 4 жыл бұрын +3

    I hear this all the time .."You hear what I'm saying? Ya hear what I'm saying?" People want to feel heard and understood.
    The harder one is when they say "You don't understand" or "You could never understand ..."

  • LinYouToo
    LinYouToo 3 жыл бұрын +1

    Brilliant! What a genuine man. Also, at 37:58 notice how he tilts his head sideways. This is a somewhat submissive posture which gives the power to the other person. I can’t help but wonder if he did that deliberately as she prepared to ask him the question.

  • Michael A.N. Winkler
    Michael A.N. Winkler 2 жыл бұрын

    Brilliant ..... why didn’t I know this 52 years ago? 😄 would have made so many things so much easier.

  • ToniSkit
    ToniSkit 6 жыл бұрын +3

    Saying ¨you´re right¨ to someone doesn't have to mean that you are dismissing the person. In fact in nonconformist Adam Grant (another speaker on google talks) uses it as a way of instilling confidence in one´s team. Building up the team, giving them more responsibilities, and so forth. Also used in a book called the charisma myth.

    • Josuard Alex Gonzales
      Josuard Alex Gonzales  Жыл бұрын

      I just want to share something I learned from
      His different talk. His context You’re right is different from that’s right
      That’s right is an “epiphany” feeing vs an agreement. Like OHHHHHHHH THATS RIGht
      If you’re not getting that epiphany response yet , it’s not his version of “that’s right” yet

    • Z C
      Z C 2 жыл бұрын

      Different disciplines providing different understandings of the same thing in different context. Thanks for sharing!

  • Ben Weeks
    Ben Weeks 4 жыл бұрын +1

    18:15 Powerful story about a kidnapping negotiation in the Philippines.
    45:34 Great answer for "When is it time for threat and retaliation?"

  • J T
    J T 4 жыл бұрын +1

    My question is, if fear of failure drives us how can we control our fear of losing a relationship? My tendency is to always want to be nice to the other side to preserve a good relationship but then I don't get as good a deal as I could have if I had played hard ball. Any advice?

    • Patricio Ansaldi
      Patricio Ansaldi 4 жыл бұрын +1

      being nice doesn't get you anywhere, that is the problem. playing hardball only works when the outcomes are clearly defined. you have to find the middle path. understand what you are getting out of the relationship and know that it's not all on you. the right person will want to give you what you need, it shouldn't have to resort to any sort of "negotiation" to keep the relationship itself going. what are you really afraid of failing? a failed relationship is one that is not fruitful/fulfilling to both partners. we can't mold someone into being something they are not. so this all comes down to what kind of relationship we are talking about here, and most importantly, it depends on the people involved. the only way to control your fear of losing a relationship is to understand yourself and why you feel that way, being totally honest with yourself. if you understand the conditions clearly, then you should not be surprised by the results. I think honesty is probably the hardest part, the people with the most problems I notice are the ones who do not know themselves and this is caused by conscious or unconscious deception of ones self.

  • Joanne Alford
    Joanne Alford 6 жыл бұрын +42

    I loved listening to Chris, the content is refreshingly honest and the accent is charming.

  • Amber
    Amber 3 жыл бұрын +7

    I've read his book and I'm still taking notes over here as I watch this

  • Garrett Sasser
    Garrett Sasser 4 жыл бұрын +15

    "cutting my losses and moving on is a smarter move. I'm not saying I can always do it." That's reaching deep.

  • John Doe
    John Doe 3 жыл бұрын +4

    I’m learning not to take anything people say or do personally. Instead, I try to read between the lines of what they say and what they don’t say to get an idea of how they feel about me.

  • Abdul
    Abdul 3 жыл бұрын

    I love his calm confidence

  • ItaLo
    ItaLo 4 жыл бұрын +1

    The first 10 minutes in my opinion was perhaps the most powerful and be practiced immediately.

  • N Szeven
    N Szeven 3 жыл бұрын

    Great talk. It's a shame that the audience seems to unresponsive and so many people are on their laptops.

  • China shorts
    China shorts 4 жыл бұрын +1

    He always starts with a joke, even a simple one. It really warms up the other side. I just saw him do the same thing on a different video.

  • Rhae Roberts
    Rhae Roberts 3 жыл бұрын +3

    I am in LOVE!!!! Your mind is truly amazing! I could listen forever! Learned sooo much! Thank You!

  • Things With Strings
    Things With Strings 3 жыл бұрын +2

    If you've completely understood their motivations, and they understand that you understand said motivations, and you've gotten them to say "that's right" to something, and they still flat out refuse to work with you towards a better solution, then what? What do you do???

    • DA Pao
      DA Pao 3 жыл бұрын

      Work around it. Understanding doesn't mean you get the YES. Its just meant you understood their position.

  • Rory McCallion
    Rory McCallion 4 жыл бұрын +104

    Great interviewer, great questions. Him: "there are three types of people." Her: "can there be combinations?" Him: *clarifies and expands original idea*.

    • Not A Doctor, Shh
      Not A Doctor, Shh 2 жыл бұрын +1

      lol, total nerd

    • dentonet2
      dentonet2 2 жыл бұрын +3

      For some reason I thought that was overly annoying.

  • Alex S
    Alex S 6 жыл бұрын +813

    I bet this guy does the best Christopher Walken impression

    • PuntOnFourth
      PuntOnFourth  Жыл бұрын

      Pretty shitty. But I can do an “Iowa-NYC” one..

    • SEA
      SEA  Жыл бұрын

      @Mark Neri Exactly what I thought. He has very similar way of speaking, hand gestures and even voice

    • Nonquack
      Nonquack  Жыл бұрын

      I wrote the same thing on another video with him

    • Antonia Mendonca
      Antonia Mendonca  Жыл бұрын

      Holy shit 😂
      I didn't think of it 😀

    • alex tallen
      alex tallen  Жыл бұрын

      @Mark Neri definitely Al Pacino

  • Tom Dixon
    Tom Dixon 3 жыл бұрын +21

    The lady doing the interview is dynamic and well prepared. Wow, what a great conversation.

  • rabbit
    rabbit  Жыл бұрын

    Silence equals mad, so true. We need a talk on Black Swan's opinion on insurance negotiation. Simple everyday hassles with insurance companies

  • Firearms Training Central
    Firearms Training Central 3 жыл бұрын +15

    It pains me to say this about a google employee, but this interviewer was outstanding, especially for her relative age.

    • DA Pao
      DA Pao 3 жыл бұрын

      utewbing That's the point bud. The interviewer should let the guest talk. I hated the other video with Lewis whatever crap. The interview with the guest was too interactive or just too centered on the interviewer instead of the guest.

    • LegacyAftermath
      LegacyAftermath 3 жыл бұрын


    • Biljana S
      Biljana S 3 жыл бұрын +1

      ... and what is her relative age?

  • Edward Cerverizzo
    Edward Cerverizzo 4 жыл бұрын +69

    It sounds like a big part of negotiation is not necessarily getting your way, but finding as much information as possible for the best possible outcome.

    • Roy
      Roy  Жыл бұрын

      Not the best possible outcome, it's about getting your way without making the other one feel bad about you. Why you people don't read his book?

    • isaacwest
      isaacwest 3 жыл бұрын +6

      You seek out information to find out where the other party is standing. Then you use that information to get them to see how you fit into that. And if you've done everything well enough you graciously allow them to have it your way.