I have been there. It takes a lot of time and therapy to grow through it. Workplace mobbing and Bullying seems so misunderstood in the workplace. It isn't just gossip. The difference is usually that it's an attack on the employees work ethic or character. Unfortunately a lot of bullies can get away with such behavior because the boss either encourages or thinks you're making a big deal of nothing. It's also extremely mind altering when you have all of this evidence and even witnesses contradicting the things the bully is saying, but no one seems to care. It took a huge toll on my mental health. If you are reading this and it is happening to you don't be afraid to fight back. Focus on facts not feelings. Things will get better!!
I agree with you. Thank u for sharing. I have had the same situation. I realized that bullies will always have a place in the workplace, toxic coworkers are smart enough to make others believe that the dark is white and the white is dark. So, we need to be smarter and stronger than them. We need to work on ourselves to be a wall that if they hit it, they hurt them selves.
I have yet to find a work place that has any maturity level above high school. I have yet to work for a boss that not only allows it but is blinded by the people who are bullies and drag morale down... not to mention who aren’t even capable of doing their job. 🤷🏼♀️
I think backbiting comes also from frustration of leaders not leading, dealing with horrible personalties. When you bring it to management, they don't want to deal with it and the turn it back on you. Its just a terrible situation. There really needs to be some sort of mental health and emotional health test before any kind of employment. Some people just need to be out of the workforce, and on disability. Its unbelievable what you have to go through just to make an honest living.
You are so right!! Over the years bad personalities have destroyed many great working teams and environments. Those bad personalities take others down their path. When they leave, I’ve seen workgroups that were struggling to meet their goals, all of a sudden are excelling. It’s like the gained 3 more full time employees, when one employee left!!!
If an employer treats some staff differently than others and refuses to see their wrong in this, then they themselves have to take full responsibility for creating a toxic work environment, which left unchecked will ultimately ruin their own company. This unsurprisingly will negatively impact their employees mental and physical health, even that of some of their strongest and most loyal employees!
I am literally coming to work because I need the money. I am honestly so negative. It's the blatant favoritism for me, the fact that rules are applicable only to curtain individuals
Unless you are in management or a leadership position, in my experience your best option is to leave. Too many times we are asked to deal with drama or put up with it, when management needs to do their job to fix it.
Wow you hit the nail on the head 150%! Management passes the buck because they don’t want to deal with the drama and since it’s not affecting them directly, why get involved!
No one person can change an entire workplace culture of incompetent bosses, jealousy, gossip, laziness, mental issues, phoniness and two-faced people at work. No job is going to be 100% perfect but I suggest align yourself with a company that share most of your core values. Thank goodness I don't get close with people at work and I have my own personal relationships outside of work that I focus my energy. Good topic
@Brandon Davis just to give you an idea, if you work 40 hrs a week. You are spending 160hrs a month in your workplace. That’s almost 2,000 hrs a year. Going to work just to clock in and out will set you up for living a bitter life.
@Brandon Davis you are such a good worker n next time tell em to put u as a manager we all kno we there to make money but that doesn't have to stop us from talking to others n be nice to others ain't nothing wrong with having friends at work kuz when u think about it ur job it's ur house from the day u start till God knows when we spend most of our time at work home is just a place to rest
I'm not at work to hang out or socialize. I'm here to clock in, do my job, clock out, go home. People just want to know all your business so they can use it against you. I can choose to be cordial and respectful but that doesn't mean getting super close to people. Make your money and go home.
I tried and was targeted and fired after 16 years loyal service. Hostile Work Environments in USA makes China # 1 America is in Serious Trouble, screw working !
@JAC yeah… and who knows if they’ll get help. I am co dependent…thought maybe I had narcissism but 🤷♀️ my whole family on my dads side is pretty narcissistic
@Martin Mutuna I have a hard time with gossip to when I’m upset with someone or I’ll talk positively about someone which is still gossip so I’m not talking at all just keeping the focus on myself.
I just hope management does something because I’m at a loss for words. It happens to me all the time where I can’t even keep a job longer than a month because of super toxic people who want to control me.
I am witnessing this at the moment where I work and due to absorbing the overwhelming negative behaviour at work I have found myself lowering myself into this negativity and toxicity. I realised after snipping at a colleague I have to rise myself above this and be more mindful. So have decided my colleagues are not my friends, from here on out I will keep it pleasant, not say anything negative and the only person who suffers is me. Just because they want to be negative doesn't mean I do. I have to stay true to me and remain focused on my future goals and visualise a swan, calm, poised and graceful which is what I will be.
I have worked in some toxic places and I have realized that one employee can't change a dysfunctional environment no matter how hard one tries. The toxic environment will always win. As you stated you will be a pleasant worker with the focus of finding a new job as soon as you can. They will not change and you will be dehumanized if you stay too long.
I hope you are in a better environment now. I have learnt that your coworkers are not your friends. I am currently working on keeping it professional and not giving personal information.
Gossiping and backbiting forms a feeling of community among those involved. Usually there is a main unlucky subject made scapegoat. It is unreal the lengths these small clusters of self inflated losers will go in destroying a person.
I believe that gossip and spreading rumors is not only detrimental to a work environment, but also to a social environment too. I used to be a person who gossipped frequently and also spread rumors. Something I enjoyed doing also was instigating. I am not proud of it. It took a while to change, but I did. I am sorry to everyone that I gossipped about and/or hurt in any other way.
I'm on a robotics team and I am watching this again to make a presentation and have it approved so we can work on this together. I had a situation where a friend of mine felt really uncomfortable being around another team member so I had to intervene personally. So I want to fix this once and for all in our workspace.
We are having a problem at work with this very situation. Thankfully my manager knows of the problem and wants to make our enviroment better. I mean come on! We spend almost everyday at work 9 to 5, sometimes seeing our coworkers more than our own families. There is no place for such toxicity...no negative talk is allowed at home, so why would I tolerate it at work? Great talk, I'm sending this to my bosses! 🙏
Im still working in a very toxic work place. It effected my self esteem. The main bosses didn't care about the fairy tales the manger told. She got away with everything. Im now looking for another job. Sadly i lost myself because i been in this toxic environment over 12 yrs.
Blah boo leave immediately or take a paid vacation, even leave without pay to just relax and change your environment ASAP. it’s bad for our soul to be surrounded by negative ppl who WANT to see us sad and feel down. Don’t let them win, change your environment, stop venting or listening to others vent and leave as soon as you have another job lined up. I feel you.
Every time you're being compared with somebody, makes an influence on forming your self-esteem. In the working environment where I am right now, there is always the one who is being bullied. And if there is no victim, it means you're the one. For the person who will not adapt and will not support those who are bullying the victim, it will be a high risk to become the one who is being bullied and blackbiten. Believe me, this is much deeper than just gossiping, such things can totally ruin your self-esteem or lead to emotional burnout For sure, it works differently for everyone, cannot even imagine how devastating the consequences can be
at my work place I experienced toxic environment, and it effects my daily day. I was friendly and communicative person.. once I worked with these toxic people.. it hits me so badly.. I lost my self esteem, I couldn't say the whole sentence every time I tried to explain my self. I hate conflicts..work is work for me. I love my work..but people around me..ruining my happiness. I tried to learn their language and culture but I feel like I'm invisible to them, they dont even include me in the group. They just talk and talk...so the whole shift I just quiet. I dont know what to do...
@Jinn Rose so glad you did! I quit a job after 3 weeks that offered great benefits and 80k/ year because the work environment was so toxic. I decided it was not worth it so I quit and now I make nuch much less but I'm happier. My only regret is not having quit sooner.
Awesome speech. I love the triple filter test. Gossiping is too common and is a form of social terrorism. The only time negative information is beneficial is if it's regarding something truly horrible and can be useful in knowing about it to gain awareness. Other then that, most gossiping is nitpicking and trying to spread negative opinion about someone else.
Great talk, thanks Glenn. It is a fact that we mostly ignore and just do at workplace and home. But once we manage to stop backbiting, I believe the environment will be a better place to live.
I just did this yesterday! I am trying to change it now that I am aware of it. I realized that one woman has latched onto me & all she does is complain about others and it has rubbed off. Nothing out of her mouth is good. Also, Brene Brown said it best, when you judge others and gossip with someone you think you are forming a connection with that person, a common ground, but it does the opposite. The toxic work environment needs to change.
For 18 years I worked in an office where the culture was almost perfect. I say almost because we had one creature who backstabbed and stamped her way up the ladder, but fortunately for the most part we could ignore her (she wasn't my manager so I had quite some fun annoying her). The manager who hired most of us was a lovely man, and I think his choice of staff was largely responsible for the happy family we all became, with many of us 'growing up' together, and still friends years later.
@宮寧 I wasn't a victim myself, but was able to do something that made those she'd have in tears feel a bit better that she couldn't get away with it all the time.
In my experience time and time again, people will say there is too much gossip at their workplace and they don't like it. However "they" are never the gossips. It's almost always everyone else who is the problem. So I'm more inclined the believe the real problem is hypocrisy. If people won't accept responsibility for their own roles in office gossip, then giving them advice on how to stop it will go in one ear and out the other.
So true, we're always quick to blame everyone else but our selves. True growth is when we question if what it is we are doing is morally right or wrong. Only then can we get a definitve answer.
This presentation is very relatable and applicable in many settings. I have shown your video to nursing students during conversations about professionalism and leadership. Thank you for uploading to KZclip, Glenn!
Very wise and good teaching! It’s why I never was in the past a backbiting person on any human of any age. My PARENTS never talked, spoke, or whined about anyone in front of us kids. In honesty yes I have become a back bitter in retaliation within my current community due to over worked under pressure work amoug heavy users of bank bitting. Literally every employee and 70% of the customer base are backbiters. I have been unwilling submerged by the mental/emotional ugliest place i have ever resided. I took my bull by the horns and now work from home to stay away from such disease. Backbiting uncorrected becomes like a cancer. I’m not free of it, i just will not work submerged in it to make others happy. I am able to be whom I really am once again.
I find it helpful to exude a healthy persona upon both the workplace environment and coworkers/management and especially customers and patrons if that is the case. This means cleaning and organizing the workplace out of one’s own proactivity in addition to maintaining upbeat and cohesive relationships with personnel in appropriate ways.
Great idea to create accountability. I noticed that culture has an immense effect on this type of behavior. Leadership/Owner/Executive leads the culture. If it is obvious they are the ones actually doing the backbiting. Anyone who "steps out of line" or attempts to point out the issue is dismissed, a target or terminated. In turn, this breeds instability which causes the backbiting and mimicking of viewed "superiors". Those who imitate or flatter the leader reaps all the benefits. Those who are neutral or honest are the ones ignored or penalized. You could attempt this method within your group as a start but when people fear for their livelihood and their family the fear will win causing them to take up the game to get ahead or maintain. Then these are not the CEO's that are calling to implement this type of plan. Sad.... Signed, A Human Resources individual just trying to show those not working the system someone does care one person at a time. Love and Light
This is so true. Backbiting is absolutely toxic behavior. It never helps solve the problem. It makes it worse. Interaction, collaboration and debate help colleagues improve and helps the team become productive.
my team leader and manager wrongfully fired me on my family vacation. Upon returning to get my tools, the owner and general manager offered me a $3 raise to stay. Since then, these last 2 months have been rough. I lost my apprentice to someone less deserving (i.m.o.) and I no longer feel like a part of the team. I have been facing these challenges and learning a lot about myself, my limits, and things I could have done better. There is a lot of different factors that contribute to the unhealthy environment I work in. I do not see the place changing, but I am strong, I am fierce, and I am going to be a great leader/boss one day where ever life takes me. If you are having a bad day, I hope this video brightened your day. It did mine. From here on, I will stop backbiting and keep my mouth closed, unless asked for my opinion by a higher up.
I think it might be important to distinguish gossip from talking things over with a supportive friend - I feel like it’s not gossip if the person you’re talking to doesn’t know the person you’re talking about…because it’s healthy to talk about the issue especially if you are also working out solutions, and no one’s feelings get hurt because they don’t know each other
I think the main issue is people get comfortable and then don’t care about new people coming in. They just have to find their way and really it’s sad. They need to really stop and yes I’m guilty of back biting but i will tell you why I do it. Because I do not like or appreciate negative people trying to befriend me.
The triple filter test is a very interesting concept. Socrates was a very wise man. I believe it's the last one, usefulness, is what people are getting hung up on. Usefulness can be talking negatively if it empowers others against a bully.
OR Laney Landis is she wanting things to change for the better. Useful is a very broad word. The essence of what Glenn Rolfsen is saying is ... It is toxic (no-one wants or likes it) to listen to things that are NOT TRUE. If it is true ...is there a solution ---This may be what your 'savior' co-worker wants, "A Solution" to a very bad problem. In that case, it is useful.
Totally agree! I have never been guilty of this, but I have been around plenty of people who do it.. It actually makes them look bad, not who they are talking about..
Its not just the physical initiatives but the behavioural ones too that can improve health and productivity - Robert Kegan reminds us we get paid to do 2 jobs, the real one and the 2nd one expended where we cover our backs. Gleen Rolfsen tells us how to stop back biting overnight
Oh yeah. Hatchet men have to keep the office in turmoil to draw attention away from their own in competence. As I told the guy above, check out a piece titled The Hatchet Man's Playbook. It's absolutely spot on. PS Im glad it's not just me that had that nonsense happened to.
That was great and meaningful. I don't normally comment on these talks....but this one is important on a tiered scale. kids parents coworkers and employers....it goes on.. Thank you.
My number one rule is not to talk bad about anyone and to avoid listening to people who talk bad about others to me because I’m 100% sure those bad mouthing others to me are bad mouthing me to others.
I wish people knew the emotional and physical impact they had on others. My manager is manipulative and psychotic. He is brutally authentic with no empathy and he is rewarded time and time again and governs everyone through fear. It's terrorising.
You need to understand the reasons why people back-bite. 1. People like the attention. 2. It is an indirect way to get back at someone by damaging their image; It doesn't matter so much if it is true or not. 3. Some people find the misfortune or suffering of others humorous and even enjoyable. 4. People use it to elevate their own status within a group. 5. Hearing bad things about others makes some people feel better about themselves by comparison. 6. People use it to try and discredit their competition, and win more opportunities for themselves. 7. Sharing "secrets" forms a social connection. You aren't going to get rid of these with a sign-up sheet. They are too deeply ingrained in human nature.
Jess Stuart. Good list, the effective communication to shut down these negative talkers are..”that’s interesting, tell me more?” Ask that same question until they are done talking. And if you’re brave to say “do you find this enjoyable to discuss about this person?” It will bring attention back to them.
I worked in a few toxic environments and my experience was that I could bring long term meaningful change to the culture and atmosphere where I was in leadership positions, and had the power to effect change. Even with the authority to effect change, it did not happen without a lot of time, determination and effort. Where I didn't have the authority to effect change, it was practically impossible to do so. Although, in my personal capacity, I never allowed the environment to influence my behaviour, it was still emotionally and mentally draining, causing me to leave for my own peace of mind
@Luis Villa it depends if you're in a position to effect change or not. If you're not in a position to effect change then I find the quickest way to get peace is planning for your exit. Just merely preparing for your exit changes your mindset and your energy because you then start to focus on moving forward, which inadvertently means releasing the current stressful situation, so you don't take things as seriously anymore because in your mind you already have one foot out. The truth is even if you don't actually get out because the opportunity doesn't present itself, you'll find that you'll start to cope so much better mentally and emotionally where you are unconsciously. When the right opportunity comes along, then take it. When I say prepare for your exit, I mean do everything that you would do if you were actually going to leave in a month - short of actually handing in your resignation and informing your peers of course lol.
What ways did you cope with the environment? I feel I am in the same boat. I am not giving my power away, by letting the environment influence my inner being. Nonetheless it’s is mentally and emotionally draining.
I believe that CULTURE is the limit beyond which respect, decency and empathy dissolve, giving way to wrongdoing. People of culture have high standards of humanity and a high respect for differences between people..... I think that we should not care much about what people say, but rather focus on raising one's own standards and connect up with people around you in a positive manner, showing that you care not just for yurself, as much as you can....
-Raise your hand if theres gossip in your workplace? - OK thats 90% of you -Raise your hand if you want a workplace with no gossip -OK thats only 10% of you 😂
Have you experienced being in a situation where a person comes up with a malicious talk in the absence of another person? I thank Glenn for his talk on this and your triple filter test was peculiar. Friends, just avoid backbiting by undergoing the following test. Check whether it's true Is that something good? Is that useful? So if you can’t say something good, then say nothing at all.
Gossiping is definitely a negative behaviour - because the premise is to spread ill news for the gossiper's agenda (which could be part of a group). But how do you differentiate when someone is trying to gain advice or pick your brain about dealing with a situation/person? If they are truly stating how they feel, could that be construed as back biting? It a tricky situation for all involved.
But them it passes thought the filter Is it true? Yes, It's true and consequences are noticeable. Is it good? No, it's not. Is it useful? Yes, I need to tell you the problem so we may solve it.
Those 3 things are the metrics that I use when I decide to share content on social media!!! 1) Is it true? 2) Is it kind? 3) Is is necessary? If it’s any of those three, you can bet I’m sharing it. Life is too short to not share truth and good things with others. The fact that most people just talk about others is why I don’t talk to people most of the time! They just talk about others-I don’t want to do that. If they talk about others when they aren’t there, they’ll talk about you when you aren’t there. This usually happens in small circles/environments with both adults and peers I go to work, do my job and go home. The end
I just watched this as a recommendation for a U of A management class, Myself as a manager find it classic that staff members as seen in the comments below can immediately accuse their manager of committing atrocities in the workplace when it doesn't work out for them. I work in local government and witness backbiting in all areas from staff about staff, manager about manager and taxpayer against staff and managers. Humans when allowed too, can become toxic to each other. The video was informative, but in practice? not practical.
I’ve been at my job for 5 years and I’m skilled at what I do and all my fellow workers would say the same of me. But every person that walks into the building is placed above me for higher positions because they are friends with the boss or know a fellow higher up. I’ve been very depressed and discouraged. I consider my job my home away from home. 5 years I’ve given this place but haven’t been moved up even after being told by countless time I work hard.
Thanks that's such a wonderful idea I only wish the corporation I work for would have something like that I don't see it happening but it's a wonderful wonderful idea
creating the winning culture in the company or workplace creates team building in the among the works and it leads to the productivity of the employees .
And one injustice that I believe deserves much more attention is the mobbing method used by some employees-namely, their tendency to lebel the just anf fair people they plot against as "too sensitive" "hypersensitive" ...
It is hard as a manager to not talk about the employees and how their input is going. We have to share information about certain things like so-and-so called out again or so and so didn’t do what I asked them to do or so-and-so was pretty lazy today. So and so was bringing our numbers down.
If it actually get out of hand politely confront that person. If that's doesn't work tell the RA, or manager, if that doesn't work call the Burro of Better Business and look for a new job.
Super Frankie unfortunately the gossiping/stabbing in the back will probably always be in the workplace.. It just shows you how unhappy folks are.Its so terrible. I just look at the person with a still look on my face and say nothing. Take care😊
My work environment is extremely toxic. It's me and one other person that works in our unit. She has no respect for me, talks very loudly on her personal calls with no regards for me none what so ever, constantly uses profanity which I can not stand to hear because I don't use foul language, plays her music loudly, chews and smacks her food very loudly, and gossips and spreads poisonous words about everybody except herself. Smiles in everyone's face but tears them down behind their backs. She has mostly everyone wrapped around her fingers because they don't know the real her. I can't just up and leave like I'd love to. The toxic environment feels like it's slowly declining my mental and physical health. I've had small talks with her before about these issues but it hasn't changed a thing. It's only gotten worse. I'm a quiet non confrontational type of person, so this feels like a loose loose situation for me, as if the walls are closing in on me with no where to go. Prayer and Gods word is what's keeping my sanity afloat.
I think I am going to binge over videos like that... I feel like I am working in a minefield ^^ At work, we are a group of girls and women who like each other very much. But work is not a playground, and even if some are kinder than others, some are smarter than others, everyone ends up backbiting each other. I do not like confrontation, I try to be kind as much as I can, I can't raise my voice, I look vulnerable but am very capable of making brave choices, and was specifically hired because the boss wanted to balance the team: some are difficult, some are too much like this, too much like that. We like each other very much, but every light-hearted moment will and seems to have to come with unnecessary drama... I do not understand how that works, but when it does happen, it hurts me and pretty much everyone else. The backbiting and talking about a third party gives the impression to most of my colleagues that they know what someone thinks and did without even bothering figuring this out themselves. This past month... I have found myself in situations that I did not accept, and had colleagues telling me "Rumour has it that you agreed, so do not complain". Nobody asked. Everyone assumed, to the point that people who were not there came to tell ME what I said or did. I corrected multiple times again what did happen, and found myself having to repeat it over 10 times... it was talked about behind my back so much that it didn't even belong to me anymore. This rumor would have affected my performance and my bosses' decisions over my schedule and whatnot. So the only thing I thought I could do was to give up on what my colleagues thought, take my phone, call my boss and tell them "Maybe you have heard this and that: well, that is true, this is wrong, this is what I want, that is what bothers me", for me to be sure that the boss had the right version. I was told by my colleagues to step up even more... this meant that me telling them "No, that is not true, this is what happened, and this is what I want", and repeating it 10 times is not enough: I have to harden and shout the way they sometimes do: but I don't want to be doing that! Isn't talking enough? This incident happened multiple times: A new position is available, I tell my boss I am interested. Colleagues tell me "rumor has it you are not interested, and someone told your boss", so I go to my boss AGAIN and say "Maybe you have heard this, but this is not true, please stick to what you heard directly from me". The worst part is: the person who said this about me to my boss didn't even want to get me in trouble. They even wanted me to get the job. This was purely the result of them being used to talking about other people when they are not there. Lastly... I can be a nervous person, but I am not a hopeless little thing. I was given a new opportunity: I was happy and motivated until two colleagues (A and B) started telling me "Do not panic, don't stress out!" multiple times. I kept repeating "I'm fine, I am happy about it!" "Don't stress out! don't stress out!" .... I mean... oh my god! The next day I talk about it to my colleagues as someone brings "how nervous" I am and I say: "I don't understand. I am fine, I have said I am fine. And A and B kept saying otherwise". Two things happened after I said this... I mean, two of the most ridiculous things happened after that: 1/ nobody heard me saying I am fine: I remained the "nervous one" and one of my colleagues even stopped me and said "We know you well, you know..." and by magic, my motivation and happiness about a new opportunity fell completely flat, and anger and frustration ensued for being labeled. 2/ my colleague B, absent when we "talked" about it was labeled the villain for stressing me out. Because of what I said that day, the other colleagues talked and talked and talked about how B would stress me out, and how mean and manipulative she was. B is warned by another colleague and bursts out crying. The next day she comes to me and apologizes for "stressing me out"... like... what happened? I don't get it... I really, really don't.
If you went to school like I did, we worked hard for the career we are in. Don't let anyone make you second guess your decision. Brush it off. They are not worth your time. They don't pay your bills..you do. Plus, they are probably jealous of you and the only control they have is at work. Because, they have no control at home. They are not worth it.
I am a headmaster of an NGO school. As I was a teacher before. As their needs were not met I went about trying to improve their situation and became very understanding. But they started becoming very casual and even talk back to me and I still don't answer back as I have a flaring temper. I don't know how to gain their respect anymore. I am going nuts and I don't know how to handle them.
Dear Moalong - Not everybody has to be at this kind of workplace - Take care of your self if possible - Life is to short - If you have an option.. Warmly Glenn
This could work if you are in upper management and serious about change within the work place. As an employee I find it best to not make friends at work, not share details about my life and do my job. If someone starts to backbite another just say 'okay' and tell them some cool scientific fact about something totally different. After a while they wont come to you to backbite and think of you as a socially clueless nerd, which is a boring subject to gossip about. If that doesn't work look for another job and take charge in your interviews.
We hear a lot about self actualization. In our free time, we might buy books, attend gatherings, about working toward, and promoting our own actualization. But there's other, large segments of time in our lives, that might also contribute, be an accessory to actualization, as well. Similarly, the same segments of time can do otherwise, maybe even wear us down and compromise, undo, what we might think to strive toward, for ourselves in a positive context. As long as we live, our surroundings are there, work, leisure and everything in between. I think it's being a bit naive to perceive life, the surroundings that make-up and fill-in the time of our lives, as free-form. As it is, everything seems to fall on the individual and the self, to survive, benefit, decline. Those in control of environments share in the quality of their charge, in a positive or negative context. Is it the responsibility of those who control surroundings, environments of our lives, to address qualitative (perhaps actualization-contributing) aspects of their environments? Or do we simply declare such to be arbitrarily free-form? -And that all rests on the individuals within the construct of a work, leisure, whatever environment. There is no law that says individuals should actualize. So individuals can legitimately carry out their existences rather primally. And those in control can do likewise, focusing only and efficiently on the bare-bones quantitative phenomena. My point is, I'm not so sure we'll have bona fide Progress as long as self-actualization is perceived as a sole work of enlightened individuals.
Dear Carl, thanks for your post (comment). Your toughs are for me, really interesting, complex and complicated, as well. I appreciate this thoughts of yours. Warmly Glenn D.
Backfiring isn't all that makes a toxic environment, be it work or home or elsewhere. And many people who backbite/gossip repeatedly don't think there's anything wrong.
Hi I'm glad to have stumbled across this.....I'm a senior employee where I work and I have been going through back biting for 2 months now....instead of focusing on the work they are getting paid for.....colleagues are focusing more on pointing me out......what should I do?????
If you are looking up videos about unhealthy work environments, you have likely already taken the initiative to fix the relationships and will not be able to change things. You are not the problem. Start planing and executing your exit strategy now.
I've yet to find a workplace where those in authority hold themselves accountable enough not to be the subject of discussion they'd most likely label backbiting, but more appropriately unethical business practices are the reason for the so called backbiting go figure. 🤷🏻♀️
Great topic. Thanks for sharing. This world is full of air holes. Unfortunately with the model of capitalism in play there will always be a market for those who wish to elevate themselves above others. Dog eat dog mentality. People are not human they more brute beasts.
Rank the following actions according to how much it contributes to a toxic or unhealthy work/school environment. The highest would be on the top, and the lowest would be on the bottom. Gossiping or Backbiting Annoying habits of a coworker/classmate Bullying Workload Poor facilities Why do people backbite? Is backbiting justifiable? What could be the effects of a toxic work environment to an employee and to a company as a whole? Do you agree to the solution offered by the speaker? Do you have an alternative solution? Please answer this 😊😊
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I have been there. It takes a lot of time and therapy to grow through it. Workplace mobbing and Bullying seems so misunderstood in the workplace. It isn't just gossip. The difference is usually that it's an attack on the employees work ethic or character. Unfortunately a lot of bullies can get away with such behavior because the boss either encourages or thinks you're making a big deal of nothing. It's also extremely mind altering when you have all of this evidence and even witnesses contradicting the things the bully is saying, but no one seems to care. It took a huge toll on my mental health. If you are reading this and it is happening to you don't be afraid to fight back. Focus on facts not feelings. Things will get better!!
Thanks
:’(
How?
@kidungkidding rules only apply to someone, even perfectionism
I agree with you. Thank u for sharing. I have had the same situation. I realized that bullies will always have a place in the workplace, toxic coworkers are smart enough to make others believe that the dark is white and the white is dark. So, we need to be smarter and stronger than them. We need to work on ourselves to be a wall that if they hit it, they hurt them selves.
I have yet to find a work place that has any maturity level above high school. I have yet to work for a boss that not only allows it but is blinded by the people who are bullies and drag morale down... not to mention who aren’t even capable of doing their job. 🤷🏼♀️
Same here
Yes, i mean if someone tells the boss "yup, backbiting 2016 is doing great, i'm committed to no backbiting" - what does this do? These are just words.
I second that!
@Sonia S sounds like my old job. Crazy
I think backbiting comes also from frustration of leaders not leading, dealing with horrible personalties. When you bring it to management, they don't want to deal with it and the turn it back on you.
Its just a terrible situation. There really needs to be some sort of mental health and emotional health test before any kind of employment.
Some people just need to be out of the workforce, and on disability.
Its unbelievable what you have to go through just to make an honest living.
You are so right!! Over the years bad personalities have destroyed many great working teams and environments. Those bad personalities take others down their path. When they leave, I’ve seen workgroups that were struggling to meet their goals, all of a sudden are excelling. It’s like the gained 3 more full time employees, when one employee left!!!
You said it all!
glenn rolfsen thanks Glenn. I really wish it was.
If it was possible.. lexusC... But it is not I belive. Warmly Glenn D. Rolfsen
If an employer treats some staff differently than others and refuses to see their wrong in this, then they themselves have to take full responsibility for creating a toxic work environment, which left unchecked will ultimately ruin their own company. This unsurprisingly will negatively impact their employees mental and physical health, even that of some of their strongest and most loyal employees!
@Lerato Motitimi yup man
I am literally coming to work because I need the money. I am honestly so negative. It's the blatant favoritism for me, the fact that rules are applicable only to curtain individuals
Going through it now.😮
Alllllll thisssss just recently went through it
All this👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻. YES JayPMusic. Exactly!
Unless you are in management or a leadership position, in my experience your best option is to leave. Too many times we are asked to deal with drama or put up with it, when management needs to do their job to fix it.
Wow you hit the nail on the head 150%! Management passes the buck because they don’t want to deal with the drama and since it’s not affecting them directly, why get involved!
Trrruueee.. I hate drama everyday..
It's why I change jobs every year. I don't want to but no matter what kind of job or position it is a year is the max I can take of everyone's drama.
No one person can change an entire workplace culture of incompetent bosses, jealousy, gossip, laziness, mental issues, phoniness and two-faced people at work. No job is going to be 100% perfect but I suggest align yourself with a company that share most of your core values. Thank goodness I don't get close with people at work and I have my own personal relationships outside of work that I focus my energy. Good topic
@Brandon Davis just to give you an idea, if you work 40 hrs a week. You are spending 160hrs a month in your workplace. That’s almost 2,000 hrs a year. Going to work just to clock in and out will set you up for living a bitter life.
@Brandon Davis you are such a good worker n next time tell em to put u as a manager we all kno we there to make money but that doesn't have to stop us from talking to others n be nice to others ain't nothing wrong with having friends at work kuz when u think about it ur job it's ur house from the day u start till God knows when we spend most of our time at work home is just a place to rest
I'm not at work to hang out or socialize. I'm here to clock in, do my job, clock out, go home.
People just want to know all your business so they can use it against you. I can choose to be cordial and respectful but that doesn't mean getting super close to people.
Make your money and go home.
The Work Place Blows !
Like Totally !
I tried and was targeted and fired after 16 years loyal service. Hostile Work Environments in USA makes China # 1 America is in Serious Trouble, screw working !
When management is not willing to fix problems, the easiest way to fix it yourself is to find new employment. 🤷♂️
💯👏🏼
So accurate
@JAC yeah… and who knows if they’ll get help. I am co dependent…thought maybe I had narcissism but 🤷♀️ my whole family on my dads side is pretty narcissistic
@Martin Mutuna I have a hard time with gossip to when I’m upset with someone or I’ll talk positively about someone which is still gossip so I’m not talking at all just keeping the focus on myself.
I just hope management does something because I’m at a loss for words. It happens to me all the time where I can’t even keep a job longer than a month because of super toxic people who want to control me.
I am witnessing this at the moment where I work and due to absorbing the overwhelming negative behaviour at work I have found myself lowering myself into this negativity and toxicity. I realised after snipping at a colleague I have to rise myself above this and be more mindful. So have decided my colleagues are not my friends, from here on out I will keep it pleasant, not say anything negative and the only person who suffers is me. Just because they want to be negative doesn't mean I do. I have to stay true to me and remain focused on my future goals and visualise a swan, calm, poised and graceful which is what I will be.
I have worked in some toxic places and I have realized that one employee can't change a dysfunctional environment no matter how hard one tries. The toxic environment will always win. As you stated you will be a pleasant worker with the focus of finding a new job as soon as you can. They will not change and you will be dehumanized if you stay too long.
I hope you are in a better environment now. I have learnt that your coworkers are not your friends. I am currently working on keeping it professional and not giving personal information.
I am already visualizing a swan when I read your comment👍
@Witchy Woman o
U rock I like ur thinking process
Gossiping and backbiting forms a feeling of community among those involved. Usually there is a main unlucky subject made scapegoat. It is unreal the lengths these small clusters of self inflated losers will go in destroying a person.
@Sudhir Suvarna For me, backbiting started when the coworker started to steal credit, take more than give in help in the lab, and tried to be sneaky.
what goes up, must come down and what forms an “in group” automatically creates outliers …
Spot on. In every company, I worked, this back stabbing started, after I receieved recognition for my work.
I believe that gossip and spreading rumors is not only detrimental to a work environment, but also to a social environment too. I used to be a person who gossipped frequently and also spread rumors. Something I enjoyed doing also was instigating. I am not proud of it. It took a while to change, but I did. I am sorry to everyone that I gossipped about and/or hurt in any other way.
Admire your courage! I'm curious because I have these people in my team and want to make improvements in the culture. What urged the change?
Thanks for being honest, thats a really good value in life!!!! Keep it real Lauren Spivack!!! Warmly Glenn
I'm on a robotics team and I am watching this again to make a presentation and have it approved so we can work on this together. I had a situation where a friend of mine felt really uncomfortable being around another team member so I had to intervene personally. So I want to fix this once and for all in our workspace.
How it was?
We are having a problem at work with this very situation. Thankfully my manager knows of the problem and wants to make our enviroment better. I mean come on! We spend almost everyday at work 9 to 5, sometimes seeing our coworkers more than our own families. There is no place for such toxicity...no negative talk is allowed at home, so why would I tolerate it at work? Great talk, I'm sending this to my bosses! 🙏
Im still working in a very toxic work place. It effected my self esteem. The main bosses didn't care about the fairy tales the manger told. She got away with everything. Im now looking for another job. Sadly i lost myself because i been in this toxic environment over 12 yrs.
in the same boat, 7 years now. I know i should leave :'( as if depression, anxiety, panic attack isnt good enough reason to leave.
I feel you.. same boat..
I am experiencing this at the moment
Blah boo leave immediately or take a paid vacation, even leave without pay to just relax and change your environment ASAP. it’s bad for our soul to be surrounded by negative ppl who WANT to see us sad and feel down. Don’t let them win, change your environment, stop venting or listening to others vent and leave as soon as you have another job lined up. I feel you.
Every time you're being compared with somebody, makes an influence on forming your self-esteem. In the working environment where I am right now, there is always the one who is being bullied. And if there is no victim, it means you're the one. For the person who will not adapt and will not support those who are bullying the victim, it will be a high risk to become the one who is being bullied and blackbiten. Believe me, this is much deeper than just gossiping, such things can totally ruin your self-esteem or lead to emotional burnout
For sure, it works differently for everyone, cannot even imagine how devastating the consequences can be
at my work place I experienced toxic environment, and it effects my daily day. I was friendly and communicative person.. once I worked with these toxic people.. it hits me so badly.. I lost my self esteem, I couldn't say the whole sentence every time I tried to explain my self. I hate conflicts..work is work for me. I love my work..but people around me..ruining my happiness. I tried to learn their language and culture but I feel like I'm invisible to them, they dont even include me in the group. They just talk and talk...so the whole shift I just quiet. I dont know what to do...
Do not change yourself to fit into their culture.
BRUH SAME 😭 I can’t face this thing anymore :)
@Jinn Rose so glad you did! I quit a job after 3 weeks that offered great benefits and 80k/ year because the work environment was so toxic. I decided it was not worth it so I quit and now I make nuch much less but I'm happier. My only regret is not having quit sooner.
@Mary S I did☺️ best ever decision I made☺️
Quit! No strategy will help
I have been there before and the best thing is to quit
Awesome speech. I love the triple filter test. Gossiping is too common and is a form of social terrorism. The only time negative information is beneficial is if it's regarding something truly horrible and can be useful in knowing about it to gain awareness. Other then that, most gossiping is nitpicking and trying to spread negative opinion about someone else.
Great talk, thanks Glenn. It is a fact that we mostly ignore and just do at workplace and home. But once we manage to stop backbiting, I believe the environment will be a better place to live.
I just did this yesterday! I am trying to change it now that I am aware of it. I realized that one woman has latched onto me & all she does is complain about others and it has rubbed off. Nothing out of her mouth is good. Also, Brene Brown said it best, when you judge others and gossip with someone you think you are forming a connection with that person, a common ground, but it does the opposite. The toxic work environment needs to change.
For 18 years I worked in an office where the culture was almost perfect. I say almost because we had one creature who backstabbed and stamped her way up the ladder, but fortunately for the most part we could ignore her (she wasn't my manager so I had quite some fun annoying her). The manager who hired most of us was a lovely man, and I think his choice of staff was largely responsible for the happy family we all became, with many of us 'growing up' together, and still friends years later.
i must learnt from you, i also have one toxic colleague backstab me until i want to resign... ... so i have fun with her annoy her more often
@宮寧 I wasn't a victim myself, but was able to do something that made those she'd have in tears feel a bit better that she couldn't get away with it all the time.
You are annoying her on purpose, why play victim here?
Rare event .our manager is an immatured man child who attack me infront of others in daily meetings .
Yes, great talk - we all have a responsibility in this to change the culture around us and in our workplace
In my experience time and time again, people will say there is too much gossip at their workplace and they don't like it. However "they" are never the gossips. It's almost always everyone else who is the problem.
So I'm more inclined the believe the real problem is hypocrisy. If people won't accept responsibility for their own roles in office gossip, then giving them advice on how to stop it will go in one ear and out the other.
So true, we're always quick to blame everyone else but our selves. True growth is when we question if what it is we are doing is morally right or wrong. Only then can we get a definitve answer.
This presentation is very relatable and applicable in many settings. I have shown your video to nursing students during conversations about professionalism and leadership. Thank you for uploading to KZclip, Glenn!
Thanks Carolyn Miller !!
Very wise and good teaching! It’s why I never was in the past a backbiting person on any human of any age. My PARENTS never talked, spoke, or whined about anyone in front of us kids. In honesty yes I have become a back bitter in retaliation within my current community due to over worked under pressure work amoug heavy users of bank bitting. Literally every employee and 70% of the customer base are backbiters. I have been unwilling submerged by the mental/emotional ugliest place i have ever resided. I took my bull by the horns and now work from home to stay away from such disease. Backbiting uncorrected becomes like a cancer. I’m not free of it, i just will not work submerged in it to make others happy. I am able to be whom I really am once again.
Negativity affects workplace relations. Amazing insights. Thank you
Wonderful! This has opened my eyes and changed my mind set. I personally will take this challenge. Thank you
I find it helpful to exude a healthy persona upon both the workplace environment and coworkers/management and especially customers and patrons if that is the case. This means cleaning and organizing the workplace out of one’s own proactivity in addition to maintaining upbeat and cohesive relationships with personnel in appropriate ways.
Great idea to create accountability. I noticed that culture has an immense effect on this type of behavior. Leadership/Owner/Executive leads the culture. If it is obvious they are the ones actually doing the backbiting. Anyone who "steps out of line" or attempts to point out the issue is dismissed, a target or terminated. In turn, this breeds instability which causes the backbiting and mimicking of viewed "superiors". Those who imitate or flatter the leader reaps all the benefits. Those who are neutral or honest are the ones ignored or penalized. You could attempt this method within your group as a start but when people fear for their livelihood and their family the fear will win causing them to take up the game to get ahead or maintain.
Then these are not the CEO's that are calling to implement this type of plan. Sad....
Signed,
A Human Resources individual just trying to show those not working the system someone does care one person at a time. Love and Light
Good info, but the problem at my workplace is not backbiting. It's lack of leadership and respect.
100% agree, backbiting is one of the main reasons why we suffer as human being and it is very common and overlooked.
i will never ever get tired of watching these ted talks. Good stuff and top of the line materials.
This is so true. Backbiting is absolutely toxic behavior. It never helps solve the problem. It makes it worse. Interaction, collaboration and debate help colleagues improve and helps the team become productive.
my team leader and manager wrongfully fired me on my family vacation. Upon returning to get my tools, the owner and general manager offered me a $3 raise to stay. Since then, these last 2 months have been rough. I lost my apprentice to someone less deserving (i.m.o.) and I no longer feel like a part of the team. I have been facing these challenges and learning a lot about myself, my limits, and things I could have done better. There is a lot of different factors that contribute to the unhealthy environment I work in. I do not see the place changing, but I am strong, I am fierce, and I am going to be a great leader/boss one day where ever life takes me. If you are having a bad day, I hope this video brightened your day. It did mine. From here on, I will stop backbiting and keep my mouth closed, unless asked for my opinion by a higher up.
Love this video. If by grace if I happen to set up my own business I will add this in my office clause. No backbiting.
Thank you. We need more videos like this office problem topic. It described a problem and at the end offered a make-sense solution.
I think it might be important to distinguish gossip from talking things over with a supportive friend - I feel like it’s not gossip if the person you’re talking to doesn’t know the person you’re talking about…because it’s healthy to talk about the issue especially if you are also working out solutions, and no one’s feelings get hurt because they don’t know each other
I found this quite enlightening. Probably not able to influence the worst culprits around me, but can improve my own behaviour. Thank you. :-)
Doesn't matter the age. It's all about how well our teams can handle news, changes and criticism. Ego is a huge factor in this.
I think the main issue is people get comfortable and then don’t care about new people coming in. They just have to find their way and really it’s sad. They need to really stop and yes I’m guilty of back biting but i will tell you why I do it. Because I do not like or appreciate negative people trying to befriend me.
It comes down to how people handle themselves in all parts of life, not just at work. Sadhguru explains these things better than I can.
The triple filter test is a very interesting concept. Socrates was a very wise man. I believe it's the last one, usefulness, is what people are getting hung up on. Usefulness can be talking negatively if it empowers others against a bully.
OR Laney Landis is she wanting things to change for the better. Useful is a very broad word. The essence of what Glenn Rolfsen is saying is ... It is toxic (no-one wants or likes it) to listen to things that are NOT TRUE. If it is true ...is there a solution ---This may be what your 'savior' co-worker wants, "A Solution" to a very bad problem. In that case, it is useful.
Josh Howard I can see my gossipy friend thinking it’s useful because she think she everyone’s savior
You cannot change someone who doesn't want to change. Everyone leaves bc of their bosses. It is RARELY bc of the salary.
Such a wonderful speech..thanks a lot for this ❤🙌
Thank you so much for your response Mr. Raj. All the best, from Oslo
Totally agree! I have never been guilty of this, but I have been around plenty of people who do it.. It actually makes them look bad, not who they are talking about..
Its not just the physical initiatives but the behavioural ones too that can improve health and productivity - Robert Kegan reminds us we get paid to do 2 jobs, the real one and the 2nd one expended where we cover our backs. Gleen Rolfsen tells us how to stop back biting overnight
It was amazing. Simple and honest with practical solutions 😊
Thanks a lot Pendar Shahbazi, means actually a lot.. warmly Glenn D
Beautiful impressive talk . Few people in society with low self esteem Do this back bitting. Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true.
Great ideas to deal with difficult people!
Simple but true, good, and very useful. Thanks for sharing. 👍
Bad and absent leadership breeds back-biting
Yes - narcissistic fuel.
Totally true
Oh yeah. Hatchet men have to keep the office in turmoil to draw attention away from their own in competence. As I told the guy above, check out a piece titled The Hatchet Man's Playbook. It's absolutely spot on. PS Im glad it's not just me that had that nonsense happened to.
Or, their job environment is miserable...due the lack of sufficient leadership from Supervisor that is inept and supported by management anyway
YES !!! Warmly Glenn D. Rolfsen
That was great and meaningful. I don't normally comment on these talks....but this one is important on a tiered scale. kids parents coworkers and employers....it goes on.. Thank you.
Thanks for commenting then Dave Agar, thanks. Warmly Glenn D. Rolfsen
My number one rule is not to talk bad about anyone and to avoid listening to people who talk bad about others to me because I’m 100% sure those bad mouthing others to me are bad mouthing me to others.
Thank you for sharing these helpful information 😊
I think this (backbiting) is happening in the US Government, which is causing negativity in our environment.
I wish people knew the emotional and physical impact they had on others. My manager is manipulative and psychotic. He is brutally authentic with no empathy and he is rewarded time and time again and governs everyone through fear. It's terrorising.
You need to understand the reasons why people back-bite.
1. People like the attention.
2. It is an indirect way to get back at someone by damaging their image; It doesn't matter so much if it is true or not.
3. Some people find the misfortune or suffering of others humorous and even enjoyable.
4. People use it to elevate their own status within a group.
5. Hearing bad things about others makes some people feel better about themselves by comparison.
6. People use it to try and discredit their competition, and win more opportunities for themselves.
7. Sharing "secrets" forms a social connection.
You aren't going to get rid of these with a sign-up sheet. They are too deeply ingrained in human nature.
Agreed and deeply ingrained in there job, that’s why they never leave they get away with it.
All Facts!! It has to be addressed as it occurs. The listener hearing the backfiring has to discourage the conversation.
but it can still make a big difference
Jess Stuart. Good list, the effective communication to shut down these negative talkers are..”that’s interesting, tell me more?” Ask that same question until they are done talking. And if you’re brave to say “do you find this enjoyable to discuss about this person?”
It will bring attention back to them.
Jess: I hear you. If you get the chance, check out a piece titled The Hatchet Man's Playbook. It echoes a lot of what you are saying.
I worked in a few toxic environments and my experience was that I could bring long term meaningful change to the culture and atmosphere where I was in leadership positions, and had the power to effect change. Even with the authority to effect change, it did not happen without a lot of time, determination and effort.
Where I didn't have the authority to effect change, it was practically impossible to do so. Although, in my personal capacity, I never allowed the environment to influence my behaviour, it was still emotionally and mentally draining, causing me to leave for my own peace of mind
@Dino Padayachee Thank you for sharing these words of wisdom I will take your advice, and apply it to my knowledge.
@Luis Villa it depends if you're in a position to effect change or not. If you're not in a position to effect change then I find the quickest way to get peace is planning for your exit. Just merely preparing for your exit changes your mindset and your energy because you then start to focus on moving forward, which inadvertently means releasing the current stressful situation, so you don't take things as seriously anymore because in your mind you already have one foot out. The truth is even if you don't actually get out because the opportunity doesn't present itself, you'll find that you'll start to cope so much better mentally and emotionally where you are unconsciously. When the right opportunity comes along, then take it.
When I say prepare for your exit, I mean do everything that you would do if you were actually going to leave in a month - short of actually handing in your resignation and informing your peers of course lol.
What ways did you cope with the environment? I feel I am in the same boat. I am not giving my power away, by letting the environment influence my inner being. Nonetheless it’s is mentally and emotionally draining.
I believe that CULTURE is the limit beyond which respect, decency and empathy dissolve, giving way to wrongdoing. People of culture have high standards of humanity and a high respect for differences between people.....
I think that we should not care much about what people say, but rather focus on raising one's own standards and connect up with people around you in a positive manner, showing that you care not just for yurself, as much as you can....
Wonderful talk!
A great speech! Great example! Great knowledge! I am WOW how he delivered the topic to the audience. Big thump up!
glenn rolfsen congrats for your great speech again!
Wow, Thanks Mix&Match.. Nice comments, thank you very much. Made my summer !! Warmly Glenn D. Rolfsen
Most breakdowns in relationships are caused from unrealistic expectations and poor communication!
-Raise your hand if theres gossip in your workplace?
- OK thats 90% of you
-Raise your hand if you want a workplace with no gossip
-OK thats only 10% of you 😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is amazing I think everyone can relate to this
If it’s toxic... leave. Life is too short
I agree that it’s not so easy to leave when you need to pay your rent
Milinieal
Except so many places have the same issues.
@irma centeno I'm
It isn't as easy as you think. Reality can't be ignored.
Gossiping and backbiting forms a feeling of community among those involved.
Have you experienced being in a situation where a person comes up with a malicious talk in the absence of another person?
I thank Glenn for his talk on this and your triple filter test was peculiar.
Friends, just avoid backbiting by undergoing the following test.
Check whether it's true
Is that something good?
Is that useful?
So if you can’t say something good, then say nothing at all.
Gossiping is definitely a negative behaviour - because the premise is to spread ill news for the gossiper's agenda (which could be part of a group). But how do you differentiate when someone is trying to gain advice or pick your brain about dealing with a situation/person? If they are truly stating how they feel, could that be construed as back biting? It a tricky situation for all involved.
But them it passes thought the filter
Is it true? Yes, It's true and consequences are noticeable.
Is it good? No, it's not.
Is it useful? Yes, I need to tell you the problem so we may solve it.
Yes it is tricky...
Those 3 things are the metrics that I use when I decide to share content on social media!!!
1) Is it true?
2) Is it kind?
3) Is is necessary?
If it’s any of those three, you can bet I’m sharing it. Life is too short to not share truth and good things with others.
The fact that most people just talk about others is why I don’t talk to people most of the time! They just talk about others-I don’t want to do that. If they talk about others when they aren’t there, they’ll talk about you when you aren’t there. This usually happens in small circles/environments with both adults and peers
I go to work, do my job and go home. The end
I just watched this as a recommendation for a U of A management class, Myself as a manager find it classic that staff members as seen in the comments below can immediately accuse their manager of committing atrocities in the workplace when it doesn't work out for them. I work in local government and witness backbiting in all areas from staff about staff, manager about manager and taxpayer against staff and managers. Humans when allowed too, can become toxic to each other. The video was informative, but in practice? not practical.
Excellent insight - thank you SO much :) I want to try your idea. I hope & pray people will be kinder & respectful toward with each other..
Thanks m
Warmly
Glenn D
I’ve been at my job for 5 years and I’m skilled at what I do and all my fellow workers would say the same of me. But every person that walks into the building is placed above me for higher positions because they are friends with the boss or know a fellow higher up. I’ve been very depressed and discouraged. I consider my job my home away from home. 5 years I’ve given this place but haven’t been moved up even after being told by countless time I work hard.
Try a different company who knows your worth!
Thanks that's such a wonderful idea I only wish the corporation I work for would have something like that I don't see it happening but it's a wonderful wonderful idea
Iam proud that my religion taught me this and happier that people outside of it came across it without having to believe in the same faith ❤
creating the winning culture in the company or workplace creates team building in the among the works and it leads to the productivity of the employees .
And one injustice that I believe deserves much more attention is the mobbing method used by some employees-namely, their tendency to lebel the just anf fair people they plot against as "too sensitive" "hypersensitive" ...
I worked for a narcissist, the only way to escape was to retire. Now I have peace.
Good for you Mr. Pat Dawkins, sometime this is the only way. Warmly Glenn D. Rolfsen
It is hard as a manager to not talk about the employees and how their input is going. We have to share information about certain things like so-and-so called out again or so and so didn’t do what I asked them to do or so-and-so was pretty lazy today. So and so was bringing our numbers down.
yes, however how would you deal with a workplace bully who is a psychopath/ sociopath? regular reasoning/ logic doesnt work with them.
Like cognitive dissonance attitude as what LEAP Channel Learn says so. 😂
Stand your ground and show them you’re not one of them.
He/she can be a bully only if others support. If everyone boycotts gossip, it will die on its own.
If it actually get out of hand politely confront that person. If that's doesn't work tell the RA, or manager, if that doesn't work call the Burro of Better Business and look for a new job.
Super Frankie unfortunately the gossiping/stabbing in the back will probably always be in the workplace.. It just shows you how unhappy folks are.Its so terrible. I just look at the person with a still look on my face and say nothing. Take care😊
My work environment is extremely toxic. It's me and one other person that works in our unit. She has no respect for me, talks very loudly on her personal calls with no regards for me none what so ever, constantly uses profanity which I can not stand to hear because I don't use foul language, plays her music loudly, chews and smacks her food very loudly, and gossips and spreads poisonous words about everybody except herself. Smiles in everyone's face but tears them down behind their backs. She has mostly everyone wrapped around her fingers because they don't know the real her. I can't just up and leave like I'd love to. The toxic environment feels like it's slowly declining my mental and physical health. I've had small talks with her before about these issues but it hasn't changed a thing. It's only gotten worse. I'm a quiet non confrontational type of person, so this feels like a loose loose situation for me, as if the walls are closing in on me with no where to go. Prayer and Gods word is what's keeping my sanity afloat.
I think I am going to binge over videos like that... I feel like I am working in a minefield ^^ At work, we are a group of girls and women who like each other very much. But work is not a playground, and even if some are kinder than others, some are smarter than others, everyone ends up backbiting each other.
I do not like confrontation, I try to be kind as much as I can, I can't raise my voice, I look vulnerable but am very capable of making brave choices, and was specifically hired because the boss wanted to balance the team: some are difficult, some are too much like this, too much like that. We like each other very much, but every light-hearted moment will and seems to have to come with unnecessary drama... I do not understand how that works, but when it does happen, it hurts me and pretty much everyone else. The backbiting and talking about a third party gives the impression to most of my colleagues that they know what someone thinks and did without even bothering figuring this out themselves. This past month... I have found myself in situations that I did not accept, and had colleagues telling me "Rumour has it that you agreed, so do not complain". Nobody asked. Everyone assumed, to the point that people who were not there came to tell ME what I said or did. I corrected multiple times again what did happen, and found myself having to repeat it over 10 times... it was talked about behind my back so much that it didn't even belong to me anymore. This rumor would have affected my performance and my bosses' decisions over my schedule and whatnot. So the only thing I thought I could do was to give up on what my colleagues thought, take my phone, call my boss and tell them "Maybe you have heard this and that: well, that is true, this is wrong, this is what I want, that is what bothers me", for me to be sure that the boss had the right version. I was told by my colleagues to step up even more... this meant that me telling them "No, that is not true, this is what happened, and this is what I want", and repeating it 10 times is not enough: I have to harden and shout the way they sometimes do: but I don't want to be doing that! Isn't talking enough?
This incident happened multiple times: A new position is available, I tell my boss I am interested. Colleagues tell me "rumor has it you are not interested, and someone told your boss", so I go to my boss AGAIN and say "Maybe you have heard this, but this is not true, please stick to what you heard directly from me". The worst part is: the person who said this about me to my boss didn't even want to get me in trouble. They even wanted me to get the job. This was purely the result of them being used to talking about other people when they are not there.
Lastly... I can be a nervous person, but I am not a hopeless little thing. I was given a new opportunity: I was happy and motivated until two colleagues (A and B) started telling me "Do not panic, don't stress out!" multiple times. I kept repeating "I'm fine, I am happy about it!" "Don't stress out! don't stress out!" .... I mean... oh my god!
The next day I talk about it to my colleagues as someone brings "how nervous" I am and I say: "I don't understand. I am fine, I have said I am fine. And A and B kept saying otherwise". Two things happened after I said this... I mean, two of the most ridiculous things happened after that: 1/ nobody heard me saying I am fine: I remained the "nervous one" and one of my colleagues even stopped me and said "We know you well, you know..." and by magic, my motivation and happiness about a new opportunity fell completely flat, and anger and frustration ensued for being labeled. 2/ my colleague B, absent when we "talked" about it was labeled the villain for stressing me out. Because of what I said that day, the other colleagues talked and talked and talked about how B would stress me out, and how mean and manipulative she was. B is warned by another colleague and bursts out crying. The next day she comes to me and apologizes for "stressing me out"... like... what happened?
I don't get it... I really, really don't.
If you went to school like I did, we worked hard for the career we are in. Don't let anyone make you second guess your decision. Brush it off. They are not worth your time. They don't pay your bills..you do. Plus, they are probably jealous of you and the only control they have is at work. Because, they have no control at home. They are not worth it.
Well, my direct manager literally does everything this guy says!
I am a headmaster of an NGO school. As I was a teacher before. As their needs were not met I went about trying to improve their situation and became very understanding. But they started becoming very casual and even talk back to me and I still don't answer back as I have a flaring temper. I don't know how to gain their respect anymore. I am going nuts and I don't know how to handle them.
Do you mean to say I have to leave my job.
Dear Moalong - Not everybody has to be at this kind of workplace - Take care of your self if possible - Life is to short - If you have an option.. Warmly Glenn
This could work if you are in upper management and serious about change within the work place. As an employee I find it best to not make friends at work, not share details about my life and do my job. If someone starts to backbite another just say 'okay' and tell them some cool scientific fact about something totally different. After a while they wont come to you to backbite and think of you as a socially clueless nerd, which is a boring subject to gossip about. If that doesn't work look for another job and take charge in your interviews.
Great ;)
We hear a lot about self actualization. In our free time, we might buy books, attend gatherings, about working toward, and promoting our own actualization. But there's other, large segments of time in our lives, that might also contribute, be an accessory to actualization, as well. Similarly, the same segments of time can do otherwise, maybe even wear us down and compromise, undo, what we might think to strive toward, for ourselves in a positive context. As long as we live, our surroundings are there, work, leisure and everything in between. I think it's being a bit naive to perceive life, the surroundings that make-up and fill-in the time of our lives, as free-form. As it is, everything seems to fall on the individual and the self, to survive, benefit, decline. Those in control of environments share in the quality of their charge, in a positive or negative context. Is it the responsibility of those who control surroundings, environments of our lives, to address qualitative (perhaps actualization-contributing) aspects of their environments? Or do we simply declare such to be arbitrarily free-form? -And that all rests on the individuals within the construct of a work, leisure, whatever environment. There is no law that says individuals should actualize. So individuals can legitimately carry out their existences rather primally. And those in control can do likewise, focusing only and efficiently on the bare-bones quantitative phenomena. My point is, I'm not so sure we'll have bona fide Progress as long as self-actualization is perceived as a sole work of enlightened individuals.
Dear Carl, thanks for your post (comment).
Your toughs are for me, really interesting, complex and complicated, as well. I appreciate this thoughts of yours. Warmly
Glenn D.
This is one of the best TEDTalks I've listened to
Backfiring isn't all that makes a toxic environment, be it work or home or elsewhere. And many people who backbite/gossip repeatedly don't think there's anything wrong.
I have a sense of dread when I have to work with my manager. I’ve learned to stay silent and not ask questions because he turns them around on me.
Hi I'm glad to have stumbled across this.....I'm a senior employee where I work and I have been going through back biting for 2 months now....instead of focusing on the work they are getting paid for.....colleagues are focusing more on pointing me out......what should I do?????
Just continue to do good!
Humble man . Thank you sir
If you are looking up videos about unhealthy work environments, you have likely already taken the initiative to fix the relationships and will not be able to change things. You are not the problem. Start planing and executing your exit strategy now.
I've yet to find a workplace where those in authority hold themselves accountable enough not to be the subject of discussion they'd most likely label backbiting, but more appropriately unethical business practices are the reason for the so called backbiting go figure. 🤷🏻♀️
Some people need to watch this good thing some people have my back ❤
Interesting approach that I would like to discuss with my colleges, and thereafter try out in my own working environment
Any updates?
We did - Didn't we ? Was it worth it? - For me it was! _ What a great group!!! Thanks for bringing me in Knut!! Warmly Glenn
Im gonna be this guy if i keep working in customer service.
So good! Thank you 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Gossip / back biting Creates a group of people with a common goal that alone is “ team building “
90% of the audience says it happens at work. Guarantee if you asked them "do you do this behavior?" Nobody would raise a hand....
Dear Nat - True !!!! Warmly Glenn D
Great topic. Thanks for sharing. This world is full of air holes. Unfortunately with the model of capitalism in play there will always be a market for those who wish to elevate themselves above others. Dog eat dog mentality. People are not human they more brute beasts.
Very good and useful ,learnt a lot.
Thanks Sanjay !! All the best for you!! Warmly Glenn D
Rank the following actions according to how much it contributes to a toxic or unhealthy work/school environment. The highest would be on the top, and the lowest would be on the bottom.
Gossiping or Backbiting
Annoying habits of a coworker/classmate
Bullying
Workload
Poor facilities
Why do people backbite? Is backbiting justifiable?
What could be the effects of a toxic work environment to an employee and to a company as a whole?
Do you agree to the solution offered by the speaker? Do you have an alternative solution?
Please answer this 😊😊