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i hope that one day you could react to the masterpiece that is the anime NANA not a movie i know , its just that the social interaction , trauma"s and friendship , matures subjects are interpreted in a such sincere way ! would love to see what would you say.
What makes it sadder is that the author of the original book (Patrick Ness, who also wrote the screenplay) didn't start the novel himself; another author, Siobhan Dowd, came up with the concept and characters, but she was suffering from breast cancer, and wasn't going to live long enough to write the story, so Ness was asked to write A Monster Calls for her.
Just hearing you say that you have had thoughts like "I wish I wasn't a parent" or "It might be simpler if I wasn't alive", it opened something up inside me. Something that needed to be opened. These moments of troubling thoughts are just that. Moments. They don't make me a bad person, or an ungrateful person, or a person who isn't going to keep going. They are moments. We go on. Thank you.
In our subconscious, our thoughts form. When a thought hits you, that's the formed thought hitting your preconscious, the barrier that stops you and makes you think. And what you do, is your conscious talking. The subconscious holds both good and evil, the light and the shadow. We cannot remove the shadow. We must learn to live with it appropriately. So if you have a bad thought, you aren't a bad person on that alone. If you think about the bad thought and make it a reality... That's something else.
I’m right there with you. Hearing wonderful parents and people like Jonathan and Alan admit to having these thoughts lifted a lot of guilt from my shoulders. It’s hard to not beat yourself up after thinking things like that, especially towards the people you love. I’m glad you guys brought these issues to light. I hope more people see this.
“It’s not what you think, it’s what you do.” We can’t stop our intrusive thoughts from happening, but we can choose not to make those thoughts reality.
I also loved how this film encapsulates all the five stages of grief: 1. Denial - Conor believes that his mom will be healed 2. Anger - Conor destroys the entire room 3. Bargaining - Conor looks to the tree for another treatment 4. Depression - Conor faces his nightmare 5. Acceptance - Conor tells the truth
Also the five stages of grief isn't really a set in stone experience. Some people only experience some of them, some experience them in a different order, for some it's both. But I like they included all.
Lewis MacDougall, the kid who plays Connor, is absolutely brilliant in this film. You'll see he doesn't have many more credits, and I don't know if he's still pursuing acting at all or not, but he nailed this role. Talking about the audition process, Bayona (the director) said that most kids would act desperately sad and cry their eyes out, while Lewis did something different. He was angry. Angry and silent and repressing the emotions and perhaps teary eyed, but angry. And it portrayed perfectly what Connor goes through in the story. Lewis had lost his mother to a terminal disease when he was eleven years old, and played this role just a couple years later if I'm not mistaken. And I think that's a huge part of why his performance really comes through and hits. He did a wonderful job and I feel like it was so brave of him to take up on a role like this. I hope it felt healing for him too.
@Ithenna you're absolutely spot on! thank you for sharing. I think a lot of parents miss that most of the times, when kids "act out" it's in response to some other underlaying emotion or issue going on, and as Jonathan said here, in this film Connor is just surrounded by great adults who sympathize and do understand what's going on. It's such a great film, if you're up to it and ready to cry haha, I'd very much urge you to watch it, it's a beautiful and cathartic experience to watch it too imo.
"I just want it to be over!" This line means so much to me, since I had a similar experience, except I was the one who was dying. When I was 14 I contracted rheumatic fever, a rather rare disease in America, and it took 4 months for my doctors to figure out what I had. In the meantime, I was slowly dying an extremely painful death as every joint in my body became inflamed with searing pain. There are a lot of things I could say about the expierance, it was horrible, but after I was cured my immune system was so compromised I just kept getting sick, again and again. Bronchitis, a fever of 106 that put me back in the hospital, a few others. The last time I got sick was nearly a year after I'd first gotten sick, I had a bought with pneumonia that lasted nearly 3 months. By that time I'd been sick for so long, fighting for so long, and I was right back on my death bed, unable to lay down or sit up due to my lungs being full of fluid. A few days before Christmas I woke up in the middle of the night, and I decided to sit in the living room, with the Christmas tree lights on and a few candles burning. I realized, at the time, that it was most likely going to be my last Christmas, but I wasn't sad, instead I just wanted it to be over. Siting there, in that moment, at the age of 14, I accepted my death for what it was, rest and peace. I'm 27 now, and while I have long-term disables because of the rheumatic fever, I've never really lost that sense of peace and contentment. My family is the only thing that matters to me in the world, and I spend whatever time I have with those I love. Doesn't matter if I have 50 years, or 50 minutes, I live, and will die, with no regrets. I'll always be grateful for that moment when I was 14, sitting in the living room in the middle of the night, a few days before Christmas. The struggle of life isn't what matters, it's the little moments of joy and love we share with others.
I’m glad you are still here and I hope you are blessed with many many more years. My older cousin contracted the same ailment and he suffered a lot of what you have mentioned including bronchitis to the point his voice was really raspy, breathing issues and eventually died of a really bad bout of pneumonia. I’m glad you got a new lease of life and long may it continue. God bless you.
I have also had health issues and I have learned that tomorrow is guaranteed so you have live life too it’s fullest I also learned that your health is the most valuable thing you can have
I first saw this movie on an airplane. I cried so hard that the flight attendant, who didn't speak English, came over with napkins and was very concerned about my well-being. At the time, I was really struggling with my mental health. Connor's truth was my truth - I wanted it to be over. I wanted my life and my pain to stop. The line "it will be hard, it will be more than hard, but you will make it through" gave me the hope I needed to heal. This movie hit me like a truck.
I liked how the grandmother smashes the comes in and smashes the cabinet too, because we forget while watching this movie that her grandson isnt the only one in pain. She's in pain too. She's losing her child and she is going through all the same feelings that her grandson is experiencing.
I wouldn't say she's feeling exactly like him, because inevitably, their experiences will be different because she is an elderly woman (and she was her mother) and he is a little boy (and he was her son.) But, yes, they are both going through pain if that's what you mean.
@Ilena Starbreeze sometimes we just want to lash out, you also have to acknowledge that she is going to outlive her child. Something she, nor anyone worthy of the title of parent, ever wants to see. If there was any good excuse for a grown adult to break stuff like a child throwing a tantrum, their child dying is probably the only thing that would be
@Brooke Boland You are so wrong, your parents didn't love you and that's really sad, but don't extrapolate your personal experience to others. I'm a loved daughter, my parents have lots of flaws and that scarred me for life, but never in my entire life feel not loved by my family.
It's comforting to know even a therapist who's seen his fair share of people go through trauma and divorces can still be touched to his core by a movie like that.
I know it’s not even remotely the same as losing a parent, but the “i just want it to be over” resonates with me for my childhood cat. She passed away a bit under 14 months ago and I’m still very very mournful of her loss. We knew she was terminally ill and I just remember the last month span where I knew she was gonna die, it was just so heartbreaking. And even the day we had to put her down, the process took just so long, like for the anesthetic to work and stuff. I just had a nagging feeling where i wanted it to be over. I had both wanted any and every second I could get left with her as well as for it to just stop. And despite being in terrible sobbing grief over the loss of my best friend, there was an odd feeling of relief too. It’s a normal human emotion. Miss my girl Roxy every day.
I lost my childhood cat 2 years ago and I am still crying about it. He was only 12 he could’ve lived for a lot longer. He was my cat. My baby. And he died from a freak accident in the house and I blame myself. But I have no way of expressing my feelings to other people for fear they will tell me that it was just a cat. I’ve been told it through other words like “has she never lost a pet before?” Which I have but by them growing old or having cancer.
It's not comparable but there is a thing about animals that makes it in one part, worst. You can't talk to your agonizing animal, they can't give you words, their specific pains are a mistery, and that kills me. I had a female dog, she suffered before she died, and latter we found a vegetable spike in her nose, infected, i don't blame the ver, but a human could have told us, it still makes me really sad.
Yeah my nearly 15 years old GSD couldn't walk and we had to help her outside and to go places. She would cry out at night. It was hard to bear it and to see her suffer. We did everything we could to make her feel better but at some point, I had to make the decision to euthanize her. Was hard but I was there with her until the very end. I cried all day and night. 6 years later and I still mourn her like I lost my best friend. It feels the same for me. I've actually lost a best friend to death and it honestly feels the same.
I too lost my childhood cat recently, and I also experienced a sense of relief after he was put down (at the ripe old age of 19!). All the months of watching his gradual decline in health and just knowing deep down that he was on his way out was weighing heavily on my heart, and after he passed on, my heart felt light again even though I was grieving him dearly.
The one thing I didn't like about the movie is that they didn't include Conor's friend, Lily. In the book, Conor confided to her about his mother's illness and then she told everyone else. As a result, people started treating Conor differently. Lily helped show how Conor used to be before his mother became sick and displayed his self-isolation. After he beats up Harry while screaming "I'm not invisible!", Lily passed him a note that said she still considers him a friend and ends it with the words, _I See You_
I’m not a public cryer, but when I decided to read this book as my in-flight entertainment when traveling alone, I couldn’t stop crying. After watching me for a while with a worried look, my rowmate asked me if I was okay. After all, I was a grown adult reading a large-print middle-grade book with pictures in it (haunting ones but still) and nearly sobbing. It’s such a devastating and real story. I’m glad the movie does it justice.
What's devastating is that his REAL mother died of multiple sclerosis just before he began filming for this movie. Maybe his reactions were more real than we imagine.
I love that this film and book tackle mature subjects such as death, loss and grief by using a creative Allegory, without dumbing it down for children. Connor ultimately knows that his mother won't make it, and is guilty over wanting her to die, since he wants both of their pain to end.
@Zach Rabaznaz sorry to say the "only show". All those ones you just mentioned are golden gems as well. I guess I was referring more to the stuff you see on youtube kids for example, that shit is whack and I feel like most of us can agree on that. That's why I said "children's entertainment" and not "children shows". I guess I should have been more specific, don't worry, it wasn't my intention to insult children's media as a whole, just saying that the vast majority of it (youtube kids videos can easily get billions of views) seem very exploitative.
@Qwerty David excuse me? The only show? Where's Atla, Alex Hirsch's works, owl house, etc etc etc. Don't insult children's media, a lot of it is very well made and very deep.
definitely, i remember feeling the same when my nana passed, i thought "oh thank god, she won't suffer anymore" and then i just bawled my eyes out for thinking that because my nana is dead and it felt like such an awful thing to think
The book is also wonderful. I think this story is much more successful as a book. I read it once a year or so, when I want to dust out the cobwebs with a good seasion of ugly crying. If you like the film, you might love the book.
"You think its easy? You are willing to die than speak it" this hits hard when it first came out and im struggling that time, makes me realize so many things. Now i hear it again and im so proud of myself, I far from my old self
"I want it to be over." That's the part that got me. Coming from a 30 yr old who lost his dad 25 yrs ago, it will never be over. You learn to deal with the hurt, but it never goes away.
I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts and ideations for many years, and hearing conner say “i want it to just be over” and him adamantly refusing to speak his truth felt like a punch in the gut. It’s so hard to just. Too hard to really say what’s wrong. The part where conner went “I’m the one who needs healing?!” Before he screamed is how I’ve felt for all those years. This deep shame of being so unwell that you’d think it better you were never born can and will suffocate you. It’s like drowning and being unable to swim. You keep kicking and kicking but no matter what everything keeps pushing you down. But the thing is, it’s the mental illness that’s speaking FOR you. It TELLS you that you are unworthy, unloved, and unwanted. It manipulates how you see the world and twists it into a fucking nightmare. The difficult part is to admit that you need help. Like when Connor said “is that all?” It may seem nightmarish to admit you need help at first, but when you finally speak, it gets easier.
Haven't started the video yet but A Monster Calls is one of my favorite books ever in the world and I was so love in with the movie adaption which is RARE for a book-to-movie adaptation to be so good. And now to see one of my fave YT channels going over it is such a highlight to my day thank you so much.
I commented about this a long time ago.. this was the first ever film that had me in tears throughout… i lost my mum at 4yrs of age to cancer so it really hit home hard, the emotion, the anger, the feeling of loss… my dad(a old fashioned, tough love kinda guy) left with 4 kids and me the youngest.. it was tough growing up.. 4 years in therapy and 1.5 years watching you guys and I’m a hell of a lot better mentally ❤️
I watched this movie with my step-dad and brother about 2 weeks after my step-dad's dad died of cancer. needless to say we were all crying. It's a beautiful movie and we all loved it, it was just to soon.
I know it’s silly but …um…I feel silly for asking cuz everyone is different , but, if you want to trade or swap recipes. It’s not the same but the feeling of loosing simple things like food or what flowers she would’ve chosen or why she chose the things she did in the garden , really help. So if there’s anyway we can help each other, & this is anyone reading…The best I have are recipies I found , not ones she kept or cooked. . Otherwise, once she died, we lived on mostly fast food. Good news about being youngest is you can ask your siblings stories. My dad won’t talk about my mom and he’s getting old to pt of not remembering (or choosing not to). There’s nothing worse than missing someone who you barely remember and now you have No idea who they were or could’ve been or were going to be. I’m not making things easier. But still. Sharing fav food or songs or movies keeps them here and going and we get to know you AND her. Hope this helps: She liked Triple threats & musicals “I hope you dance” - lee Ann Womack (her fav song) “You’ll be in my heart” - fav song from Disney Sound of music -film My youngest bro (who doesn’t remember her) was her “little man” and she indulged HP nerd things with me, even shouting down the hospital hall when she assumed she heard backpacks to the pt I freaked out thinking something was wrong. Tell me of your mom, any tiny thing. If not, again, there’s always making a fun event of it with your siblings , even if FaceTiming. Sending you ❤️!
I commented the same a long time ago too! Shame on them for not doing it earlier, especially if there's a filmmaker on the team.This movie is a jewel, help me a lot too when I lost my mother, my boyfriend made me watch it before she passed away and that movie helped me in the process 🥀♥️
I wasn't prepared for this. I hadn't heard of this movie before now. It brought me back to when I was young holding my mother's hand as she took her last breath. The pain is so intense I can barely breathe.
"I want it to be over." I think that sums up how anyone feels in a situation like this, even if circumstances are different. I lost my grandmother back in 2020, and she was sick and old, so it was something that didn't come entirely out of the blue, but me and my family knew it was only a matter of time. My mom and I traveled up to her home to see her one last time, and the whole way up I just kept thinking something similar, 'I just want it to be over'. Not because I wanted my grandmother to die, but because I wanted her suffering, and ours, to finally end.
I remember watching this movie when I was around ten years old, and I didn’t like it. It made me feel extremely uncomfortable, especially the scene in the end where he lets his mother fall, and everything with the school bully. I still cried watching it, and it stuck with me for years. I’m a teenager now, and I consider this to be one of the most formative films from with childhood. I relate so deeply to the protagonist feeling invisible and feeling guilty for just wanting the pain to stop, even if it means losing someone he loves.
That is so powerful what you said “our thoughts don’t make us who are or bad it’s what we do with those thoughts. They are just impulses and our integrity decides how we behave “ or you said something like that. Love this ❤
I remember a time when the reality of my grandfather’s Alzheimer’s was hitting me. I was 16 and I screamed and cried for days. Just the fact that he was going to die from it and there was no healing from it hurt me so much. I hated myself because for a brief moment, I prayed for his death so he wouldn’t suffer anymore. I hated seeing him suffer because he didn’t deserve it. He served people all his life only for him suffer so much at the end gutted me. But now I’m at peace with the fact he’s no longer in pain. I still miss and grieve him but that anger is no longer there.
The scene where the mom is telling her son to feel his anger to feel whatever emotions he needs to feel. That's what every parent needs to tell their child. I lost my grandma to Alzheimer's when I was 11 it's not a parent but it's still losing someone I love. I was angry, sad, hormonal (because puberty decided it was a perfect time to come lol) I had a lot going on to say the least. Not only that but I had to deal with it as a child, I was told to calm down by everyone. I felt I had to be a "big girl" and grow up and to not feel my emotions.
@רון גורליק Thank you for sharing, it can take a lot to do that sometimes but you did it!! Parents also have this sense of responsibility they feel like they have to be strong for their child and everyone else too. But parents should never expect it from their child. 13 is hardly a man, It's a hard age and to be expected to not feel emotions is difficult. It makes you feel more emotional in a way. We all grieve differently and that is what makes us human. I know for certainty that it was better for my grandma to die, if she had her mind she wouldn't have wanted us to go through all of that. Of the constant taking care of her and making sure she didn't get lost and wonder off somewhere. Death can be a relief at times, yes we are the ones to deal with it afterwards but we know that our loved ones aren't I'm pain anymore. I hope all is well with you!
Sometimes I think that grown ups saying it because they’re angry, and they try so hard not to scream and break things and not to get out of control and seeing a younger person who just learning this emotions it’s a knife in the heart and they don’t want to take care about another person…When my Grandfather was sick and I found out last of my family that there’s no cure and I was 13 when it happened, my grandfather was still alive but knowing that it’s inevitable broke me…and my dad who took care of him said…you think you can cry? I take care of him every day I see him dying every day and at this point the best thing that can happen is for him to die. When the day came when he died, I was very sick and…It was early in the morning and he just told me, he died and I ask from you to take it like a “man” and control yourself. Which first he’s not wrong that it was better for my grandpa to die because he’s suffering, and my dad like in this movie wished for this all thing to over. He was not wrong that he suffered more, but he was wrong to tell me those things in the time when I just found out and he was wrong to tell me to control myself because his meaning for control yourself is don’t feel, don’t cry, just do whatever needed to be done. Move on fast. And feeling are needed to be felt. And to see even if it’s just a story, to see this type of parents that tells him to feel, to take his time, it’s hard time it’s understandable, I love you. I won’t have it but…it’s something I’m trying to pass on to other people. To friends or whoever have this feeling or going through grief
I REQUESTED THIS MONTHS AGO, I can't tell you how much this means to me that you found time to cover this. I love you guys and your channels... thank you so much... I can cry happy...
My grandpa was diagnosed with dementia, and for nearly 10 years my grandma was his primary caretaker until he died, and I remember about six months before it happened, she said to me “I feel so terrible. I just want it to be over. I’m so tired. Does that make me a terrible person?” And I hugged her and said “Of course not. This is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. Its ok.” We cried a little and it was such a great moment because my family never talks about emotions or real issues, and I had so much catharsis to at least touch on something real for a minute.
This is a very hard video to watch but it's helping me too. My best friend suffered with terminal cancer from October until he finally passed away in April, 12 days after his 25th birthday. Close to the end, I could see he was just getting worse and worse and was in more and more pain, to the point that it hurt him just to turn his head or speak. But the part that chewed me up from inside was that I frequently found myself thinking "Please. Just hurry up and die." I didn't WANT my best friend and soul-sibling to die. Of course I didn't. But I couldn't stop thinking about him lying in that hospital bed, too sick to do anything but watch TV. In too much pain to do ANYTHING for himself. He was trapped, scared, sad and lonely and I just wanted it to end for him, even though I knew I'd be left behind. Also, in a weird way, healing from grief is hard too. You start to notice moments where you feel happy again and you hate yourself for it. You feel like, if it doesn't hurt like knives every single day forever, that somehow means you don't care any more. Grief just sucks, man.
I am 46 and have lost my mother and sister to cancer. My best friend of 18 years is fighting it now. I needed to hear this. I needed to cry. I need to heal. Thanks you two. 💗
I lost my father last Wednesday. It’s been tough. Thanks Alan and Jono. Edit: The funeral was today. Many family and friends came. Thank you for your condolences.
My mom died in September 30th of 2022, exactly a month before she passed this video came out. Thank you Alan and Johnathan, you guys prepped me for my monster to come and i feel like i handled it much better because of you guys.
Both my parents wrote themselves out of my life. When they passed, I really felt...nothing. I always felt cheated about that. I feel like I've missed out on an important passage of life. I envy people who got to experience that loss as a raw, primal emotion. That or I just buried it so deep down, I can't even find it.
I am not gonna lie, this was so open and brutally honest I had to turn the video off and step away for a moment. You are so brave and I’m so sorry you lost your mom. God bless you.
This movie is an unsung masterpiece about grief and loss. One of the stories that make you cry in a good way and I am very happy to see you two tackling it!
Having gone through my own health scare, this film really is the greatest representation of grief based trauma I've ever seen on both screen and in writing... and it got snubbed at the Oscars. The bit where Connor screams that he wants it to be over will stay with me forever.
This is the first movie that made me weep. It was actually during my last semester in college too. I wept 15 minutes before the sad part of the movie. I wept solely because this kid struggled with his emotions spoke to me since I had been emotionally blocked for years. With the help of God, my girlfriend, and this movie, I have been more emotionally vulnerable and let myself be honest with my emotions. This became one of my favorite movies of all time. Whoever made this film, thank you
This came out around the same time my nanna died. It makes me guilty saying this even to this day, but I didn't cry when my parents told me she had passed, I didn't even cry at her funeral. Then I watched this. Which was maybe bad timing on my part or maybe not but when I got home after this film I cried over my nanna for the first time since her passing.
I’m in this film! I’m an extra that you can see briefly after Connor has a meeting with the headteacher at school, I’m one of the first kids on the right looking at him in the hallway. To give the effect that this kid is weird JA Bayona gave him a clown mask and made him do the scene wearing it so we all kind of got the idea of how to look at him Oh and yes they built a giant tree hand! The monster also doesn’t have a name, it’s just called The Monster
The "You need to know that that was okay" made me tear up instantly and the "I know everything you need to tell me without you having to say it out loud" made me full on cry. My mom survived cancer when I was a kid and she sheltered me tremendously from how close a call it could have been. She didn't show a shred of weakness for a moment so that I could feel that she would be okay, no matter what. I didn't fully understand how close I was to losing her until I was an adult and now I'm learning how to process that trauma many years after her recovery. Not everyone gets to hear "you need to know that that was okay" while they're an angry kid, and hearing it now feels a little bit like getting that permission for ourselves.
Wow, this hit me like a ton of bricks. I lost my father very suddenly to cancer, my family learned his diagnosis and he was gone months later. It was a very traditionally masculine house that I was raised in, and part of my fathers passing was trying to prepare me for becoming the “man of the house” and part of that was separating from him as someone I cared about so I could be there for my mother and sister more efficiently. I ended up trading the last few months of my fathers life for a lifetime of regret and anger, and it didn’t work anyways, because I couldn’t stop my emotions from being. It took me so many years of emotional suppression to not hate myself for my emotions and to let them out in a healthy way, and I would have killed for an adult to tell me that I wasn’t failing, and that it was okay to be mad, and that I wasn’t failing as a son by being human.
No, you are not failing. Your emotions ( regrets and agony and self-hatred ) are exactly the proof to yourself that you are not failing AND you are indeed human. May you find self-acceptance, an over-due relief, and peace finally.
I appreciate so much what you two do on this channel. This film is such a heartbreakingly beautiful representation of human emotion, thank you for featuring it.
This film is very relatable for me (I haven't watched it, but from this video it seems like it). I grew up with my mom in and out of hospitals due to kidney issues and eventually failure. I struggled with fearing losing her. My parents were also divorced, though my father was emotionally and mentally abusive. There felt like there was no outlet for me, who felt expected to stay quiet and not act out or become emotional about it. I felt guilty for, at times, wishing it would be over and she would succumb to the issues just so it wasn't so terrible. It's an awful, terrible feeling for that thought to even come into your mind. In the end, as an adult, she's alive, doing dialysis three times a week, and I no longer speak to my father for now. The turmoil kids can go through when things are out of their control can be truly the worst. And yet coming out of those times as an adult who can make decisions is truly liberating. Choosing to heal and choosing to move forward are decisions one can make, and the process naturally follows. Knowing that things may happen, but you have the choice in how to respond is powerful. Thank you for covering this topic.
I was actually thinking about rewatching this movie soon & was talking about with a friend yeasterday. 😹 Back in my senior year of high school, I read this for our young adult novel class' horror unit and was shocked by how much it scared me and how influential book and movie were to my writing and my life. The level of writing to me is on par with Haiyo Miyazaki's writing. And I was legitimately surprised how close movie sticks to the original book unlike so many other movie adaptations. At the time of posting of this comment, *A Monster Calls* is up on Netflix for anyone who wants to watch it.
I believe one of the reasons the movie is so close is that Patrick Ness (the author of the original book) was very closely involved in writing the screenplay, if not the main screen writer. He's very good in both mediums, so I recommend all his books and movies (except the Chaos Walking film, which isn't his fault, as the concept was factually impossible to put to screen correctly).
I read this book when I was around 13-14. My best friend at the time had it and let me borrow it, and his mom had been sick for a long time. Reading it destroyed me. And then she passed away when we were around 16. So when this movie came out, I never watched it. Watching this video was the first time I had seen any part of this movie. And I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. But it was so healing to watch y'all talk about it and have so many feelings that I've had throughout my life, and especially pertaining to this subject matter, validated, after losing someone who became like a mother to me and wishing for so long that I could fix this for my friend, someone I loved and cared for so deeply, and I couldn't. So thank you for talking about this movie. Means a lot for so many people that have been impacted by this story.
The history of the book is heartbreaking. Siobhan Dowd drafted the bones while she was dying herself, facing her own monster, and then another author friend took what she left him and turned it into something darkly beautiful. She wrote her pain and he made it into art. As someone who watched a parent suffer with illness for my entire childhood, they nailed what people on the outside never understand.
To everyone who enjoyed the movie, I definitely recommend reading the book. I think the movie makers in this absolutely excelled in translating the book to a video format, but still it is another form to enjoy and heal through the same story.
As an aspiring counselor just starting my graduate school journey, I've been thoroughly enjoying the content on this channel and the therapeutic insights into film. I would love to see you both react to "Howl's Moving Castle" and touch on the themes of war and the unexpected role reversals of Sophie and Howl and the quiet, understated, and feminine heroism on display. Thanks for the terrific videos and the consistent flow of knowledge.
I would love to see you guys take on Song of the Sea, at some point. It's a story about being stuck in grief, and becoming unstuck so they can move on, but told in a beautiful fantasy adventure. It's another one of those likely to make Jon cry. Obviously, it's not the kind of thing to do every time, but I think it's worth looking at, eventually.
I think, unlike Bridge to Terabithia, a Monster's Call is actually therapeutic. It helps you understand throughout the film, instead of hitting you with a brick halfway through and asking you to cope. Wonderful film.
"I want it to be over" I felt the same exact way watching my grandfather succumb to Alzheimer's. It was so hard to watch him go through that knowing it wasn't going to get better, and in most ways he was already gone.
There's this weird thing I do that I basically put on movies to watch without checking what they're about beforehand. A monster calls was one of those movies and damn I did not expect to be crying for hours afterwards.😅 I just love how this movie made clear that it was to okay to be angry. I think I've never watched another movie dealing with loss that basically said that it's okay if you were so angry that you couldn't have a proper goodbye. It's just so realistic and considerate.
Same, I legit thought it was a fantasy - my favourite genre - and boy was I not prepared for what it was. It wasn't what I thought it'd be, but it was worth every coin I spend buying it.
I remember watching this movie in theaters and bawling my eyes out. Such a good movie both thematically and visually. So glad that more people are getting to hear about it.
AHHH YOU DID A MONSTER CALLS!!!!! This is my FAVOURITE book ever it always starts me crying from like page 10 straight until the end 😭 Jim Kay's illustrations are gorgeous and Patrick Ness treats Siobhan Dowd's idea with such care and tenderness and ugh I could talk about this for hours. The film and the play are also both amazing, definitely recommend watching the play if you ever get the chance. Literally just watching the start of this episode the "finally let her go" had me crying - I don't know how you managed to talk coherently at all about this ♥ ♥ ♥
Watching this helped me. Two years ago a friend of mine lost her battle with addiction. I realized that I acted they way I did around her because she read me like an open book. She saw me for who I really was and that scared me. She saw right the the facade I had up
My mom had cancer. I went to a camp for kids whose other parents had, we’re in treatment for, or had passed from cancer. There I met so many beautiful people struggling with hard life’s and on top there was cancer. Seeing on screen the pain my friends endured makes me happy and breaks my heart at the same time. Brought me to genuine tears. Thank you for making this episode.
I was connors age when my mom died from cancer. I remember feeling the same way he did. I just wanted to be over. This movie really helped heal my inner child
I’ve only watched this movie once, and it was years ago, but I have never forgotten it. It was one of the most powerfully heartbreaking movies I’ve ever seen, and I’m not the kind of person who cries a lot or gets emotional about stories. i’ve never even lost someone I was very close to (thank God). And it still got me.
Once in a while a film comes along that is so emotionally overwhelming it even lingers for days after. This is one of those films. What broke me was not only the end, but the scene where Connor and his grandmother were racing back to the hospital and have a conversation in the car. Tears flowed uncontrollably. And when Connor finally says goodbye to his mother, it was actually relief. "SPEAK THE TRUTH!"
"All we see is the behavior" isn't just true with children. I find that any time I do something that isn't right or wanted, the response to it is "what's wrong with you, you're a bad person" rather than "could there be a reason you're doing this other than you're just bad." I don't know about other adult-aged people, but when I (an autistic fortysomething who is developmentally parked in her late teens) hear that my behavior is the only thing that matters, that my behavior is the entire problem rather than a symptom, the message I take to heart is that I'm not worth seeing. Also, the one adult in my family who saw past my behavior to my pain and my actual self was my dad, who passed when I was 13. As gut-wrenching as this film is by itself, it's even more gut-wrenching to watch and think "I wish I'd had that support from the other adults around me."
I had to read the book for English class in grade 9 (Mind you this was peak pandemic time), and I balled my eyes out reading this. I was an emotional teen constantly hearing about people dying, so I think I processed all of that through this book. I can say this effects me even more now, 2 years later, after having watching my dad go through the same emotions. Every time I need a good cry, A Monster Calls is the book I turn to.
Dad: "I still love her, but love isn't enough, it doesn't carry you though" kid: " so, you didn't get a happily ever after?" dad: "no, but that's life, most of us get a messily ever after and that's alight" those two, this two lessons are ones that everyone needs to hear, just fundamental truth yet most of us, specially myself, didn't know this until it was to late.
I loved watching movies with my dad as a kid, but he never cried when I did. It made me feel embarrassed. So cathartic to see you guys cry, thank you 😭
I’ve seen my mother in the hospital over and over again. I’ve thought of life without her, and it’s to much to bare. But then I see you. Someone who is so similar to me in personality and problems, who has lost what I fear losing most, and I know that my life will go on and that the best that I could do is carry her love and legacy forward to everyone else…
As a person who has difficulty both registering and dealing with emotions, I love you guys for what you do. It's okay to cry when I watch with you, and deal with the harder thoughts that I otherwise push away. Thank you for making this channel, and for remembering to be a bit goofy too (I love the subtitles).
Just rewatched this. Man is this such a great story. Great storytelling and great visuals. Very touching and gets you thinking about life from a different perspective. Made me look at myself and all the "truths" I am hiding within.
Such an underrated movie for young folks... I love the 3 stories told by the giant tree. Gorgeous ! In France, the title is "Few minutes after midnight" which is the moment the monster is showing up but also the few minutes after his mom dies when you feel both relieved and devastated and this is the moment that the character is waiting for during the whole movie. It deals with so many subjects about growing up but also grief and loss when someone is dying but slowly and in great pain. The damages within yourself when you actually wish the person's death so disease and fear can finally vanish from your life is very relatable because when you witnessed agony very closely at some point you only see, breath and hear and live through those super devastating feelings and despair. You don't have time to deal with what is up to you and the character is in between childhood and teenage years aka the moment you have to be self-centered and focused on you. You feel like you are the worst child, spouse or sibling that ever lived while it is very normal to hope for better things to finally happen after being through hell. When you know it is over for a long time but it is not done yet, it's like purgatory. I personnaly felt bad to be inside my body, i wished i became a little mouse you know. At some point, the person that you love isn't the same anymore and in the end, you can only see the illness. And you are like "How dare I ? I am not the one suffering, i am not the one dying ? I should be ashamed to feel the way I feel ! I am not strong enough and that is making me both sad and angry.". And meanwhile life goes on around you and it's a crazy moment to be in. Your life is falling apart, what you thought was super solid is becoming very weak and it seems like no one truly cares. It is also so depressing to discover that all efforts made by everyone, all what your family have been through to fight, all the nights you all spent at the hospital and the hope you had were pointless. In the end, you lose against it. You start to wish never to have hoped anything in the beginning : "I should have known it was doomed. How stupid of me!". It is full disappointment and you can't tell yourself it was still worthy to try and unavoidable to never give up (If i had to do it again, i would have always done the same). It comes later. Then, the most heartbreaking part to me was to discover that i had forgotten how his voice sounded like and how he truly was alive, all the little details. He became an idea, a memory, a ghost and I felt really bad for it. I thought he deserved better but that's life. I didn't cry because of sadness, i cried because i knew that he was going to heal and go on with his life thanks to his relatives including his mom.
This was a really good film, to bad it didn't perform well at the box office. This film really tackles a tough subject. Films like Bridge to Terabithia uses a brighter colors to showcase grief. A Monster Calls uses a darker pallet.
I agree! I also am a huge fan of bridge to terabithia (I only saw the movie in my teens, but didn't read the book until I worked in an elementary school and the 5th grade was reading it) and in the movie (and the book) I liked how the father was part of the "enemy" covertly throughout the story until the end where Jesse finally confronts his grief and doesn't think his dad's going to be sympathetic because Jesse's gotta always be tough due to being the only son and his dad surprises him. It gets me every time. Just like how I this story when the tree creature says "I came to heal YOU" I lose it. And I rarely cry at movies. These two movies, I feel feelings.
I read this book when I was in elementary school and it hit me really profoundly with the imagery, rawness of the situations and emotions years later having experienced grief from mourning someone the story hits harder than ever with that beautiful message. My favorite book by far forever, thank you Patrick ness
This...this one was a serious gut punch. I lost it. I've dealt with PTSD and depression all of my life,and I've watched both of my amazing parents die slow deaths. This hit every branch on the tree, all the way down! I'm an emotional mess, right now.
Yup, this episode got me. Dang it guys! My family moved my grandmother in with us while she was going through dementia. I felt so ashamed when I kept my distance from her near the end, especially when she started becoming physically violent. But I know the words from the mom here 13:00 - about it being okay, that she understands - my grandmother would say the same thing if she was able.
I absolutely love the Big Lebowski clip they used, mostly because if you pay close attention you'll see that Jonathon's eyes are wide open behind those sunglasses. Makes him look like a total psychopath and I'm here for it.
Ewww grosss! My shirt is a mess with plenty snot, tears, and shaking sweats! Thanks guys! Reminding me to do laundry: Nice I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I cried the WHOLE time. I hung on Jonathan’s words when I was lost it crying and literally couldn’t see -darn tears-; his voice and genuine reaction words guiding me, bringing me slowly back to the present, to vision, and the present video. Happiness is being present so Thank you SO MUCH *! air hug !* I know it wasn’t easy BUT sometimes we get what we NEED not what we want. The longest relationship you’ll have is with yourself so don’t hold back and take it out on others when there’s still life to live yet (but I also get those “no alive” days feelings… gratitude really makes u more presently happy) I went to therapy of my own choosing START of THIS month b/c…I thought I was broken… for missing her (“what would life look life IF she had been here and was here now? Easier? Would I be just as screwed up or is this-me- the better version …oh “better” how horrible am I cuz she had to die!? I mean I still haven’t learned “woman” from her and still so much left I learned and I’m going to get that “woman” label slapped regardless ” I guess is common and not ground for going to an insane asylum) … If emotion is tied to decision making, I was stuck not moving on to career b/c I was stuck grieving & thought I wasn’t enough and too broken to function in society to have friends, partner, etc…- Y? Didn’t help that my 11 yr (now ex “neglectful-narc” fiancé as of 3 yrs ago)’s friends said I wasn’t a real woman, wouldn’t make a good wife” etc (I stood by myself alone while he let it happen while hed later apologized to his friends for my “behavior” for months) so it’s in the back of my head … Even though I know THEY were toxically projecting ( theppl said it cheated on each other when THEY were engaged ) … truth is, I’ve been there thinking that since I turned 12, or last few days of being 11 (so gender reveals and gender stuff really pisses me off, esp as a trained teacher- Point of Children is to grow to People, not “male/female” psshhh - @ least that’s what my mom wanted and would’ve wished to at least see me become as the BA Film major and Teacher ). We celebrated in the hospital. 4 days later had my b-day party (HP in theaters)(reason I don’t like celebrating my birthday in January as it’s the most-deaths month & limited activities ) When my aunt asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, I SELFISHLY said no b/c I didn’t want to bring “my” day down with the depressing atmosphere of the rubbing alcohol, white washed halls & stone-face first-responders. I only get 3-4 days a year after the new year THATS “me” and “fresh-starts”… before death is remembered. I didn’t say or do our goodbye secret wave/hand shake the last time, even after I had promised myself I’d always say bye in case it was the last time, cuz I had heard stories. She died that night. I felt conflicted and mad at myself and then blame and then confused. How sad she must’ve been and I wasn’t … She must’ve … … I’m crying… hot pressure building up in back of throat but not escaping… I want to SCCCRREEEAAMMM!!!! 😅…🥹🥲😢…😭 🥺😩..😖😞😔…🫠…………🙃(upside down face is Comedy& Creation to accept this crazy world) As adult, it’s been hard to “give up” on people because of it, don’t want to say goodbye too soon and regret - HOWEVER, I’ve been realizing as adult, it’s healthy to let go and not bring toxic people through just because of a childhood fear, esp now that I have control of what “I” do. - That’s me talking, not the therapist. U grow up fast when this stuff happens. Childhood is cut short (I guess I replaced depression and anxiety (still have them) with research so often that therapist have said I know a TON. Thanks, but it’s the unbiased view and guide I need). I didn’t have Connors support system , & my grandma lives behind us and didn’t check-in, visit, etc…which is hard cuz I was named after her (born on her day so hardly had own birthday) and I only like the way my mom gave me my own spelling b/c , her having come when she was younger and not having an American English name, my mom new name and identity were important). This month was her birthday. It’s been 20 years since she died and even on her death day, like we did after she died 20 yrs ago, we didn’t talk about her. It’s REALLY messed me, esp dad that ignored me (guess I reminded him of my mom so I wasn’t talked to growing up). Otherwise, I had movies to help mirror and guide how to be in this life with integrity and music that felt like it understood and was listening to me, that AND my mom’s death bed words “be strong” (pic of it on my insta “windowcaptions” during lockdown). Without movies, or music/art as my Thearpy or cinematherapy , it would’ve sent me MORE into fearful abandoned relationships attachment issues (not that it hasn’t already) like being with a a “Ryan” from Promising Young Woman …yeah, u can tell this month I’ve been trauma memory crying what with your recent “marriage story “ and growing without adults in “Spider-Man” videos. Love ALL of them!!!! I guess I wanted to share a truth into the void as the video expressed cuz it’s nice knowing it doesn’t make me bad or unfit, just human with conflicting ideas at once AND knowing life is just a different ending. Comfort knowing I’m not alone. Maybe I should publish those poems from the 12 yrs old who’d later win a poetry award 4 yrs later (I don’t tell ppl cuz …only person that gets a kick out of it is me).
I was debating wether or not to watch this film and holy crap just those small scenes actually got me to tear up. I feel like other films show at least follow along with A Monster Calls' idea. Too many times I feel like other films give off the idea of the "Disney" happily ever after but it's not realistic. What I think is needed is the fact that we need "messy endings" to show that even if it's not perfect we can be strong enough to push through.
@Sitzpinkler yessss, I agree. I always notice when a movie is done by Pixar (ft. Disney) not only because of the logo (lol) but because of the kind of themes they like to handle. Monsters University is definitely a personal favorite, the ending was so fresh, realistic and uplifting to the me of back then that was worried about college. Up was also quite bittersweet and yet so optimistic about grief.
@Itzel Wisteria to be fair Disney Pixar is the one which makes a more mature messy endings stories, from Soul to Monsters University, I really like the realism that those stories have
Yes, to be honest Disney ruined me a little in the sense that as a kid I loved happy endings and growing up I couldn't stand when something didn't end happily. Thankfully I got better at it and Disney created some good movies about grief, like Onward.
Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. It normalizes us and helps me be more honest. Because I've absolutely thought those dark thoughts and hated myself for them.
"I want it to be over" ....oh man, do I feel that. And I still struggle with the guilt from feeling that still. And the animation in that moment on the monster's face, when he speaks his truth, is incredible. Kudos to the team. This kid and Toby Kebbel both, give them more to do.
This episode is totally gutting me. I recently went through having my best friend fade with multiple illnesses and pass away all alone in a hospice. I couldn't deal with seeing her like that, not really there anymore. I had to work and that was my excuse for not spending as much time there as her wife did. I hate myself for it because the same thing happened when my mom went into a coma and I had the responsibility of making the decision to turn off the machines. One of my brothers was nagging and harassing me because I refused to have that be my last memory if her. Maybe it makes me a coward but it's the only way I've been able to keep from just ending myself rather than carrying on and surviving. 😔
The Lebowski clip was a wonderful clip to break the sad tension after the “if you need to break things, by god you break them” scene. I know I was crying right along with the boys
My mother and I watched this shortly after my sister passed. She couldn’t make it through and while it’s sad to see, I think the fact it can evoke such emotion is what makes it so amazing.
I saw the trailer for this film when it came out and I knew I needed to see it. Can we all just take our hats off to the young lead actor? He is just IN-CRE-DI-BLE! Also, Fernando Velazquez delivered a stunning score for this project.
From a teacher, good on you guys for putting this out during back to school time. It's important to have an example of trauma that our babies might be dealing with when they come to us.
honestly i have been rewatching this video because this is exactly how I felt when my grandma was told that her laungs were starting to fail her, everyday she had to stay in bed longer and longer and she would visible gasp for air and this lasted for almost a whole month and through it all I prayed even if it felt so wrong to do it, that it would be over. that her suffering would no longer keep her in pain, I prayed morning and night that she could rest even though it would hurt not only me but also my family. it has already been 2 years since she died and till this day I keep thinking that, what if I didn't want it to be over almost exactly how Connor felt, but then I'm remembered of the time when she accepted that this was her time and she left without an ounce of pain.
Last June one of siblings attempted suicide and almost succeeded. It was an awful experience, not knowing what was going to happen, if they were going to die. They’re recovering, but my other sibling and I spoke one day about how horrible we feel for thinking a death would’ve been easier. My therapist told me it stemmed from fear of losing them, of this happening again. I think about this movie a lot. I had seen the stage play right before everything happen and I love this amazing story but hate how relatable it is.
right?! I watched this first and then read the book, both so good im their own right but the film is such a great adaptation as well! It hits all the emotional beats just as hard 😭
When he said I want it to be over…. Man. My dad was sick, and I remember at the end, praying for it to end so he’d be not suffering. And feeling so guilty and sad. Man. All those emotions came back.
"Recognize happiness as a state of gratitude as opposed to I don't have to have any problems." "Everything being perfect." I actually don't believe in perfect for kinda that reason. To me, perfection creates the idea that you can have no flaws at all when flaws are part of life and you kinda need them and if you chase being perfect, your life will suck. I live by "practice makes better"
I was in the car to the hospital with my mum when my dad took his last breath. the scene where they're driving to see her destroyed me. I watched it too late at night to talk to anyone without waking them up. Thankfully, when I gave my dog a treat before putting him to bed, he farted in anticipation. I've never needed to laugh so badly in my life. Love that dog. It was exactly what I needed.
oh my god I read this book when I was in middle school and it had me in tears! It's soooooo good! It felt like reading a fantasy novel while also exploring real life tragedy and grief. To this day it's still one of my favourite books I've ever read
Man, i've teared up watching cinema therapy, but haven't actually sobbed until this one. coming up on the one year anniversary of the passing of my mom. I sure feel this
I've cried watching Cinema Therapy before (when they reacted to Inside Out, believe it or not), but this was the one that had me reaching for the tissues almost immediately. I lost my mum in 2015, so I felt it too. I'm sorry for your loss; that first year is bloody tough x
As someone who battles with depression and those dark thoughts, I feel comforted with the way Jonathan explained that these dark thoughts are just thoughts which everybody is having and it doesn't define me as a person at all. There are times when it's really hard to fight through these thoughts but right now, I'm glad I have another reason to fight it.
That line “of course you’re scared. It will be hard. It will be worse than hard, but you will make it through…” has been the strength giving line of my life. I served in the military and had to get two major surgeries on my feet and legs. I didn’t walk for two years. Meanwhile my husband left me because taking care of me was too much for him to take. I genuinely didn’t think I’d learn to get up onto my feet and walk again (physically and metaphorically), but I did. Years later, and a whole lot of physical and emotional therapy, I’ve made it through. So yes, life is hard, it is worse than hard, but we will make it through. Thank you for breaking down this beautiful movie that has such a special place in my heart.❤
God, I've been going through shit with my mom's chronic illness, and this movie perfectly captures all the pain I've been going through. I also wish it was over, but knowing it'll be over when she does makes me feel so guilty. I'm so thankful i found this channel and can process the grief i feel.
![SCREAMS SCREAMS and MORE SCREAMS [Fears To Fathom: Norwood Hitchhike]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/dT6taoucBX4/mqdefault.jpg)
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i hope that one day you could react to the masterpiece that is the anime NANA not a movie i know , its just that the social interaction , trauma"s and friendship , matures subjects are interpreted in a such sincere way ! would love to see what would you say.
Would you please check out mirai 2018 -anime🥺
And have you watched studio ghibli's🦝pom poko?
Could you guys do an episode on "she kills giants" ?
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I'd love to see you guys react to some anime a lot of tear jerkers with amazing stories
What makes it sadder is that the author of the original book (Patrick Ness, who also wrote the screenplay) didn't start the novel himself; another author, Siobhan Dowd, came up with the concept and characters, but she was suffering from breast cancer, and wasn't going to live long enough to write the story, so Ness was asked to write A Monster Calls for her.
Ohh my gosh wow. That's so sad.
*screams of emotional pain* 😭😭😭
@Omar Pride the child
@Pizzakiller Skyresia which actor?
Also the actor lost his mother before getting this role
Just hearing you say that you have had thoughts like "I wish I wasn't a parent" or "It might be simpler if I wasn't alive", it opened something up inside me. Something that needed to be opened.
These moments of troubling thoughts are just that. Moments.
They don't make me a bad person, or an ungrateful person, or a person who isn't going to keep going. They are moments. We go on.
Thank you.
In our subconscious, our thoughts form. When a thought hits you, that's the formed thought hitting your preconscious, the barrier that stops you and makes you think. And what you do, is your conscious talking. The subconscious holds both good and evil, the light and the shadow. We cannot remove the shadow. We must learn to live with it appropriately. So if you have a bad thought, you aren't a bad person on that alone. If you think about the bad thought and make it a reality... That's something else.
Sometimes we do…and sometimes we don’t. Suicide most definitely ends the pain just like falling into a dreamless sleep. Don’t judge.
I’m right there with you. Hearing wonderful parents and people like Jonathan and Alan admit to having these thoughts lifted a lot of guilt from my shoulders. It’s hard to not beat yourself up after thinking things like that, especially towards the people you love. I’m glad you guys brought these issues to light. I hope more people see this.
@Mackie Lunkey The first thought is the impulse. The second thought is what you really think, where your values and morals lie.
“It’s not what you think, it’s what you do.”
We can’t stop our intrusive thoughts from happening, but we can choose not to make those thoughts reality.
I also loved how this film encapsulates all the five stages of grief:
1. Denial - Conor believes that his mom will be healed
2. Anger - Conor destroys the entire room
3. Bargaining - Conor looks to the tree for another treatment
4. Depression - Conor faces his nightmare
5. Acceptance - Conor tells the truth
Also the five stages of grief isn't really a set in stone experience. Some people only experience some of them, some experience them in a different order, for some it's both. But I like they included all.
Lewis MacDougall, the kid who plays Connor, is absolutely brilliant in this film. You'll see he doesn't have many more credits, and I don't know if he's still pursuing acting at all or not, but he nailed this role. Talking about the audition process, Bayona (the director) said that most kids would act desperately sad and cry their eyes out, while Lewis did something different. He was angry. Angry and silent and repressing the emotions and perhaps teary eyed, but angry. And it portrayed perfectly what Connor goes through in the story. Lewis had lost his mother to a terminal disease when he was eleven years old, and played this role just a couple years later if I'm not mistaken. And I think that's a huge part of why his performance really comes through and hits.
He did a wonderful job and I feel like it was so brave of him to take up on a role like this. I hope it felt healing for him too.
@Violeta Folgarait Haha, I don't know if I can handle it - the clips in this episode nearly already had me crying!
Wow, he did well and can tell he used his experience to his advantage. I’m sure it helped him heal
@UmbraKrameri The Impossible is gut wrenching and those three kids (including Holland) gave absolutely incredible performances in it.
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@Ithenna you're absolutely spot on! thank you for sharing. I think a lot of parents miss that most of the times, when kids "act out" it's in response to some other underlaying emotion or issue going on, and as Jonathan said here, in this film Connor is just surrounded by great adults who sympathize and do understand what's going on. It's such a great film, if you're up to it and ready to cry haha, I'd very much urge you to watch it, it's a beautiful and cathartic experience to watch it too imo.
"I just want it to be over!" This line means so much to me, since I had a similar experience, except I was the one who was dying. When I was 14 I contracted rheumatic fever, a rather rare disease in America, and it took 4 months for my doctors to figure out what I had. In the meantime, I was slowly dying an extremely painful death as every joint in my body became inflamed with searing pain. There are a lot of things I could say about the expierance, it was horrible, but after I was cured my immune system was so compromised I just kept getting sick, again and again. Bronchitis, a fever of 106 that put me back in the hospital, a few others. The last time I got sick was nearly a year after I'd first gotten sick, I had a bought with pneumonia that lasted nearly 3 months. By that time I'd been sick for so long, fighting for so long, and I was right back on my death bed, unable to lay down or sit up due to my lungs being full of fluid. A few days before Christmas I woke up in the middle of the night, and I decided to sit in the living room, with the Christmas tree lights on and a few candles burning. I realized, at the time, that it was most likely going to be my last Christmas, but I wasn't sad, instead I just wanted it to be over. Siting there, in that moment, at the age of 14, I accepted my death for what it was, rest and peace. I'm 27 now, and while I have long-term disables because of the rheumatic fever, I've never really lost that sense of peace and contentment. My family is the only thing that matters to me in the world, and I spend whatever time I have with those I love. Doesn't matter if I have 50 years, or 50 minutes, I live, and will die, with no regrets. I'll always be grateful for that moment when I was 14, sitting in the living room in the middle of the night, a few days before Christmas. The struggle of life isn't what matters, it's the little moments of joy and love we share with others.
I’m glad you are still here and I hope you are blessed with many many more years. My older cousin contracted the same ailment and he suffered a lot of what you have mentioned including bronchitis to the point his voice was really raspy, breathing issues and eventually died of a really bad bout of pneumonia. I’m glad you got a new lease of life and long may it continue. God bless you.
I have also had health issues and I have learned that tomorrow is guaranteed so you have live life too it’s fullest I also learned that your health is the most valuable thing you can have
I just recovered from watching this episode, but this comment has me in tears all over again. Thank you for sharing. Truly.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. You are inspirational.
I first saw this movie on an airplane. I cried so hard that the flight attendant, who didn't speak English, came over with napkins and was very concerned about my well-being.
At the time, I was really struggling with my mental health. Connor's truth was my truth - I wanted it to be over. I wanted my life and my pain to stop. The line "it will be hard, it will be more than hard, but you will make it through" gave me the hope I needed to heal. This movie hit me like a truck.
I hope that flight attendant is ok. Maybe she needs to watch the film after seeing you haha.
I liked how the grandmother smashes the comes in and smashes the cabinet too, because we forget while watching this movie that her grandson isnt the only one in pain. She's in pain too. She's losing her child and she is going through all the same feelings that her grandson is experiencing.
I wouldn't say she's feeling exactly like him, because inevitably, their experiences will be different because she is an elderly woman (and she was her mother) and he is a little boy (and he was her son.)
But, yes, they are both going through pain if that's what you mean.
@Ilena Starbreeze sometimes we just want to lash out, you also have to acknowledge that she is going to outlive her child. Something she, nor anyone worthy of the title of parent, ever wants to see. If there was any good excuse for a grown adult to break stuff like a child throwing a tantrum, their child dying is probably the only thing that would be
There is that one sentence that I remember: No parent should have to bury their child.
@Brooke Boland You are so wrong, your parents didn't love you and that's really sad, but don't extrapolate your personal experience to others. I'm a loved daughter, my parents have lots of flaws and that scarred me for life, but never in my entire life feel not loved by my family.
This scene, and specifically the grandma breaking the cabinet, also happens in the book.
It's comforting to know even a therapist who's seen his fair share of people go through trauma and divorces can still be touched to his core by a movie like that.
bro even Liam Neeson said he cried when he watched it, and he played the movie and knew every line
I know it’s not even remotely the same as losing a parent, but the “i just want it to be over” resonates with me for my childhood cat. She passed away a bit under 14 months ago and I’m still very very mournful of her loss. We knew she was terminally ill and I just remember the last month span where I knew she was gonna die, it was just so heartbreaking. And even the day we had to put her down, the process took just so long, like for the anesthetic to work and stuff. I just had a nagging feeling where i wanted it to be over. I had both wanted any and every second I could get left with her as well as for it to just stop. And despite being in terrible sobbing grief over the loss of my best friend, there was an odd feeling of relief too. It’s a normal human emotion. Miss my girl Roxy every day.
My KZclip profile pic is of him. And I don’t think I can ever change it
I lost my childhood cat 2 years ago and I am still crying about it. He was only 12 he could’ve lived for a lot longer. He was my cat. My baby. And he died from a freak accident in the house and I blame myself. But I have no way of expressing my feelings to other people for fear they will tell me that it was just a cat. I’ve been told it through other words like “has she never lost a pet before?” Which I have but by them growing old or having cancer.
It's not comparable but there is a thing about animals that makes it in one part, worst.
You can't talk to your agonizing animal, they can't give you words, their specific pains are a mistery, and that kills me.
I had a female dog, she suffered before she died, and latter we found a vegetable spike in her nose, infected, i don't blame the ver, but a human could have told us, it still makes me really sad.
Yeah my nearly 15 years old GSD couldn't walk and we had to help her outside and to go places. She would cry out at night. It was hard to bear it and to see her suffer. We did everything we could to make her feel better but at some point, I had to make the decision to euthanize her. Was hard but I was there with her until the very end. I cried all day and night. 6 years later and I still mourn her like I lost my best friend. It feels the same for me. I've actually lost a best friend to death and it honestly feels the same.
I too lost my childhood cat recently, and I also experienced a sense of relief after he was put down (at the ripe old age of 19!). All the months of watching his gradual decline in health and just knowing deep down that he was on his way out was weighing heavily on my heart, and after he passed on, my heart felt light again even though I was grieving him dearly.
The one thing I didn't like about the movie is that they didn't include Conor's friend, Lily. In the book, Conor confided to her about his mother's illness and then she told everyone else. As a result, people started treating Conor differently. Lily helped show how Conor used to be before his mother became sick and displayed his self-isolation. After he beats up Harry while screaming "I'm not invisible!", Lily passed him a note that said she still considers him a friend and ends it with the words, _I See You_
That's where I started crying when reading the book, and kept going until the end
The I’m invisible part was so profound I love the book so much
@_SPT-WarWolf_ First edition, black artwork. You got it, boss man!
And I mean that genuinely, I might add; good advice is advice to take.
I had to read the book AND watch the movie in English class :'0
@Twaggy Theatricks Buy a first edition with the black artwork, they help set the mood and show several important aspects of the story.
I’m not a public cryer, but when I decided to read this book as my in-flight entertainment when traveling alone, I couldn’t stop crying. After watching me for a while with a worried look, my rowmate asked me if I was okay. After all, I was a grown adult reading a large-print middle-grade book with pictures in it (haunting ones but still) and nearly sobbing. It’s such a devastating and real story. I’m glad the movie does it justice.
What's devastating is that his REAL mother died of multiple sclerosis just before he began filming for this movie. Maybe his reactions were more real than we imagine.
I love that this film and book tackle mature subjects such as death, loss and grief by using a creative Allegory, without dumbing it down for children. Connor ultimately knows that his mother won't make it, and is guilty over wanting her to die, since he wants both of their pain to end.
@Zach Rabaznaz sorry to say the "only show". All those ones you just mentioned are golden gems as well. I guess I was referring more to the stuff you see on youtube kids for example, that shit is whack and I feel like most of us can agree on that. That's why I said "children's entertainment" and not "children shows". I guess I should have been more specific, don't worry, it wasn't my intention to insult children's media as a whole, just saying that the vast majority of it (youtube kids videos can easily get billions of views) seem very exploitative.
@Qwerty David excuse me? The only show? Where's Atla, Alex Hirsch's works, owl house, etc etc etc. Don't insult children's media, a lot of it is very well made and very deep.
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definitely, i remember feeling the same when my nana passed, i thought "oh thank god, she won't suffer anymore" and then i just bawled my eyes out for thinking that because my nana is dead and it felt like such an awful thing to think
@chephka qq
I haven't even watched the film but I cried so much watching this. You've convinced me that I should definitely watch it properly sometime. Thank you.
The book is also wonderful. I think this story is much more successful as a book. I read it once a year or so, when I want to dust out the cobwebs with a good seasion of ugly crying. If you like the film, you might love the book.
Hopefully you like it!
"You think its easy? You are willing to die than speak it" this hits hard when it first came out and im struggling that time, makes me realize so many things. Now i hear it again and im so proud of myself, I far from my old self
"I want it to be over." That's the part that got me. Coming from a 30 yr old who lost his dad 25 yrs ago, it will never be over. You learn to deal with the hurt, but it never goes away.
I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts and ideations for many years, and hearing conner say “i want it to just be over” and him adamantly refusing to speak his truth felt like a punch in the gut. It’s so hard to just. Too hard to really say what’s wrong.
The part where conner went “I’m the one who needs healing?!” Before he screamed is how I’ve felt for all those years. This deep shame of being so unwell that you’d think it better you were never born can and will suffocate you. It’s like drowning and being unable to swim. You keep kicking and kicking but no matter what everything keeps pushing you down.
But the thing is, it’s the mental illness that’s speaking FOR you. It TELLS you that you are unworthy, unloved, and unwanted. It manipulates how you see the world and twists it into a fucking nightmare. The difficult part is to admit that you need help. Like when Connor said “is that all?” It may seem nightmarish to admit you need help at first, but when you finally speak, it gets easier.
I hope you are doing well 💟
Haven't started the video yet but A Monster Calls is one of my favorite books ever in the world and I was so love in with the movie adaption which is RARE for a book-to-movie adaptation to be so good. And now to see one of my fave YT channels going over it is such a highlight to my day thank you so much.
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You're so welcome!
I commented about this a long time ago.. this was the first ever film that had me in tears throughout… i lost my mum at 4yrs of age to cancer so it really hit home hard, the emotion, the anger, the feeling of loss… my dad(a old fashioned, tough love kinda guy) left with 4 kids and me the youngest.. it was tough growing up.. 4 years in therapy and 1.5 years watching you guys and I’m a hell of a lot better mentally ❤️
I watched this movie with my step-dad and brother about 2 weeks after my step-dad's dad died of cancer. needless to say we were all crying. It's a beautiful movie and we all loved it, it was just to soon.
I know it’s silly but …um…I feel silly for asking cuz everyone is different , but, if you want to trade or swap recipes. It’s not the same but the feeling of loosing simple things like food or what flowers she would’ve chosen or why she chose the things she did in the garden , really help. So if there’s anyway we can help each other, & this is anyone reading…The best I have are recipies I found , not ones she kept or cooked. . Otherwise, once she died, we lived on mostly fast food. Good news about being youngest is you can ask your siblings stories. My dad won’t talk about my mom and he’s getting old to pt of not remembering (or choosing not to). There’s nothing worse than missing someone who you barely remember and now you have No idea who they were or could’ve been or were going to be. I’m not making things easier. But still. Sharing fav food or songs or movies keeps them here and going and we get to know you AND her. Hope this helps:
She liked Triple threats & musicals
“I hope you dance” - lee Ann Womack (her fav song)
“You’ll be in my heart” - fav song from Disney
Sound of music -film
My youngest bro (who doesn’t remember her) was her “little man” and she indulged HP nerd things with me, even shouting down the hospital hall when she assumed she heard backpacks to the pt I freaked out thinking something was wrong.
Tell me of your mom, any tiny thing. If not, again, there’s always making a fun event of it with your siblings , even if FaceTiming.
Sending you ❤️!
So sorry to hear this...pleased that therapy has helped you 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Good for you man- keep going 💪🏻✨
I commented the same a long time ago too! Shame on them for not doing it earlier, especially if there's a filmmaker on the team.This movie is a jewel, help me a lot too when I lost my mother, my boyfriend made me watch it before she passed away and that movie helped me in the process 🥀♥️
I wasn't prepared for this. I hadn't heard of this movie before now. It brought me back to when I was young holding my mother's hand as she took her last breath. The pain is so intense I can barely breathe.
"I want it to be over." I think that sums up how anyone feels in a situation like this, even if circumstances are different. I lost my grandmother back in 2020, and she was sick and old, so it was something that didn't come entirely out of the blue, but me and my family knew it was only a matter of time. My mom and I traveled up to her home to see her one last time, and the whole way up I just kept thinking something similar, 'I just want it to be over'. Not because I wanted my grandmother to die, but because I wanted her suffering, and ours, to finally end.
I remember watching this movie when I was around ten years old, and I didn’t like it. It made me feel extremely uncomfortable, especially the scene in the end where he lets his mother fall, and everything with the school bully. I still cried watching it, and it stuck with me for years. I’m a teenager now, and I consider this to be one of the most formative films from with childhood. I relate so deeply to the protagonist feeling invisible and feeling guilty for just wanting the pain to stop, even if it means losing someone he loves.
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That is so powerful what you said “our thoughts don’t make us who are or bad it’s what we do with those thoughts. They are just impulses and our integrity decides how we behave “ or you said something like that. Love this ❤
I remember a time when the reality of my grandfather’s Alzheimer’s was hitting me. I was 16 and I screamed and cried for days. Just the fact that he was going to die from it and there was no healing from it hurt me so much. I hated myself because for a brief moment, I prayed for his death so he wouldn’t suffer anymore. I hated seeing him suffer because he didn’t deserve it. He served people all his life only for him suffer so much at the end gutted me. But now I’m at peace with the fact he’s no longer in pain. I still miss and grieve him but that anger is no longer there.
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The scene where the mom is telling her son to feel his anger to feel whatever emotions he needs to feel. That's what every parent needs to tell their child. I lost my grandma to Alzheimer's when I was 11 it's not a parent but it's still losing someone I love. I was angry, sad, hormonal (because puberty decided it was a perfect time to come lol) I had a lot going on to say the least. Not only that but I had to deal with it as a child, I was told to calm down by everyone. I felt I had to be a "big girl" and grow up and to not feel my emotions.
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@רון גורליק Thank you for sharing, it can take a lot to do that sometimes but you did it!! Parents also have this sense of responsibility they feel like they have to be strong for their child and everyone else too. But parents should never expect it from their child. 13 is hardly a man, It's a hard age and to be expected to not feel emotions is difficult. It makes you feel more emotional in a way. We all grieve differently and that is what makes us human.
I know for certainty that it was better for my grandma to die, if she had her mind she wouldn't have wanted us to go through all of that. Of the constant taking care of her and making sure she didn't get lost and wonder off somewhere. Death can be a relief at times, yes we are the ones to deal with it afterwards but we know that our loved ones aren't I'm pain anymore. I hope all is well with you!
Sometimes I think that grown ups saying it because they’re angry, and they try so hard not to scream and break things and not to get out of control and seeing a younger person who just learning this emotions it’s a knife in the heart and they don’t want to take care about another person…When my Grandfather was sick and I found out last of my family that there’s no cure and I was 13 when it happened, my grandfather was still alive but knowing that it’s inevitable broke me…and my dad who took care of him said…you think you can cry? I take care of him every day I see him dying every day and at this point the best thing that can happen is for him to die.
When the day came when he died, I was very sick and…It was early in the morning and he just told me, he died and I ask from you to take it like a “man” and control yourself.
Which first he’s not wrong that it was better for my grandpa to die because he’s suffering, and my dad like in this movie wished for this all thing to over. He was not wrong that he suffered more, but he was wrong to tell me those things in the time when I just found out and he was wrong to tell me to control myself because his meaning for control yourself is don’t feel, don’t cry, just do whatever needed to be done. Move on fast. And feeling are needed to be felt. And to see even if it’s just a story, to see this type of parents that tells him to feel, to take his time, it’s hard time it’s understandable, I love you. I won’t have it but…it’s something I’m trying to pass on to other people. To friends or whoever have this feeling or going through grief
I REQUESTED THIS MONTHS AGO, I can't tell you how much this means to me that you found time to cover this. I love you guys and your channels... thank you so much... I can cry happy...
You're so welcome!
My grandpa was diagnosed with dementia, and for nearly 10 years my grandma was his primary caretaker until he died, and I remember about six months before it happened, she said to me “I feel so terrible. I just want it to be over. I’m so tired. Does that make me a terrible person?”
And I hugged her and said “Of course not. This is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. Its ok.” We cried a little and it was such a great moment because my family never talks about emotions or real issues, and I had so much catharsis to at least touch on something real for a minute.
I have literally been waiting for this movie. It flew under the radar for a tooooooooooon of people. Absolutely stunning film and masterfully done.
It's really good!
This is a very hard video to watch but it's helping me too. My best friend suffered with terminal cancer from October until he finally passed away in April, 12 days after his 25th birthday. Close to the end, I could see he was just getting worse and worse and was in more and more pain, to the point that it hurt him just to turn his head or speak. But the part that chewed me up from inside was that I frequently found myself thinking "Please. Just hurry up and die."
I didn't WANT my best friend and soul-sibling to die. Of course I didn't. But I couldn't stop thinking about him lying in that hospital bed, too sick to do anything but watch TV. In too much pain to do ANYTHING for himself. He was trapped, scared, sad and lonely and I just wanted it to end for him, even though I knew I'd be left behind.
Also, in a weird way, healing from grief is hard too. You start to notice moments where you feel happy again and you hate yourself for it. You feel like, if it doesn't hurt like knives every single day forever, that somehow means you don't care any more. Grief just sucks, man.
I am 46 and have lost my mother and sister to cancer. My best friend of 18 years is fighting it now. I needed to hear this. I needed to cry. I need to heal. Thanks you two. 💗
I lost my father last Wednesday. It’s been tough. Thanks Alan and Jono.
Edit: The funeral was today. Many family and friends came. Thank you for your condolences.
sending you a virtual hug 🫂
Virtual hug from Dallas, Tx
@Shipper trash I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.
I'm sorry for your loss, don't ever forget that your grief is natural abd when you need to vent - don't be afraid to do so 💌
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My mom died in September 30th of 2022, exactly a month before she passed this video came out. Thank you Alan and Johnathan, you guys prepped me for my monster to come and i feel like i handled it much better because of you guys.
Both my parents wrote themselves out of my life. When they passed, I really felt...nothing. I always felt cheated about that. I feel like I've missed out on an important passage of life. I envy people who got to experience that loss as a raw, primal emotion. That or I just buried it so deep down, I can't even find it.
I am not gonna lie, this was so open and brutally honest I had to turn the video off and step away for a moment. You are so brave and I’m so sorry you lost your mom. God bless you.
There is something especially devastating about Johnathan crying. Allen’s cries are mostly endearing, but I can always feel pain in John’s.
This movie is an unsung masterpiece about grief and loss. One of the stories that make you cry in a good way and I am very happy to see you two tackling it!
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Having gone through my own health scare, this film really is the greatest representation of grief based trauma I've ever seen on both screen and in writing... and it got snubbed at the Oscars. The bit where Connor screams that he wants it to be over will stay with me forever.
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This is the first movie that made me weep. It was actually during my last semester in college too. I wept 15 minutes before the sad part of the movie. I wept solely because this kid struggled with his emotions spoke to me since I had been emotionally blocked for years. With the help of God, my girlfriend, and this movie, I have been more emotionally vulnerable and let myself be honest with my emotions. This became one of my favorite movies of all time. Whoever made this film, thank you
This came out around the same time my nanna died. It makes me guilty saying this even to this day, but I didn't cry when my parents told me she had passed, I didn't even cry at her funeral. Then I watched this. Which was maybe bad timing on my part or maybe not but when I got home after this film I cried over my nanna for the first time since her passing.
If you look at Connor's mother's room at the end, his grandfather is Liam Neeson in the photo on the wall. Really appreciated that detail.
I’m in this film! I’m an extra that you can see briefly after Connor has a meeting with the headteacher at school, I’m one of the first kids on the right looking at him in the hallway.
To give the effect that this kid is weird JA Bayona gave him a clown mask and made him do the scene wearing it so we all kind of got the idea of how to look at him
Oh and yes they built a giant tree hand! The monster also doesn’t have a name, it’s just called The Monster
wow that is a nice trivia
The "You need to know that that was okay" made me tear up instantly and the "I know everything you need to tell me without you having to say it out loud" made me full on cry. My mom survived cancer when I was a kid and she sheltered me tremendously from how close a call it could have been. She didn't show a shred of weakness for a moment so that I could feel that she would be okay, no matter what. I didn't fully understand how close I was to losing her until I was an adult and now I'm learning how to process that trauma many years after her recovery. Not everyone gets to hear "you need to know that that was okay" while they're an angry kid, and hearing it now feels a little bit like getting that permission for ourselves.
Wow, this hit me like a ton of bricks. I lost my father very suddenly to cancer, my family learned his diagnosis and he was gone months later. It was a very traditionally masculine house that I was raised in, and part of my fathers passing was trying to prepare me for becoming the “man of the house” and part of that was separating from him as someone I cared about so I could be there for my mother and sister more efficiently. I ended up trading the last few months of my fathers life for a lifetime of regret and anger, and it didn’t work anyways, because I couldn’t stop my emotions from being.
It took me so many years of emotional suppression to not hate myself for my emotions and to let them out in a healthy way, and I would have killed for an adult to tell me that I wasn’t failing, and that it was okay to be mad, and that I wasn’t failing as a son by being human.
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No, you are not failing. Your emotions ( regrets and agony and self-hatred ) are exactly the proof to yourself that you are not failing AND you are indeed human. May you find self-acceptance, an over-due relief, and peace finally.
I appreciate so much what you two do on this channel. This film is such a heartbreakingly beautiful representation of human emotion, thank you for featuring it.
So glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for watching!
This film is very relatable for me (I haven't watched it, but from this video it seems like it). I grew up with my mom in and out of hospitals due to kidney issues and eventually failure. I struggled with fearing losing her. My parents were also divorced, though my father was emotionally and mentally abusive. There felt like there was no outlet for me, who felt expected to stay quiet and not act out or become emotional about it.
I felt guilty for, at times, wishing it would be over and she would succumb to the issues just so it wasn't so terrible. It's an awful, terrible feeling for that thought to even come into your mind. In the end, as an adult, she's alive, doing dialysis three times a week, and I no longer speak to my father for now.
The turmoil kids can go through when things are out of their control can be truly the worst. And yet coming out of those times as an adult who can make decisions is truly liberating. Choosing to heal and choosing to move forward are decisions one can make, and the process naturally follows. Knowing that things may happen, but you have the choice in how to respond is powerful. Thank you for covering this topic.
I was actually thinking about rewatching this movie soon & was talking about with a friend yeasterday. 😹
Back in my senior year of high school, I read this for our young adult novel class' horror unit and was shocked by how much it scared me and how influential book and movie were to my writing and my life. The level of writing to me is on par with Haiyo Miyazaki's writing.
And I was legitimately surprised how close movie sticks to the original book unlike so many other movie adaptations.
At the time of posting of this comment, *A Monster Calls* is up on Netflix for anyone who wants to watch it.
I believe one of the reasons the movie is so close is that Patrick Ness (the author of the original book) was very closely involved in writing the screenplay, if not the main screen writer. He's very good in both mediums, so I recommend all his books and movies (except the Chaos Walking film, which isn't his fault, as the concept was factually impossible to put to screen correctly).
I read this book when I was around 13-14. My best friend at the time had it and let me borrow it, and his mom had been sick for a long time. Reading it destroyed me. And then she passed away when we were around 16. So when this movie came out, I never watched it. Watching this video was the first time I had seen any part of this movie. And I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. But it was so healing to watch y'all talk about it and have so many feelings that I've had throughout my life, and especially pertaining to this subject matter, validated, after losing someone who became like a mother to me and wishing for so long that I could fix this for my friend, someone I loved and cared for so deeply, and I couldn't. So thank you for talking about this movie. Means a lot for so many people that have been impacted by this story.
The history of the book is heartbreaking. Siobhan Dowd drafted the bones while she was dying herself, facing her own monster, and then another author friend took what she left him and turned it into something darkly beautiful. She wrote her pain and he made it into art.
As someone who watched a parent suffer with illness for my entire childhood, they nailed what people on the outside never understand.
To everyone who enjoyed the movie, I definitely recommend reading the book. I think the movie makers in this absolutely excelled in translating the book to a video format, but still it is another form to enjoy and heal through the same story.
I’ve listened to the audiobook and yeah it’s really identical
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@Anna hat viele Hobbies Breathtaking. Seriously. One of the most beautifully made books I have ever seen. I'm in love with it.
And the illustrations are amazing.
Totally agree!
As an aspiring counselor just starting my graduate school journey, I've been thoroughly enjoying the content on this channel and the therapeutic insights into film. I would love to see you both react to "Howl's Moving Castle" and touch on the themes of war and the unexpected role reversals of Sophie and Howl and the quiet, understated, and feminine heroism on display. Thanks for the terrific videos and the consistent flow of knowledge.
i have never cried harder at an episode. i am still crying. this is incredible.
I would love to see you guys take on Song of the Sea, at some point. It's a story about being stuck in grief, and becoming unstuck so they can move on, but told in a beautiful fantasy adventure.
It's another one of those likely to make Jon cry. Obviously, it's not the kind of thing to do every time, but I think it's worth looking at, eventually.
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Yes please I love that movie! ❤
I think, unlike Bridge to Terabithia, a Monster's Call is actually therapeutic. It helps you understand throughout the film, instead of hitting you with a brick halfway through and asking you to cope. Wonderful film.
"I want it to be over"
I felt the same exact way watching my grandfather succumb to Alzheimer's. It was so hard to watch him go through that knowing it wasn't going to get better, and in most ways he was already gone.
There's this weird thing I do that I basically put on movies to watch without checking what they're about beforehand. A monster calls was one of those movies and damn I did not expect to be crying for hours afterwards.😅 I just love how this movie made clear that it was to okay to be angry. I think I've never watched another movie dealing with loss that basically said that it's okay if you were so angry that you couldn't have a proper goodbye. It's just so realistic and considerate.
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I put on this movie thinking it was going to be a horror movie kind of like "Before I Wake". Boy was I wrong but not disappointed
Same, I legit thought it was a fantasy - my favourite genre - and boy was I not prepared for what it was. It wasn't what I thought it'd be, but it was worth every coin I spend buying it.
I remember watching this movie in theaters and bawling my eyes out. Such a good movie both thematically and visually. So glad that more people are getting to hear about it.
Agreed!
AHHH YOU DID A MONSTER CALLS!!!!! This is my FAVOURITE book ever it always starts me crying from like page 10 straight until the end 😭 Jim Kay's illustrations are gorgeous and Patrick Ness treats Siobhan Dowd's idea with such care and tenderness and ugh I could talk about this for hours. The film and the play are also both amazing, definitely recommend watching the play if you ever get the chance. Literally just watching the start of this episode the "finally let her go" had me crying - I don't know how you managed to talk coherently at all about this ♥ ♥ ♥
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We struggled to. It's a beautiful and heartbreaking story.
Jonathan and Alan, thank you for making such great content! One of my favorite channels:) I rewatch so many of your episodes
Watching this helped me. Two years ago a friend of mine lost her battle with addiction. I realized that I acted they way I did around her because she read me like an open book. She saw me for who I really was and that scared me. She saw right the the facade I had up
My mom had cancer. I went to a camp for kids whose other parents had, we’re in treatment for, or had passed from cancer. There I met so many beautiful people struggling with hard life’s and on top there was cancer. Seeing on screen the pain my friends endured makes me happy and breaks my heart at the same time. Brought me to genuine tears. Thank you for making this episode.
I was connors age when my mom died from cancer. I remember feeling the same way he did. I just wanted to be over. This movie really helped heal my inner child
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I'm sorry for your loss.
the understanding in this movie is so refreshing. they get it they understand his pain and grandma shows that.
I’ve only watched this movie once, and it was years ago, but I have never forgotten it. It was one of the most powerfully heartbreaking movies I’ve ever seen, and I’m not the kind of person who cries a lot or gets emotional about stories. i’ve never even lost someone I was very close to (thank God). And it still got me.
Once in a while a film comes along that is so emotionally overwhelming it even lingers for days after. This is one of those films. What broke me was not only the end, but the scene where Connor and his grandmother were racing back to the hospital and have a conversation in the car. Tears flowed uncontrollably. And when Connor finally says goodbye to his mother, it was actually relief. "SPEAK THE TRUTH!"
"All we see is the behavior" isn't just true with children. I find that any time I do something that isn't right or wanted, the response to it is "what's wrong with you, you're a bad person" rather than "could there be a reason you're doing this other than you're just bad." I don't know about other adult-aged people, but when I (an autistic fortysomething who is developmentally parked in her late teens) hear that my behavior is the only thing that matters, that my behavior is the entire problem rather than a symptom, the message I take to heart is that I'm not worth seeing.
Also, the one adult in my family who saw past my behavior to my pain and my actual self was my dad, who passed when I was 13. As gut-wrenching as this film is by itself, it's even more gut-wrenching to watch and think "I wish I'd had that support from the other adults around me."
I had to read the book for English class in grade 9 (Mind you this was peak pandemic time), and I balled my eyes out reading this. I was an emotional teen constantly hearing about people dying, so I think I processed all of that through this book. I can say this effects me even more now, 2 years later, after having watching my dad go through the same emotions. Every time I need a good cry, A Monster Calls is the book I turn to.
Dad: "I still love her, but love isn't enough, it doesn't carry you though"
kid: " so, you didn't get a happily ever after?"
dad: "no, but that's life, most of us get a messily ever after and that's alight"
those two, this two lessons are ones that everyone needs to hear, just fundamental truth yet most of us, specially myself, didn't know this until it was to late.
I loved watching movies with my dad as a kid, but he never cried when I did. It made me feel embarrassed. So cathartic to see you guys cry, thank you 😭
I’ve seen my mother in the hospital over and over again. I’ve thought of life without her, and it’s to much to bare. But then I see you. Someone who is so similar to me in personality and problems, who has lost what I fear losing most, and I know that my life will go on and that the best that I could do is carry her love and legacy forward to everyone else…
As a person who has difficulty both registering and dealing with emotions, I love you guys for what you do. It's okay to cry when I watch with you, and deal with the harder thoughts that I otherwise push away. Thank you for making this channel, and for remembering to be a bit goofy too (I love the subtitles).
Just rewatched this. Man is this such a great story. Great storytelling and great visuals. Very touching and gets you thinking about life from a different perspective. Made me look at myself and all the "truths" I am hiding within.
Such an underrated movie for young folks... I love the 3 stories told by the giant tree. Gorgeous ! In France, the title is "Few minutes after midnight" which is the moment the monster is showing up but also the few minutes after his mom dies when you feel both relieved and devastated and this is the moment that the character is waiting for during the whole movie.
It deals with so many subjects about growing up but also grief and loss when someone is dying but slowly and in great pain.
The damages within yourself when you actually wish the person's death so disease and fear can finally vanish from your life is very relatable because when you witnessed agony very closely at some point you only see, breath and hear and live through those super devastating feelings and despair. You don't have time to deal with what is up to you and the character is in between childhood and teenage years aka the moment you have to be self-centered and focused on you. You feel like you are the worst child, spouse or sibling that ever lived while it is very normal to hope for better things to finally happen after being through hell. When you know it is over for a long time but it is not done yet, it's like purgatory. I personnaly felt bad to be inside my body, i wished i became a little mouse you know. At some point, the person that you love isn't the same anymore and in the end, you can only see the illness. And you are like "How dare I ? I am not the one suffering, i am not the one dying ? I should be ashamed to feel the way I feel ! I am not strong enough and that is making me both sad and angry.". And meanwhile life goes on around you and it's a crazy moment to be in. Your life is falling apart, what you thought was super solid is becoming very weak and it seems like no one truly cares.
It is also so depressing to discover that all efforts made by everyone, all what your family have been through to fight, all the nights you all spent at the hospital and the hope you had were pointless. In the end, you lose against it. You start to wish never to have hoped anything in the beginning : "I should have known it was doomed. How stupid of me!". It is full disappointment and you can't tell yourself it was still worthy to try and unavoidable to never give up (If i had to do it again, i would have always done the same). It comes later.
Then, the most heartbreaking part to me was to discover that i had forgotten how his voice sounded like and how he truly was alive, all the little details. He became an idea, a memory, a ghost and I felt really bad for it. I thought he deserved better but that's life.
I didn't cry because of sadness, i cried because i knew that he was going to heal and go on with his life thanks to his relatives including his mom.
This was a really good film, to bad it didn't perform well at the box office. This film really tackles a tough subject. Films like Bridge to Terabithia uses a brighter colors to showcase grief. A Monster Calls uses a darker pallet.
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I agree! I also am a huge fan of bridge to terabithia (I only saw the movie in my teens, but didn't read the book until I worked in an elementary school and the 5th grade was reading it) and in the movie (and the book) I liked how the father was part of the "enemy" covertly throughout the story until the end where Jesse finally confronts his grief and doesn't think his dad's going to be sympathetic because Jesse's gotta always be tough due to being the only son and his dad surprises him. It gets me every time. Just like how I this story when the tree creature says "I came to heal YOU" I lose it. And I rarely cry at movies. These two movies, I feel feelings.
I read this book when I was in elementary school and it hit me really profoundly with the imagery, rawness of the situations and emotions years later having experienced grief from mourning someone the story hits harder than ever with that beautiful message. My favorite book by far forever, thank you Patrick ness
This...this one was a serious gut punch. I lost it.
I've dealt with PTSD and depression all of my life,and I've watched both of my amazing parents die slow deaths. This hit every branch on the tree, all the way down!
I'm an emotional mess, right now.
Yup, this episode got me. Dang it guys!
My family moved my grandmother in with us while she was going through dementia. I felt so ashamed when I kept my distance from her near the end, especially when she started becoming physically violent. But I know the words from the mom here 13:00 - about it being okay, that she understands - my grandmother would say the same thing if she was able.
I absolutely love the Big Lebowski clip they used, mostly because if you pay close attention you'll see that Jonathon's eyes are wide open behind those sunglasses. Makes him look like a total psychopath and I'm here for it.
Ewww grosss! My shirt is a mess with plenty snot, tears, and shaking sweats!
Thanks guys!
Reminding me to do laundry: Nice
I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I cried the WHOLE time. I hung on Jonathan’s words when I was lost it crying and literally couldn’t see -darn tears-; his voice and genuine reaction words guiding me, bringing me slowly back to the present, to vision, and the present video. Happiness is being present so
Thank you SO MUCH *! air hug !* I know it wasn’t easy BUT sometimes we get what we NEED not what we want. The longest relationship you’ll have is with yourself so don’t hold back and take it out on others when there’s still life to live yet (but I also get those “no alive” days feelings… gratitude really makes u more presently happy)
I went to therapy of my own choosing START of THIS month b/c…I thought I was broken… for missing her (“what would life look life IF she had been here and was here now? Easier? Would I be just as screwed up or is this-me- the better version …oh “better” how horrible am I cuz she had to die!? I mean I still haven’t learned “woman” from her and still so much left I learned and I’m going to get that “woman” label slapped regardless ” I guess is common and not ground for going to an insane asylum) … If emotion is tied to decision making, I was stuck not moving on to career b/c I was stuck grieving & thought I wasn’t enough and too broken to function in society to have friends, partner, etc…- Y? Didn’t help that my 11 yr (now ex “neglectful-narc” fiancé as of 3 yrs ago)’s friends said I wasn’t a real woman, wouldn’t make a good wife” etc (I stood by myself alone while he let it happen while hed later apologized to his friends for my “behavior” for months) so it’s in the back of my head … Even though I know THEY were toxically projecting ( theppl said it cheated on each other when THEY were engaged ) … truth is, I’ve been there thinking that since I turned 12, or last few days of being 11 (so gender reveals and gender stuff really pisses me off, esp as a trained teacher- Point of Children is to grow to People, not “male/female” psshhh - @ least that’s what my mom wanted and would’ve wished to at least see me become as the BA Film major and Teacher ).
We celebrated in the hospital. 4 days later had my b-day party (HP in theaters)(reason I don’t like celebrating my birthday in January as it’s the most-deaths month & limited activities ) When my aunt asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, I SELFISHLY said no b/c I didn’t want to bring “my” day down with the depressing atmosphere of the rubbing alcohol, white washed halls & stone-face first-responders. I only get 3-4 days a year after the new year THATS “me” and “fresh-starts”… before death is remembered.
I didn’t say or do our goodbye secret wave/hand shake the last time, even after I had promised myself I’d always say bye in case it was the last time, cuz I had heard stories.
She died that night.
I felt conflicted and mad at myself and then blame and then confused. How sad she must’ve been and I wasn’t …
She must’ve …
…
I’m crying… hot pressure building up in back of throat but not escaping…
I want to SCCCRREEEAAMMM!!!!
😅…🥹🥲😢…😭
🥺😩..😖😞😔…🫠…………🙃(upside down face is Comedy& Creation to accept this crazy world)
As adult, it’s been hard to “give up” on people because of it, don’t want to say goodbye too soon and regret -
HOWEVER, I’ve been realizing as adult, it’s healthy to let go and not bring toxic people through just because of a childhood fear, esp now that I have control of what “I” do.
- That’s me talking, not the therapist. U grow up fast when this stuff happens. Childhood is cut short (I guess I replaced depression and anxiety (still have them) with research so often that therapist have said I know a TON. Thanks, but it’s the unbiased view and guide I need).
I didn’t have Connors support system , & my grandma lives behind us and didn’t check-in, visit, etc…which is hard cuz I was named after her (born on her day so hardly had own birthday) and I only like the way my mom gave me my own spelling b/c , her having come when she was younger and not having an American English name, my mom new name and identity were important).
This month was her birthday. It’s been 20 years since she died and even on her death day, like we did after she died 20 yrs ago, we didn’t talk about her. It’s REALLY messed me, esp dad that ignored me (guess I reminded him of my mom so I wasn’t talked to growing up). Otherwise, I had movies to help mirror and guide how to be in this life with integrity and music that felt like it understood and was listening to me, that AND my mom’s death bed words “be strong” (pic of it on my insta “windowcaptions” during lockdown).
Without movies, or music/art as my Thearpy or cinematherapy , it would’ve sent me MORE into fearful abandoned relationships attachment issues (not that it hasn’t already) like being with a a “Ryan” from Promising Young Woman …yeah, u can tell this month I’ve been trauma memory crying what with your recent “marriage story “ and growing without adults in “Spider-Man” videos. Love ALL of them!!!!
I guess I wanted to share a truth into the void as the video expressed cuz it’s nice knowing it doesn’t make me bad or unfit, just human with conflicting ideas at once AND knowing life is just a different ending. Comfort knowing I’m not alone. Maybe I should publish those poems from the 12 yrs old who’d later win a poetry award 4 yrs later (I don’t tell ppl cuz …only person that gets a kick out of it is me).
I was debating wether or not to watch this film and holy crap just those small scenes actually got me to tear up. I feel like other films show at least follow along with A Monster Calls' idea. Too many times I feel like other films give off the idea of the "Disney" happily ever after but it's not realistic. What I think is needed is the fact that we need "messy endings" to show that even if it's not perfect we can be strong enough to push through.
@Sitzpinkler yessss, I agree. I always notice when a movie is done by Pixar (ft. Disney) not only because of the logo (lol) but because of the kind of themes they like to handle. Monsters University is definitely a personal favorite, the ending was so fresh, realistic and uplifting to the me of back then that was worried about college. Up was also quite bittersweet and yet so optimistic about grief.
@Itzel Wisteria to be fair Disney Pixar is the one which makes a more mature messy endings stories, from Soul to Monsters University, I really like the realism that those stories have
Yes, to be honest Disney ruined me a little in the sense that as a kid I loved happy endings and growing up I couldn't stand when something didn't end happily. Thankfully I got better at it and Disney created some good movies about grief, like Onward.
The stage version of this story is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen on stage. I cried hard!
Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. It normalizes us and helps me be more honest. Because I've absolutely thought those dark thoughts and hated myself for them.
"I want it to be over" ....oh man, do I feel that. And I still struggle with the guilt from feeling that still.
And the animation in that moment on the monster's face, when he speaks his truth, is incredible. Kudos to the team.
This kid and Toby Kebbel both, give them more to do.
This episode is totally gutting me. I recently went through having my best friend fade with multiple illnesses and pass away all alone in a hospice. I couldn't deal with seeing her like that, not really there anymore. I had to work and that was my excuse for not spending as much time there as her wife did.
I hate myself for it because the same thing happened when my mom went into a coma and I had the responsibility of making the decision to turn off the machines. One of my brothers was nagging and harassing me because I refused to have that be my last memory if her. Maybe it makes me a coward but it's the only way I've been able to keep from just ending myself rather than carrying on and surviving. 😔
The Lebowski clip was a wonderful clip to break the sad tension after the “if you need to break things, by god you break them” scene. I know I was crying right along with the boys
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Absolutely love the vulnerability in these videos and they definitely act as a sort of checks and balances for me, Keep up the amazing work guys :)
Thanks, will do! :)
My mother and I watched this shortly after my sister passed. She couldn’t make it through and while it’s sad to see, I think the fact it can evoke such emotion is what makes it so amazing.
I saw the trailer for this film when it came out and I knew I needed to see it. Can we all just take our hats off to the young lead actor? He is just IN-CRE-DI-BLE!
Also, Fernando Velazquez delivered a stunning score for this project.
From a teacher, good on you guys for putting this out during back to school time. It's important to have an example of trauma that our babies might be dealing with when they come to us.
honestly i have been rewatching this video because this is exactly how I felt when my grandma was told that her laungs were starting to fail her, everyday she had to stay in bed longer and longer and she would visible gasp for air and this lasted for almost a whole month and through it all I prayed even if it felt so wrong to do it, that it would be over. that her suffering would no longer keep her in pain, I prayed morning and night that she could rest even though it would hurt not only me but also my family. it has already been 2 years since she died and till this day I keep thinking that, what if I didn't want it to be over almost exactly how Connor felt, but then I'm remembered of the time when she accepted that this was her time and she left without an ounce of pain.
Last June one of siblings attempted suicide and almost succeeded. It was an awful experience, not knowing what was going to happen, if they were going to die. They’re recovering, but my other sibling and I spoke one day about how horrible we feel for thinking a death would’ve been easier. My therapist told me it stemmed from fear of losing them, of this happening again. I think about this movie a lot. I had seen the stage play right before everything happen and I love this amazing story but hate how relatable it is.
Ever since you mentioned a monster calls last time... was hoping for this. I adore this book and adaptation ❤
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right?! I watched this first and then read the book, both so good im their own right but the film is such a great adaptation as well! It hits all the emotional beats just as hard 😭
I read the book in 9th grade LA and when I saw there was a movie I watched it that night. My 9th grade LA teacher was amazing.
When he said I want it to be over…. Man. My dad was sick, and I remember at the end, praying for it to end so he’d be not suffering. And feeling so guilty and sad. Man. All those emotions came back.
"Recognize happiness as a state of gratitude as opposed to I don't have to have any problems."
"Everything being perfect."
I actually don't believe in perfect for kinda that reason. To me, perfection creates the idea that you can have no flaws at all when flaws are part of life and you kinda need them and if you chase being perfect, your life will suck. I live by "practice makes better"
I was in the car to the hospital with my mum when my dad took his last breath. the scene where they're driving to see her destroyed me. I watched it too late at night to talk to anyone without waking them up. Thankfully, when I gave my dog a treat before putting him to bed, he farted in anticipation. I've never needed to laugh so badly in my life. Love that dog. It was exactly what I needed.
oh my god I read this book when I was in middle school and it had me in tears! It's soooooo good! It felt like reading a fantasy novel while also exploring real life tragedy and grief. To this day it's still one of my favourite books I've ever read
Man, i've teared up watching cinema therapy, but haven't actually sobbed until this one. coming up on the one year anniversary of the passing of my mom. I sure feel this
I've cried watching Cinema Therapy before (when they reacted to Inside Out, believe it or not), but this was the one that had me reaching for the tissues almost immediately. I lost my mum in 2015, so I felt it too.
I'm sorry for your loss; that first year is bloody tough x
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As someone who battles with depression and those dark thoughts, I feel comforted with the way Jonathan explained that these dark thoughts are just thoughts which everybody is having and it doesn't define me as a person at all. There are times when it's really hard to fight through these thoughts but right now, I'm glad I have another reason to fight it.
That line “of course you’re scared. It will be hard. It will be worse than hard, but you will make it through…” has been the strength giving line of my life. I served in the military and had to get two major surgeries on my feet and legs. I didn’t walk for two years. Meanwhile my husband left me because taking care of me was too much for him to take. I genuinely didn’t think I’d learn to get up onto my feet and walk again (physically and metaphorically), but I did. Years later, and a whole lot of physical and emotional therapy, I’ve made it through. So yes, life is hard, it is worse than hard, but we will make it through. Thank you for breaking down this beautiful movie that has such a special place in my heart.❤
God, I've been going through shit with my mom's chronic illness, and this movie perfectly captures all the pain I've been going through. I also wish it was over, but knowing it'll be over when she does makes me feel so guilty. I'm so thankful i found this channel and can process the grief i feel.