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What THE INCREDIBLES Got Right About Parenting


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  • Sharon Somers
    Sharon Somers 6 ай бұрын +4760

    I had my son when I was 20. He was unplanned. At one point after I had him I said I made a mistake with my birth control. And my Mom stopped me. She said "if they hear that once, you will never ever get them beyond that. Reframe it right now. He was not a mistake, he was a surprise." And it let me see just how amazing my Mom was every minute of every day. She was careful with her language in order to make sure we knew she loved us. We mattered. Even the surprises.

    • Guinea Pig Everyday
      Guinea Pig Everyday 3 күн бұрын

      @Jaded and Emptyyeah its already incredibly selfish that many parents demand of their children as if they owe them everything, even if they never chose to be born: and then to just dismiss their existence as a mistake. Idk you don’t get past that. I didn’t. It’s not one of the worst things my dad has said, by far, but its still impactful because you never forget it. Then again he thinks very little about others, never has, and I have ti face the consequences of his narcissism every day of my own existence. The fucking audacity of parents to claim that their children owe them, its ridiculous

    • G.D. Graham
      G.D. Graham Ай бұрын


    • rt2212
      rt2212 Ай бұрын

      @Churro Thiev kids wil most likely precieve it that way. so that is what you have to take into account. also the negetive attitude wil show in your actions. by changeing your own way off talking about what happend you wil change/ choose the tone of your actions.

    • Gucio Witomski
      Gucio Witomski Ай бұрын

      @Nassi Love I think I might've been drunk and miswrote what I meant.
      My sister at the time was around 10, so I must've been 15-16 (I remember this, because we were riding in a car, me, my sister and my mother, when I asked).
      Anyway a person is capable of understating doesn't come with age or experience. You can have a 50 year old who is unable to deal with hard times and/or trauma, just like you can have a perfectly healthy 12 year old that had lived through far worse things.
      I think it's up to the parents to know and understand their child. But they need to know the kid first. They can't decide for him when the child is in it's diapers.
      *my mom told me I wasted money buying her a gift and that it was useless*
      I feel very sorry for you. No matter the kid and no matter the circumstances, this seems like a completely inappropriate and rude way to address your own child.
      It applies to anybody, really.
      All people have emotions, and nobody has the right to be this cruel.
      "I still love her, she’s my mom, how could I not?"
      I mean, I know it is said that you will always love your parents or siblings or family or kin, or whatever. And so far in my life I haven't experienced anything that would have me doubt that statement, but I feel/think that if one's parents or kin are awful or evil, it would not be hard to "not love" them.

    • Nassi Love
      Nassi Love Ай бұрын +1

      @Gucio Witomski every child reacts differently of course but I’m assuming yours was because of your age.
      You were 18. When it comes to children they take things that hurt and make it hurt 100x times more.
      When my mom told me I wasted money buying her a gift and that it was useless, I became stingy with my money and never spent it on anything unless I needed it. I can’t get out of this no matter how hard I try. Even when I’m an adult it still affects me.
      If she had told me that back when I was 16, I would’ve been hurt (and offended) but not to the extent child me was. Child me was scrambling and crying to find ANY sort of use for it, my heart was clenching and I was hyperventilating from the desperation. It _hurt_. *Bad.*
      I was planned but that was because she expected my father to be there. (Note: they were in their 30’s)
      When he wasn’t she regretted it.
      I still love her, she’s my mom, how could I not?
      Of course I can always wish I didn’t. And I do. She raised me harshly and I feel like the guy you replied to would do the same.
      Let’s say it backfired horribly because children can’t develop properly under those circumstances.

  • MadameTamma
    MadameTamma 6 ай бұрын +1175

    I have seen so many portrays of dads in media where the moment his daughter dating anyone comes up, he turns into this possessive, angry, untrusting and condescending type of person, but in this movie Bob never acts like that. He uses Vi's experience with dating to relate to her. He understands what it's like to lose out because of the anti-superhero system that's in place. That's so refreshing.

    • Briana Schmidt
      Briana Schmidt 2 ай бұрын +5

      @Lucid Fangirl my dad has joked about receiving a dowry of a goat, a pig and three goldfish

    • Lucid Fangirl
      Lucid Fangirl 2 ай бұрын +3

      What abt dads who “joke” abt beating up the boyfriends? Like, Ive yet to get a boyfriend so Idk if my dad would actually act like that, but he would joke abt being overprotective when brought up. Still, he’d do his best model or teach me what kinda respect i should expect from a man

    • Anneke Oosterink
      Anneke Oosterink 3 ай бұрын +40

      @C00kii0 Yeah, it's the "I see my daughter not as a person with the ability to make choices, but as my possession." As soon as someone dehumanizes another person that's all the red flags.

    • C00kii0
      C00kii0 4 ай бұрын +93

      Agreed, the possessive, angry trope for dads always set off so many red flags for me and I know why now but it's refreshing seeing a dad try to relate

  • Azuros Lazuli
    Azuros Lazuli 6 ай бұрын +1962

    “I’m only awful around you guys.”
    Y’know, in a paradoxical way, that might actually be a good thing. On the one hand, you could assume that she wants to look perfect in front of everybody else. But on the other…she basically told you, “I don’t trust other people with my lows. I trust you.” And that’s a beautiful mark of the strength of your relationship. Ironic, isn’t it?

    • Spider Rocket
      Spider Rocket 24 күн бұрын

      @Jebber exactly and kids will test you and try you and push you because ideally you are their safe space. Other parents or other adults in general are cool but they don't know you in and out as well as your parents do. Your likes your dislikes and while an adult might see a child misbehave and labe them just bad off first glance. Your parents have spent 24/7 and know even when you are at your worst they always see your good heart.😊

    • Cartoon Crossovers
      Cartoon Crossovers 2 ай бұрын

      @Anni 13 and this is why I am SUPER well behaved at home but at school...oh god, I start swearing left and right, hit my friends, (playfully, I really love them) tease my teachers, (I also really love my teachers so I'm not being mean and they know it.) start smack talking students that were talking about me or my friends, put paint on my friends in my stagecraft class, (drama but I'm backstage and before the show is on, I work on props and building stuff) and often don't care what I do and don't fail in...honestly I think I'm just a menace with mediocre grades lmao.

    • Anni 13
      Anni 13 2 ай бұрын +3

      Yeah, it's good that she trusts her family to show them her lows and negative sides, which means she doesn't feel a pressure to be perfect to her parents or that she doesn't has to be scared to express herself because of negative consequences, which sometimes happens when you have parents with high expectations or who are extremely strict. If she couldn't openly express her anger about her parents actions, then she would just bottle up these frustrations and carry them on throughout her life, then it would eventually poison the relationship.

    • Jebber
      Jebber 2 ай бұрын

      @SK ? She's a teen she's still capable of being that form of toxic that I described.

    • SK
      SK 2 ай бұрын +5

      @Jebber its a kid

  • UnreasonableOpinions
    UnreasonableOpinions 6 ай бұрын +2462

    "They will not exercise restraint - they will kill you." Good parenting means being as realistic with your children about imminent dangers as they can handle. Children catch on to a lot more of what you're hiding from them than you want to think, so hiding these things from them is not going to stop them being scared, it will just make them more afraid because they'll be afraid of the version they make up to fill in the blanks. Tell them, and then help them prepare for it, so they can get through it and move on.

    • ddelarosa96
      ddelarosa96 3 ай бұрын

      At least anecdotally, I know this to be true. My parents would tell me some of what was going on, but not everything to shelter me from fear, but my anxiety would go through the roof because I would make the situation so much worse in my own head; since I figured it had to be the worst possible thing for my parents to not tell me the whole thing.

    • Jebber
      Jebber 3 ай бұрын +4

      @Holly J it's good to remind them that the people who aren't strangers can be dangerous as well.
      In all honesty, if a child is sat there perfectly obedient like schools aim for, then something is wrong.

    • vzade
      vzade 4 ай бұрын


    • VK
      VK 4 ай бұрын +5

      My parents were very overprotective growing up. That resulted to not having the time to spend with my friends because I was always doing extracurricular classes for my grades.
      And because of this, I was never invited to anything anymore and that also grew into social anxiety. Why? Because I had a FOMO issue that I couldn’t get rid of and I thought that people were consistently staring at me.
      Since they refused to let me go anywhere unless if my parents knew them well, I missed out on a lot.
      Eventually I did get the chance to go overseas for my studies which did surprise me because I genuinely thought they wouldn’t let me. However, that meant new environment, new people and new location. Which was way outside of my comfort zone but deep down I knew this was something I needed but never acknowledged.
      After a couple months, I loved it. The independence and experiences I had.
      Even though I did have to learn and figure out things firsthand or the hard way, the idea was that I learnt things I would’ve never been able to had I still lived with my parents.
      I also managed to show them that I could be independent without them and my time spent there also changed my perspective and mindset on a lot that I grew up thinking they were bad.

    • FOX 🦊
      FOX 🦊 4 ай бұрын +15

      Just to illustrate how my kid surprised me; I was chasing bunnies with my 3 year old. We happened upon a dead one and I didn’t know how to handle it. I tried, “It’s not feeling well, It’s gone,” a few different platitudes.
      My kid says, “Bunny’s dead?”
      “Yup, bunny is dead.” Kids are so smart and he surprises me with his intelligence every day.

  • grassina3
    grassina3 6 ай бұрын +1132

    Y’all mentioned hoping that your kids grow up knowing that they’re loved and won’t be abandoned, I think that’s what hits me the most. CPS was called on my parents at some point, cause of a cut my mom made on my face while hitting me. After that she almost never hit me again, but the emotional abuse became so much worse. She would say “Maybe I will hit you, so that CPS can come and take you and I’ll never have to see you again.” My mom has improved a lot but the damage caused by statements like that cannot be undone so easily. As a teacher now, I try to be as caring and empathetic as possible, and always show my kids the respect they deserve. It’s not the same as parenting, but hopefully I can be a stable and caring presence for them and mitigate any kind of hurt they are experiencing.

    • Mendoxs_
      Mendoxs_ 2 ай бұрын +2

      As someone with not so great parents, teachers like you really do mean the world, so thank you for all that you do and for helping these kids feel the love and acceptance they deserve

    • Zen Kim
      Zen Kim 3 ай бұрын +5

      Ironically, your intents & actions as a schoolteacher R likely the closest thing to (or the ONLY thing that works as) parenting in the lives of so many children who've come into your classroom.
      This isn't even necessarily the result of parental neglect or emotional abuse (tho that sadly is a factor that can't B ignored) -- it is too often the unavoidable consequence of a society & a workplace culture that actively discourages *if not outright punishes* parents who try to spend as much "quality time" w/ their kids as possible. The unfortunate reality is that this creates a void in the social lives of schoolkids, a vacuum that can B filled by fictional characters, entertainment idols, social media "influencers", gang leaders ... or certified schoolteachers who've completed the requisite training re. child psychology & developmental science (unlike nearly everyone else).
      To this day it still pisses me off when I hear right-wing types dismiss the positive impact that schoolteachers have on children's lives -- & don't get me started on those who demonize teachers' unions as "special interests" (as if public education is somehow NOT in our best interest as a functioning society)!

    • Jebber
      Jebber 3 ай бұрын +5

      @jameseglavin4 I think a good starting point is curbing the ignorance and puffed up superiority a lot of the worse parents end up having. The "there's no rulebook to parenting, don't tell me I'm doing something wrong" type of people, that mindset needs to go before any kind of improvement can take hold.

    • Jebber
      Jebber 3 ай бұрын +6

      Mine threatened me with the "if you don't do x or if you say y then you'll be taken away" as well. It's one of those things you only realize was fucking horrendous when you become an adult and learn of the correct approach. Also just how I'd once swallowed a metal ball and to my memory, instead of being fucking terrified that her child just ate a small magnetic ball, my mother instead just threatened me with going to heaven. It's fucking twisted.

    • Chubby Unicorn
      Chubby Unicorn 4 ай бұрын +3

      The emotional abuse IS so much worse, those cuts don't heal.
      You have strength and empathy and are striving to make the world better. Thank you.

  • Katie
    Katie 3 ай бұрын +382

    As a childfree person I have such respect for parents. It is insanely difficult to raise a child and I know that it's not meant for me. I am willing to be an Edna type figure who comes in and helps out when I am needed but it is also a relief when I can say goodbye and have my space to myself again. Good parents have all my respect and love.

    • JessemyBeadle
      JessemyBeadle Ай бұрын +6

      Childfree too. What a blessing to live in a time when all people can look at themselves deeply and really decide whether they are the right people for something or not the right people. I was not right for university or parenthood. And my business is thriving and I have a very rich life full of family. It’s a wonderful life and I’m blessed for it. And yes, so much respect for good parents who really try to teach their children how to be a good part of this world.

    • Aubrey Carter
      Aubrey Carter Ай бұрын +13

      As a new parent, I encourage you to go be the best Edna Mode you possibly can. All parents need an Edna Mode in their lives that they can trust.

    • Ariana C.
      Ariana C. Ай бұрын +2

      Literally this💯💯💯

    • Lubble-1397
      Lubble-1397 2 ай бұрын +14

      I just about raise a cat

  • A Edwards
    A Edwards 6 ай бұрын +4267

    One of the things I always liked about Bob struggling with being the primary caregiver in the second movie is that they didn't fall into the "dumb dad" tropes. He was struggling, not because he was lacking as a dad, not because he was dumb or uncaring, he was just learning new aspects of how their household ran.

    • RheanKing
      RheanKing Ай бұрын

      And he ended up being kinda great at it, and maybe severely narcoleptic.

    • Daniel Bilodeau
      Daniel Bilodeau 5 ай бұрын +2

      @Strange Faced It's on Reddit

    • Speed Racer
      Speed Racer 5 ай бұрын +4

      Exactly. Mr. Incredible struggles as a dad in the second film, because taking care of his children really stretches him thin.

    • Kristen Amendola
      Kristen Amendola 5 ай бұрын +5

      A deservedly ditched trend from the 2000's. Most sitcoms i recall wrote in lazy, selfish Dads. Its odd to me how common it was

    • Strange Faced
      Strange Faced 5 ай бұрын

      @Kerianne Kerr did you have a stroke typing that? I don't even know what that means

  • 90sTudeDude
    90sTudeDude 6 ай бұрын +372

    A detail that I always loved about The Incredibles was the ironic contrasts between Bob and Helen’s powers and personalities. Bob is physically strong, rigid, and imposing, but he’s actually very emotional and sensitive. He wouldn’t hurt a fly, nor would he kill Mirage to save his family. With Helen, on the other hand, her title says it all about her physically, but personality-wise, she can be very harsh and intense. She is likelier to kill someone for the greater good if there really is no other choice.
    And yeah, there was Bob’s boss in the insurance office, but Bob was on the edge and the man was asking to get thrashed.

  • •Cloudy Rose•
    •Cloudy Rose• 6 ай бұрын +234

    “Parenting isn’t hard, it’s just exhausting” I really like that 😌❤️

  • TempestuousInquiry
    TempestuousInquiry 6 ай бұрын +679

    The thing that has given me the most patience through my kid's acting out or triggering moments has been to remind myself that every behavior communicates a need. If I as the parent can regulate myself in that moment to figure out what my kid is trying to communicate what they are needing, the situation tends to run a whole lot smoother.

    • Zen Kim
      Zen Kim 3 ай бұрын +5

      This reminds me of a mental technique my departed best friend Jeff referred to as "stepping outside of yourself"
      ...as in, imagine if U could literally "step outside" of your own body & enter the body of the person you're facing. What would the world look like thru that person's eyes, & what R they seeing when they look @ U? What R they hearing when U speak to them? How would it feel to B standing in their shoes @ that moment?

    • D Lo
      D Lo 5 ай бұрын +19

      That is so clever, and true. I think all parents should know that.

    • Cinema Therapy
      Cinema Therapy  6 ай бұрын +142

      So true!

  • RainbowDemon503
    RainbowDemon503 6 ай бұрын +295

    The part about embracing the fact that children sometimes have great ideas reminds me of my second Christmas visit after moving out. I was helping my mother hang up clothes to dry, and she was talking about how long it takes for her fancy wool pants to dry, because of the pockets. I asked her why she doesn't just hang them up inside out so that the pockets have more exposure to air, and she was literally blown away by that. She even went to tell my stepdad about it lol

  • Aaron T
    Aaron T 6 ай бұрын +192

    I want to take a moment to thank and show appreciation for whoever does the closed captioning for Cinema Therapy.
    You/You all are absolutely lovely. The charm and fun of these episodes is really carried in the closed captioning for the deaf, hard of hearing, people who have to watch muted, or like me I just enjoy having them on. The care put into the captions is truly a blessing.
    THANK YOU! ❣

    • Jasper Kanes
      Jasper Kanes 4 ай бұрын +5

      there's also often cute/fun easter eggs in the closed captions on this channel!

    • SistersTape
      SistersTape 4 ай бұрын +9

      Also for people who don't have English as their first language! captions are amazing, I appreciate them so much

  • That One Spectator
    That One Spectator 6 ай бұрын +5214

    The Incredibles was one heck of an experience; it portrayed a realistically compelling superhero family dynamic, its villain was an excellent commentary on the nature of heroism, and the movie was able to insert subtle yet sinister moments that wouldn't look out of place in a horror movie (think Mr. Incredible checking the Omnidroid's list of victims). I daresay that this is Pixar at its best; fun for the whole family yet also deep and thoughtful enough for meaningful rewatches.

    • BeThomsen
      BeThomsen 5 ай бұрын

      @Lloyd yep, cause the majority Doesnt care about good writing. They consume sht Without thinking about it.
      So yeah, its writing is horrendous and makes it therefore terrible, even if fun. Thats Just how it is, sry
      the villian is only one of many many problems

    • Lloyd
      Lloyd 5 ай бұрын +2

      The second one is a good movie. Does it suffer from a weak villain? Sure, however it's not nearly as bad as people think, it's just when compared to the perfection that is Syndrome... is there a Pixar villain even close to him? Because they're humans everything hits so much harder

    • Lloyd
      Lloyd 5 ай бұрын +1

      @BeThomsen that's your opinion and you're definitely in the minority.

    • Falcon_by_the_lake
      Falcon_by_the_lake 6 ай бұрын

      One of the best movies I ever saw.

    • penny for your thots
      penny for your thots 6 ай бұрын +2

      @Amanda Licorne the sequel was pretty good, but I thought the villain was pretty bad.
      Part of the reason is that her name is literally a pun on "evil endeavor" so I guess the plot twist basically right as she was introduced, but her motive is just kind of.. meh.

  • Woah That’s a Bit Personal
    Woah That’s a Bit Personal 5 ай бұрын +68

    Another great aspect of this movie too is how they portray marriage. A lot of people criticize Bob for being a bad husband for being “jealous” of Helen, which I don’t understand? Of course he’s upset and a bit jealous when he hears Helen saved a runaway train, that’s the very thing he did that basically ended his superhero career. BUT, even if he’s feeling all that, he does NOT express that to Helen. He still verbally supports and encourages Helen because of how excited and happy she is. Being a good partner/parent/friend doesn’t mean never having negative emotions, it’s about how you handle it and if it’s negatively affecting/impacting the ones around you.

  • Miles Johnson O'Dowd
    Miles Johnson O'Dowd 4 ай бұрын +40

    I really love how the powers represent a nuclear family. The dad's super strong and indestructible, the mom is flexible enough to take care of the whole house, the teen daughter can vanish from sight despite her potential, the young son is hyper to the extreme, and the baby is a complete unknown. Very subtle dynamic.

  • Sierra Fils
    Sierra Fils 6 ай бұрын +283

    I was interrupted by my three-year-old at least eight times while watching this and what they talked about actually helped me respond better to the interruption that I would have otherwise.

  • Maja Borkowska
    Maja Borkowska 3 ай бұрын +66

    From what I know, children behave "worse" with parents, because this is where they feel enough safety and closeness to act out all the difficult feelings they have inside.

  • america roleplayer
    america roleplayer 6 ай бұрын +346

    I also love with the ice scene, it's kinda implied the reason Jack was so upset was because he was teething He wanted the cookies (prob cuz they were a nice texture) and he settled down when he was given ice.

    • Bea TM
      Bea TM 4 ай бұрын +8

      Yeah the cold numbs

    • Chubby Unicorn
      Chubby Unicorn 4 ай бұрын +5

      🤯 great insight! Thank you

  • mydogisoscarthegrouch
    mydogisoscarthegrouch 6 ай бұрын +3632

    "He is bright and I am stimulating. We deserve each other" - the aunt I aspire to be to my siblings kids lol

    • KCat
      KCat 5 ай бұрын

      She actually says: He is bright and I am stimulated. As in she is an artist, she finds vibrating inspiration from such youth and naivete. Like a muse for her, he is refreshing to her life

    • Sakura Moonflower
      Sakura Moonflower 6 ай бұрын

      Same LMAO

    • mangantasy
      mangantasy 6 ай бұрын +4

      that's damn smartly true. I agree 100%. Guite the good aunt to aspire to be

    • ForgotULtag
      ForgotULtag 6 ай бұрын +6

      @Stephen Decker pretty sure you can send them over; but are you sure you can afford their rate? 🤔

    • Fighting Faerie
      Fighting Faerie 6 ай бұрын +21

      I’m not gonna have kids. But if my brothers do I am looking forward to being that fun aunt. Maybe if my career takes off I’ll take them to Disney when they’re old enough

  • Harper!
    Harper! 6 ай бұрын +67

    One of the things one of my friends and I discussed about this is the fact that these films appeal to the "nuclear/traditional family" dynamic crowd, and Bob looks like he would be the kind of character folks with a toxic idea of what masculinity is attach themselves to... and then Bob lives an example of positive and healthy masculinity in parenting. In addition, he does something I explicitly appreciate and thank my mom for: when I am the expert in an area (like Violet on how her powers work) she listens, and just tells me she's proud of me.

  • Joseph Balaich
    Joseph Balaich 6 ай бұрын +90

    I always break into tears whenever I want Bob apologize to his daughter. We should always apologize to our children when we have done wrong. I apologize to my son for the wrong things I do and remind him that all I want to do is right for him.

  • KaNgUrUh
    KaNgUrUh 6 ай бұрын +506

    As a father of a 10 month old girl who's freaking out and needing therapy... This was therapeutic as hell. Thank you so much!

    • Brooke
      Brooke 5 ай бұрын +6

      @Cecily Erker I guess that makes sense, even babies can be traumatized. The idea of a therapist talking to a baby that can't speak back was funny to me but now it's sad... 🥺

    • Cecily Erker
      Cecily Erker 5 ай бұрын +3

      @Brooke sometimes little kids or babies need professional help dealing with extreme anxiety or stress or abandonment issues, especially if they’re adopted or abuse victims.

    • Brandii Grace
      Brandii Grace 5 ай бұрын +6

      @KaNgUrUh - Fathers are susceptible to both post-partum depression and post-partum anxiety, just like mothers. If you feel you need therapy, seek it out ASAP!
      The first part of great parenting is wanting to be a great parent. You got this!

    • Livi K
      Livi K 5 ай бұрын +6

      From one daughter with a loving dad to a dad who loves his daughter, you got this! ❤️

    • Blue Flare
      Blue Flare 6 ай бұрын +4

      Good luck to you. You got this!

  • Rosemary Dodge
    Rosemary Dodge 6 ай бұрын +55

    While not a mother, I work in daycare, and can relate to most of this, especially the exhaustion that comes with multiple children. A big struggle is trying to "parent" children who have tough home lives or have personalities or disorders I've never dealt with before. If it's a day I'm watching them by myself, it can begin to understand what it's like to be a single mother of several young children. Probably the biggest difference is I can send them home at the end of the day.

  • DustyStarr
    DustyStarr 6 ай бұрын +136

    I think the biggest take-away for me is how the Parrents (get it??) are able to own up to their mistakes and have that kind of open relationship with their kids. That way it feels like they're all in it together as opposed to kids vs parents. Loved this video!!

    • DustyStarr
      DustyStarr 6 ай бұрын +1

      @Cinema Therapy thank you! 😄

    • Cinema Therapy
      Cinema Therapy  6 ай бұрын +15

      Love that takeaway! Thanks for watching. :)

  • Casandra Chesser
    Casandra Chesser 6 ай бұрын +3218

    I also liked (as a parent) that Bob and Helen are good parents, but they're realistic. Like it always kills me when Helen spends Violet's entire life telling her to stifle her powers and never use them... and then on the plane, expects her to suddenly be able to, with no practice, protect them all from a bomb LOL. Yet Helen recognizes she was wrong and apologizes. They're not perfect, they're the kind of parents that we can realistically hope to be.

    • Jaded and Empty
      Jaded and Empty 5 ай бұрын +11

      It's _incredibly_ important to apologize to your kids when your wrong words/actions have hurt them. Not only to set an example of how to treat other people and be a respectable person, but to remember that kids are people too and deserve at least that ounce of decency.
      My parents never apologized to me for anything. Even when they were stone cold wrong, or incredibly hurtful. It didn't make me see them as infallible, it made me see them as too proud to listen and it made me feel like I wasn't _worth_ just that basic little token of respect.
      To a kid, their parents are the gods of their world. Feeling like your parents see you as worthless is not an easy thing to recover from, later on, and low self-worth can lead to a lot of risky and dangerous behavior. So for your kids' well-being, parents out there, learn to swallow your pride for just a moment.

    • Anna Reed
      Anna Reed 5 ай бұрын +5

      @vang-tou Lee exactly, that's why I said I understand why she didn't think they'd get into a life-or-death situation where Violet would need to use her powers 🙂

    • vang-tou Lee
      vang-tou Lee 5 ай бұрын +3

      @Anna Reed pretty sure she thought they would never go back into being heroes. It was 15 years later since they were forced into hiding.

    • vang-tou Lee
      vang-tou Lee 5 ай бұрын +3

      Well when doing something that puts your whole family at risk you probably should stifle it. I mean their situation got very real very fast from that. She did what she had to do for the sake of the family.

    • Jay T
      Jay T 6 ай бұрын +20

      I think the difference is also in the nature of the two children. Dash was known to break the rules, so Violet grew up externally compliant and obedient. Dash because of his rebellion actually knew his powers and to a certain extent what might be done. Violet remained trapped in the mindset of prior obedience and needed explicit instructions that gave her permission to use her powers. That is likely why she failed. If the moment had been slightly less stressful, and Mrs. Incredible had been in a position to calmly give calm permission, likely Violet would not have struggled as much since it is a natural talent. Once received, we see Violet use her powers competently and with greater ease.

  • gardnerhill
    gardnerhill 3 ай бұрын +35

    I've noticed that the women who complained the loudest and longest about the work of raising kids were the ones most offended when they brightly asked ME when I was gonna have my kids and I told them I didn't want any. (Gee, you give me a half-hour infomercial for staying single and childfree then you're mad I won't step into the tar pit with you.)

    • AliSakurai
      AliSakurai 24 күн бұрын +5

      I think they just want someone to suffer with them that's why they get so easily offended. That and they're jealous. Personally, I want kids but I'm perfectly happy being child free at the moment.

  • Narra Beckett
    Narra Beckett 6 ай бұрын +58

    I love hearing Alan and Jonathan’s insights, but the editors are so underrated. They really bring the videos to life

  • Daisy Bisley
    Daisy Bisley 6 ай бұрын +79

    "success comes when you think you’ve reached your threshold. Chill out, regroup and try it differently". Me, literally 10 minutes ago after a 15 minute battle with my toddler about nap time. He’s now asleep and I’m crying at this video feeling like I’m not alone, thank you 🙏

  • Z Iridest Audios
    Z Iridest Audios 3 ай бұрын +45

    What I love about the Incredibles is the reason that the parenting and family dynamics are relatable. Brad Byrd, the director of the Incredibles, based each character on either someone in his life or him at a different stage in life. For instance, Helen is based on his wife, her parenting reflects his Mom, etc... Like Edna said, "Done properly, parenting is a heroic act." I think that the reason for that quote is as long as you try your best and you love your kids with everything you have, your kids will look back on the little moments with fondness and think "I couldn't ask for a better parent."
    That's my take on it, anyway 😅

  • Stina
    Stina 6 ай бұрын +84

    The whole thing about kids being perfect little angels around people they don't live with is so funny. When I was little my parents lived in different cities for maybe two years so I mostly lived with my mom and only saw my dad every other weekend, so of course that was super special and I was happy to see him and behaved so well that he thought he had the perfect child who never threw tantrums, or complained or anything negative at all, so once we lived in the same house full time again he was in shock and thought something must have happened because suddenly is perfect well-behaved daughter wasn't constantly happy and my mom had to explain that actually, I was always like that and now he finally got to see what she dealt with on a daily basis.

  • Bitchen Boutique
    Bitchen Boutique 6 ай бұрын +2439

    One thing I think a lot of *healthy* people miss in the conflict with Violet is that if her parents weren’t doing a really good job, she wouldn’t be able to even EXPRESS that she was angry at what her dad did. It would have just festered inside her and poisoned their relationship until decades later she wouldn’t want to have anything to do with her family and they wouldn’t understand why.
    Trust me. I know.

    • Jebber
      Jebber 3 ай бұрын

      @Bitchen Boutique I've always found imaginary friends comically unrealistic but I guess it's just been a representation of maladaptive daydreaming. Thinking up scenarios where you're basically on top of things and the world is catered to you, not actually physically seeing a cool creature out of your control.

    • Sunset Skye
      Sunset Skye 3 ай бұрын +1

      The fact that she feels safe enough to show that she’s upset and sulk about it, shows the trust this family has

    • Klaudine Garcia
      Klaudine Garcia 3 ай бұрын

      Story of my life, fuck 🤦🏻‍♀️.

    • Jebber
      Jebber 3 ай бұрын

      I'll join the hivemind and say this targeted me. My parents probably won't budge, I haven't really tried to change their opinions because I just know it's a lost cause, but let's just say once I become independent of them they're not getting any visits.

    • jameseglavin4
      jameseglavin4 5 ай бұрын +5

      This, one million percent. I was constantly made to feel wrong or bad for having feelings that were completely rational responses to how I was being treated. And now as an adult, I struggle with even being aware enough of my own inner life to justify or explain why I’m doing what I’m doing. If kids are robbed of their authenticity, they become sad, fucked up adults, that’s just a fact. I wish more people understood this…

  • Inés Marco
    Inés Marco 6 ай бұрын +21

    "I'm only awfull with you guys" That made me laugh so hard but I think I know why ! At school (as a psychomotor therapist) they teached me that babies and young kids actually only allow themselves to be the worst version of themselves with their primary attachment figures, knowing they won't be abandoned. In a way, if your kid is way worst with you it is because you've done good at making them feel safe and love. Good job Jono !

  • Kate K
    Kate K 6 ай бұрын +20

    Well, I can tell why my niece plays up around her parents, but looks like a total angel around people who she doesn’t know very well. That’s because she doesn’t know these other people very well, she doesn’t trust them enough to show her real emotions, she’s being cautious in her self-presentation. I know that sometimes it feels like child’s most nice behaviour is saved for everyone else but parents… but you need to understand reasons behind it and try to accept it and embrace it and be grateful to your child for expressing their feelings around you. This is their trust. They know they can be vulnerable with you and they know they don’t have to put the “good child” mask on, so please don’t push this trust away. Don’t force them to hide their true self around you, because you’ll probably regret it later.

  • Dohyden2
    Dohyden2 6 ай бұрын +86

    The thing I love about the scene "I just want to be a good Dad" Is Mr Incredible knew he messed up, he thought he could fix it but made it worse. He's so use to being the parent and in that position of "I am the solution, I know what's best, I can do it". Then he just kind of lets it all go and maybe for the first time, confides in his daughter as a peer. He lets her know his remorse and his short comings and self doubt, and shows a different kinds of love, a love that says "I still need you, and I need you in ways I haven't shown"

  • Rachel Massari
    Rachel Massari 6 ай бұрын +27

    Love this. Its interesting to me too that in the first movie, Helen’s sacrifices for her kids are assumed while in the second, it’s a whole thing that he has them by himself.

  • LeeAnn Castle
    LeeAnn Castle 6 ай бұрын +26

    I forgot about that scene between Bob and Violet! As THAT hormonal teenage girl, I blew up at my parents, and I've had heart-to-hearts with my dad. That scene is perfect ☺️

  • Chelsea Niebeling
    Chelsea Niebeling 6 ай бұрын +2149

    "Your identity is your most valuable possession." is something most parents do not put enough emphasis on. Then when we leave home, we lose ourselves trying to fit into the world around us. We become damaged and lost because we didn't know how to defend our identity and the importance of doing so. More parents need to impart this vital piece of wisdom to their children.

    • Bea TM
      Bea TM 4 ай бұрын

      And sometimes, parents need to know that too. An aspect of postpartum depression is a sense of losing yourself, and your identity being just "a parent". I've heard from people that making sure you have some things you do for yourself, not the baby, made their symptoms less present.

    • tymestalker3
      tymestalker3 5 ай бұрын

      @Natalia Washington Thank you

    • Natalia Washington
      Natalia Washington 5 ай бұрын +1

      @tymestalker3 that’s amazing parenting I always hated the stereotypes that girls can’t play with boy toys, like toy guns and so on, or that boys can’t play with dolls because “their for girls” or “their for boys”, or they can’t like the color pink etc. like let them be-we girls don’t own the color pink so it’s for any and all ages and both for boys and girls just like boys don’t own the color blue

    • Fire-Heart the Wolf
      Fire-Heart the Wolf 5 ай бұрын +1

      @Chelsea Niebeling Hi Chelsea! I'm also autistic, and what I find amusing about yours and Raven's comments is that I, too, was highly invested with everything dinosaurs growin' up. Heh. I'm 29 and fresh outta college n' this brings back sweet memories of my ma buying me dino and sea creature toys and my folks lettin' me surround myself in my bed with stuffed animals because they helped my chronically-high anxiety. God bless you and your son, as well. I'm sure that, as my parents were worried over me wanting to be an artist since I was 6 (with the whole "starving artist" stereotype), I have it in good faith that he's trying to protect your son in his own way. You sound like an awesome mom and may Jesus's wisdom fall upon your husband so that he sees that there's nothing wrong in and of itself with being an oddball kid. The judgemental mockers won't hurt him forever if you encourage him to be himself.

    • Fire-Heart the Wolf
      Fire-Heart the Wolf 5 ай бұрын

      @Raven Gray Ouch... I'm autistic, so I know what it's like to have interests that you can only share with a select few who care about them just as passionately as you do. I, myself, was blessed with two amazing parents who never discouraged my passion for art or writing, and also celebrate my accomplishments. 'Bless you for nurturing harmless interests that bring your own son joy!

  • MomokoTuHarumaki
    MomokoTuHarumaki 6 ай бұрын +14

    The Parr parents are so good as parents. I love how they admit when they're wrong. I love how they aren't perfect but they do their best for their kids and make sure they feel loved. It's so genuine and wonderful and it always makes me smile.

  • Jarod 1999
    Jarod 1999 4 ай бұрын +6

    0:34 I love that she loses her temper but still relaxes herself and calmly explains what she needs to, this is one of the best animated moms I’ve ever seen.

  • S Y A
    S Y A 6 ай бұрын +28

    I’m so scared abt being a mom. My husband and I just feel like we’ll mess it up. And at 33/45, we’re feeling the “now or never” from EVERYONE. Any guidance appreciated-def taking the course

    • may)(day
      may)(day 7 күн бұрын +1

      get a puppy. appreciate nieces or nephews

    • Aubrey Carter
      Aubrey Carter 19 күн бұрын

      I fully believe that no matter how much you study, you will never truly be ready for parenting. Not that you shouldn't read parenting books and study, but each kid will be different.
      My mom had several kids who ask ate whatever she gave us with only one or two exceptions, and then my youngest brother comes along and he's the pickiest eater ever! And my mom didn't know how to handle it! She's still learning how to deal with his pickiness and get him try new stuff.

    • sarahshistory
      sarahshistory 2 ай бұрын

      I think it was Dear Sugar who did an excellent column called The Ghost Ship that Didn't Carry Us- def worth a Google and a read!

    • Someone Somewhere
      Someone Somewhere 3 ай бұрын +1

      Our baby is now 4 months old and I can give a wisdom regarding to whole prepping thing: You can't.
      No matter what, you can't prep for it. It's rollercoaster of emotions going from selibacy to wanting now 5 babies more. But the amount of pride and joy we feel when the baby learns a new skill or a new word, it's 100% worth the headache. She is her own unique personality and I love seeing her grow.

    • Cat Hoffmann
      Cat Hoffmann 6 ай бұрын +20

      It's better to regret never having children, then having one and regretting it. If you let others push you into doing it you will grow to resent the people that told you to do it. If you're scared about being a mom then don't do it. Imagine if you have one and years later they find out you only had them not because you wanted them but because people were pushing you to have them. That would be an awful thing for a child to live with.

  • B.A Marley
    B.A Marley 6 ай бұрын +14

    These guys just hit the nail on the head as to why I'm never having kids. Also, I have a horrible personality when it comes to naughty and annoying kids. Personality counts when you're a parent, and if you don't have the personality, will or mindset for kids, don't have them.

  • September Renevers
    September Renevers 6 ай бұрын +24

    when he said "I just wanna be a good dad" I started crying. I wish my dad had wanted to be a good dad.

  • Kevin Velazquez
    Kevin Velazquez 6 ай бұрын +1693

    I hear a lot of mixed responses on Incredibles 2, but one aspect I really appreciate was Bob's growth as a parent. The first film showed just how miserable he was in his current occupation and trying to find fufilment in his old life. It was touched on briefly then, but I really like seeing Bob fully discovering both the challenges and fufilment he could find in parenthood.

    • msk
      msk 5 ай бұрын +2

      Honestly the family stuff was the best part. I really have nothing bad to say about the family dynamic and growth. The super hero action and the villain stuff were what that did not live up to expectation, even if it is not horrible.

    • BeThomsen
      BeThomsen 5 ай бұрын +1

      @JonGon Productions they nuked his developmen tho, the nuked everyone out of the game actually. noone makes any sense anymore, noone is smart and pretty much all logic applied there is bonkers

    • JonGon Productions
      JonGon Productions 6 ай бұрын +28

      @Jimin's Shoulder I wouldn't go so far as to say it nuked his development from the first film. The morals are still the same, but in the first film, he just acknowledges his own faults. In The Incredibles 2, they're actually put to the test. And Bob, for better or worse, takes that test to the best of his abilities. Sure, he still acts a little selfish but at the end of the day, we still see him as a loving husband and father willing to do whatever role his family needs him to be.

    • Firepaw Cooper 🚺
      Firepaw Cooper 🚺 6 ай бұрын +1

      I really enjoyed it, I played the ps2 game with the mole man lmao 😆🥰

    • Rubix
      Rubix 6 ай бұрын +10

      Seeing the dad be the one to stay at home and no one say anything demeaning or belittling about it was nice too, the only person who thought negatively was Bob, and him overcoming that was yet again another instance of Bob becoming stronger

  • Kaisoku Sekkendou
    Kaisoku Sekkendou 3 ай бұрын +5

    I have literally done the "Fall asleep while reading a book, and my child taps me awake" thing... ugh. The Incredibles captures some of the most real parenting I've seen in movies/tv.

  • Sawsan Salem
    Sawsan Salem 6 ай бұрын +10

    I’m the eldest daughter, and I relate SO MUCH to parents, and this video just helped so much and relieving the amount of time I messed up but apologized, because often I think it’s not enough to cover the bad, but I related so much to the stress of how Bob was handling everything, it’s so realistic to real life.

  • Tiffany Yep
    Tiffany Yep 23 күн бұрын +2

    This episode made me cry because my parents (especially my mom) were kind of crappy. My mom was extremely physically and emotionally abusive, showed extreme favoritism and singled me out for bullying and abuse, and all my life and now I feel stupid, small, insecure, and not good enough. So many of my biggest insecurities come from her constant projection onto me. And every time I confront her about her past abuse, she always makes excuses and tries to justify it by saying “I tried my best”, “But there were three of you and one of me” and “Your father didn’t help and you didn’t listen!” which as a sociology major who’s taken a family violence class I objectively understand, but as an adult who lives with trauma (ptsd, anxiety, depression) now it just makes me unbelievably angry and resentful. So when you spoke about being a loving parent and showing your children love overshadowing the mistakes in the long run, I teared up. And when you talk about owning up to your mistakes, I cried a lot, because my mother still thinks she did nothing wrong. The only thing she could focus on when I told her I had PTSD because of her abuse in my childhood was “oh, so all your friends know and think I’m a mad mother huh” and feeling sorry for herself that I was “blaming” her (even though I kept telling her I wasn’t accusing her of anything, it’s just what objectively happened). And she still expects the utmost most filial and authoritative respect from me just because she’s my mother. I still love her, but I can never forgive her, especially when she’s a narcissist who thinks what she did was justified. It just goes to show the effects of what bad parenting and abuse can do, and how your children will always live and remember the harm you did to them if you’re not at least attempting to show them you love them and approve of them at every turn. Kids are smart, and they turn into adults who are even smarter. They can tell and will appreciate if you put in the effort to be a good and validating parent, and will forgive you for your mistakes as long as you try your best (the opposite of what my mom and I have). As long as you truly try your best (not my mother’s best, but an actual best free of abuse and neglect), the love will outweigh the negative. Thank you for this video, it was incredibly healing for me, validating, and I hope if I ever become a parent, I can take these ideas into account and never treat me the way my mother did. Here’s to everyone here who prays with all their heart to one day to break the cycle of bad parenting and abuse that our parents put us through.

  • Kristen Hanisch
    Kristen Hanisch 2 ай бұрын +1

    Receiving this validation is so meaningful! I have a 12-month-old, my husband works at night and has to sleep during the day, and I'm pregnant. My little one decided he was ready to get up long before I wanted to, so I'm exhausted and getting this reminder that parenting, especially stay-at-home parenting, is downright heroic. It gives me courage to keep going. ❤️

  • plant 🌱
    plant 🌱 2 ай бұрын +3

    Something I noticed in one of the scenes was when Bob gets mad about the math homework, Dash does the same thing I do. I continously apologize when my parents get mad and try to say it is ok. I understand when a parent is angry they can't always control that but I just remember as a kid being scared because they got so mad at me for asking for help. The most recent scenario I can think of for me is when I had asked my mom the password for a thing and she started to get so mad because all the passwords weren't working. I had kept apologizing to her and said I can wait and figure it out. Being a parent is tuff but I feel it is important to be sincere and truly hold yourself accountable like u guys had said. My mom had later on apologized to me yelling at me just because she was angry.

  • Laura Henselmann
    Laura Henselmann 6 ай бұрын +1729

    I seriously wish there were more movies like the Incredibles! It's proof that positive films about healthy relationships and good parenting can be fun... I grew up thinking that "normal" relationships were boring and nothing to aspire to, and I partially blame this on the way romance and relationships are portrayed in so many movies.

    • BeThomsen
      BeThomsen 5 ай бұрын

      as long as we only talk about incredibles 1, yes

    • Tiph
      Tiph 6 ай бұрын +1

      Might I recommend The Addams Family? Gomez and Morticia are life goals.

    • Chikizey
      Chikizey 6 ай бұрын +9

      Ah yeah, the "vanilla dynamics are boring". Jokes on them, vanilla is actually my favourite flavor.

    • Laura Henselmann
      Laura Henselmann 6 ай бұрын

      @Bitchen Boutique same!

    • Bitchen Boutique
      Bitchen Boutique 6 ай бұрын +9

      All the supposedly “romantic” songs and movies and stuff are unhealthy and gross… I love my boring relationship where nobody yells!

  • Diesel Marcus
    Diesel Marcus 6 ай бұрын +26

    You know why they have such great parenting representation in this series? Because Brad Bird based it off of his real family and friends! Such a personal series

  • scribbles
    scribbles 6 ай бұрын +18

    I usually dont comment on videos but the part where Johnathan expressed his fear about the cons outweighing the good hit so hard because thats exactly how I feel about my dad. hes not s horrible person but hes not the best father either and I wish he had this type of self awareness to at least get help for it.

  • lol hope
    lol hope 5 ай бұрын +6

    I always appreciate these parenting videos because it's helped me recognize my own parents' behaviors with my siblings and I (I'm 24 and the oldest and the youngest is 8). This is part of what made the Incredibles one of my most favorite films growing up. I don't have the best parents; my mom has let her anger issues and narcissism affect her parenting my whole life and my dad has been progressively burnt out from the treatment. And I became a pseudo-parent to my siblings as they grew up. Seeing realistic representations of family and parenting is probably one of the most powerful and influential messages Pixar has ever put out there.

  • Mia H
    Mia H 3 ай бұрын +1

    Can I just say how much I love this channel! It’s been such a light in my life. I love how much you guys teach us about therapy, relationships and film making. It’s lovely to witness your friendship and feel like we’re right there laughing, crying, and feeling with you guys. Thank you for doing this❤

  • Leviticus Yeeticus
    Leviticus Yeeticus 6 ай бұрын +8

    Hey internet dads, I really appreciate what you guys do here. Especially today's video.
    Work was especially stressful and exhausting, and I was expecting to have an evening full of dread for tomorrow.
    I got home and saw your guys' video, which gave me a huge boost. I'm terrible at these sappy comments and almost never leave them out of embarrassment and feeling awkward, but I felt that it was especially important for me to tell you guys how thankful I am for what you do. It means a lot.

    • Jonathan Decker
      Jonathan Decker 6 ай бұрын +2

      This means the world to me to read. Truly.

  • S. D.
    S. D. 6 ай бұрын +1964

    “parenting done properly is a heroic act…”
    “It takes sacrifice, it takes courage, it also takes drawing healthy boundaries…”
    I am so grateful I had, I have two incredible parents. No matter how much time has passed, my Father‘s death is still a major loss, and every day that passes I grow closer and closer to my Mother. They were far from perfect, but they’re still heroes in my book! My Father was and my Mother still is Incredible!!!

    • Dyni P John
      Dyni P John 6 ай бұрын +3

      Though we can't be a perfect parent in the world (because no one in the world is perfect and we all make mistakes) we can still be almost perfect in parenting for the future generations, we just need knowledge, resilience, acceptance, balance and most importantly, a good relationship between the kid and the parent (or else the parent will think the kids are a burden and/or the kids won't get required care)

    • The Learner
      The Learner 6 ай бұрын +1

      Same here. 07

      SARBRATHAN 6 ай бұрын +6

      @Breyanna Bosma It is impossible to explain it. You will likely have to do it multiple times and try to highlight all of the other people still there to love him. Time helps but the loss will always be there and as cheesy as it sounds love & support from everyone around is the only thing that will heal.
      Your nephew is in prayers.

    • Breyanna Bosma
      Breyanna Bosma 6 ай бұрын +5

      I am so sorry to hear about your father! May he rest in peace! I have a five-year-old nephew who recently unfortunately lost his mother to a car accident, his dad left before he was born. How do you explain to a five year-old about his mom‘s death?

      SARBRATHAN 6 ай бұрын +9

      never related more to a comment
      I lost my father nearly 5 years ago.

  • AmyJayne
    AmyJayne 3 ай бұрын +3

    "Don"t be abusive"
    Laughs in emotionally-abusive stepdad
    I freaking love these videos and I love you guys!

  • Rachel
    Rachel 6 ай бұрын +12

    I was an early 2000s kid. My parents spent what feels like a lot of time telling me about all the bad people who wanted to kidnap me or give me drugs and kill me. So I really liked The Incredibles because the mom also told her kids that people wanted to kill them 😂 I was like whoa, that’s my family!

  • A human.
    A human. 6 ай бұрын +11

    i would love to see them analyze Coraline, and her relationship with her parents and the other mother and what’s inside the beldams heads

    DAVID PRINCE 3 ай бұрын +3

    You guys should do "Odd Thomas". I feel like he does the superhero thing really well, in that he has people close to him that understand his situation. Plus given the nature of his power and the ending there has to be some perspective on grief there.

  • Jessica Dowell
    Jessica Dowell 6 ай бұрын +6

    This is probably one of my favorite episodes and it resonates so much with me right now. I have a 4yo, a 2yo, and a 4 month old and husband and I both feel every bit of the exhaustion! The Incredibles have always been my favorite Pixar movies and they get better the older and I get and the more I experience parenting. This was on point, convicting, and encouraging. Thank you for doing this episode! ❤️

  • Matt Conklin
    Matt Conklin 6 ай бұрын +595

    I know it's not about parenting but Mr. Incredibles outburst if "I can't lose you again...I'm not strong enough" was the best character development. Just admitting that no matter how physically strong he is, he will never be emotionally strong enough to handle life without his family.

    • Curtis LeBlanc
      Curtis LeBlanc 6 ай бұрын +8

      @Matt Conklin
      Singing killed his grandma.

    • Curtis LeBlanc
      Curtis LeBlanc 6 ай бұрын +30

      That's basically Bobs "one true weakness"
      His heart.
      And probably also his stomach.

    • Matitya Loran
      Matitya Loran 6 ай бұрын +15

      @Matt Conklin They did something similar in the movie Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. (The direct to video movie from the year 2000).

    • Matt Conklin
      Matt Conklin 6 ай бұрын +56

      @Matitya Loran same with why he doesn't do side kicks, he might have lost somebody when he was younger (either as a hero or before) which made him put up walls

    • Matitya Loran
      Matitya Loran 6 ай бұрын +80

      It also works as an explanation for why it’s so important to him that he always works alone. Since in the beginning of the movie it looked as if it were an ego thing but after that it seems likely that it’s not.

  • Shellnbaby
    Shellnbaby 6 ай бұрын +7

    Thank you for acknowledging that a stay at home parent is a hard job. As a homeschooling mom, I get a lot of people in my life who seem to think I have endless time to do things for them.

  • Carlisle the Cinephile
    Carlisle the Cinephile 5 ай бұрын +5

    I like to imagine that when the writers were coming up with the story for The Incredibles one of them asked: "Hey I know we talked about revealing the baby's powers at the end of the movie but did we ever decide on what powers he has?" And Brad Bird just looked at them straight in the eye and said: "All of them. He has ALL the superpowers."

  • Mikaela Collins
    Mikaela Collins 6 ай бұрын +4

    Please consider analyzing the parenting and co-parenting in Beetlejuice!! It is one of my favourite movies because of how the Maitlands adopt and protect Lydia even though her presence is part of their lives being totally disrupted. When Barbara says "I want to stay with Lydia" I break down sobbing every time - she reminds me of my stepmom, who was the first adult who validated my interests and accomplishments, and is still my mom even though she and my dad are divorced.

  • Benjamin Nolan
    Benjamin Nolan 5 ай бұрын +4

    Edna's "Oh my GOD... YES!!!!" is the most perfect encapsulation of an emotion I've ever seen committed to film. xD

  • Morgan Lugo
    Morgan Lugo 6 ай бұрын +4

    I'm an ECE teacher, and frequently I will have parents ask me how their child behaves in class. Many times I will tell the parents that they have excellent behavior, and fall into routine very well. They are shocked by this, because at home they are "terrors."
    Parents, it is (usually) NOT that your child has no respect for you, and so they act out at home. It is that they feel the most comfortable with you, and you are a safe space for them to let those emotions out. When they go to daycare or go to school, they keep those emotions in all day long. They follow their routine, and by the end of the day, they need that safe space to let it all out. Yes, this is very hard on you as the parent...but it truly is a compliment from your child. They are saying "I've had a long day, and I feel safe with you." What they need most from you during these times is connection, and after you've had a long day too, it can be so hard to provide that. Give whatever you can each day. If tonight that is only 5 minutes of snuggles while reading a book before bed, so be it. Maybe tomorrow it will be 30 minutes of board games when you've had a better day. Just do your best with what you have each day. Your children will see and appreciate your efforts.
    You're doing great, parents!

  • Sydney
    Sydney 6 ай бұрын +796

    As a therapist who work primarily with children, I have also heard the same statement from parents about their kids behaving well with other people vs. at their own home. I have to agree with you guys in that kids will often feel more comfortable to push the envelope behavior-wise with people that they love and feel safest with. For example, many of my clients are or have been in the foster care system. For these younger children who have been removed from severely abusive parents, many times the observable behaviors that were displayed after the removal were considered "bad" or "undesirable" behaviors. In addition to other factors, I found that many of these children were partially behaving this way with their new foster or adoptive parents BECAUSE they felt safe. They had never experienced the feeling of safety and security before, and had never had that opportunity to even try pushing the envelope because they were too scared previously. Of course we want kids to learn the best way to manage those big feelings and to respond to them in a healthy manner. However, the fact that they feel comfortable enough to express these big feelings can many times show that they feel they are in a safe enough environment to do so. Lovely episode, guys!

    • Calladri Cosplays
      Calladri Cosplays 6 ай бұрын +9

      Don't forget all the kids who immediately fall asleep at a friend's house and feel like terrible friends for it, when in reality their body reaalized that they are now safe

    • Katie Knotts
      Katie Knotts 6 ай бұрын +4

      @Irene Hartman that’s hilarious. I love that

    • Irene Hartman
      Irene Hartman 6 ай бұрын +60

      My mom used to call us her "little politicians" because of how we would act better out in public than at home

    • Sarah Vunkannon
      Sarah Vunkannon 6 ай бұрын +48

      Also, being in a new environment is stimulating. Gone is boredom, tiredness, any causes for grumpiness. There's something new, exciting, which makes you happy and people tend to behave better when they're happy. During that part of the video, I was recalling my own experience, and a big part of it is just that doing something unusual automatically makes me feel better. I've heard that phenomenon can be a problem with testing for ADHD - problematic behaviors don't show up during testing because the testing is stimulating. Same thing.

  • La gobba di Aigor
    La gobba di Aigor 4 ай бұрын +6

    The bit where you say something like "Before you have a kid ask yourself am I willing to sacrifice my needs for them" is extremely important. I am a very maternal person, that's the way I operate with people I love. But from the young age of 12, more than ten years ago, I decided to not have children. I know what it would take to be the parent I would want to be, to not make the mistakes that hurt me, the mistakes that deeply hurt people I know, and honestly the time, care, sacrifices, devotion, and it's something I am not willing to make.
    I kid you not, since I took this decision (that took me a lot of thinking and introspection) every time someone discovers I don't want to have children they always say "you're too young to know". Even if I'm in my mid 20s now.
    The thing that bothers me tho, is that I didn't take this decision lightly, it's not the "I hate children, convince me otherwise" kind of behaviour. I love children, I'm great with kids. It's that I don't take children as commodities, mile stones or accomplishments to have in life, but as human beings dependent on every single action you do. I know I couldn't be my own person if I had to sacrifice this much for someone else, and I know I would.
    So when people tell me I'm too young to know, or "egoistical" because I'm immovable for my decision it hurts me, because I chose not to have children because I wouldn't be able to give them and myself the life we need and deserve. So thank you for stating how important of a decision is to produce offspring.

    • Mimi Gartner
      Mimi Gartner 28 күн бұрын +1

      Yes I feel the same way !
      When I was 12 I realised how my parents parenting styles ARE HORRIBLE And that is the year my sister was born I realised that I wasn’t also going to be the best parent I get exhausted pretty quickly and that sudden realisation that your a lot like your parents that you resent isn’t the best feeling 😅
      And yes having children is making me exhausted so I decided that I’m not going to be a parent not because I hate them because I’m not fit to be one and there is a possibility that I’m gonna change mind but for now I don’t want kids

    • Emily Yelton
      Emily Yelton Ай бұрын

      I feel the exact same way about my choice about not having kids. I’m 25 and still people think I don’t know what I’m talking about. So I’m glad to see somebody else gets it too

    • Nia Putri
      Nia Putri 2 ай бұрын +2

      Well maybe they just worried about you if you don't have your own kids that can take care about you when you're old (well it's a culture belief in my country, idk about yours). And I understand your ideology and I respect it, like everyone owns their own life so they can manage it to whatever they want. Sadly your close ones maybe don't understand yet. I don't get it at first, but sometimes even my beloved ones hurt me by being concerned about me.

  • music addict
    music addict 3 ай бұрын +16

    26:48 Funnily enough, I almost feel the opposite. My family has known me all my life and therefore has certain expectations of me. A lot of those probably based on things I might not even remember. And that scares me.
    My friends however are somewhat my emotional dumpster. They got to know me randomly and decided to stay in my life, either because they like my current self or don't know me long enough to dislike me. So I can bear loosing them in the beginning, but also if they stay I feel a lot safer, because our memories are a lot more similar.

  • art.ztravel
    art.ztravel 6 ай бұрын +13

    I felt deeply and laughed with Alan when he said “don’t be abusive.

  • Stu Chatterton
    Stu Chatterton 2 ай бұрын +1

    As a parent, modelling a way to acknowledge that you were wrong, to apologize and do your best to make it right (while keeping some dignity), is one of the most important lessons I think I've taught. We're not perfect. We make mistakes. They should not be thinking they need to be either, or be afraid of making one.

  • Olia Soulie
    Olia Soulie 6 ай бұрын +2

    I love you guys! I'm pregnant and I start to freak out over how complex it is to raise a kid, but your takes on how to be a good parent make me feel a lot better. So thank you!

  • Trina Q
    Trina Q 6 ай бұрын +717

    I love how the family's powers reflects their personalities. Mr Incredible is super strong, and used to carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Elastigirl is stretched in many different directions as an overworked mother, Dash is a hyperactive, excitable kid, Violet is literally an insecure Shrinking Violet, and since babies are more resilient, Jack Jack has multiple abilities.

    • Curtis LeBlanc
      Curtis LeBlanc 5 ай бұрын

      @Fire-Heart the Wolf
      it's a baby

    • Fire-Heart the Wolf
      Fire-Heart the Wolf 5 ай бұрын +1

      @Curtis LeBlanc No personalty? Were we watching the same movies? LoL

    • Kailynn Covington
      Kailynn Covington 6 ай бұрын +2

      @LittleHobbit13 OH MY GOSH!! That's so insightful! Amazing, Absalutely Amazing! 🙌

    • Curtis LeBlanc
      Curtis LeBlanc 6 ай бұрын +4

      Also JackJack has no personality yet so he has basically every power

    • LittleHobbit13
      LittleHobbit13 6 ай бұрын +21

      Well not so much personalities, I think, but strengths and weaknesses. Bob is strong but also stubborn. Helen is flexible but can also because "stretched thin". Violet might feel invisible but she clearly also has a protective nature. Dash will charge ahead but also struggles to slow down. Jack Jack has vast potential but can be erratic.

  • ArcherOwl
    ArcherOwl 3 ай бұрын +8

    I know they said they'll never react to ongoing tv shows, but I would just love to hear Jon's thoughts on Bandit and Chili as parents in Bluey

  • scholargrrl
    scholargrrl 5 ай бұрын

    Watching this made me miss the face that I'll never get to tell my father how proud I am that he was my dad again. Thank y'all for being so transparent with your fears and goals for parenthood. It reminded me of him. A lot. 💗

  • eirene1979
    eirene1979 6 ай бұрын +7

    Even as a child free by choice person, loved this. Parenting is so hard, even as an outsider I get that and The Incredibles is a great example.
    The comment about "I want to be a good dad" reminded me of The Accountant with Ben Affleck. Very interesting family dynamics as well as autism to discuss in that one... hint hint LOL

  • Mr. Inadequate
    Mr. Inadequate 6 ай бұрын +1

    My experience with my parents was... bad. Lack of a better term, bad. It could have been far worse. But in my late teens I was able to reconcile and see where my parents came from. We talked more and I learned a lot. What they did matter much less than how they've grown. I watched my parents and myself become wiser and better. If I ever have kids, I hope to do better early on, and become half the people they are today

  • xxPenjoxx
    xxPenjoxx 6 ай бұрын +3

    This was a great breakdown. It wasn't until I grew up that I realised how lucky I am to have my wonderful Mum and Dad. The part about being willing to make sacrifices is the whole reason I am an auntie, not a mother.

  • CroobieLetter
    CroobieLetter 6 ай бұрын +503

    Edna Mode is voiced by Brad Bird. They were intending to find an actress for her, he did her as a joke to give an impression as to what he was looking for and they ended up sticking with it.

    • Fire-Heart the Wolf
      Fire-Heart the Wolf 5 ай бұрын

      Definitely still one of my favorite stories in the voice acting world!

    • NobodyC13
      NobodyC13 6 ай бұрын +111

      Their original choice was Lily Tomlin, when Bird gave his scratch voice to demonstrate what he wanted Edna to sound like, Tomlin said something along the lines of: "What do you need me for? You had her voice all along."
      So Bird wound up voicing Edna Mode.

  • Ashley James
    Ashley James 6 ай бұрын +1

    The first time I watched this movie, it was with my young siblings, it was just fun and whatever. I watch it now with my husband and two kids and I cry almost through the whole thing. It's so validating and so real and so relatable (as much as it can be seeing as I don't have super powers). It's one of my all-time favorites and I'm convinced it's a legitimately amazing franchise.

  • Cashaela
    Cashaela 2 ай бұрын

    As a father of a nearly 2 year old baby, I can't describe how scared of the future I am. This video really helped me to see that I can make mistakes and don't have to be perfect, but it's just so scary to think of what the future holds.

  • Missy Martinez
    Missy Martinez 6 ай бұрын +6

    My mother is a hero. Raised two kids who one was mentally ill while the other was extremely reclusive like their father all the while physically sick. I harped a lot over recent years what she's done and hasn't, what she did wrong and could've done right but no good parent is perfect and she taught us to be exceptional humans that I know will pass on through Acton or to another generation. That is her legacy.

  • Lizzie Cottrell
    Lizzie Cottrell 27 күн бұрын

    Dash's race at the end of the first movie is so funny. I love the whole family cheering him on, telling him he can catch up and run faster, then trying to get him to slow down so he doesn't blow their cover 😅

  • Diegesis
    Diegesis 6 ай бұрын +13

    Wish y'all covered Syndrome. I think he's the really interesting character from a psychological standpoint.

  • Deadman
    Deadman 6 ай бұрын +937

    I really liked the "parents are steering the ship" analogy, because its so true. Parents are the captain and first mate of a ship, but every ship needs to have other people to maintain the sails, set length and direction, and keep it maintained. If the captain doesn't listen to their crew, even though they're "below" them, then the ship will fail. That crew could mutiny, or the ship won't be worried as diligently, making it more susceptible to damage, and then sinking. But on the flip side, the crew relies on its captain for direction, control, and heading. A good family should be like a good ship.

    • Spartan War118
      Spartan War118 5 ай бұрын +6

      What i have learned:
      My family and i should try to sail a pirate ship together

    • Pokaay
      Pokaay 5 ай бұрын +1

      That’s a great analogy, honestly 1:1 on how both relationships work

    • BlueHaze
      BlueHaze 6 ай бұрын +34

      Exactly. Don't forget your kids can mutiny, and maybe not now because they need you to survive, but you just might find come age 18 or whenever they move out, they don't care to include you in their lives anymore. I wish so desperately to have good relationships with my parents. I miss them or at least I miss the idea of having the parents I need, but I also need to prioritize my wellbeing where they failed to.

  • Leviathan
    Leviathan Ай бұрын

    This just brought back memories for me of telling my dad he was a great dad, he was depressed sometimes and would get in his head about things. Thank you for everything you do!

  • paleobc65
    paleobc65 4 ай бұрын

    One thing I love about the scene where Helen is talking about to kids about the villains is she does the sugar coat it and it immediately makes this superhero film more dark

  • Mockingdragon
    Mockingdragon 6 ай бұрын +4

    On a similar note, I"d love to see your take on the mixed family in The Santa Clause and sequels :) My favorite moment in the whole franchise is Neal apologizing to Charlie for not believing him at the end of the first. You just never see parents apologize to children. By the time you reach the third, Scott and Carol's child has no blood relation to Lucy and won't live in the same house, but as her half-brother's half-brother, she's fully prepared to welcome him as a brother.

  • Holly J
    Holly J 6 ай бұрын

    I loved that the kids came forward and supported their dad when he needed it and showed them respect. Then they supported him. (Like letting him SLEEP). That's what kids with loving, empathetic parents do. They love their parents back ♥️

  • Katie Knotts
    Katie Knotts 6 ай бұрын +3

    I work with kids and can 100% confirm they behave worse with their parents than others. I’m just amazed your daughter is self-aware enough to know this AND admit it to you! I can’t count the number of times I babysat and parents came home and toys were put away etc. and they asked in awe how I got the kids to do it. The difference is, I get to leave. It’s far easier to set and uphold clear cut expectations and be consistent when there’s a clear start and finish, I have long breaks away from kids to recharge, and I don’t have all the crazy “life” curveballs to manage at the same time as caring for kids, because it’s my job. If you’re a parent reading this, you’re doing great. If your kid behaves worse with you than with others it is completely normal and not a sign you’re doing anything wrong. On the contrary, I like to think kids behave worse with their parents because it’s who they’re the most comfortable with, which is a good thing. Like when you’re dating someone new vs. with a significant other for a long time, you get comfortable enough to let them see your “good,” “bad,” and “ugly.”

  • CallMeKes
    CallMeKes 6 ай бұрын +924

    My parents ended up with a child who didn't listen, who pushed back, and who, later, failed high school (I scored above average on my GED I just don't do busywork aka, homework). Then that child became an adult with intense and literally constant pain the doctors can't figure out. She is disabled, cannot work, can barely leave the house and got a walker at 35. She also couldn't stand anyone long enough to have a baby and give them grandchildren. You know what they did? Kept taking care of me, doing things for me, feeding me. They even bring things to me so I don't have to suffer the stairs. And they never get frustrated or ask for anything in return. I've always thought my parents were pretty great. But now I know they're super. My parents are my heroes.

    • CallMeKes
      CallMeKes 2 ай бұрын

      @Vera Mae I'm not sure what that has to do with the topic at hand nor the video, but still a very good story. Thank you for sharing.

    • Vera Mae
      Vera Mae 2 ай бұрын

      @CallMeKes When I was a high school librarian, there was no Internet. There WAS what was called "bulletin boards", people with massive home systems that exchanged text with other bulletin boards.
      My local was called "Danger Zone". I talked my principle into paying them a fee, and for a year our students had access. Told the teachers and counselors. There were groups for scifi and art and other stuff, but also groups for abused kids, and gay people. The gay one I asked DZ if I could monitor and they said OK.
      The kids LOVED it. The gay group? One kid went online with them and said he didn't know if he was gay or not. They were wonderful with him. "Give yourself time." "Have girl -friends - and boy -friends-. He got one long message from someone warning him about "chicken hawks", older gay men who prey on young men. The actual monitor of the group sent me a private message saying the users had really toned down their language since they knew a kid was there.
      There are so many resources for kids online and I'm so happy for them.
      Retired librarian
      P.S. His senior year, the student in the gay group committed suicide. Turned out his older brother had been "using" him as long as he could remember. Turns out he'd told teachers and counselors for years and nobody did anything.
      I raised bloody hell. Actually got a state law amended, but I told my - colleagues- [spitting[ they shared responsibility for his death. Tried to get their teaching licenses lifted (educators are mandatory reporters), but with no success. Still, I know I shook 'em up. I still grieve for him.
      Oh, btw, 3 years later I was forced into retirement. That wasn't the only time I had raised trouble / alerts. Doesn't make administration happy.
      I don't regret my actions. I might have been more tactful ...

    • CallMeKes
      CallMeKes 3 ай бұрын +1

      @Vaughn Haney Yes friend. I am eternally grateful to them and make sure they know it every single day. I know how lucky I am.
      But I really hope something improves for you. Get yourself some really good friends if you can. Taking up online D&D really helped me fine some good friend circles. You might try that.

    • Banzii Mavuso
      Banzii Mavuso 3 ай бұрын


    • Heidi Aga Rentsch Ersdal
      Heidi Aga Rentsch Ersdal 6 ай бұрын +39

      @Vaughn Haney You're a badass human, all my respect onto thee! 👏

  • toshigoni
    toshigoni 6 ай бұрын +1

    The editing in this video is exceptional xD
    Great episode again. I often think I would be a good parent if I wanted kids, but I know I wouldn't be able to to it all day, every day. I love kids, but I can't be there for them 24/7 because of my mental illnesses, and I don't want them to feel unloved, unappreciated and like they're a burden, so I'll stay away from parenthood. If my parents had acknowledged that they're not capable or in the mental state to take care of children and had avoided getting me (or my siblings), I wouldnt be here, but I also wouldn't be miserable.

  • Magdalena
    Magdalena 2 ай бұрын

    When you mentioned how kids can behave better with other people and you asked "Is it me?", it reminded me how almost every parent asks me if their child pulls any of the sh** they do at home (I am a teacher). It is true children will often behave better at school than at home, and I always let parents know that so they don't go on thinking it is something they've done. Completely normal phenomenon!

  • Jordan
    Jordan 6 ай бұрын +1

    This episode was great, I really liked you guys talking about something you've both experienced as opposed to presenting more technical info about mental health or filmmaking. Don't get me wrong, I love those denser episodes too and they're so important, but there was something really nice about just hearing you guys share and bond as parents.
    Also, the editing was sooo good! Like, there's a whole subplot to this episode made up of "that's what she said" jokes from the office 😂 And the zoom in on the dog coming into frame, the back and forth cuts between Jono and the SpongeBob scene at the end, and more.
    Thanks y'all for what you do! We're lucky to have you ❤

  • Buggybug09
    Buggybug09 6 ай бұрын

    I loved both movies. The family dynamics and characters are so realistic. I saw my own family in them. The relationship between Bob and Helen are just like my parents, not perfect, but they try their best. Some of the things Bob would say throughout the movie, I would just think of my dad. I saw myself in Violet, being the older sister, having a younger annoying brother. Trying to get through teenagehood and through life. This movie is great, I love it.

  • MrMolo
    MrMolo 6 ай бұрын +4

    The thing about "don't be abusive" hit a little to close to home or me. My dad was abusive, not phisically but verbally. More towards my mom and older brother than to me. To me he was more absent than anything. Also because my coping strategy was and on bad days still is avoidence, physically and emotionally, I came out mostly fine (I think). Also I am pretty selfsufficient. Maybe I am as a result of my experiences, who knows, nature vs. nuture and all that. But what struck me, when you said that, is that my brother is propably gonna be a dad soon. And I told him that I would be afraid of becoming a father becuase I don't know what I, as father, should do (absent father, no male rolemodel, etc.) And my brother said almost the same thing as you did. Don't be abusive. Don't scream at your kids. Don't be like dad and you'll be fine. Great, now I'm tearing up.

  • Crybaby
    Crybaby 6 ай бұрын +741

    Honestly. I’m scared to have children. Even be in a relationship because I’ve always had issues with anger . Never violent , I would never be violent , but I’ve been scared to get close to people because of how I’ve treated people in the past.
    Seeing that both of you, who I would consider good parents without even knowing your family dynamics , have struggles with controlling your emotions sometimes, makes me feel a bit better. Like maybe I could handle it one day. So thank you

    • Coochie flip flops
      Coochie flip flops 6 ай бұрын +1

      I literally feel the same exact way...

    • SamuraiGirl02
      SamuraiGirl02 6 ай бұрын +1

      I can relate. I work in human services, and while I love kids, I have limited patience-especially with the type of work I do. I’ve been known to get irritated and snap when I’m frustrated and exhausted. Combined with my odd work hours, I wouldn’t be able to be the parent they need.

    • Curtis LeBlanc
      Curtis LeBlanc 6 ай бұрын +1

      My dad has trouble with how he deals with negative emotions, worst of all anger and annoyance. He gets loud and rude. Not physically abusive in anyway (unless you're a door or cupboard).
      But worse, it's become more and more apparent to me that I actually *have grown into similar faults*. Most evident at my job when my boss gets on my back I bark at her and just silently stew in my own anger for the rest of the day.
      I always agreed with myself that I would not start dating until I have full confidence in myself and actually feel a need for a significant other. . . But more recently it's become apparent that one more thing I have to take care of before even considering getting out there (aside from moving out, getting a car, getting a job with steady income, etc) is that I have to get therapy to try to work through my personal issues.
      Like you stated, I too would never be violent. But I know firsthand what it's like when a father is loud and angry and it can be scary, even for a teenager or young adult. And because of that I know better than to rush into the "relationship phase" of my life.
      That was a wall of text. I need a glass of water.

    • Sakura Moonflower
      Sakura Moonflower 6 ай бұрын +1

      Emotions, worked through constructively, are perfectly normal and healthy. When it gets unhealthy or violent is when you want to be worried. Even so, as I advise all my friends and family: until you're prepared to spend up to 72 hours straight awake with no hope for reprieve without completely losing it on THE KID, DON'T have children. XD

    • Timed Revolver
      Timed Revolver 6 ай бұрын +1

      I know people are different, but I have extreme anger issues. To the point of often times being halfway through verbally devastating someone before I realize I've lost my temper.
      But kids? I am omnicidally protective of them. You'd be amazed how quick those anger issues turn into a shield dedicated to protecting children from harm.

  • Jed Lovejoy
    Jed Lovejoy 6 ай бұрын

    Love the discussion on the Parrs. Another great Disney family dynamic is Patcha and his family. Crazy kids, discussion of frustrations, confident wife, loving husband - love every moment they are on screen.

  • Wendy Chavez
    Wendy Chavez 5 ай бұрын +2

    I love that the Incredibles reinforce good parenting in a totally relatable way, without invalidating anyone's individual experience. I am not a parent and (thankfully for my potential children) never will be, though my own parents are of Incredibles quality, and my sister's sons can say the same is her and her husband (who is biologically connected to my youngest nephew, and father-like to both of them). Problems have arisen for all of us, and been dealt with as appropriately as can be expected. My youngest sibling is still facing a huge life challenge, which is stressing all of us out, but as a family we're supporting each other to the best of our ability and it's empowering to think we were raised to do so. Thank you, Cinema Therapy, for helping us understand this!

  • Roland Gautier
    Roland Gautier 6 ай бұрын +4

    Such a great episode! Loved that you guys could both input equally and the lessons/stuff to learn from these movies. Great stuff guys!