My great aunt developed early on set Alzheimer's some years ago. My great uncle refused to put her into a care facility. He did constant research, sacrificed time and money he couldn't afford to take her to the best doctors he could find. When she declined, he fed her, bathed her, changed her diapers, put up with her slaps and verbal abuse with a patience and a love I could never begin to describe in words. When she passed away, and he was grieving and asking the doctors if he had overlooked anything, if he somehow could've done anything differently to give her an even better life, they told him that he caught physical symptoms and addressed them quicker than their best cared for patients, and she lived 12 years longer than the average patient because of his care and attention. Make that love story into a movie.
I have technically seen the Notebook 4 times in one sitting because a girl at a sleepover really wanted to watch it but kept falling asleep and rewinding to the last scene she remembered. It was a strange type of torture
A silver lining is that those two deserve each other and James Marsden is free to find a partner that won't cheat on him and then not feel the least bit bad about it.
I hope Marsden’s character did well for himself! He deserves a woman who respects and loves him, and who doesn’t think he’s boring because he’s just a really good person. Like, that dude’s super fun! And being genuinely kind is sexy as hell, no matter what shitty movies like The Notebook might tell you!
Oof if I walked out and see a handsome charming, respectful man in uniform just waiting for me after being complete vulnerable and harmed in war… I’ll be dumb ass hell to say no to him lol
I am so sick of healthy relationships not being portrayed in movies because they’re “boring“. They are not boring. Have you watched Heartstopper? That is a wonderful, incredibly healthy relationship, which is really amazing considering their age. And it had massive success. Give us more stories like that, where both partners are kind, super caring about each other, very self-aware, and constantly working to make sure that their relationship is better and that they are communicating well. And I know that cinematherapy almost only does movies, but if they ever did a Heartstopper episode I would be absolutely dying happy. Please consider it!!!
That's probably why the only love stories I like (with some exceptions) are shoujo mangas and their (sadly rare) anime adaptations. (They do have more Drama adaptations though, but I'm not a fan of those.) They're mostly very cute, pure, heartwarming, innocent falling in love stories and experiencing their first together (like watching fireworks or cherry blossoms).
I feel like ‘When Harry Met Sally’ is a really realistic and decently healthy relationship. Yes they fight and make mistakes but that’s real in relationships. Also personally in the Heartstopper books, I feel the healthiness of the relationship goes down hill, because it suddenly turns into a “I’m gonna put all my problems on you” type of thing, which can be very emotionally damaging and I do think they don’t show that. But that’s the books, the TV shows a healthy relationship.
Yes, it was funny, but speaking as a gay guy, I want to say that I have nothing but respect for Alan and his being able to gush. He's so comfortable with himself in that way that he disappears off the gaydar. (Conversely, the guys who get totally bent out of shape and unable to even compliment another guy, they are the biggest blips on the gaydar.)
I love how more people are starting to rise up and recognize this is not okay behavior for a romance and to start advocating for healthier and more wholesome relationships in media like Morticia and Gomez.
@Melindora Nightsilverthank fucking God cause it's based on a real relationship the author was talking about the grand parents so let's redo it closer to the book
@MelinaI’m not saying one movie would cause children to grow up to believe these things but over the years, if you’re a kid who watched a lot of movies and TV growing up, it subconsciously becomes a part of your understanding of the world. Especially if you’re neurodiverse with a social deficit and parents who neglect to teach you much about the world and a lack of good models of healthy relationships. As parents work hard to keep up with inflammation and cost of living soars and media becomes such an all encompassing part of our world and a cheap babysitter for so many children, it informs our view of the world in our subconscious. It’s like the village that it used to take to raise a child but the village has been replaced by mass media. Also, it’s unfair to generalize that all humans when they’re old enough to date know what’s right and wrong because there are neurodiverse people with social deficits (like those with autism) who literally don’t have the genes/mirror neurons to intuitively understand human behavior (which is incredibly indirect and confusing) and who tend to learn a great deal about human social behavior from books, movies, etc.
I think why ppl are saying that is bc they always chased each other. In a way they never gave up on each other. But looking back I can see why everyone said it was toxic. They were young and didn't communicate properly, they were both hot heads didn't handle emotion very well, and the hitting isn't okay no matter how upset you are.
My ex threatened suicide as a manipulation technique so instead of cowering down I took him home and told his mom and friends to look out for him. I had to leave that situation because he was getting very aggressive and abusive with me but I made his family aware. Never threaten suicide its not something to threaten.
If this happens again, after you drop that person off, call law enforcement and have them do a welfare check saying that the person threatened suicide to get their way. Seriously. That needs to be documented and it STOPS the toxic behavior.
@M Kuti-Childress as a suicide survivor I never take suicide threats lightly, turns out he did that to his previous ex but at the time I didn't know that. Getting people help and leaving if necessary is better then staying and getting abused.
A friend’s ex does that to her as a manipulation technique from time to time. I told her that she should be calling 911 every single time. You never know when someone is serious, but it should be always be taken seriously-even if it’s an inconvenience for the person.
The worst part of the notebook has always been how toxic their relationship is. like in the book at the end Noah poisons their dinner so they can died together because he can't deal with her not remembering him and can't live without her.
I like what someone called the "Danny DeVito Test". Take any romance movie and replace the male lead with Danny DeVito, if Danny DeVito manages to remain cute and wholesome by the end of the film it's a solid script for genuine romance; many films can't pass this test.
It is wonderful to come on this page and find that I am not the only one that found this movie disturbing. I get teased for not liking this movie. Yes, I understand that passion makes people do stupid things, but this is insane.
Watching this with my girlfriend and Alan joking about Noah taking her to a den of racoons. She almost snorted her hot cocoa and we started laughing because that would unironically be a dream date for us two. We adore raccoons.
Get someone to take you on base in Monterey. Those raccoons are SO used to drunk soldiers, that they'll come up to you in broad daylight to ask for snacks.
Thank you so much for reacting to this movie! When it went out, everyone has got crazy about it for years even until now. It became a symbol of the ultimate romantic love. And I've always been a minority feeling that something is deeply scary and wrong with this story.
Jack & Rose’s relationship in “Titanic” is way better than Noah & Allie’s relationship in “the Notebook”. Even though Jack & Rose knew each other for less than a week.
@Hessed3712 he fell in love and sacrificed his own life for her. She realized she doesn't have to be a meek woman and settle for comfort instead she could go make her own life even if it meant poverty. Jack changed her and she changed him i guess since he literally gave up his life, hes so much better than most male characters
It was a short romance, but it's at least based on two people learning about each others fears and shortcomings and wanting to help lift that person up to be better.
I haven't seen this movie since I was like 19, and now the way that Noah basically blackmails and manipulates his way to a date reminds me so much of my father and I just... WOW PASS THE NOPE PLEASE... The way my father got my mom to go out with him, after her turning him down multiple times, was that he caught her in a lie she told him as to why she couldn't and didn't want to go out with him, and badgering her about how she owed him a date for lying to him... I wouldn't be here if she hadn't agreed to that stupid logic, but I wish she'd turned tail at that massive red flag because my father is not a considerate person and is a perpetual 15 year old.
That was dumb i thought at least he threatened to tell her secret to her parents or friends idk but you lied to me therefore you owe me a date is such w stupid thing to say and even more stupider to agree to who tf r you for me to owe you or be truthful too
You wouldn't even know that you aren't here so realistically it wouldn't have hurt you if your mom had noticed the red flag. I totally hear you, sometimes I wish my parents had never met
"You've got to pave a way for Dr Strange" excellent line considering she actually stands for her feelings and her self esteem throughout the 2 movies ;). He treated her like mud, she marries somebody else. True character growth in the MacAdams cinematic Universe
This is so validating. I have long thought James Marsden’s character was amazing and the one who truly loved her, and it bothers me that she doesn’t choose him! Haha
From my experience Alzheimer's is like having a unaware time traveler as your family member. Sometimes I was my great grandmothers Great Granddaughter, other times I was a relative she had before she moved to the US from Poland that I apparently looked a lot alike (she didn't have a picture), but then there was days I was a stranger.
My grandmother would get agitated that she would be late to school and nag “Mother” (her daughter) that they needed to get going. My aunt could usually tell her “it’s ok, it’s Saturday.” 😅 One visit, she thought I was my mother, but knew who my kids were. My other grandmother had just passed. It was like she forgot there was a generation (me) in the middle there.
i took care of my grandma from ages 18-25 and she was diagnosed with alzheimer’s with dementia and watching her decline was, while devastating, also really fascinating. my grandma forgot who my sister and i were, but she remembered my dog’s name until she couldn’t speak anymore. also she’d ask for my mom, but not my 50-year old nurse mom, but her 18-year old daughter who worked as a cahier in a pharmacy. she also kept telling us she needed to get home to her parents, who have been long dead since the 1960s and 1980s.
Imagine walking in the middle of the video and listening to the following, “You contributed to the sex. You took her to the geese; you knew what you were doing.” 😂😂😂 great analysis, as always!
I wanted to mention this about the sponsorship because I noticed no one else was talking about it: BetterHelp is sketchy. There's lots of horror stories on the experiences clients had using BetterHelp, and allegedly they add therapists without the therapist's permission. One of these dealt with a client discussing CPTSD while the "therapist" didn't know the difference between CPTSD and PTSD, and proceeded to go to the bathroom on camera while the client was still there. I don't blame you Cinema Therapy, but I'm worried that you're accidentally promoting a scam that has the potential to harm and dissuade people with mental illnesses. Another licensed therapist, Mickey Atkins (on KZclip) shares some of the details, but her main video on the controversy got a cease and desist.
I get what you're saying about incapable therapists, but about going to the bathroom... if the urge came, there's no other choice than excusing himself for a minute and going, no?
I’m a hard romantic. My sister isn’t & she loves this movie & couldn’t understand why I didn’t & didn’t cry at the end. These two are as toxic as hell & I hated what she did to her fiancé
the best description of what love is really about: "I want to be with you, but more than this I want you to be happy." - I wish they taught this at school.
Thank you so much for this. This movie came out when I was in college and I modeled my first romantic relationship after this pattern because I didn’t know better. I couldn’t distinguish love and manipulation. Four years later, I found myself working with a women’s shelter that helped me escape the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I’ve spent two decades working through the trauma of that mistake. Modeling relationships in entertainment matters. ❤
Even as a dumb 20 year old, i can see how problematic this whole relationship is. The first thing i thought when i watched this movie was "wow... why do people think this is goals?".
In high school, my friend and her mother were shocked to find that I had never seen The Notebook. And they warned me so much that I was about to cry my face off. And I didn’t. Because.. what? And they were so astounded that they were certain there was something PHYSICALLY WRONG with my tear ducts and my friend’s mom tilted my head back and put eye drops in my eyes because there was no way I wasn’t crying unless it was a MEDICAL 👏 CONDITION 👏 Girl. I had already had my first love at this point and knew this movie was not at all what that was like.
I'm depressed and living alone. And every time I go to a downward spiral of sadness, I always find myself watching your videos and then suddenly laugh. This is not a treatment, but it saves me every time. Thank you, Cinema Therapy.
My bf at 17 told me that he was in the hospital for attempted suicide after I broke up with him and my response was, "Wow that is awful. I really hope you get better. This is further proof why we shouldn't be together." Now as a 31 yr old I can see what a fantastic response that was. I hope my daughter does the same if she is ever in the same position.
Awake on my airplane Awake on my airplane My skin is bare My skin is theirs Awake on my airplane Awake on my airplane My skin is bare My skin is theirs I feel like a newborn Awake on my airplane Awake on my airplane I feel so real Could you wanna take my picture? 'Cause I won't remember Could you wanna take my picture? 'Cause I won't remember Yeah I don't believe in I don't believe in Your sanctity Your privacy I don't believe in I don't believe in Sanctity A hypocrisy Could everyone agree that No one should be left alone? And I feel like a newborn Kicking and screaming Could you wanna take my picture? 'Cause I won't remember Could you wanna take my picture? 'Cause I won't remember Yeah Hey, Dad What do you think about your son now? Ah, hey, Dad What do you think about your son now? Could you wanna take my picture? 'Cause I won't remember Could you wanna take my picture? 'Cause I won't remember Could you wanna take my picture? 'Cause I won't remember Yeah -Filter
@Pain Unending Nobody said that. People who threaten or attempt suicide to emotionally manipulate their ex girlfriends or boyfriends into getting back together with them shouldn't be allowed to have relationships though.
Disarm you with a smile And cut you like you want me to Cut that little child Inside of me and such a part of you Ooh, the years burn Ooh, the years burn I used to be a little boy So old in my shoes And what I choose is my choice What's a boy supposed to do? The killer in me is the killer in you My love I send this smile over to you Disarm you with a smile And leave you like they left me here To wither in denial The bitterness of one who's left alone Ooh, the years burn Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn I used to be a little boy So old in my shoes And what I choose is my voice What's a boy supposed to do? The killer in me is the killer in you My love I send this smile over to you The killer in me is the killer in you Send this smile over to you The killer in me is the killer in you Send this smile over to you The killer in me is the killer in you Send this smile over to you -Smashing Pumpkins
Brief anecdote: My mom died when i was 19, from long-term illness. One of my most favorite things to do is to goad people into making Yo Mama jokes so that I can straight-facedly inform them that my mom is dead. I'm not offended, I'm not sad when I do it, it's just become Part of the Joke for me; a coping mechanism that I like to think my mom, irreverent in her own humor, would have found hilarious. It's hard to articulate, but when he yells "The Notebook killed my grandparents!" and difuses the situation and his own grief with slightly dark but also oddly tender -- this is, as far as I can tell, a reference to the Trolls movie, and films are very much a beloved thing here, something that is clearly shared with loved ones -- humor, I felt that. Felt it enough to overshare in a KZclip comment, at least.
As a kid and teen, I always liked her fiancé more than Noah. And it's not because of his money or good looks but more of like how he treated her and gave her time. There was a sense of respect and decency within their relationship and it was built on mutual desire (or so we thought). He was very good for a person that was drawn to a previous toxic relationship and it sucks cuz he deserved so much better. To be engaged to someone and get lied and betrayed like that behind his back....if I were him my trust in women would be gone.
"When someone makes you feel cherished, when someone makes you feel loved, and you know that they have integrity, and they tell you the truth... THAT is sexy, and people have better sex that way." DAMN what a truth bomb! We need more movies and more shows about deep relationships built on mutual respect, and love. I've cried on my husbands shoulder about how sad it is to see these movies about couples treating one another like crap, and its heartbreaking that people think its love.
@DarthRayj "Love is not a limited resource, it's regenerative". Yes! So true. Love and support really does fill you up and make you able to love and support others all the more. It's like an energy that multiplies. It's sad that so many people seem to believe the opposite. Dang it, I really, really wanna see a movie with a deeply loving, wholesome poly relationship. It would be like the ultimate anti-jealousy, pro-healthy-communication romance movie ever.
@Bluebird19 I have *DEFINITELY* had this feeling, if not this exact experience (timing is unfortunately not always on my side lol) and I would relate to this a LOT if it happened in a movie.
I just recently discovered Bluey, and it’s honestly helping me with my own parenting. Because of this video, I’ll start paying more attention to Bandit and Chili’s relationship. You guys never disappoint. Thank you for your content!
Alan said it already but “it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard, and we’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I wanna do that because I want you” is genuinely one of my favourite lines in any romantic movie. Such a shame it was in this train wreck of a “love story”.
Alan, hold on! I'm very sorry for your loss and that you family had to go through all those terrible things Alzheimer's caused to your grandmother. When you talked about it and you cried I cried with you. You are very brave to share this vulnerability with us. I hope you have good support around you and you'll feel better soon. Thank you for shooting this episode guys, I've been waiting for a long time for someone to destroy this creepy movie.
I don't think I've ever laughed as much at one of your videos before, this was hilarious and also greatly satisfying (having watched this movie before and not found it that charming)
Most pets are like this! My kitten saw me crying and came over purring up a storm, licking my fingers and rubbing her head against me. Pets who love you can often sense conflict and want to make you feel better!!
This is the third video by these two guys that I've watched, and I love them. Smart, and honest, and down to earth. I hope a lot of young people get to see their analyses of movie relationships!
So glad you guys brought up Bluey, that show has great writing and the characters feel like real people because of it. The kids act like real kids, and the adults act like real adults. I know this is cinema therapy, but I'd love it if you guys could talk about the show a bit more if at all possible within the confines of the format.
I would love to see you guys talk about the Holiday with Kate Winslet and Jude Law! It's such a great christmas rom com with really sweet relationships and character development! And it has an amazing score by Hans Zimmer!
I saw The Notebook when it was in theaters. Everyone loved it and I walked out pissed off because "that's not how Alzheimer's works". Thank you for stating this in the video because I've had to watch too many grandparents suffer with this disease.
@Kate Rodriguez I have to agree and my grandma had Alzheimer's. Died when I was 8. I was her Susie q and she didn't remember me when she passed. I definitely agree with your comment.
Yes!!! Thank you! I never really cared for this movie for a lot of reasons, but this was a big one for me. Novels and movies never even come close to an accurate depiction. You talk to them and it's like someone living in a dream. They drift in and out of reality. You get a sense of how trapped and confused they must feel, wandering around in their own minds. It's not a cute thing.
@Dimples D because the disease itself is not the main focus of the movie. If it was then I’d totally agree with you, but it’s not, the Alzheimer’s detail is used to explain why he is retelling their love story, not how Alzheimer’s has affected their entire family and friends
this video is so validating. I didn't watch The Notebook until years later, after being told my whole life how "romantic" it was, and all I could do was retch. Hopefully people are less stupid now.
"If you're dumb, and don't know anything about relationships, this movie seems awesome." It was my ex-wifes favorite movie. She tried to make me watch it 3 times, I couldn't do it. But I can relate to the rest of the movie, and now know why it was her favorite.
My mom got me this movie for me as a birthday gift when I was in highschool. Took me a while to actually watch it. Didn't think much of it because I was never super into romance but I did honestly think the Alzheimer's part at the end was sad. Because it is sad regardless. Never gave the relationship a real critical look, just 'eh whatever, we know how it ends'. This was quite eye opening, thank you for making this video.
Funny story: I had an internet friend who I had only known for a few months threaten suicide if I didn't agree to be his girlfriend. This wasn't even as bad as the carnival scene in the movie, where this was the first time they'd met each other and Noah basically goes "if I can't date you I will literally kill myself and it'll be your fault"; we had known each other for a few months, gotten reasonably close, then he drops the L-word on me and says "if I can't have you as a girlfriend then I'm going to kill myself". I spent the next MONTH worried that he'd go through with it or show up at my door and do something, with the nagging thought that if he did kill himself then it would be my fault. This shit is NOT ROMANTIC
Bro one of my internet "friends" lied about having brain cancer with fake MRI scans and hospital photos and everything. Then on the day he said he was going to die (we had called for a few hours last night) and he straight up says "haha I was joking I'm not going to die today". We had called before and I have seen his face heard his voice etc. He spoke straight to my face when he was lying about such a horrendous thing (spoiler alert he did not have brain cancer). I believe he was just apathetic.
@Teresa Ellis She wasn't and isn't. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia a few years after this, spent most of two decades institutionalized, and died when she was about 30. 💔 (Her family said of a heart attack but 🤷🏻♀️). None of that really had to do with what happened with this guy, though. But yeah it was a very shitty experience all around. (In one of the emails she sent me near the end of her life, she was convinced he was still surveilling her.)
Oh man I just wanted to mention: a bit ago I made a comment about how watching you guys made me more comfortable with therapy. Update on that is I found a therapist and it’s the first therapist I’ve ever had and I think it’s going really damn well and I feel lucky it worked out so well for me. Thanks guys for making me more comfortable with this by proxy.
I've willingly avoided watching the Notebook because I've spoiled myself with 2 or 3 scenes and figured it wasn't for me just from those (I do it with the movies I don't know if I'd watch in the first place, based on the summary alone). I was hanging out with my brother and one of his male friends one day, we were recommending movies/shows/books to one another and The Notebook turned up somehow as the stereotypical romantic movie that girls usually watch. Turns out they were the ones who had watched it instead. I also realised I never even had a discussion longer than 3 minutes about it with my female friends, let alone watch it - with or without them. It's funny to me it was probably written with young women in mind, but my personal experience reflects it's popular among young guys somehow, haha.
There NEEDS to be some kind of Notebook/X-Men fanfiction where after Allie left James Marsden, the emotional stress from it (which Jean clarified is generally when mutant powers manifest) caused him to develop his powers and wind up at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters to join the X-Men, met Jean Grey, lost her, found her, and got killed by her exactly how it happened in X-Men: The Last Stand
Fun fact! I showed a sort of sheltered male friend from college a fake trailer that set the romance up as a psychological thriller and he agreed to watch it. During the canoe>kissing in the rain> love making sequence he finally paused it and said something to the effect of "wait so is he going to stalk and murder her, or not?"
Alan saying, "I am the straightest guy you've met," followed immediately by the editors showing pictures of Johnathan and Oscar Isaac, and playing the John Cena "Are you sure about that?" voice clip had me screaming. Also Alan's later rant about James Marsden did not help his case.
My memere had Alzheimer’s at the end and she forgot who pepere was… but she knew she knew him and she knew he was important to her. She kept asking if he was her dad haha. To this day, I think it was so beautiful. Even after the memories faded the love remained.
Kinda unrelated, but I love the way this was edited!! Very funny and well done, especially the comment near the end about the person having cried while watching that last scene, and calling them sadists - that really made me laugh.
I remember one time a guy said something similar along the lines I will do and be anything you want me to be in his efforts to just date me. Though flattered that he thought that highly of me, I lost respect for him instantly. So I laughed and said No. You won't be happy and it's wrong.
Thank you for the great discussion as always. I mostly know the film through pop culture osmosis. I was also delightfully surprised after the intense(not in a good way) relationship rundown, there was a sudden Bluey cameo. Count me in on horror at the young romance relationship dynamic. To add to the Bluey talk, in episode Faceytalk Bluey's Aunt & Uncle have a scarily realistic parenting fight and then you see them share feelings & talking it out
I enjoyed this episode a lot! As someone who works with couples, I enjoyed the movie and found the couple quite believable. To me, this was a story that asked: can secure attachment and attunement grow into a bond of love so powerful that it prevails over everything that would undermine it? I tend to believe yes (albeit, usually with a lot of sincere hard work and consistent effort). There is no question that there are definitely dysfunctional behaviors in the movie that people are right to point out - Gossling dismisses boundaries, McAdams physically assaults Gossling, etc. And those shouldn’t be minimized. It’s great and awesome that audiences recognize those behaviors as toxic/warning signs, and more power to anyone who identifies those behaviors as deal breakers in their own relationships. At the end of the day, I see this as a story about a specific couple that struggled through hard times and didn’t always do things they were proud of - not a textbook representation of what all romance should look like, but not unlike some struggles in real life relationships, either. I would even argue that their relationship and connectedness suffers a lot in the movie due to toxic and dysfunctional behaviors that they have to outgrow - Gossling has to learn to step back and respect her choice whatever the outcome, McAdams has to learn how to honor her lived-experiences and take ownership of her own life. It’s messy and they mess up. A lot. But in this story, there’s a deeper and more powerful force of nature at play here than just the dysfunction. I see it as Attunement and secure attachment - Sparks paints it in the colors of true love. It’s almost conventional wisdom to dismiss young love as an ephemeral phase driven by hormones and naivety. Something people outgrow or recall with a hint of embarrassment and a learned experience about not knowing any better. I like this story for leaning unapologetically into that age-old question of - what if those feelings were all the real deal? What if general attraction began to bloom into a profound experience of what you could only describe as true love before you were even mature enough to know how to handle it, maintain it, and fight for it? In the end, it’s the small things they already do naturally that all add up that overcomes the seemingly insurmountable barriers to being together. It’s the attentive listening, the genuine caring, the sincere touch, the humble reflection on and acceptance of mistakes, the support and follow through on commitments to one another big and small. I think that’s the deep-rooted stuff that carries the couple through the mess and dysfunction into something strong, healthy, and meaningful. Just my two cents! Love the channel and all your perspectives. Y’all make the world a better and more fun place :)
I'm about to comment this on a couple of posts- can u guys PLEASE do the last unicorn, I think there's a lot to talk about there with identity and "purpose," there's also a dynamic between the two main characters that isn't boy meets pretty girl and they fall in love like he really just helps her out
I completely agree with Alan: I usually am lacking the context when I think about some of the better lines… I’m thinking about them in isolation & in isolation, “It’s not gonna be easy, it’s gonna be really hard and we’re gonna have to work at this every day & I want that because I want you” is a beautiful line. Hilarious the rest of it makes you want to punch both of them 😅
Alan's passion about how bad this relationship is is utterly hilarious. The "There's poverty in New York" line also made me lose composure and felt so out of left field but perfect of a reply befitting the moment. XD
Alzheimer's is terrible. I worked as a CNA and I've also seen what dementia in family in general can do and it's terrible. Heartbreaking. My grandma before she passed didn't remember my dad (her son) but she remembered me as her granddaughter even though she couldn't place my name. She knew who I was. Also: the last 30 seconds of spazzing out was gold.
When I was in high-school I remember being told by countless people that this was such a classic and good movie. One year I got mono and was so bored that I finally watched it. I remember being so visibly upset afterwards that I called my friend during lunch and ranted about it for the entire lunch period. Nice to see my feelings still haven't changed about it
@Ookami We both shared our hatred of the movie together. She recommended I watch it just to get the references. It was a funny rant we had I'm not sure I understand your question on if she shared my feelings?
For the next couples therapy video, it would nice to see you guys talk about the film Love, Rosie. It’s such a beautiful story that shows how love can endure anything life throws at it. It’s definitely an underrated movie
@Gandalf The Grey - There is a difference between exploring a darker side of humanity and framing it as romantic. If the movie called out Noah’s behaviour as reckless and manipulative, it wouldn’t be a problem, but instead, his actions are framed as a romantic way to catch a girl’s attention. That is problematic framing. One of my favourite books of all time is Misery by Stephen King. I find it absolutely fascinating, even though the story is about a “biggest fan” kidnapping her author idol and torturing him to write more of the series she loves. This isn’t framed as something a person should do, but it is still fascinating to read about. Despite what some will say about them, I love the SAW movies. There is a level of narrative cohesion in them that I find compelling, especially the polarizing portrayal of Jigsaw. These movies are problematic as all get out, but I still find them entertaining and interesting to think about. All that to say, it’s not about saying a movie shouldn’t be enjoyed, but being able to recognize when the media is framing negative behaviour as a positive example to be emulated.
@Melina Right. Like let's take House of the Dragon as an example. Some people are condemning it as a nihilistic show with no good qualities. But everyone who likes it loves the character Daemon, who murdered his own wife and kills for his own advantage. It's like obviously we wouldn't do those things and we don't need it pointed out to us. And the enjoyment for me anyway is understanding these very dark characters from their perspective. Understanding why people do the things they do is the purpose of psychology my therapist tells me, and that includes dark or bad people. If you condemn rather than understand your dark side I think you leave half of yourself unknown to yourself and undeveloped. Not that you can't be a good person otherwise, but to me those people are essentially boring.
@Gandalf The Grey I feel the same with you. It’s so easy for a lot of people nowadays to point out the negative things instead of just looking at what they see and deciding for themselves personally if they like it or not regardless of flaws. Like they’re consciously looking for anything remotely bad to condemn it.
I’m curious to see you do A Walk To Remember. That was my favourite. I also thought Notebook was cute but noticed all the toxic things at the same time. Glad you’re talking about it! Movies seriously set the tone and expectations for young people
They mentioned how at the end Noah started to have some real love and sense come into the conversation, and they also mention how the couple at the end does not seem like the same couple. I agree. The couple at the end seems more like how it would have ended if she'd married Hammond who was so kind and considerate of her. So I've thought for some years, what happened between fighting and slapping each other and the sacrificial couple at end? There's the real story. There's the better movie with McAdams and Gosling because in all those years they obviously did some SERIOUS growing. As Noah said "It's not going to be easy, it's going to be really hard...." So how about that, let's see what a couple looks like fighting to learn how to treat each other right!
There are better, healthier, more interesting relationships outside the romance genre than in it ironically enough. But in the romance genre either 2 bland boring people are paired up or obsession, control and abuse are painted as love.
@SplendourM one of them is a licensed therapist pretty sure he’d know more about how relationships work than some crass bimbo who plays with makeup for a living LOL
I'm so happy you mentioned Bluey, Chili and Bandit have such a healthy relationship with each other and their kids. We watch it all the time with our kid!
Yes it is! I have worked with alzheimer for decades and they do come back for 5 minutes, 10 minutes when they look at a picture, read a story or someone walks into a room.
You guys are just awesome in so many ways! I love your show, you are both such great role models! I stumbled across the movie Long Shot with Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen. I really liked their relasionship in that movie. It would be cool to see what you guys think of it. All the love, from a fan
25:35 "When you're fighting with somebody you don't want to tear each other's clothes off... you're disgusted with each other!" Such a relief to hear literally anyone say this! I've been made to feel over and over like there's something wrong with me because I don't want to have make-up sex. 🤢
I used to date a guy who would constantly bait arguments because he could only feel turned on after arguing and saying nasty things. It was creepy and gross. He and his mother constantly argued and traded insults, which is why it was extra creepy he was turned on by fighting.
Strangely, I understand what you mean, and yet I am on the fence as to how I feel about that subject. In the past, when my (ex) hubby and I would have arguments/fights, I never wanted "make up" sex, but I still wanted "sex" sex. I remember so clearly once we had a very bad, LOUD argument and I stomped into the bedroom and slammed the door. I was in there maybe two hours and it was getting late. I finally flung the door open, marched back out and asked if he was coming to bed. He said no and I YELLED, "Oh, so I'm supposed to go without sex just because you're a 🤬🤬🤬🤬ing jerk?!!" I can still see the shocked look on his face. Then he laughed, pulled me down to the floor and we "related" to each other. What I loved most was, afterward, with the anger in me drained out, I explained why I was so upset earlier. HE was right; I wasn't. And I admitted that. But my issue was that he refused to LISTEN to me and, instead, just pronounced me being an idiot for wanting whatever it was without the respect of hearing me out. Lesson learned. *After that, our rule was, we get naked before having major discussions because it kept us both more calm and honest with each other.*
Never saw this movie because it looks so sappy. Another horrid film was Titanic. I hated Titanic and ALL of the main characters, especially Rose. That tells you something.
My favorite part of this movie was your dog, Gandalf.🤣 Love you guys and the commentary, I've always hated this movie and Romeo and Juliet. THANK YOU for being you guys and letting other people know that, that is not what we should want/need in a relationship. Thank you! (Of course this is in my opinion).
The truly crazy thing is how incredibly different the books are from the movies. Both with A Walk To Remember and The Notebook, the relationships in the books are very grown up and healthy (at least in my opinion). The movies are like alternate realities where everyone is insane. 😂
Can we talk about how the reaction to old Allie's freaking out is multiple (to her) strangers RUNNNING TOWARD HER YELLING AT HER TO CALM DOWN and then PUSHING HER DOWN INTO A CHAIR? What the HECK.
My great aunt developed early on set Alzheimer's some years ago. My great uncle refused to put her into a care facility. He did constant research, sacrificed time and money he couldn't afford to take her to the best doctors he could find. When she declined, he fed her, bathed her, changed her diapers, put up with her slaps and verbal abuse with a patience and a love I could never begin to describe in words. When she passed away, and he was grieving and asking the doctors if he had overlooked anything, if he somehow could've done anything differently to give her an even better life, they told him that he caught physical symptoms and addressed them quicker than their best cared for patients, and she lived 12 years longer than the average patient because of his care and attention. Make that love story into a movie.
That says a lot about him as an dedicated sponse.
Sadly men like your great uncle dont exist anymore
People can't pair bond like that anymore
that sounds like a beautiful movie i would never be able to forget
Tears
I have technically seen the Notebook 4 times in one sitting because a girl at a sleepover really wanted to watch it but kept falling asleep and rewinding to the last scene she remembered. It was a strange type of torture
u r a survivor
😭😭😭
what are the chances i would find someone from reddit here, 😅 hi
Oof
LMAO
A silver lining is that those two deserve each other and James Marsden is free to find a partner that won't cheat on him and then not feel the least bit bad about it.
...and wind up married to a woman who never really loved him, and was always wondering, "What if I'd stayed with Noah?" Few people deserve that.
😅😅😅😅 so true.
I hope Marsden’s character did well for himself! He deserves a woman who respects and loves him, and who doesn’t think he’s boring because he’s just a really good person. Like, that dude’s super fun! And being genuinely kind is sexy as hell, no matter what shitty movies like The Notebook might tell you!
James Marsden is also a perfect Corny Collins in Hairspray!
Oof if I walked out and see a handsome charming, respectful man in uniform just waiting for me after being complete vulnerable and harmed in war… I’ll be dumb ass hell to say no to him lol
Of course he wanted to take Allie to see all the geese, he's literally a GOSLING
😂😂😂
Lol
@Genevieve Lussier agreed
This comment deserves all the likes in the world 😂😂😂
I am so sick of healthy relationships not being portrayed in movies because they’re “boring“. They are not boring. Have you watched Heartstopper? That is a wonderful, incredibly healthy relationship, which is really amazing considering their age. And it had massive success. Give us more stories like that, where both partners are kind, super caring about each other, very self-aware, and constantly working to make sure that their relationship is better and that they are communicating well. And I know that cinematherapy almost only does movies, but if they ever did a Heartstopper episode I would be absolutely dying happy. Please consider it!!!
That's probably why the only love stories I like (with some exceptions) are shoujo mangas and their (sadly rare) anime adaptations. (They do have more Drama adaptations though, but I'm not a fan of those.) They're mostly very cute, pure, heartwarming, innocent falling in love stories and experiencing their first together (like watching fireworks or cherry blossoms).
I'll watch it. What streaming service is it on???
I feel like ‘When Harry Met Sally’ is a really realistic and decently healthy relationship. Yes they fight and make mistakes but that’s real in relationships. Also personally in the Heartstopper books, I feel the healthiness of the relationship goes down hill, because it suddenly turns into a “I’m gonna put all my problems on you” type of thing, which can be very emotionally damaging and I do think they don’t show that. But that’s the books, the TV shows a healthy relationship.
@Agata Highstein I seconded that person's suggestion! I love Our Flag Means Death! Can't wait for the next season.
Alan: "I'm the straightest dude ever!"
Also Alan: *gushes and swoons over James Marsden for 20 minutes"
Rightfully so...I mean, look at him 😏😏😏
Yes, it was funny, but speaking as a gay guy, I want to say that I have nothing but respect for Alan and his being able to gush. He's so comfortable with himself in that way that he disappears off the gaydar. (Conversely, the guys who get totally bent out of shape and unable to even compliment another guy, they are the biggest blips on the gaydar.)
I could give you a laundry list of men that Alan and Jono gush over, man 😂
@kieru88 so it's funny? lol
so?
I love how more people are starting to rise up and recognize this is not okay behavior for a romance and to start advocating for healthier and more wholesome relationships in media like Morticia and Gomez.
@Melindora Nightsilverthank fucking God cause it's based on a real relationship the author was talking about the grand parents so let's redo it closer to the book
Definitely
@MelinaI’m not saying one movie would cause children to grow up to believe these things but over the years, if you’re a kid who watched a lot of movies and TV growing up, it subconsciously becomes a part of your understanding of the world. Especially if you’re neurodiverse with a social deficit and parents who neglect to teach you much about the world and a lack of good models of healthy relationships. As parents work hard to keep up with inflammation and cost of living soars and media becomes such an all encompassing part of our world and a cheap babysitter for so many children, it informs our view of the world in our subconscious. It’s like the village that it used to take to raise a child but the village has been replaced by mass media.
Also, it’s unfair to generalize that all humans when they’re old enough to date know what’s right and wrong because there are neurodiverse people with social deficits (like those with autism) who literally don’t have the genes/mirror neurons to intuitively understand human behavior (which is incredibly indirect and confusing) and who tend to learn a great deal about human social behavior from books, movies, etc.
@Luis Apaza I am sorry… i don’t know what you mean by the word “ambient” in this context 🤔
@Tony_ δυτικός αμυντικός they are the macabre married couple from the tv show>movie the Addams Family
THANK YOU. I never understood why people felt this was the ultimate love story. I felt creeped out the whole time.
You're just sensitive which isnt suprising. The book was creepy though.
The old couple is sweet, that’s the part that I think gets everyone
Same 😂 finally watched it after all the hype and was weirded out for the rest of the movie after that Ferris wheel scene
I think why ppl are saying that is bc they always chased each other. In a way they never gave up on each other. But looking back I can see why everyone said it was toxic. They were young and didn't communicate properly, they were both hot heads didn't handle emotion very well, and the hitting isn't okay no matter how upset you are.
My ex threatened suicide as a manipulation technique so instead of cowering down I took him home and told his mom and friends to look out for him. I had to leave that situation because he was getting very aggressive and abusive with me but I made his family aware. Never threaten suicide its not something to threaten.
If this happens again, after you drop that person off, call law enforcement and have them do a welfare check saying that the person threatened suicide to get their way. Seriously. That needs to be documented and it STOPS the toxic behavior.
@M Kuti-Childress as a suicide survivor I never take suicide threats lightly, turns out he did that to his previous ex but at the time I didn't know that. Getting people help and leaving if necessary is better then staying and getting abused.
A friend’s ex does that to her as a manipulation technique from time to time. I told her that she should be calling 911 every single time. You never know when someone is serious, but it should be always be taken seriously-even if it’s an inconvenience for the person.
@Elisa thank you 😊
That’s so smart and brave of you 👍🏻👍🏻
The worst part of the notebook has always been how toxic their relationship is. like in the book at the end Noah poisons their dinner so they can died together because he can't deal with her not remembering him and can't live without her.
Gotta love a troll because this isn't what happened at all in the book 🙃
Like you didn't see that coming when he HUNG ONE-HANDED off the ferris wheel, psychologically manipulating her to go out with him?
@Nansugoi That's because you have to read the book by Nicholas Sparks. It's not on there!! Someone just wanted to get everyone all riled up.
Can I get your source for this ? Tried Google searching and nothing comes up.
I like what someone called the "Danny DeVito Test". Take any romance movie and replace the male lead with Danny DeVito, if Danny DeVito manages to remain cute and wholesome by the end of the film it's a solid script for genuine romance; many films can't pass this test.
@simonster -909 It's not hard to imagine Danny DeVito being a creepy slob like some of the guys in those films.
Well considering the whole internet loves Danny DeVito (and understandably so) I'm not sure this is a foolproof test. 😂
I feel so validated for hating this movie now. :D Yay! I was absolutely disgusted by the cheating. Her fiance was such a sweet guy! :(
@M Kuti-Childress Oh geez no, I wasn't bummed at all! He certainly deserved MUCH better than her.
It is wonderful to come on this page and find that I am not the only one that found this movie disturbing. I get teased for not liking this movie. Yes, I understand that passion makes people do stupid things, but this is insane.
Oh! I was so bummed when she dumped that man!!
That character _and_ actor deserve their own movie-and happy ending!
Alan: THE NOTEBOOK KILLED MY GRANDPARENTS
Me: I'm 100% on board for wherever this episode is going
BECAUSE THE NOTEBOOK KILLED MY GRANDMA, OKAY?!
I know you guys are movie guys, but I really really hope you can do an analysis of Bluey one day.
I wasn’t going to watch the whole videos but his comment got me too
read that as alan said it LMAO
the bi lighting though
Watching this with my girlfriend and Alan joking about Noah taking her to a den of racoons. She almost snorted her hot cocoa and we started laughing because that would unironically be a dream date for us two. We adore raccoons.
There is a lid for every pot. ; ) lol
I also adore raccoons and, despite the lack of raccoons, your cinema therapy date with cocoa sounds like a great one as well 🦝
Get someone to take you on base in Monterey. Those raccoons are SO used to drunk soldiers, that they'll come up to you in broad daylight to ask for snacks.
I would love to see these guys react to Morticia and Gomez's relationship!
Yes!! 😄
Yes, very healthy ans validating ones
Nice pfp hahahaha oh Dwight
They have done a video on Morticia and Gomez!
kzclip.org/video/8sFitCMQqV8/бейне.html
OMG the dog coming up to make sure everything was ok at the end was so sweet 😭
So sweet!
@Lucid Fangirl After they were pretending to fight the dog came up to make sure they were ok.
What dog
the geese being portrayed as romantic and cute is a great metaphor for this movie!
💀💀💀
Thank you so much for reacting to this movie! When it went out, everyone has got crazy about it for years even until now. It became a symbol of the ultimate romantic love. And I've always been a minority feeling that something is deeply scary and wrong with this story.
Definitely
Not a minority
Look at our generation now.
yep me too
“They’ve got poverty in New York.” I laughed so hard I literally had a coughing fit
I cracked myself up too🤣
My God yes please give this the appreciation it needs it made my day 😂
Yes! I choked.
same
i had to pause the entire video and just take a moment to laugh at that lmao
As a Canadian I agree that the geese is indeed a horror scene.
Jack & Rose’s relationship in “Titanic” is way better than Noah & Allie’s relationship in “the Notebook”.
Even though Jack & Rose knew each other for less than a week.
@Hessed3712 he fell in love and sacrificed his own life for her. She realized she doesn't have to be a meek woman and settle for comfort instead she could go make her own life even if it meant poverty. Jack changed her and she changed him i guess since he literally gave up his life, hes so much better than most male characters
It was a short romance, but it's at least based on two people learning about each others fears and shortcomings and wanting to help lift that person up to be better.
That is another messed up “love story” that I do not understand the hype for.
Yes, because Jack and Rose got to know each other and their struggles
I haven't seen this movie since I was like 19, and now the way that Noah basically blackmails and manipulates his way to a date reminds me so much of my father and I just... WOW PASS THE NOPE PLEASE...
The way my father got my mom to go out with him, after her turning him down multiple times, was that he caught her in a lie she told him as to why she couldn't and didn't want to go out with him, and badgering her about how she owed him a date for lying to him...
I wouldn't be here if she hadn't agreed to that stupid logic, but I wish she'd turned tail at that massive red flag because my father is not a considerate person and is a perpetual 15 year old.
That was dumb i thought at least he threatened to tell her secret to her parents or friends idk but you lied to me therefore you owe me a date is such w stupid thing to say and even more stupider to agree to who tf r you for me to owe you or be truthful too
@Day I would do anything for that, my mom deserves so much better
You wouldn't even know that you aren't here so realistically it wouldn't have hurt you if your mom had noticed the red flag. I totally hear you, sometimes I wish my parents had never met
"You've got to pave a way for Dr Strange" excellent line considering she actually stands for her feelings and her self esteem throughout the 2 movies ;). He treated her like mud, she marries somebody else. True character growth in the MacAdams cinematic Universe
@König's soulmate Wong believes otherwise tho
When they were together, he didn't treat her like mud. The only time I've seen him treat her bad was when he screwed up his hands.
This is so validating. I have long thought James Marsden’s character was amazing and the one who truly loved her, and it bothers me that she doesn’t choose him! Haha
Eh, James deserves better.
I never thought I’d see these two get so angry at another toxic romance film, and Alan getting angry at geese. I’m all for it
I never would have thought that birds could be jerks until we had geese. I totally relate to and support the geese hate happening here.
@Jack Linde hahahahahahahaha
The geese I never noticed that!! 😂 how ridiculous it was
I love their little cartoon slapfight at the end 🤣
The geese scene was terrifying. This is my first time seeing it.
From my experience Alzheimer's is like having a unaware time traveler as your family member. Sometimes I was my great grandmothers Great Granddaughter, other times I was a relative she had before she moved to the US from Poland that I apparently looked a lot alike (she didn't have a picture), but then there was days I was a stranger.
My grandmother would get agitated that she would be late to school and nag “Mother” (her daughter) that they needed to get going. My aunt could usually tell her “it’s ok, it’s Saturday.” 😅
One visit, she thought I was my mother, but knew who my kids were. My other grandmother had just passed. It was like she forgot there was a generation (me) in the middle there.
i took care of my grandma from ages 18-25 and she was diagnosed with alzheimer’s with dementia and watching her decline was, while devastating, also really fascinating. my grandma forgot who my sister and i were, but she remembered my dog’s name until she couldn’t speak anymore. also she’d ask for my mom, but not my 50-year old nurse mom, but her 18-year old daughter who worked as a cahier in a pharmacy. she also kept telling us she needed to get home to her parents, who have been long dead since the 1960s and 1980s.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! Do a Couples Therapy episode on the mom and dad from Bluey!!!! You'd fill me with so much delight!
@Sh4rky no it's not
BLUEY IS SUCH A GREAT SHOW
YESYESYESYESSS
YES
11:30 “what does a healthy fight look like" this level of open communication is so essential and SO appreciated.
Imagine walking in the middle of the video and listening to the following, “You contributed to the sex. You took her to the geese; you knew what you were doing.” 😂😂😂 great analysis, as always!
I wanted to mention this about the sponsorship because I noticed no one else was talking about it: BetterHelp is sketchy. There's lots of horror stories on the experiences clients had using BetterHelp, and allegedly they add therapists without the therapist's permission. One of these dealt with a client discussing CPTSD while the "therapist" didn't know the difference between CPTSD and PTSD, and proceeded to go to the bathroom on camera while the client was still there.
I don't blame you Cinema Therapy, but I'm worried that you're accidentally promoting a scam that has the potential to harm and dissuade people with mental illnesses. Another licensed therapist, Mickey Atkins (on KZclip) shares some of the details, but her main video on the controversy got a cease and desist.
I get what you're saying about incapable therapists, but about going to the bathroom... if the urge came, there's no other choice than excusing himself for a minute and going, no?
As a 37 year old woman, I always felt like an odd-ball for hating this movie. Thank you for helping me feel validated 😄
I’m 22 and I watched it around the time it came out and I hated it
You aren’t alone! 😂
I didn’t like it too
Thought it was to sappy in my 20’s and in my 40’s it still makes me want to gag.
I’m a hard romantic. My sister isn’t & she loves this movie & couldn’t understand why I didn’t & didn’t cry at the end. These two are as toxic as hell & I hated what she did to her fiancé
the best description of what love is really about: "I want to be with you, but more than this I want you to be happy." - I wish they taught this at school.
Thank you so much for this. This movie came out when I was in college and I modeled my first romantic relationship after this pattern because I didn’t know better. I couldn’t distinguish love and manipulation. Four years later, I found myself working with a women’s shelter that helped me escape the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I’ve spent two decades working through the trauma of that mistake. Modeling relationships in entertainment matters. ❤
Even as a dumb 20 year old, i can see how problematic this whole relationship is. The first thing i thought when i watched this movie was "wow... why do people think this is goals?".
In high school, my friend and her mother were shocked to find that I had never seen The Notebook. And they warned me so much that I was about to cry my face off. And I didn’t. Because.. what? And they were so astounded that they were certain there was something PHYSICALLY WRONG with my tear ducts and my friend’s mom tilted my head back and put eye drops in my eyes because there was no way I wasn’t crying unless it was a MEDICAL 👏 CONDITION 👏 Girl. I had already had my first love at this point and knew this movie was not at all what that was like.
I'm depressed and living alone. And every time I go to a downward spiral of sadness, I always find myself watching your videos and then suddenly laugh. This is not a treatment, but it saves me every time. Thank you, Cinema Therapy.
💚💚💚
My bf at 17 told me that he was in the hospital for attempted suicide after I broke up with him and my response was, "Wow that is awful. I really hope you get better. This is further proof why we shouldn't be together." Now as a 31 yr old I can see what a fantastic response that was. I hope my daughter does the same if she is ever in the same position.
Definitely
Awake on my airplane
Awake on my airplane
My skin is bare
My skin is theirs
Awake on my airplane
Awake on my airplane
My skin is bare
My skin is theirs
I feel like a newborn
Awake on my airplane
Awake on my airplane
I feel so real
Could you wanna take my picture?
'Cause I won't remember
Could you wanna take my picture?
'Cause I won't remember
Yeah
I don't believe in
I don't believe in
Your sanctity
Your privacy
I don't believe in
I don't believe in
Sanctity
A hypocrisy
Could everyone agree that
No one should be left alone?
And I feel like a newborn
Kicking and screaming
Could you wanna take my picture?
'Cause I won't remember
Could you wanna take my picture?
'Cause I won't remember
Yeah
Hey, Dad
What do you think about your son now?
Ah, hey, Dad
What do you think about your son now?
Could you wanna take my picture?
'Cause I won't remember
Could you wanna take my picture?
'Cause I won't remember
Could you wanna take my picture?
'Cause I won't remember
Yeah
-Filter
@Pain Unending Nobody said that. People who threaten or attempt suicide to emotionally manipulate their ex girlfriends or boyfriends into getting back together with them shouldn't be allowed to have relationships though.
Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn
I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you
Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn
I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my voice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
The killer in me is the killer in you
Send this smile over to you
-Smashing Pumpkins
The geese rant got me cracking up at work. The “stolen God’s light” was what broke me 😂😂😂
Brief anecdote: My mom died when i was 19, from long-term illness. One of my most favorite things to do is to goad people into making Yo Mama jokes so that I can straight-facedly inform them that my mom is dead. I'm not offended, I'm not sad when I do it, it's just become Part of the Joke for me; a coping mechanism that I like to think my mom, irreverent in her own humor, would have found hilarious.
It's hard to articulate, but when he yells "The Notebook killed my grandparents!" and difuses the situation and his own grief with slightly dark but also oddly tender -- this is, as far as I can tell, a reference to the Trolls movie, and films are very much a beloved thing here, something that is clearly shared with loved ones -- humor, I felt that. Felt it enough to overshare in a KZclip comment, at least.
And you still haven't recognized how sick your gameplaying with others is.
My kids tell the best Yo Mama jokes
“They got poverty in New York” TOOK ME OUT
As a kid and teen, I always liked her fiancé more than Noah. And it's not because of his money or good looks but more of like how he treated her and gave her time. There was a sense of respect and decency within their relationship and it was built on mutual desire (or so we thought). He was very good for a person that was drawn to a previous toxic relationship and it sucks cuz he deserved so much better. To be engaged to someone and get lied and betrayed like that behind his back....if I were him my trust in women would be gone.
Jake and Amy from B99 is also a great example of healthy couple, even when they have their own issues.
Omg yes!
"When someone makes you feel cherished, when someone makes you feel loved, and you know that they have integrity, and they tell you the truth... THAT is sexy, and people have better sex that way." DAMN what a truth bomb! We need more movies and more shows about deep relationships built on mutual respect, and love. I've cried on my husbands shoulder about how sad it is to see these movies about couples treating one another like crap, and its heartbreaking that people think its love.
@DarthRayj "Love is not a limited resource, it's regenerative". Yes! So true. Love and support really does fill you up and make you able to love and support others all the more. It's like an energy that multiplies. It's sad that so many people seem to believe the opposite.
Dang it, I really, really wanna see a movie with a deeply loving, wholesome poly relationship. It would be like the ultimate anti-jealousy, pro-healthy-communication romance movie ever.
@Bluebird19 right?? Where's the "I just love you so much, let me at you" passionate relationships?
@DarthRayj quite agree!! Which is why I knew I wanted a "fireplace love". So glad you've found yours!! Here's to many more years together!!
@Kimberly Byrd thank you!!
@Bluebird19 I have *DEFINITELY* had this feeling, if not this exact experience (timing is unfortunately not always on my side lol) and I would relate to this a LOT if it happened in a movie.
I just recently discovered Bluey, and it’s honestly helping me with my own parenting. Because of this video, I’ll start paying more attention to Bandit and Chili’s relationship. You guys never disappoint. Thank you for your content!
Alan said it already but “it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard, and we’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I wanna do that because I want you” is genuinely one of my favourite lines in any romantic movie. Such a shame it was in this train wreck of a “love story”.
"Sometimes love is restraint." So good!
Alan, hold on! I'm very sorry for your loss and that you family had to go through all those terrible things Alzheimer's caused to your grandmother. When you talked about it and you cried I cried with you. You are very brave to share this vulnerability with us. I hope you have good support around you and you'll feel better soon. Thank you for shooting this episode guys, I've been waiting for a long time for someone to destroy this creepy movie.
Amen!
I don't think I've ever laughed as much at one of your videos before, this was hilarious and also greatly satisfying (having watched this movie before and not found it that charming)
The doggie at the end is more emotionally supportive and caring than Noah ever was in this movie.
My favorite comment ❤
Most pets are like this! My kitten saw me crying and came over purring up a storm, licking my fingers and rubbing her head against me. Pets who love you can often sense conflict and want to make you feel better!!
@Cinema Therapy Could you do a video on Mulder and Scully from The X Files (at least a psychology on either character)?
@Kaiyote I AM a parent and the subtle digs the parents trade are amazing!! Seriously, two cartoon dogs are my parenting GOALS.
@Cinema Therapy it can be said both for the dog and the fictional character
15:06 Alan having geese PTSD while the Psycho shower scene music plays is funny.
This is the third video by these two guys that I've watched, and I love them. Smart, and honest, and down to earth. I hope a lot of young people get to see their analyses of movie relationships!
LOVE how the dog therapist was like, y'all good or what?? DO I HAVE TO CALL THE PEOPLE??
So glad you guys brought up Bluey, that show has great writing and the characters feel like real people because of it. The kids act like real kids, and the adults act like real adults. I know this is cinema therapy, but I'd love it if you guys could talk about the show a bit more if at all possible within the confines of the format.
I would love to see you guys talk about the Holiday with Kate Winslet and Jude Law! It's such a great christmas rom com with really sweet relationships and character development! And it has an amazing score by Hans Zimmer!
I saw The Notebook when it was in theaters. Everyone loved it and I walked out pissed off because "that's not how Alzheimer's works". Thank you for stating this in the video because I've had to watch too many grandparents suffer with this disease.
@Kate Rodriguez I have to agree and my grandma had Alzheimer's. Died when I was 8. I was her Susie q and she didn't remember me when she passed. I definitely agree with your comment.
My grandma also had Alzheimer and passed when I was 8. It was a horrible time, however this is just a movie....I wouldn't expect it to be realistic.
Yes!!! Thank you! I never really cared for this movie for a lot of reasons, but this was a big one for me. Novels and movies never even come close to an accurate depiction. You talk to them and it's like someone living in a dream. They drift in and out of reality. You get a sense of how trapped and confused they must feel, wandering around in their own minds. It's not a cute thing.
@Kate Rodriguez i respect your opinion Kate. I hope you’ll respect mine. Thanks for the chat 😊
@Dimples D because the disease itself is not the main focus of the movie. If it was then I’d totally agree with you, but it’s not, the Alzheimer’s detail is used to explain why he is retelling their love story, not how Alzheimer’s has affected their entire family and friends
this video is so validating. I didn't watch The Notebook until years later, after being told my whole life how "romantic" it was, and all I could do was retch. Hopefully people are less stupid now.
The scenes 3/4 of the way through this video just emanates “well if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions” energy
"If you're dumb, and don't know anything about relationships, this movie seems awesome." It was my ex-wifes favorite movie. She tried to make me watch it 3 times, I couldn't do it. But I can relate to the rest of the movie, and now know why it was her favorite.
AWE!! Loved that the dog wondered over to see what the heck was going on! Good boy!
My mom got me this movie for me as a birthday gift when I was in highschool. Took me a while to actually watch it. Didn't think much of it because I was never super into romance but I did honestly think the Alzheimer's part at the end was sad. Because it is sad regardless. Never gave the relationship a real critical look, just 'eh whatever, we know how it ends'. This was quite eye opening, thank you for making this video.
Funny story: I had an internet friend who I had only known for a few months threaten suicide if I didn't agree to be his girlfriend. This wasn't even as bad as the carnival scene in the movie, where this was the first time they'd met each other and Noah basically goes "if I can't date you I will literally kill myself and it'll be your fault"; we had known each other for a few months, gotten reasonably close, then he drops the L-word on me and says "if I can't have you as a girlfriend then I'm going to kill myself". I spent the next MONTH worried that he'd go through with it or show up at my door and do something, with the nagging thought that if he did kill himself then it would be my fault. This shit is NOT ROMANTIC
Bro one of my internet "friends" lied about having brain cancer with fake MRI scans and hospital photos and everything. Then on the day he said he was going to die (we had called for a few hours last night) and he straight up says "haha I was joking I'm not going to die today". We had called before and I have seen his face heard his voice etc. He spoke straight to my face when he was lying about such a horrendous thing (spoiler alert he did not have brain cancer). I believe he was just apathetic.
@Teresa Ellis She wasn't and isn't. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia a few years after this, spent most of two decades institutionalized, and died when she was about 30. 💔 (Her family said of a heart attack but 🤷🏻♀️). None of that really had to do with what happened with this guy, though. But yeah it was a very shitty experience all around. (In one of the emails she sent me near the end of her life, she was convinced he was still surveilling her.)
"then he drops the L-word" *me thinking... lesbian?*
@Eve Rickert Holy guacamole! I hope your best friend was and is okay!
Oh man I just wanted to mention: a bit ago I made a comment about how watching you guys made me more comfortable with therapy. Update on that is I found a therapist and it’s the first therapist I’ve ever had and I think it’s going really damn well and I feel lucky it worked out so well for me. Thanks guys for making me more comfortable with this by proxy.
I've willingly avoided watching the Notebook because I've spoiled myself with 2 or 3 scenes and figured it wasn't for me just from those (I do it with the movies I don't know if I'd watch in the first place, based on the summary alone). I was hanging out with my brother and one of his male friends one day, we were recommending movies/shows/books to one another and The Notebook turned up somehow as the stereotypical romantic movie that girls usually watch. Turns out they were the ones who had watched it instead. I also realised I never even had a discussion longer than 3 minutes about it with my female friends, let alone watch it - with or without them. It's funny to me it was probably written with young women in mind, but my personal experience reflects it's popular among young guys somehow, haha.
There NEEDS to be some kind of Notebook/X-Men fanfiction where after Allie left James Marsden, the emotional stress from it (which Jean clarified is generally when mutant powers manifest) caused him to develop his powers and wind up at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters to join the X-Men, met Jean Grey, lost her, found her, and got killed by her exactly how it happened in X-Men: The Last Stand
Fun fact! I showed a sort of sheltered male friend from college a fake trailer that set the romance up as a psychological thriller and he agreed to watch it. During the canoe>kissing in the rain> love making sequence he finally paused it and said something to the effect of "wait so is he going to stalk and murder her, or not?"
"Sometimes love is restraint."
i swear i learn so much from you guys, every single video!
Alan saying, "I am the straightest guy you've met," followed immediately by the editors showing pictures of Johnathan and Oscar Isaac, and playing the John Cena "Are you sure about that?" voice clip had me screaming.
Also Alan's later rant about James Marsden did not help his case.
I mean James Marsden IS hot.
He is ALWAYS the one in these vids to point out how hawt a male character in any given movie is 😂
Yeah, that's not a straight man's reaction to that. I'm also sure it's not the first crush Alan's had on a man 😂
My memere had Alzheimer’s at the end and she forgot who pepere was… but she knew she knew him and she knew he was important to her. She kept asking if he was her dad haha. To this day, I think it was so beautiful. Even after the memories faded the love remained.
Kinda unrelated, but I love the way this was edited!! Very funny and well done, especially the comment near the end about the person having cried while watching that last scene, and calling them sadists - that really made me laugh.
the movie is not just inspired in a book but the book itself is about a real story, so pretty interesting actually
I remember one time a guy said something similar along the lines I will do and be anything you want me to be in his efforts to just date me. Though flattered that he thought that highly of me, I lost respect for him instantly. So I laughed and said No. You won't be happy and it's wrong.
Thank you for the great discussion as always. I mostly know the film through pop culture osmosis. I was also delightfully surprised after the intense(not in a good way) relationship rundown, there was a sudden Bluey cameo. Count me in on horror at the young romance relationship dynamic. To add to the Bluey talk, in episode Faceytalk Bluey's Aunt & Uncle have a scarily realistic parenting fight and then you see them share feelings & talking it out
Alan's increasing rage at the number of geese had me CRYING 🤣
I’m from Canada, the Canadian Goose being the national symbol… we have no love for them here…
I am freaking cackling at this
@Mark Hatting OMG I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE LMAOOO
Nobody’s going to talk about how a baby goose is a gosling? Okay…. 😅
It definitely is an irresponsible number of murder birds.
I cried when the dog came at the end to check that you two were okay!
I enjoyed this episode a lot! As someone who works with couples, I enjoyed the movie and found the couple quite believable. To me, this was a story that asked: can secure attachment and attunement grow into a bond of love so powerful that it prevails over everything that would undermine it? I tend to believe yes (albeit, usually with a lot of sincere hard work and consistent effort).
There is no question that there are definitely dysfunctional behaviors in the movie that people are right to point out - Gossling dismisses boundaries, McAdams physically assaults Gossling, etc. And those shouldn’t be minimized. It’s great and awesome that audiences recognize those behaviors as toxic/warning signs, and more power to anyone who identifies those behaviors as deal breakers in their own relationships.
At the end of the day, I see this as a story about a specific couple that struggled through hard times and didn’t always do things they were proud of - not a textbook representation of what all romance should look like, but not unlike some struggles in real life relationships, either. I would even argue that their relationship and connectedness suffers a lot in the movie due to toxic and dysfunctional behaviors that they have to outgrow - Gossling has to learn to step back and respect her choice whatever the outcome, McAdams has to learn how to honor her lived-experiences and take ownership of her own life. It’s messy and they mess up. A lot. But in this story, there’s a deeper and more powerful force of nature at play here than just the dysfunction. I see it as Attunement and secure attachment - Sparks paints it in the colors of true love.
It’s almost conventional wisdom to dismiss young love as an ephemeral phase driven by hormones and naivety. Something people outgrow or recall with a hint of embarrassment and a learned experience about not knowing any better. I like this story for leaning unapologetically into that age-old question of - what if those feelings were all the real deal? What if general attraction began to bloom into a profound experience of what you could only describe as true love before you were even mature enough to know how to handle it, maintain it, and fight for it?
In the end, it’s the small things they already do naturally that all add up that overcomes the seemingly insurmountable barriers to being together. It’s the attentive listening, the genuine caring, the sincere touch, the humble reflection on and acceptance of mistakes, the support and follow through on commitments to one another big and small. I think that’s the deep-rooted stuff that carries the couple through the mess and dysfunction into something strong, healthy, and meaningful.
Just my two cents! Love the channel and all your perspectives. Y’all make the world a better and more fun place :)
I'm about to comment this on a couple of posts- can u guys PLEASE do the last unicorn, I think there's a lot to talk about there with identity and "purpose," there's also a dynamic between the two main characters that isn't boy meets pretty girl and they fall in love like he really just helps her out
“Gotta pave the way for Dr. Strange” 😂😂😂😂
I discovered this channel and absolutely love it. Two of my favorite things..therapy/psychology and movies 🎉
I completely agree with Alan: I usually am lacking the context when I think about some of the better lines… I’m thinking about them in isolation & in isolation, “It’s not gonna be easy, it’s gonna be really hard and we’re gonna have to work at this every day & I want that because I want you” is a beautiful line.
Hilarious the rest of it makes you want to punch both of them 😅
Alan's passion about how bad this relationship is is utterly hilarious. The "There's poverty in New York" line also made me lose composure and felt so out of left field but perfect of a reply befitting the moment. XD
the way y'all reacted to the geese is so freaking hilarious
Alzheimer's is terrible. I worked as a CNA and I've also seen what dementia in family in general can do and it's terrible. Heartbreaking. My grandma before she passed didn't remember my dad (her son) but she remembered me as her granddaughter even though she couldn't place my name. She knew who I was.
Also: the last 30 seconds of spazzing out was gold.
The cut to the sponsor with threatening wide eyes was so hilarious 😂 kudos
When I was in high-school I remember being told by countless people that this was such a classic and good movie. One year I got mono and was so bored that I finally watched it. I remember being so visibly upset afterwards that I called my friend during lunch and ranted about it for the entire lunch period.
Nice to see my feelings still haven't changed about it
@Ookami We both shared our hatred of the movie together. She recommended I watch it just to get the references. It was a funny rant we had I'm not sure I understand your question on if she shared my feelings?
did your friend share your feelings toward the movie, I'm curious?
For the next couples therapy video, it would nice to see you guys talk about the film Love, Rosie. It’s such a beautiful story that shows how love can endure anything life throws at it. It’s definitely an underrated movie
Thank you for doing this! I never understood why people think it’s such a great love story. It was mostly super toxic
If a romance is hyped up as "the greatest love story ever" it's not.
@Yamila I was going to say that!
@Gandalf The Grey - There is a difference between exploring a darker side of humanity and framing it as romantic. If the movie called out Noah’s behaviour as reckless and manipulative, it wouldn’t be a problem, but instead, his actions are framed as a romantic way to catch a girl’s attention. That is problematic framing.
One of my favourite books of all time is Misery by Stephen King. I find it absolutely fascinating, even though the story is about a “biggest fan” kidnapping her author idol and torturing him to write more of the series she loves. This isn’t framed as something a person should do, but it is still fascinating to read about. Despite what some will say about them, I love the SAW movies. There is a level of narrative cohesion in them that I find compelling, especially the polarizing portrayal of Jigsaw. These movies are problematic as all get out, but I still find them entertaining and interesting to think about.
All that to say, it’s not about saying a movie shouldn’t be enjoyed, but being able to recognize when the media is framing negative behaviour as a positive example to be emulated.
@Melina Right. Like let's take House of the Dragon as an example. Some people are condemning it as a nihilistic show with no good qualities. But everyone who likes it loves the character Daemon, who murdered his own wife and kills for his own advantage. It's like obviously we wouldn't do those things and we don't need it pointed out to us. And the enjoyment for me anyway is understanding these very dark characters from their perspective. Understanding why people do the things they do is the purpose of psychology my therapist tells me, and that includes dark or bad people. If you condemn rather than understand your dark side I think you leave half of yourself unknown to yourself and undeveloped. Not that you can't be a good person otherwise, but to me those people are essentially boring.
@Gandalf The Grey I feel the same with you. It’s so easy for a lot of people nowadays to point out the negative things instead of just looking at what they see and deciding for themselves personally if they like it or not regardless of flaws. Like they’re consciously looking for anything remotely bad to condemn it.
I’m curious to see you do A Walk To Remember. That was my favourite.
I also thought Notebook was cute but noticed all the toxic things at the same time. Glad you’re talking about it! Movies seriously set the tone and expectations for young people
Just found this channel and it's fantastic! Looking forward to going down the rabbit hole!
They mentioned how at the end Noah started to have some real love and sense come into the conversation, and they also mention how the couple at the end does not seem like the same couple. I agree. The couple at the end seems more like how it would have ended if she'd married Hammond who was so kind and considerate of her. So I've thought for some years, what happened between fighting and slapping each other and the sacrificial couple at end? There's the real story. There's the better movie with McAdams and Gosling because in all those years they obviously did some SERIOUS growing. As Noah said "It's not going to be easy, it's going to be really hard...." So how about that, let's see what a couple looks like fighting to learn how to treat each other right!
I've learned so much as an 18 year old by watching these two go over romance movies, very thankful
Alan's eyes watering up at 25:40, when talking about his grandma passing, hit me right in the feels
As a recent psychology graduate this is so refreshing! I am also so sick of toxic relationships being glorified
Real***
Ikr..... It's just wrong.. and sad-- and so reap--
This is a highly toxic version of romance it’s true I don’t want it noooo thx u!
There are better, healthier, more interesting relationships outside the romance genre than in it ironically enough. But in the romance genre either 2 bland boring people are paired up or obsession, control and abuse are painted as love.
@SplendourM one of them is a licensed therapist pretty sure he’d know more about how relationships work than some crass bimbo who plays with makeup for a living LOL
I'm so happy you mentioned Bluey, Chili and Bandit have such a healthy relationship with each other and their kids. We watch it all the time with our kid!
I love this move ( fast forwarding through the old people scenes) but I also love your reaction to it. What fun!
Kinda wish the widow tried to make Noah forget Allie to see what happens
Yes it is! I have worked with alzheimer for decades and they do come back for 5 minutes, 10 minutes when they look at a picture, read a story or someone walks into a room.
You guys are just awesome in so many ways! I love your show, you are both such great role models!
I stumbled across the movie Long Shot with Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen. I really liked their relasionship in that movie. It would be cool to see what you guys think of it.
All the love,
from a fan
as someone who had a grandfather with alzheimers, yeah thats why i always cry at the end. it is my favourite movie to watch when i need to cry ngl
25:35 "When you're fighting with somebody you don't want to tear each other's clothes off... you're disgusted with each other!" Such a relief to hear literally anyone say this! I've been made to feel over and over like there's something wrong with me because I don't want to have make-up sex. 🤢
I used to date a guy who would constantly bait arguments because he could only feel turned on after arguing and saying nasty things. It was creepy and gross. He and his mother constantly argued and traded insults, which is why it was extra creepy he was turned on by fighting.
Strangely, I understand what you mean, and yet I am on the fence as to how I feel about that subject. In the past, when my (ex) hubby and I would have arguments/fights, I never wanted "make up" sex, but I still wanted "sex" sex. I remember so clearly once we had a very bad, LOUD argument and I stomped into the bedroom and slammed the door. I was in there maybe two hours and it was getting late. I finally flung the door open, marched back out and asked if he was coming to bed. He said no and I YELLED, "Oh, so I'm supposed to go without sex just because you're a 🤬🤬🤬🤬ing jerk?!!" I can still see the shocked look on his face. Then he laughed, pulled me down to the floor and we "related" to each other. What I loved most was, afterward, with the anger in me drained out, I explained why I was so upset earlier. HE was right; I wasn't. And I admitted that. But my issue was that he refused to LISTEN to me and, instead, just pronounced me being an idiot for wanting whatever it was without the respect of hearing me out. Lesson learned. *After that, our rule was, we get naked before having major discussions because it kept us both more calm and honest with each other.*
@TL Pricescope Now why do you hate Rose? Lmao she was abused by Cal and forced to be someone she wasn’t….Jack saved her
Definitely
Never saw this movie because it looks so sappy. Another horrid film was Titanic. I hated Titanic and ALL of the main characters, especially Rose. That tells you something.
My favorite part of this movie was your dog, Gandalf.🤣 Love you guys and the commentary, I've always hated this movie and Romeo and Juliet. THANK YOU for being you guys and letting other people know that, that is not what we should want/need in a relationship. Thank you! (Of course this is in my opinion).
The truly crazy thing is how incredibly different the books are from the movies. Both with A Walk To Remember and The Notebook, the relationships in the books are very grown up and healthy (at least in my opinion). The movies are like alternate realities where everyone is insane. 😂
Can we talk about how the reaction to old Allie's freaking out is multiple (to her) strangers RUNNNING TOWARD HER YELLING AT HER TO CALM DOWN and then PUSHING HER DOWN INTO A CHAIR? What the HECK.